Tuesday, January 31, 2006

A limited post

Sorry, my time is short, but I want to post at least something.

1. I really liked my comment on the previous post. I almost wish I had made it into a new post in itself, but as it was pertinent to the last one, I guess it was best being left there. But if anyone is so inclined, I urge you to read it. I think it's important. Thanks to Del Fuego as well. Feel free to comment.

2. For all of you who think that all pro-athletes are jerks, I encourage you to read this. I first read about it whilst on the subway. Thanks free newspaper!

3. You have a hotdog. Bun included. You may put ONE thing on it. What is that one thing? Yes, there is a right answer. Let's see how smart you people really are!

That's it. I have to read a bunch of boring shit now.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Seriously Lonely

At this point, I can't even remember the last Friday or Saturday night I went out. It has been a LONG time. Easily a month. Haven't been to a bar or to a movie in ages. No one to go with. And I think going by myself would just make me more miserable.

I asked the really hot girl who works at the massage store just down from me, what she was up to tonight. She said nothing, not until her boyfriend got off work at around midnight. I asked her is she wanted to grab a drink or something to eat before then. Just all friendly like. Obviously I know she has a dude and she knows that I know this. We work right next to each other and get off at the same time, so it's just something for her to do until her guy gets off work. Besides, she is WAY the hell out of my league. She's a starting second baseman in the bigs and I'm warming the bench down at AA ball, with no chance of ever being called up. She said 'no'. She thought about it (or seemed to) for a few seconds and then decided that she promised her family that she'd be home for dinner tonight, but for sure some other time. Yeah, we'll see. I don't even have designs on this one, I know that she's far too good for me. It'd just be nice to go out somewhere for a change and maybe at least be seen with a hot girl. Instead, it'll be ordering in pizza to go with a six pack (or more). This is why I was so shocked when cute red head actually agreed to have coffee with me; my batting average is seriously low.

It would be nice if for once someone asked me if I wanted to do something. Maybe even a cute girl. But that never happens to me. SO many times I can remember cute girls asking about friends or co-workers, if they were single etc. But it never happens the other way around. To my knowledge, no one has ever said to a friend of mine "Hey, I think your friend King Hippo is cute". If it has, it's never reached my ears (in which case, thanks a lot supposed friend). Though I suspect that it's a case of the former. I just don't seem to attract any interest. Man, I wish I were cute.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

She actually ordered a hot chocolate

Sorry about all the political stuff over the last little while. This isn't a political blog and I really don't have any desire for it to be. I'll just finish by saying that we do have a new government and a new Prime Minister. Again, while not as great a mandate as I would have hoped for, I think Stephen Harper will make a fantastic leader for Canada. Before you rush to all sorts of judgments, give him and the Conservative Party a chance. That's all I ask. If they really are a bunch of extreme right-wing nuts, vote them out in a year or two. Not so unreasonable, is it?

Now, back to business, namely my crummy life. More bitching and complaining about how I have no life, no friends, no girls, no car, no prospects? Yeah! That's what everyone is here for, so let's give you good folks what you want.

Yesterday was Robert Burns day, which I used as an excuse to get smashed off of Scotch. By myself. What a shock. I also had coffee...with cute red headed girl. First off, let me note as an aside, that she really isn't a red head. Her hair is dyed a sort of bright orange-ish red. She told me so, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out that this isn't anywhere close to her natural colour. Her complexion is actually probably darker than mine. But I digress.

So after the little post-it note she left me, I added her to MSN, like she suggested. I finally decided to initiate a conversation with her on Tuesday night. At first it went slowly, but then we started discussing movies, music (we have similar tastes), class, acting and really a wide range of subjects. At one point, she correctly guessed what my background was (based on my last name). She said that I looked like it, while she commented that she looked like nothing. I replied with "Awww, well you do look pretty". Maybe I shouldn't have said that, but she seemed okay with it. We chatted for probably close to two hours. She mentioned how she wasn't looking forward to waking up early to attend the film screening the next day and I told her that I had gotten a copy of the film, so as to watch it on my own time. She asked if she could borrow it, to which I said "of course". She asked my when my classes were on Wednesday and I told her. She said she could meet me right before my evening class, if that was okay, to borrow the movie. At this point she also asked for my cell phone number, as well as giving me hers. Sweet! I then felt bold enough to make her a counter-proposal. Perhaps instead, we could meet an hour before the time she suggested, after her class was done and maybe grab a coffee. She said 'sure'. Things are actually going well. Wow! I told her I had to wrap up our conversation and go do some stuff. She replied with "awww :(". So she enjoyed talking to me and is sorry to see our conversation end! So far, so good.

The next day, I trek downtown an hour earlier than usual. I get there a bit early and wait. She shows up. Man, maybe things are going to work out for once. We grab our coffees, sit down and start to talk. Good conversation, no lulls. I don't really remember what we were talking about this time; I guess I was just so happy to be there. I do remember her laughing at several points, so I must have been witty. Good for me. When I mentioned that I took a nerdy Lord of the Rings course last year, she even responded with how she wanted to take that course. Man, I can't lose. Maybe today, life is good to me. And then it happens.

I start talking about the fact that I really don't know too many people on campus and how that can be a bit frustrating. "What about you?", I ask. It hits. "Well, my boyfriend goes here, but he's an engineering student, so I never really see him when he's down here. He's usually very busy". I knew it. I knew that it was too good to be true. I had even predicted this in past blog entries. My theory is correct. The only attractive girls who are even willing to talk to me are those who already have boyfriends. It NEVER fails.

So we talked a little more. Five o'clock rolled around, I had to go to my class. I gave her the movie, we parted ways. Saw her again today in tutorial. She gave me the movie back. We exchanged a few words, I wished her a good weekend and went on solitary way. As I turned, I saw her packing her things up, talking on the phone. I'll bet you my bottom dollar she was talking to her boyfriend. Hopefully, he's very happy. If I can't be, at least some dudes are.


Like many of my blog articles, I'm writing this whilst at work and posting it when I get home. Shortly after I wrote this entry, a very cute girl came into the store, looking for a gift for her mother. Working in a mostly men's shop, I don't get many cute girls coming in. Anyhow, this one was cute and being super-flirty with me! She was smiling and laughing and seemed to really like me. When I asked her what she had in her bag, she replied that it was her boyfriend's gift to her mom. Of course she has one. Never fails. So does the cute girl at the hair salon next door, the hot girl at the massage store, Starbucks girl and EVERY other attractive girl I know who even acknowledges my existence.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006


Honestly, what the hell is with people? Over the last few days, I have gotten into four MSN arguments regarding politics. Now I do admit to having had a problem in the past, in regards to me spouting off all my views and such, but I've really been a good boy for the last while.

Out of the four, the only one that I 'attacked' for lack of a better term, was the one with a picture of Stephen Harper's picture superimposed on a Nazi uniform for her display picture. I took some exception to this. All I said was something to the effect of "Ha ha, very funny". But oh, she was serious. You see, it seems that Stephen Harper (soon to be Prime Minister Harper) is going to throw all the Jews, women, homosexuals and gypsies into concentration camps. Myself, along with millions of other Canadians must have neglected that when casting their ballots yesterday.

Another person gave me a "I hope you're happy, I'm going to lose my job" type speech. She's in training to become a nurse and of course all funding to public health care ends the second the Conservative government assumes power.

A third person asked me why I'm 'against a union based on love and respect' (in regards to gay marriage) and then called me hateful. Like I said, I'm going to good and non-confrontational. But the bottom line is that I do not support the notion of homosexuals getting married and I never will. A lot people share my views, including a majority of those in this country according to every single poll I've seen. I don't think gays should get married. Sorry. This doesn't make me a hateful person.

The final person simply told me to 'fuck off' when I told them to vote Tory. The had already told me they were voting for the Green Party and I playfully suggested the go Conservative. I was joking, this person was not.

I'm really far too tired (didn't sleep last night very much) to go into a long diatribe here, I'd just like to know where all this hatred and intolerance is coming from? Like it or not, Stephen Harper will soon be the Prime Minister of Canada. This makes me pretty happy. I'm less happy that he didn't get the sort of mandate he deserves, but chalk that up to those same, tired fear tactics working yet again. All Conservatives are NOT crazed, extreme right-wing ideologues. Most are not, 99% are not. Our values and beliefs are different than yours, but that doesn't make them wrong or scary or any of those bad things. I really am getting tired of being the one discriminated against here by people who are supposedly 'enlightened' liberals. When did being a social conservative become such a bad thing? I just don't get it.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Our next Prime Minister. Deal with it!

I did a little (very little) informal poll of my own today, over MSN. Out of 27 people who responded, 9 support the NDP, 5 support the Liberals, 5 support the Conservatives (including myself) and 8 are either undecided or have no intention of voting. However, all the people I asked are 25 or younger and thus, ignorant (:P). Thank God for old people. But seriously, I hope everyone gets out tomorrow and I hope that they you all help make Stephen Harper our next Prime Minister. At any rate, it should be fun to watch. The Torries look set to form the next government, but whether it will be a majority or not is yet to be seen.

Otherwise, this has been a very depressing weekend. Next weekend might be even worse. No football...dang. I wish I had a life.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Another Saturday Night

Ah, another Saturday night. Let's see what my options are, shall we?

1. Stay in, iron clothing. Take pills, drink.

2. Stay in, watch television. Take pills, drink.

3. Stay in, stare at walls. Take pills, drink.

I'm sure you get the picture. My social life has really hit a new low. On Tuesday I had coffee after class with a school related acquaintance. Before that, I honestly cannot remember the last time I went out. It has been a LONG time. I don't even know if coffee counts, I mean, I was already downtown for class, so it's not like I 'went out'. Got nothing to do, no one to do anything with. Even if I did, how am I to get anywhere? I don't have a car anymore. If I lived downtown, it might not be such a problem, but that's beside the point. Other than pity invites from a friend of my sister (on my mother's behest), no one's asking me to hang out with them.

Yesterday my mother asked me if she wanted to go out to see Walk The Line with her and my sister. See, my sister has a social life of her own, so it's okay for her to go out with her mommy here and there. For me, I just couldn't bare to do it. The only time I've gone out in ages is with my mother and sister? Man, what a miserable prospect. I'd rather do nothing. I mean, if I was doing something cool and exciting the following day, I wouldn't feel so stupid about it. But as it is, I sure would. I would have liked to have seen that movie. It looks pretty good. Just for reference, the last movie I saw in theatres was Flightplan. That was sometime in late September. There are a lot of movies I would have liked to have seen since then. I just have no on to go with. Sad.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Veronica is hotter than Betty

Wow, my third post in three days...man, I am so very bored.

Even though I don't usually sleep very well, I have had two bizarre dreams lately. One of them involved me at some sort of formal event with Veronica (from the Archie Comics) and then sneaking around the grounds of some sort of estate. I'm not sure if I had assumed the role of Archie or Reggie, though I do remember that stuff may or may not have happened between Veronica and myself. Weird. The second was even more bizarre. Remember the scene in Ferris Bueller's Day Off where they're in the garage towards the end of the movie, trying to take miles off the Ferrari? And then Cameron kicks the car and it plummets to its destruction? Well, in this dream, he never kicks the car and his parents come home. The dream involved Ferris and Cameron and Sloane just hanging around the house, trying to distract Cameron's dad so that he wouldn't look at the mileage on the car. It went on like this forever. Eventually some friend drops by from out of town and the parents leave. I don't remember what happened next. The odd thing is that I haven't seen the movie in quite a while, nor have I read an Archie comic in ages. How these things found their way into my dreams, I'll never know.

Shifting back to real life, I came to the realization that there really is something wrong with me. I was chatting with this girl that I talk to a lot over MSN. We talk pretty much every day. She was in a rather lousy mood the other day and much of it had to do with the fact that she gained three pounds. You see, she's 5'4" and weighs a whopping 109 lbs. Without those three extra pounds, her body mass index would fall into the 'underweight' category. I've seen pictures of this girl. She is nowhere NEAR being fat. I keep telling her this and the fact that I think she's rather hot. But she barely eats and can't seem to get it out her head that she is overweight. And as I was ready to chastise her for this, I realized just how much it reminded me of myself. You see, no matter how many times I or other people tell me otherwise, I can't get things out of my head, like the notion that people hate me, I'm no good, I'm a loser etc. I try the self-affirmation things, but they always turn into "who are you kidding? You are a loser, no one likes you". I guess I have a self-image problem, just like she does. I just wish I knew how to solve either of our problems.

Some good news though, at least I think so. I lent my Film class notes to cute red headed girl the other day. She borrowed them once before. But this time, when she gave them back, there was a little yellow post-it note inside:

Thanks, King Hippo! If you use MSN, add me cuteredhead@email.com I'd love to help you out too, should you need it! :)

-Cute Red Head

So...I don't know what to make of this note. I mean, I'll add her for sure, that's a given. After class, I told her I would. Made some more idle chitchat. I didn't ask her if she wanted to go grab a coffee. Should I have? Is it too late to do so now? And when did I become so socially clueless? I’m sure she was just being friendly. At least this is what two people said when I asked them. But I really don’t ever know.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Even my mom feels sorry for me

So even my own mother thinks I'm a loser. Not that she would ever come out and say it, but I think I felt it today. We were in the car a couple of hours ago and as we're pulling up to our street, she starts talking about my sister and one of her good friends. My sister was in a long-term sort of on again, off again relationship for a while and though she's still friends with the fellow, all they ever do is argue over the phone. It's a mess. So mum says something to the effect of "Oh (x) just broke up with her boyfriend, so now your sister and her can go out, just the two of them and meet guys, etc". She started going on about how they went to a club and met all these guys from all over and they were there 'till all hours, etc. How she got a text message from one of them, yada yada yada. Anyways, bottom line, my sister has friends and meets all sorts of nice people. So then mum suggest that I should go with them sometime! Yeah, like tag along!

With my younger sister and her friends.

My sister and I don't hate each other, but we're not particularly close. We've never done anything together. That's just not part of our relationship. My mom knows this. Still, she must feel such pity for me, seeing as I have no friends, no girlfriend and no prospect of either. "I'm sure you can meet all sorts of people too"! Thanks a lot mom. She even went so far as to ask my sister's friend (who was over at the house) if she'd ask me to tag along. She did so. I declined. I'm officially at the pity stage. People are asking me to hang out with them out of pity. I don't know if I can sink any further.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

I'm out of scotch and I think too much

I’m not sure if I hate this damned blog yet or not. I always feel this stupid obligation to post things, whether or not I really want to. Yet, it’s my only real outlet. I only see my doctor every so often and even then, I tend to hold back. And I have no friends left to vent to. So this is it. Blog is all I have left. I hate him and yet I need him.

I’m out of scotch. Not cool. I do have a little bit of bourbon left, but barely enough for a glass or two. No more car = no way to get any. My mom is going to run some errands. Maybe she’ll be nice enough to pick some up for me. I really hope so. This picture will tide me over until then.

Still not failing anything. This is a good thing. Though I’m completely lost in Film History. Not a good thing.

Stop! A lengthy aside

The Problem: A strange thing happened to me in my Shakespeare class last night. The class is on the smallish side and it’s held in a fairly cozy room. I sit in the same place all the time: third row, slightly to one side, to the right of my class-related acquaintance. In the front row sit these two very, very hot girls, usually with a couple of their friends (who are dudes). I didn’t notice the dudes there last night; just the two very, very hot girls. For the better part of the three-hour class (!!) the darker haired one seemed to be intermittently glancing over her shoulder, looking in my direction. Now when people are answering questions and making comments, people often turn their heads to look at them. But she didn’t just do it during these times and I swear she was looking at me. I don’t know what to make of this. Several possibilities:

1. I did see her laughing with her friend a time or two, soon after I first noticed her looking. Maybe there was something on my face or I just plain looked stupid. Though I didn’t see her giggling afterwards, maybe she was fixated by whatever looked dumb about me. Still, what could be so dumb that she had to keep looking all that time?

2. She wasn’t actually looking at me. I mean she may have been looking beyond me. At what or whom, I don’t know. There were no other men sitting behind me, only women. So unless she’s one of the very small percentage of gay people, she wasn’t checking anyone else out. Maybe there was something she was trying to read behind me, I don’t know. But it really did seem like she was looking at me.

3. She was just purposely messing with me. This is a definite possibility. The giggling with her friend could support this. “Hey, watch me mess with this guy behind me. It’ll be fun”. Which is what she did and continued to do for the next two hours. See if I looked back, went up to her, etc. I didn’t go talk to her (no time and I’m a coward), though I did establish eye contact for a second or two. I think it was eye contact. I know so very little about women. So I’m not even sure what went on.

4. Finally, maybe she thought I was cute and was looking at me for that reason. This is not very likely. If this were the case, why now? I’ve had class with this girl for three months. Plus the fact that this girl is seriously hot. I mean she’s one of the hot girls. An unapproachable. There’s no way.

The Solution: So what do I do? I noticed that she took her coat and went somewhere during the break. So she probably went out to smoke. Do I follow her and have a cigarette of my own? I can’t really go up to her if she’s around a bunch of people. That would be weird. Do I hope to run into her somewhere? Maybe I look at her? Or see if she keeps looking at me? And why am I reading anything into this? If she was looking at me, it was probably only because I looked stupid or just to play with my head. I should just forget it.

End of aside. Back to the regular post.

Had coffee with another class-related acquaintance today. I have all of two and I met both in my super-nerdy Lord of the Rings, which I took last year. I don’t admit that to most people. Saw cute redheaded girl in my film tutorial today. I actually looked for her in lecture, but she wasn’t there. See, I was going to make a concerted effort to try and talk to her during / after lecture and see what she was doing and if she wanted to do something, since we both have the same two hour break between classes. But alas, she must have slept in. As I was leaving tutorial though (on my way to coffee), she did seem to sort of wait to talk to me as we were filing out. Said ‘hi’ and such. I asked her how her break was, how New Year’s was etc. But as it turns out, she didn’t slow down just to chit-chat with me. She needed the notes for the lecture she missed that morning. I was happy to lend them to her. Maybe when I get them back, she’ll have written her phone number inside. But don’t count on it.


My mom picked up some scotch for me, just like I asked. Thanks mom, don't know what I'd do without you. Love you lots!

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Of pills and alcohol

I don't even know what to blog about anymore. Really, I have nothing going on. My life is just so very boring and empty. I'm at work right now. A four-hour shift and it seems like I've been here for days. An hour and a half still to go, as of this writing. Well, by the time I post this, I'll be at home. Something to look forward to. And there's football on tonight and tomorrow. My night will consist of me staying at home (what a shock) watching football. Now that my poor Giants were blown out quite badly last week, I'm hoping for a Patriots three-peat. Go Pats! I should probably try and get some reading done for school. Maybe I'll get some done here. That way, I can go home and drink myself stupid and / or medicate myself. I still have some leftover pizza left, probably enough for supper. There's really nothing else around the house to eat and I don't have the option of getting take-out anymore (no car). I am debating whether to take some nice pills or just drink heavily. Maybe I'll just do a nice combination of the two like the last two nights. It wasn't bad. Instead of T3's and liquor, maybe I'll try some percocet and red wine. We'll see what happens!

Anyways, this is how I spend my weekends nowadays. I miss having stuff to do. If there's anyone who's social life is more pathetic, I'd like to hear it! And then maybe we can hang out. Please? I'll take whatever I can get.


I just found out that the cute receptionist who works at the hair salon next door has a boyfriend. Fantastic news. Maybe by the time I gather up the courage to ask her out, they'll break up or he'll die of natural causes. This also goes to further my theory that the only cute girls who are nice to me are the ones who already have boyfriends. I'll bet the farm the cute red head has one too.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

School make me sad. New poll numbers on the other hand...

Back to miserable school yesterday. I don't know how the average person wakes up at 8:00 or 9:00 AM (or earlier) and manages to get through the day without falling into a deep sleep. For me, it's simply unnatural. Tomorrow I only have a late class (I rented the movie we're screening in film class, so I can skip that), so at least I can sleep in. This also means I can drink myself stupid before I go to bed. Yes, I have a drinking problem. I drink by myself. Constantly. If I had people to go out with, I'd probably be less inclined to, seeing as it would be more expensive at a pub, plus the fact that I'd likely be happy to have some company. But I digress. Gotten back various assignments and exams. The only good news is that I'm not failing anything (yet). Marks are down considerably from last year, but on the upside, if I work hard this semester, I can at least manage respectable grades. Saw cute red headed girl in one of my tutorials. She came in late, so I didn't really have a chance to talk with her before class. And I'm not going to stick around and try and force some sort of conversation with her. That would make me look like a creep. If God loved me, he put her next to me in a line for coffee or standing outside smoking or something convenient. But hey, this is me. Never any breaks.

On the upside, one piece of good news did come my way, courtesy of my morning paper. If the polls are to be believed, Stephen Harper and the Conservative Party are very possibly headed towards a majority government on January 23rd. Now I have hinted at it before, but I am a full-fledged supporter (and member) of the Conservative Party and conservative causes in general. I have been for a long time. If you notice the links on the right handed side of this page, the first one will take you to the party's official website. Yes, that is quite clearly an endorsement. I hope that on January 23, you all help to make Stephen Harper the next Prime Minister of Canada. I could outline all the reasons why I think you should do this. If I did, I'd be sitting here typing for hours. True, I don't have a life, but I also don't have that much patience. I will say this though. Canada is not a one party system, though it really has seemed that way for a long time. People always seem to slight the United States and its two party system (though it's much more complicated than most realize). Well, for the last thirteen years, one corrupt party has had a virtual stranglehold on this country's parliament. Well, instead of big, bloated government, scandals and patronage, you have a chance to elect a man who will restore integrity and accountability to federal politics. A man who will lower the GST. A man who will restore our weakened ties to our strongest ally and pre-eminent trading partner. A man who will strengthen this country's joke of a military. A man who will hold a free vote in commons regarding gay marriage, something Canadians are very passionate about. We live in a democracy people. If the Conservative government you elect displeases you, you vote them out in five years. It's that simple.

But if you don't believe in what I believe, I hope that you get out and vote anyways. Yeah, I would rather you all get out there and place your vote, whether it's for the corrupt Liberal party, the lunatic NDP's or even those hippy freaks in the Green Party. Sure, I'm not painting them in the most positive light, but that's my choice to do so. Take the time to read the papers, not just one (The Toronto Star has a tremendous liberal bias for instance and to be fair, The Toronto Sun is very Tory friendly). Watch the news. Take time to visit the websites of the various parties involved. Do some independent, unbiased research (Wikipedia!) and make a choice. Yes, I encourage you all to Stand Up for Canada, but if you decide to go another route, God bless you, more power to you. That's your choice and I've made mine. Disagree with me if you will, but at the end of the day, I'm still willing to shake your hand and go grab a beer and watch some football. My oldest friend, whom I've known for over half my life, is the diametrical opposite to me, in regards to political views. We've had political discussions that may have appeared as if they were teetering on the brink of us coming to blows. But at the end of the day, we find common ground in a good cigar, a glass of bourbon and talking football. I may have different views on crime and punishment than you do or my views on gay marriage are different from yours. But that doesn't make either one of us a bad person; it makes you wrong, but I won't go there. So my bottom line to y'all is that on January 23, Stand up for Canada and vote Conservative. But if you can't stomach that, just vote. Period.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Red headed girl and painkillers

I don't know why I feel the need to blog right now. I have absolutely nothing important to say. No good news, no bad new. No news period. School is back tomorrow. I'm dreading having to wake up before 1:00 PM again. On the upside, I do get to see cute red headed girl again...not like I have the balls to talk to her. Maybe something will snap inside me and I'll suddenly have the courage to just go up to her and start chatting. Be friendly, be nice, be me. Just a nice "Hey, how are you, how was your break? Want to grab a cup of coffee in between classes?". It could happen. I mean, I might be hitting rock bottom here, so maybe there is nowhere to go but up. Maybe I should just say what I want to say, do what I feel. That sort of thing. I don't even know.

I've also realized just how much I like drugs. Now, I have never taken illegal drugs in my life. I'm probably the only person I know who can say that. Marijuana has never touched my lips. I have no desire to try it really. I don't care for the nasty smell and just the whole image associated with smoking it. No pot, no 'shrooms, none of that stuff. But I did swipe some percocet (only a handful of pills) and man, is it ever nice. Really, it just leaves me in the zone. I think I like it much better than drinking myself stupid. The problem is, I don't know where to get more. Liquor, I can always obtain (duh). Even me, with my lack of friends and connections could score pot, if I wanted to. I could probably get my hands on some other things ('shrooms, ecstasy, even coke) if I so desired, but I really don't have any interest in those things. I just wish I could get my hands on some sweet painkillers. T3s, percocet or oxycontin would be great! But where the hell do I obtain such things? I mean, they're all legal. They're all prescription drugs. So I'm not really doing anything illegal. Sure they're not prescribed to me, but that's just a technicality! Ah, they just make me feel so much better. So if anyone has any they want to get rid of, I'm willing to pay top dollar. Just gimme, gimme, gimme!

What an odd post. I never intended for it to get on this subject. Oh well. Man, I wish I had some more percs.

Thursday, January 05, 2006


Seriously, I have no life. I wake up, eat breakfast, watch TV, go to work, come home, drink myself stupid, go to bed. That's pretty much my life. In a few days work will be replaced with school with homework occasionally taking the place of the drinking, but all in all, my life is pretty dull and pretty sad. I'd like to get out and do stuff, but it's not easy when you don't have any friends left.

I mentioned in my last post about a 'friend' that I talked to about hanging out with while she's back in town for the holidays. I suggested over MSN that we hang out sometime during the break. It was one of those MSN conversations in which you respond as soon as you can, but the other person takes 3 or 4 minutes to get back to a simple question sometimes. Like they really don't seem to care what you're saying at all. Whenever anyone talks to me, I make an effort to respond ASAP and if I can't or aren't really interested in talking with them, I'll politely excuse myself. But I don't ignore people, not even random strangers (unless they're nut-jobs). But this person, who is supposedly a friend, is barely pretending at making an effort to give me the time of day. Like I said, responses are delayed as hell and every time I say we should go do something, she counters with "Hey, do you know if (x) is still in town, we can all do something". She seems to have very little interest in hanging out with me, indeed she only seems to care how (x) is doing and if he tags along. I called and left a message asking her to call me back. This was on Tuesday. No reply. I'm really not shocked. Even when I do make an effort to stay in touch with people, make / keep friends, no one seems to want to have anything to so with me. I would have at least been polite enough to call back and make up some sort of an excuse.

I've made an effort to hang out with two other people this week. The first is the girl from this post. We talk a lot on MSN and we went out for drinks once. She has a boyfriend, but she seemed like a really cool kid and someone I'd love to hang out with, just as a friend. I'm very sincere in that. But every time I say that we should go do something, I get the runaround. The other was the one who invited me to the karaoke party. Also a very nice person. We go to the same school and I suggested that since this is the case, we should definitely meet for coffee one of these days in between classes. Again, maybe my imagination, but the MSN response to this suggestion seemed rather chilly. I gave her my phone number and said she could call me whenever. I guess I could be trying harder, but I am trying to make friends to some extent. Now lets see if any of these people call me back. Being rejected romantically doesn't sting anywhere near as hard as being rejected as a friend.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

First post of the crummy New Year

Above is a picture of the doormat that was on the porch of the rented house that I spent New Year's in. It was the highlight of my trip and also the only picture that I bothered to take. Holy shit, New Year's was depressing. I'd get into it, but it was so awful, I'll likely just start drinking heavily if I start thinking about it again. It was me, Marty Boy and his girl, Marcin's girl's sister and her dude. That's it. Me and two other couples. I was lead to believe there would be a few more people there. This really sucked hardcore. It was in Niagara. During the walk that we took around midnight on the 31st, I had to be restrained several times from hurling myself into the Niagara River. Seriously.

The house had a hot tub. I smoked a nice cigar. I beat both of the couples at Trivial Pursuit (still undefeated). But make no mistake...my New Year's was downright miserable. TWO COUPLES AND ME. If anyone had a worse New Year's, please let me know. I'll be shocked.

Back to lousy, lousy work today. At least it's nice and slow, just like it was before all this Christmas jazz. Hot Russian Girl came in just now. She always looks great. Talked about New Year's a little. She's hoping to go back to school herself (though she did attend college already). We always have nice conversations. She asked when I'm working next. I told her. She said she’d stop by. I said something to the effect of "You'd better or I'll cry" (in a joking way, though it's probably true). How on earth do I steer the conversation to "Hey, would you like to grab a coffee sometime"? Do I just blurt it out? I mean, I really, really have no clue. This kind of stuff, I need to be taken through step by step. Of course, not like I'll ever actually have the courage to do it. Besides, even if I did, she'll politely say 'no thanks'. I think I also saw the cute girl at the hair salon next door. She's been off sick for a while. Maybe I'll go talk to her in a bit. Really, what's the point though? I'm just torturing myself here. This is such a losing cause. I also left a message with a friend to call me back. She's only in town for the next few days I believe. I said we should go have lunch or something. She won't call me back. Or if she does, she'll be too busy to do anything. Even people who I thought were my friends are rejecting me. I am so very lonely.

Well, only five days left until I go back to school. Back to the reality that I'm going to flunk out of school at age 24. I was hoping that this holiday would have refreshed me, but I'm not really feeling any better than when I left. I'm worrying just as much, if not more than before. And I just cannot stop worrying. Everyday, I worry more and more and more. And I'm on medication. I guess nothing's going to help. I think I need to start doing drugs. It's all I haven't tried. Maybe it'll work. I need something to.
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