Friday, September 29, 2006

I guess I was due

The end of a very, very long week this is. As usual, I have no plans this Friday night, but in truth I don't have any desire to do anything. Relaxation is what I need tonight. Seeing as I don't have to work tomorrow (something of a rarity), I can truly take it easy the next couple of days. Well, I do have to take my car in tomorrow morning. Was finally able to get something done about it. You see, the driver's side window on it is broken and it was entirely my fault. The thing would whistle ever so slightly and not being able to leave well enough alone, I just had to mess around with it, somehow thinking I could push it into place. Of course the thing comes off its track or whatever it is completely. Thank God I managed to get it most of the way up...would have not been cool had it got stuck in the down position. But of course, being a 1989 Volvo, it's not so simple as it just being necessary to put it back on the track. It needs a special part, which would run me about $700 new...fortunately dude at the car window repair place found a used one from some scrap yard. Still two hundred bucks, but better anyways. Plus $75 labour. Money I don't need to be spending. Again, it was all my own damned fault.

Also, I'm helping my sister move tomorrow, I think. She's doing her Master's this year and received a MASSIVE grant seeing as her marks are super good. I'm not sure if she received some sort of separate living expense dealy (I didn't care enough to ask), but either way she's moving out, at least for the remainder of the school year. Sad that my younger sister is so much further ahead in life than I, but again I suppose it's my own fault. Seems like this is the first step towards everyone in my family breaking up. My parents haven't been on speaking terms for years (other than arguing), but it finally looks like they're at least on their way to splitting up. It should have happened a long time ago, for the good of everyone's mental health, but better late than never. The four of us have been living together for the last 23 years and it really is time everyone went their separate way.

I really would like to get some reading done, seeing I'm rather behind in at least two of my courses. Hopefully I'll catch up some. Also would like to hit the gym, seeing as I haven't gone for over a week, due to the fact I was ill last week and my busy schedule this week.

On a final note, my 'date' last night turned out to definitely be a date. We met after my last class and went to some sushi restaurant on King St. (her recommendation). It turned out to be pretty good and fairly reasonable. Good conversation and what I perceived to be a sign of interest. Reached for the hand, she didn't object. Held hands after dinner on the way to coffee, still no objection. Then...well, I got the kiss well before the end of the night. So all things considered, things went well. She actually left me a voice message and a text message right after the date. Both were pretty much the same, stating how much fun she had, that dinner and everything after that was 'amazing', how I'm sweet, smart, caring and funny, that she 'loves' my smile and that she would love to 'hang out' with me again whenever I have the time. So I guess I did well. I actually will be seeing her a week tomorrow. In advance of dinner last night, I promised her that I would go with her to something called "Fear Fest", some idiotic and infantile sounding Hallowe'en event at Canada's Wonderland. Of course I'll be happy to go, though it won't be just the two of us. Also attending are three of her friends...all dudes. I do find that a little odd...I know the ladies have friends that are guys and vice versa, but...well, it's just a little unsettling. I don't know why I find it to be. Am I right to? She may be one of those girls who has no girl friends. I don't know what to think of that. Should I think anything? I think too much, I know.

That’s all for now kids. Hopefully things go well with this one and I don’t find some way to screw things up. At any rate, it has boosted my confidence some, so that is a plus. There are some pretty cute girls in some of my classes…one date doesn’t mean I’m in a relationship now. Maybe I’ll also give the internet thing some more serious effort. Wish me well folks and send me all the telepathic confidence you can. Every little bit helps.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Bad written post

Very tired, little sleep, much work. School much yesterday, then Chili Peppers concert. Opening act "The Mars Volta", sweet Jesus. Worst ever. Most opening acts, indifference. This, actually despised. Such useless noise, me thought. Real lousy modern day prog rock. Hate prog rock. Truly awful stuff. Chili Peppers pretty good though. Not a huge fan, but good songs. No "Under the Bridge" though. Weird.

So all day school again, then work. Hate work. Plus, I broke car window. My own stupid fault. Need to take to repair. Hopefully not big deal. Hopefully. Do that tomorrow before yet more school. Wake up early. That sad.

Last thing, called girl today when at work. We talk for long time. I say we do something tomorrow after I finish school, she say okay. I know this sound good, but me not sure this 'date'. Part of me feel is, part of me say other. Few hints say that maybe no. Dunno, just feeling. Hope me wrong. Is it bad idea for me say "Is this date" to girl at some point? Just come out and ask? No good? Or is honest and direct?

So tired. Still need take out trash and read book for school. Hate trash, hate book for school. Want sleep and for car to work good and no need for job and have pretty girl. Brain not working so good now. Go away now.

Monday, September 25, 2006

An increasingly rare update on how things are going

Well piglets, here we stand. You so faithful in regularly checking my humble blog for updates and I, so poor in producing them. For that I apologize, as I often have in the past. You see, depression is wonderful, terrible thing. Despite having gotten a healthy eight hours sleep, I still struggle through the day, barely able to keep my eyes open. Simple reading, a trifling 20-30 pages in length seem insurmountable, no matter how straightforward they may be. A stranger becomes the most awful thing imaginable in the whole world, something to be feared to the point where one is completely unable to approach said person, unfoundedly believing that they hate you without having ever met you. And a piddling little blog entry becomes a graduate term paper, even though it should take no more than a few minutes. Molehills become mountains, that sort of thing. Everything becomes magnified exponentially, so many things I wish I could do and probably could, if only my mind were free and clear of all doubts and insecurities. If I put my mind to it, could I accomplish anything, just as the old axiom states? It's possible, I suppose. The trouble is that I just can't seem to get my mind to go in the direction I want it to, for try as I might, I cannot seem to make all the rotten feelings inside it go away. It's a painful thing to bear and I hope that one day that pain might disappear. But it endures, beyond my realm of control. My thoughts are my thoughts and I just don't have the power to affect them, at least not now or tomorrow. One day is all I can hope for.

So how have I been? Well, as always, I'm still here. Last week was NOT a good one at all. You name it, I was depressed about it. These days, the lack or companionship, both platonic and romantic weigh heaviest upon my brow, but that might change (though I suspect it will always be near the forefront of my troubles). School is two weeks old and I've barely glanced at anything I'm supposed to read. I've just been too miserable. Today however, I have managed to make a significant dent in Oliver Twist and I can only hope that this newfound concentration lasts. Maybe it's the classical music I have playing right now, I'm not sure. The good thing is, now that I've started the book, I'm sure I'll have little trouble finishing. That's always how it is and I'm sure I'm not alone. I just have to stop being so fucking lazy, I guess.

Nothing fun happened to me this weekend (surprise, surprise). Spent all day yesterday watching football and drinking beer. I probably should have done at least some reading. Tomorrow I'm actually off to see the Red Hot Chili Peppers with my friend Blondie. She really likes them and wanted to 'pay me back' or something from when I took her to see U2. I'm not a huge fan, but I'm sure it'll be fun. It'll be my first social outing of any kind in several weeks and if things continue to form, will be my last for a few weeks.

On a final note, an interesting thing happened to me on Friday. As a result of the 'Hot or Not' website, which I've spoken about many a time here, I have many random girls on my little MSN dealy. Okay, perhaps not many, but at least a few. Many of them I don't talk to anymore, perhaps a couple I went on one date with once upon a time, several live far, far away and many I attempt to speak to and am largely ignored by. However, there are a kind few who humor me.

One of these young ladies noticed my oh-so-cheery MSN name, which read something like "Why don't you just leave me alone and let me die in peace" or something like that (okay, it was exactly that). She asked me if I was okay, how things were, etc. I've spoken to this one a few times in the past and was actually brutally honest about how I constantly wish I were dead and other pleasant things of that nature. Anyways, after inquiring as to my mood (this was Thursday night), I'm shocked to find my phone ring. It was her. I had completely forgotten that I had given her my number, though I now seem to recall that we had exchanged numbers and she said something along the lines of "call me if you're ever blue or need someone to talk to". Well, she called me and we actually talked for about an hour about various things. The topic got onto what we were both doing over the weekend (she works as a security guard and is working nights for the next week or so) and I told her that I was working and not much else. I tell her where I work and she says, "well maybe I'll come visit you sometime, like tomorrow". Just to cheer me up, she says. Now I'm someone who doesn't believe things unless I see them, especially when it concerns people making promises to me. I've been burned too many times. But lo and behold, she shows up around 5:30 Friday afternoon. She lives all the way in the east end and I'm in the western suburbs. She doesn't have a car and in order to get to where I work, she had to take the subway and then a bus for a total of about an hour and a half, either way. We talked for perhaps an hour again, not counting time I was helping various idiot customers. Since she came all this way, I offered to buy her something to eat or drink, to which she finally acquiesced (some sushi and an orange juice). Eventually she had to go on her way, to brave another hour and a half commute and then a Midnight to Noon shift at some office building (ouch). We hugged goodbye (she then insisted on a second hug), I said we should do something sometime, she said sure. I later got a text message on my phone which said that it was nice to meet me, if I ever want to talk she's just a phone call away and that she hopes to see me soon (with a smiley face).

That's it, that's what happened to me on Friday. Wild, huh? I'm really not sure what to think of all this, though I do over think everything, granted. I know that I should read this as a HUGE deal. This girl is pretty cute I must say (a bit tom boyish, but I nit-pick too much), went WAY the hell out of her way just to pay me a small visit, said that "I look better in person", made mention of "when I broke up with my ex" (leading me to believe she is currently unattached) and any other positives you could pick up on in the above paragraph. But wait. I've also complained to her many times over the MSN about how unhappy I am, how I have no friends and no life, all the cheery stuff I often talk about here. Why would she still be interested in me? I know I am HORRIBLE at reading signs, I mean I'm like a near-sighted base runner making the turn running towards third base with the ball bobbled out in right. But as far as I could tell, everything seemed to point towards "we should go out sometime". Am I wrong? Maybe she's just feeling sorry for me and trying to be my friend. In fact, I even called her on that directly and she denied any form of pity. So am I conclude that this girl (who doesn't seem to have any major scarring or mental malfunction) is interested in me, despite all the gory details I've told her about my life and the inner-workings of my mind? I never know what to think. I should just call her, shouldn't I? Well, she said she was working for 14 days straight (nights for the next little while), but I should still call. Yes? See, this is how self-destructive I am. I know I'm doing it and yet I'm powerless to stop it. I should call. But I'll end up fucking it up. I don't know how I haven't already, but I feel I somehow will. You should all be thankful that your minds don't work this way. You have no clue as to how frustrating it is.

Wow, that was pretty good. I can be quite a writer if I try. I'm sure I have the skills within me to write a book or something. But then again, if it pains me to even write a blog entry, trying my hand at a novel or something would just be torturous.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Sorry folks

I've wanted to do a post, I just haven't been doing well at all lately. I'm not doing so hot physically and mentally...well, you can guess. I don't even know what I'd post on, truth be told. I was thinking about discussing my recent parking woes and beef with the TTC or maybe about how much I hate, HATE Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez or maybe even a piece defending Pope Benedict. Perhaps something on the touching tribute to Steve Irwin that just aired or maybe just my usual complaints about how God-awful my life is. But I just can't. I really don't feel well, so I'm going to go to bed early today. I have lots to read, but I guess that won't get done tonight. I really hope I feel better soon or at least ever. But I'm not counting on it.

Friday, September 15, 2006

Holy fuck

Today was not a good day, not by a long shot. I barely got through the day, I almost had a complete nervous breakdown or panic attack or something. Presently, I have consumed a bottle of red wine in combination with perhaps 6 or 7 Tylenol w/ codeine pills. I think I'll have some more and see what happens. Cheers.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Things are not going so well, truth be told.

Back to school. My classes seem okay, I guess.

I am incredibly miserable. Seriously.

I suspected that going back would do this to me and I was right. It has to do with the fact that I'm around such a large group of people for most of the day and yet never do I feel more alone. Gosh. I don't know what it is about it, but I feel so much worse when I'm there. It's the whole lack of friends thing, I suppose. Of course I see plenty of people sitting alone or walking alone, probably even the majority. But I have to believe that at some point, in some class they have someone that they talk to, someone to 'hang out' with, someone they occasionally grab a coffee with in between classes. And I just feel like I'm the only person that has no one. It's not a nice feeling. I wish I knew how to make friends, I really do. But I fear that it's just too late. I've already been there for 2 1/2 years and nothing really.

Last year I had that Cute Red Headed Girl, but she transferred to Ryerson. She said she'd keep in touch. I suspected that she was just saying so and I was right. Do you think I'll ever talk to her again? Not a chance. She even deleted me off her MSN. Yes, I checked. If I haven't seen someone online for a while, I see if they still have me on their list and sure enough, she does not. The only other people I ever talked to were a couple of people from my first year Lord of the Rings nerd class, which was a very small class. But it's not like I made any real friends. Just people to sit next to in a couple of classes.

I really do think it's too late for me to make any friends, at school or otherwise. Everyone is bound to already have people whom they've known for God knows how long. Let's say I do somehow figure out how to meet someone (I haven't the slightest clue). Perhaps we have a friendly chat, grab a drink, whatever. At the end of it, that person is going to go back to their real friends and perhaps see me whenever, from time to time. I can't see myself doing any better than a 'pal' or a casual chum. Whatever few friends I do have all seem to have their own group of 'real' friends. I certainly don't mean that as a dig towards them, I just can't think of better terminology at the time. The essence of it is that I'll see these people here and there, grab a drink, see a movie etc. once in a while. But each of the has a larger group that they'll hang out with on a regular basis. For me, I might see so-and-so here and the other person here. But I don't have that. How do I get that? It's too late, isn't it?

Things are going to get a lot worse and they're not all that rosey right now. I can just feel it. I'm sinking here. I feel helpless, angry, sad and lonely all at the same time. I really can't remember the last time I was truly happy. I don't think I ever will be again.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

If the rumors are to be believed, Andy Roddick is the real winner here

So that's tomorrow. Friday night had drinks with Marty Boy and finally got around to seeing Snakes on a Plane. Went bowling with my friend Blondie who recently got back from New Zealand yesterday. Today was largely spent tidying stuff up, making sure I have all sorts of stuff ready and watching sports.

The Blue Jays are all but dead, so I focused on football and tennis. Watched two entertaining games today, New England over Buffalo 19-17 and Indy over the Giants 26-21 in the battle of the Mannings. Roger Federer continued his quest to become the greatest player of all-time by capturing his 9th Grand Slam title over Andy Roddick, who gave it a good run there for a while. But it doesn't look like there's any stopping Roger right now. Last night I happened to catch the replay of the U.S. Open women's final. Unfortunately, I had already heard the result, yet I watched pretty much the entire match. Why you might ask? It's really not that hard to figure that one out. You see, Maria Sharapova was victorious in claiming her 2nd Grand Slam title and though many people know her better from all of her various endorsements, she really is one of the best women's players in the world right now. But why did I watch? Because there is no escaping the fact that she is seriously one fine piece of ass.

Now it's off to bed, with the depressing thoughts that I have to wake up early for class tomorrow and that I will never have a woman who looks anywhere near as hot as Maria does.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Is a tomato a fruit or a vegetable?

How's about an update, my lovelies? Haven't done one in a few days, my little tribute to the late, great Steve Irwin notwithstanding. Perhaps I'll see if there's anything interesting going on in my life. Oh wait, there isn't? Quite a shock. Well, let's go forward anyways and see if we can try and make something out of nothing, shall we?

My long-weekend was less than stellar, but that really shouldn't be a surprise. On Thursday I drove out to the Hamilton area to touch base with The Colonel and Double D regarding "The Band". Beyond drawing up some tentative rehearsal plans and getting a list of songs to work on down, we didn't really do that much, but that's to be expected for the first meeting since...well forever. Still, it's a step in the right direction, a sign that things will hopefully be on track soon. I just hope that this whole band thing doesn't bring back certain memories I'd rather keep repressed...we shall see about that one. I still sort of hate passing the exit to Highway 6 South...*sigh*. And as for the band name, "Dirty Stairs"? I don't know...I still think it sounds too garage band. I'd prefer "The WTFs" or "The New Jerseys". But I suspect I'll be outvoted on this issue.

Anyways, that was pretty much it, that was my weekend. It was over before it had even really begun. Didn't get up to anything else, but that's pretty much the norm with me. I snoozed and lost with the speed-dating thing I was the time I had made up my mind to go, there were no more slots left. I'll not make that mistake again; I'm determined to go to the next one on September 20th. My therapist suggested that I really should give it a try. Besides, someone with as few options as me should take whatever they can. I haven't heard anything regarding this potential blind date lately, so I'm not sure what the status of that is. To be fair, I did reply that the lady wasn't really my type after seeing her picture, though I was still willing to go through with it and give it a go. We'll see if anything happens. The last glimmer of hope that I had was the ONE person who actually did reply to my Lavalife thing. We exchanged a couple of emails and we resolved to chat over MSN, though I haven't seen her online since I added her and that was about a week ago. So I should probably stop resting any hope there.

So sadly, I don't have anything good to report, as usual. I did eat at Taco Bell yesterday for the first time in my life yesterday and let me say it was DELISH! I can see why they won the franchise wars (See: Demolition Man). True, I didn't feel so great afterwards. But it was hella tasty. Also bought myself a new stereo for my shitty car and in the process probably doubled the value of the thing. It was my going back to school present to myself; no one else is going to buy me one after all. Back to school...less than a week now. I don't know what to think about it, I really don't. Probably best NOT to think about it and just let it happen. I just hope this year I somehow manage to meet people there, but I don't know how to make that happen.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Rest in peace Steve and God bless

I normally don't write on the passing of various well-know people, after all many pass away all the time and there's so little blog real estate. But I was shocked and deeply saddened early this morning to read about the death of "Crocodile Hunter" Steve Irwin. It's rather late and I truly do need to go to bed, but I really wanted to pay at least some small tribute to a man who did a lot of good raising awareness about the need for wildlife conservation and the plight of many endangered species. Steve also did so in what I always found to be an entertaining manner, with a smile on his face and had a genuine love for animals and the work he did with them that could not be faked. My heart goes out to his wife and his two young children, as well as animal lovers all over the world who are so much poorer for having lost him at such a young age.

Friday, September 01, 2006

My epic journey through cigar store hell.

Brace yourselves people, this is the longest blog post ever…and quite possibly my best. Read on, if you dare.

Friday September 1, 2006.... I know that the equinox isn't until Sept. 21, but for all intents and purposes, the summer is over. It's cool outside at night now (not that I mind that), the days are noticeably getting shorter and I go back to school in just over a week. And even though the days are getting shorter, this will be a very long one for me. You see, I've drawn a fantastic 10 AM to 9 PM shift here at the cigar store. Yes, eleven hours of this! Anyone remotely familiar with my job knows just how tedious it can be. There are some upsides for sure, those being that

A: I have an absentee boss (though he is coming in today to bring paychecks and other assorted stuff).

B: There are often huge gaps of time between people coming into the store.

C: I work by myself, so no jackass co-workers to put up with.

D: Um, I sit on my ass all day and get paid for it.

There is a downside however, that being the fact that time goes by oh so slowly. I often have trouble maintaining my sanity over the course of a five or six hour shift...this is going to be hell. So in order to give myself something to do, I've decided to keep a journal or timeline of the day. It would be cooler if I could do live updates, but my computer at work doesn't have internet access. Lame. Still, this should be fun.


10:07 AM- I stumble in the door seven minutes late. Thank God I don't have any customers or a boss here. I would have been on time, but I decided to go grab the paper, a coffee and a breakfast sandwich from Subway. Not as good as the ones I make at home, but it was okay. Hopefully the coffee gives me a boost.

10:24 AM- Sweet Jesus, a customer! I wasn't expecting this. I'm not even done my coffee yet. Some woman buys a few cigars and asks me if cigars are addictive. I say no, not really. Especially when compared to cigarettes. It's true, you're not inhaling them and such. Maybe there is a psychological thing, but as for a physical dependence, I sincerely doubt it. She was buying the cigars for herself you see, she had recently taken up the habit. Honestly I find a woman who smokes cigars to be very sexy. Unfortunately this one was pushing 70.

10:49 AM- Another customer. Some dude buying Cuban cigars for his friend back in the States. We get a lot of that.

11:20 AM- First hot girl sighting. I didn't see her face, but she was a blonde and had a great ass. Lots of cute girls walk by, but sadly none of them ever seem to come in. Not that it would really do me any good.

11:31 AM- Ugh, I have to go to the bathroom. There actually is a toilet and a sink in our small little back room, but the toilet is covered with many boxes and doesn't really work. You have to lift the lid to flush the thing and besides it's very grimy and gross. So I have to put a 'back in five minutes' sign on the door, grab my keys, lock the door, go downstairs, etc. It's such a huge ordeal and I hate public washrooms. On many occasions I've given thought to just peeing in the sink and saving myself the effort. But you'll be happy to know I've never actually done so; I guess that's what separates us from the animals.

11:50 AM- So I finally start to read the paper. I try and put it off as long as I can, so as not to finish all my reading material so early on. On page six there's an article about some silly new reality show called American Stripper (yes, I'm reading the Toronto Sun). Accompanying the article is a large picture of one of the judges on this show, an adult film star by the name of "Sunny Lane". I don't recall ever having seen her before and I think I would have remembered if I did. She is GORGEOUS. Strawberry blonde hair, pale skin, small frame, no gross fake looking boobs. I can't stop looking at this picture. It's actually starting to make me depressed. Where do I find a woman like this? Dear God, why can't I have a girl like this? I'll never have a girl who looks this good, will I? I hate the fact that my whole life I've had to settle (with maybe a couple of exceptions) for women I'm not really into, just because they're all I can get. I am now thoroughly miserable. I close the paper.

12:18 PM- Holy hell, more customers! What is this, Wal*Mart? 3 people in two and a half hours is a veritable rush here.

12:57 PM- I run to the bank to get change. We need loonies and no one else would ever think to get them. My co-workers are even lazier than I am. By run, I literally mean run: the only bank that will give me change is outside of the mall and across the street. Even though I personally bank with TD Canada Trust, they won't give me change for my place of work and if I try and pretend it's for me, they always give me a dirty look or some sort of hassle. None of the other banks in the mall will do it either, so I have to go all the way to the Royal Bank, with which the store actually does bank. At least there wasn't a line-up.

1:23 PM- So far the day isn't going by too badly, but I'm sure that will all change. From what my co-worker told me yesterday, my evil boss should be coming in some time around now. Then again, he's almost always late. I just pray he gets here soon, drops off my cheque and leaves. That way I'll get it over with.

1:25 PM- What timing, he happens to call. He let's me know that he probably won't make it until around 2:30-3:00 ish. I'll chose to believe him and take this opportunity to sit on my ass for a bit.

1:41 PM- This young lady comes in to buy cigarettes. After a while I start to memorize the brands that people smoke and I reach for what I know she'll ask for without her having to say it. We flirt a little bit (at least I think I'm flirting). She has a pretty enough face, but is a little on the chubby side, has tattoos all over her arms and seems a little flaky. She's not really my type, but maybe if I get desperate enough...sigh, who am I kidding? I'm too much of a chicken.

1:45 PM- Okay, now I actually do have a rush. Some dudes in the humidor, a lady waiting to buy cigarettes, some woman who wants to look at Swiss Army knives and some jackass family looking at pens. I don't mind the folks buying the cigars and cigarettes. First off, they actually buy something and secondly I don't really have to do much with them. The woman looking at the Swiss Army stuff makes me pull a bunch of stuff out of the cabinet, but thankfully doesn't stay too long. The family of people takes a whole bunch of time looking at various fountain pens, but none of them are to their liking. I seriously have nothing but the utmost contempt for all these people.

2:00 PM- Another hot girl walks by. This one seems to be shopping with her mother, which probably means she's like 17 and I'm probably sick. Luckily, you can't go to jail for what you're thinking!

2:06 PM- Another hot girl. This time, I actually jump off of my stool to gawk at her as she walks by. Again I don't see her face, but she looked great from behind.

2:26 PM- My black pen just ran out and I can't find another one anywhere. Now I have to use a blue one. If that runs out, I'll be forced to use a hi-liter for everything. Otherwise, I suppose I could run to the store and buy some out of petty cash or donate one from my bag.

2:45 PM- The very cute little blonde receptionist from the hair salon next door comes in to say 'hi'. I'm sure I've written about her here before. She truly is such a cutie and I have the biggest crush on her. If I knew my boss wasn't coming in, I'd be next door clumsily flirting with her, leaving my store completely unattended. By this point, I make no secret of the fact that I totally have the hots for her. She however, has a boyfriend. Same dude she's been going out with since she was like 16 or something. I still continue to overtly hit on her, touch her on the hand and hug her whenever I can, even ask her out and half-jokingly tell her to break up with her boyfriend (!!), all to no avail. She's still very friendly towards me and seems to take it all in stride. But do I have any chance with her? Nope, none at all.

3:04 PM- My co-worker Carlos drops by to see if his paycheck is in. Or course it isn't; my boss is always late. He would normally have covered the morning shift, but he's leaving for New York City today, so he has a bunch of things to take care of, which is totally understandable. The problem is, we have all of three employees and the other isn't available Fridays at all. Hence why I'm stuck here all day. We haven't hired anyone new since Ursula left and that was over a month ago. I miss Ursula. Plus, when school starts up for Carlos and myself, I don't know what the boss is going to do. Oh well, it's not my problem.

3:22 PM- Sweet Jesus, where the hell is this guy? My boss is never, ever on time. I wish he would just come in and get this over with, that way I can stop pretending to do work and go back to scratching myself.

3:30 PM- My boss FINALLY comes in. I'm writing this quickly as he goes to his car to get more stuff. This will be my last update until he leaves.

4:07 PM- My boss leaves! He was only around for a half hour. Sweet!

4:12 PM- Hot Russian Girl comes in to visit!! I was going to write about her a few weeks ago. You see, she was interested in possibly getting a part time job here. She was laid off from her office job and is actually going back to school, so she just wanted some place easy to work on the side while she does so. I tried my best to get her a job, but my boss wouldn't hire her, because she asked if she could be paid under the table. He said no and that was the end of that. This was over the phone; had she actually come in for an interview, there is no way in hell he would have been able to reject her, just based on how hot she is. Man is she ever foxy...she's wearing a very slight top, yum. Her breasts are very small, only A cups but that's certainly not the be all and end all, because she sure has it going on everywhere else. For instance, she has an amazing stomach. Wow. And of course, she has a boyfriend, one with whom she lives. Fantastic.

4:18 PM- Carlos returns and picks up his cheque.

4:37 PM- Hot Russian Girl finally leaves, having spent 25 minutes chatting with me. Either she is very bored or she likes me. I'll go for the former, seeing as she has no job, no school (at the present) and has told me herself on more than one occasion how dull her life is. Sounds sort of like me, but at least she's not alone.

4:55 PM- Shit, I just realized I haven't eaten since 10:00 AM. I'm sorta hungry. I'm going to get something to eat.

5:05 PM- I return with my lunch / dinner which consists of salmon pasta in a rose sauce with two garlic loaves and an Orangina, all from Marche / Movenpick / Richtree or whatever it's called. The pasta (which I proceed to drop on my pants in short order) doesn't contain as much salmon as the last time I got it. I'm disappointed, though I guess it's tasty enough.

5:12 PM- Some Jamaican sounding fellows come in the store, which they promptly refer to as 'a blunt store'. They inquire as to whether we sell any 'baggies' to which I politely reply that we do not. This shocks one fellow and he asks why a 'blunt store' doesn't sell baggies. I gently correct him that this is a cigar store, though he seems incredulous at this distinction. He then asks if we sell 'Century Sams' or 'Phillies' in single units, to which I reply that we do not. Dejected, he leaves, though one of his friends does offer me 'props' before departing. Nice!

5:39 PM- I decide to head outside for a cigarette, my first of the day. This whole thing about cigarettes being addictive is hugely overblown. I smoke because I like to, not because I have some uncontrollable urge to do so. I had a "Peter Jackson Smooth", a value brand of cigarette. Hot Russian Girl gave me one in exchange for Marlboro that I gave her. Despite the fact that it contains pretty much the same amount of tar and nicotine as the ones I usually smoke, I felt as though I was smoking air and I don't smoke strong cigarettes. Maybe it's because I'm used to American cigarettes and Gauloises (French). Perhaps Canadian cigarettes are just like that. On the plus, it wasn't that bad at all. If anyone is looking for a discount brand of smokes, they're rather decent and do come in a more full-flavoured variety. Also, you'll be smoking a brand named after the dude who directed The Lord of the Rings movies!

6:08 PM- A very well dressed Eastern European sounding lady comes in to look at tie clips or cufflinks. She seems very nice and then proceeds to buy a $295 Mont Blanc onyx and gold tie-bar after looking around for five minutes at the most. My crappy little tie clip appears to be made out of some sort of metal, possibly plastic and cost me all of twenty bucks, I believe. Oh, people with I long to be one someday.

6:49 PM- It’s been a while since the last update...not much interesting is going on and I'm also getting rather tired. It actually has been decently busy today, with 18 paying customers and sales of close to a $1000, which is pretty good for a small store like this. But several of those sales have been just cigarettes and a lot of the sales have also come in bunches, so there have been many, many long stretches where no one comes in. Trust me, the time DRAGS....*Yawns*

7:21 PM- I'm now making cat noises to stave off a nervous breakdown...or perhaps I've already had, I think I make the cat noises because I like kitties and it calms me or something like that. Cooing like a dove also helps. I like dovies, they're nice. We have this birdfeeder in my backyard and lots of birdseed always spills on the ground and the birds eat from there. Whenever I open the backdoor, all the birdies fly off, except for the dovies. For some reason they're not skittish like the other birds. It happened this morning when I let Bobo out. There were maybe a dozen birds there and when I let him out, they all flew off except for one Mourning Dove who just went on feeding. Cute.

7:39 PM- Went out for another cigarette, but only because Cute Receptionist went out for one. I'll take anything I can get. On my way back, saw another hot woman, but this one had her young son with her! A seriously hot mom. I blatantly stared at her ass for like ten seconds after she passed me.

7:51 PM- Some young person comes in and asks if we have any pipes. I show him our pretty impressive selection (I counted 45 different styles). He asks if we have any others. Of course, I immediately know what he's getting at. I like to mess with people who ask this question and ask him what he's looking for. He throws around the same euphemisms like a 'smaller' pipe or something 'more casual'. Of course he's looking for something from which to smoke his drugs, but like all other people who are looking for such, he never directly says so. Firstly, why do people think that this store would sell drug paraphernalia? Does it look like it would? Not remotely. But I can excuse that, I guess it doesn't hurt to ask. But just come out and say, "I'm looking for something I can smoke my weed from". I'm not going to call the cops on you or anything, jeez. Just come out and ask me. I'll say 'no' and it'll save us both time.

8:04 PM- Some old Italian (I think) guy came in and was asking something. I have no idea what he was saying, so I just smiled and nodded. I think it was something do with Zippo lighters. My neck is itching. I hate shaving. I don't want to go back to having the beard though. Perhaps I should consider electrolysis on my face or whatever they call it. A cute looking girl just walked by. I no longer have the strength to get up and gawk. I have less than an hour to go!

8:34 PM- I just came to the cold and bitter conclusion that my life is completely empty and I truly wish I were dead. You people have no idea how empty my lonely existence is. 25, living at home, working a crappy job, driving an ancient car, only halfway through university, no girl, no social life and no prospect of any of this changing anytime soon. On the plus side, one of my favourite songs ("Where the Streets Have No Name") just came on the radio, my mom called me to tell me there's potato salad in the fridge and the cute little Asian colourist from next door came in to buy cigarettes. Lots of pretty girls at that salon. This one always calls me "boyfriend", which is really cute. This one doesn't have a boyfriend, except when I playfully (though I was serious) asked her out, she said I was too young for her: she's 26 and I'm 25. Dang. She's still very friendly and flirty and such. But it also ain't gonna happen.

8:49 PM- Now another colourist, the one who calls me 'muffin' comes in to buy smokes. She's also super pretty. But she too has a boyfriend and is probably in her 30's.

8:52 PM- I love it...I'm getting ready to close up shop and some jackass comes in to take his sweet time browsing at lighters. I no longer have the patience to put up with these clowns. I just want them to leave. NOW.

9:14 PM- I'm finally done everything. Normally I'd be out the door right at nine, but nooo, something has to go wrong. I notice a discrepancy in the cash and I can't figure it out, probably because I'm too weary to do so. I finally realize that when I went to get change at the bank (see 12:57 PM), they gave me one roll of loonies and one of toonies. I must be tired, as it took me way to long to figure this out. I could be dishonest and just pocket the difference, but I choose to be honest and make a note of it to remind myself to go back and correct the mistake with them next week. I must be nuts...anyone else would have just kept the extra $25. It's just a faceless big bank and everyone hates banks. But I'm doing the right thing, right? You all would have done the same, right? Right?

9:17 PM- Ready to leave at last. It's been a long, tiring day and well.... I’ll be going home now, likely to drink myself into a stupor. I could use a drink or two. I would also give anything for a nice back rub right about now and someone nice to relax with, but I guess I'd have to have a girlfriend for that. So tonight, like pretty much every Friday night, it's just Bobo and me. I love my Bobo, don't get me wrong. But just for once, I'd love to snuggle with someone else, someone of the female persuasion, pretty and sweet, who smells nice and can hug me back. Just once. Perhaps instead I'll just download something with Sunny Lane in it.

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