Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Not-so fantastic news

Yikes, it's been a week since I last posted anything. I haven't been busy or anything, but I guess I just haven't felt like it. Whatever.

Anyways, thanks again to all who piped in on the last post. But after apprising the situation, I don't think it's going to work out for a number of reasons. Timing is one. Sadly, Cute Red Head doesn't seem to come to class much anymore these days. She's planning to switch schools next year and I think she's just sort of dogging it here now. So I don't see her all that often. When I do, I have asked every time if she wants to do something, but every time she's been busy or had to meet someone or whatever. Don't know if she's avoiding me or is legitimately busy, but either way nothing has worked out in terms of 'hanging out'. Outside of class time is sort of tricky, seeing as we live in opposite ends of the city. I'm trying here and maybe one day she'll say "Yeah, let's do something", but so far I haven't had that kind of luck.

The other problem is that I just don't get a great vibe. Then again, I never do. I don't know why, but I never seem to get the "I'm enjoying your company" vibe from anyone. She seems a bit aloof, a bit cool. Maybe that's just her personality, I don't know. At any rate, I'm not sure how into me she'd be. Apparently she's big into something called "footbag" (it's some sort of hacky-sack related sport) and the whole sub-culture that it entails. She seems like one of them slacker, pothead types (yes, she does like the wacky-tobacky, so she's said) and that's something I am not. I'm probably not her type. I guess I've come to realize this. So while I'm not giving in just yet, things ain't looking good. I'm just frustrated that I don't seem to be anyone's 'type', indeed that I'm not a 'type' as far as I can discern. I wish I were a 'type', it would make things so much easier. Am I a 'type'? Maybe I'm missing something.

That's it for now. I do have some other things that I wanted to get into, but it's nice weather out now and I think I'll go out for a cigar. Have fun kitty kats, keep it real.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Fantastic News

Oh, beloved blog readers, please listen well. I know that this is a perfect reflection of he who runs it; after all, at one point both were great. Back in the good days I had comment after comment and was quite the popular figure in the land of ones and zeros, just as I once was in the world of flesh and blood. Things haven't been the same as of late, perhaps something to do with my lack of bloggy effort, perhaps people have just lost interest. I'm not quite sure. But what matters right now, is that I need your help, oh faithful friends. This is one post that I'm going to need all the advice I can get. So please, I implore you all to read carefully, think hard and tell me what to do. My future hinges upon your feedback. Thank you.

So what is this fantastic news? No, I don't have a car just yet, but hopefully will by the end of the month. Monkeys didn't mess up my school transcript and mistakenly assign my straight A's. And I certainly didn't come into any money. If that were the case, I'd be in Hawaii right now. No, this fantastic news actually calls into question me being any sort of decent person. The fact that I was elated upon hearing it and immediately had all the gears turning inside my head perhaps makes me a bad person. But I don't fucking care.

Cute Red Head's boyfriend broke up with her.

Yes, I am thrilled at the dissolution of a relationship. A SIX YEAR relationship. Wow. Now I know that the end of a six year relationship must be very hard on someone and they inevitably need time off and all that shit. But I need to act. Now. I need to get the wheels in motion somehow, for fear of losing my place in line, as it were. This is where all of you fine people come in. I need to know what to do next. I need to plan my next move. I need to know exactly what speed to travel at here and exactly how to make sure they stay broken up. Yes, again I am a lousy person. I don't care.

Some pertinent information....Like I said, this is the end of a six and a half year relationship and the only one either has been in. According to her, this is not the first time this has happened, though in her words "this time it seems far more serious". She says that they are best friends and always end up back together again, he misses her, she misses him. I have to make sure that doesn't happen this time. Sew the seeds of doubt, whatever. She's said that they don't get along all the time and that they get in the way of each other's school-work. He wants to see other people, seeing as he's only ever dated her. He's 'curious' and this is what hurts her the most, because she is not or so she claims. I have to somehow peak her curiosity...but how?

Now, some further complications. She lives on the opposite end of the city. Can be a problem. Also, she's a worse student than I am and skips lots of classes, so I don't get to see her very much anymore. The final kicker is that she plans to switch schools next year, over to Ryerson. It's still downtown Toronto, but not nearly as convenient in terms of 'hanging out'.

But all this is moot, I guess. I need to get on this now, just like I said. If I wait, I run the risk of someone else getting in there or her and dude getting back together. My time is now, people. What do I do, help me out here. I'm counting on all of you. I know you won't let me down.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

If there's a bustle in your hedgerow...

Holy shit, I am losing my mind. Got one and a half hours sleep last night because of a stupid essay. I'm going insane. I was just in the shower and I started talking to myself, reciting the lyrics to "Stairway To Heaven" in a Sean Connery voice. I then decided to tackle Orson Welles, one that I've always been frustrated with. I've always wanted to do a good Orson Welles, but have never been able to. Well, in my delirious state, I think I'm closer than ever before! I then began a debate between former presidents Bush and Clinton. Sweet Jesus, I'm losing it. The other personalities are taking over. Seriously, I think I'm really close to pulling off the Orson Welles impersonation. But for now, I have to print off this essay. I'd have done it last night, but the movie Finding Forrester came on and I just had to watch it. Damn you Connery, you've screwed me over too many times!

I'll be back later with an important post, I hope. If I'm still alive and not committed to an asylum.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Happy Birthday Bobo!

Yes, today is my precious Bobo's birthday. He turns 11 today. I love him lots and lots and lots. Here's a recent picture. He may be getting up there in years, but he's still as cute as ever.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Getting sick of blogging

Man, I used to post at least every other day at one point. Now, I look and I haven't since Saturday. And I just don't seem to care, I don't seem interested anymore. I'm just not feeling it anymore, I'm really not. I post the same boring shit, over and over again. I mean, I really don't have anything new or exciting to report. Nothing really ever happens to me. School is the same, so is work. I have no life, I never go out. All of my complaints are the same. I'm stuck in a massive rut and can't get out. No friends, no life, no car, no love life, no nothing. Nothing to post about. This blog isn't the same as it once was, the lack of comments are a clear indication of that.

School is almost done, less than a month to go. Then exams. I'm sure I'll pass all my courses, save perhaps one. Still don't have any friends. Haven't been out in quite a while. Nowhere to go, no one to go out with. Still hoping to get a car, but I'm too scared to even do that. Don't ask, I just am. Doing anything scares me these days.

This post is shitty, I know. But I felt the need to post something. I had lots of other ideas floating around, all more in depth and more interesting (though likely more depressing as well). But I just don't care anymore. I think the blog is on its last legs, folks.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Blog's still alive and so am I

My internet was down for the last few days, so I haven't been able to post. Sorry to anyone who still reads this.

Anyways, I'm seriously burnt out here. I haven't slept in a week, thank you schoolwork. Two of my three essays went fairly well, but the third almost killed me, no joke. I was just so depressed while writing it, I was wishing I was dead. I don't understand a damned thing in that course and my essay is a rambling, incoherent mess, at best. Man, I'm really scared and stressing that I'm going to fail that class. Otherwise, school is okay. At least it's been a distraction for the last little while, taken my mind off the misery that is my life. Oddly, in my sleep-deprived delirium, I found myself to be surprisingly lucid and chatty before class the other day, talking to all sorts of strange people I'd never spoke to before. A strange wave of confidence overtook my whilst in that state, I suppose. Sadly, it didn't last, as I became morbidly depressed upon handing what is sure to be a failure of an essay. The only plus is that Cute Red Head gave me a 'there, there' hug to make me feel better. Sadly, the most I'll ever get from her.....sigh.

Might be getting a car soon, if all works out. Been seriously looking into getting something, my mum has a few leads and hopefully at least one of them will pan out, not to mention I'll have to get in touch with her insurance company to see if I'm insurable. Hopefully it will work out. I need some sort of vehicle. I know it will be a shitbox, but it's better than nothing. And at least it'll be my shitbox.

Still, not like I have anywhere remotely exciting to go. Same old complaints, yeah I know. But it's true. No one ever calls, no one ever wants to hang out. The few people I do know are always too busy, have other plans or just don't feel like it for whatever reason. Story of my life. Maybe things will pick up. I hope. They just have to. The complete and utter collapse of my social life happened either around the time I lost the ability to drive the old car or the time that D-Roc went to Japan. Man, I hope it's the former, at least that way there's hope in the near future.

I bite my nails way too much. I mean, I REALLY bite them down, even when there is absolutely nothing left to bite. I wish I could figure out a way to stop. Anyone have any ideas? Maybe I need to smoke more. Pack a day, anyone?

Had an odd flashback today, while on the bus home from school on Thursday. The song "Gloria" by Laura Branigan came on my iPod and it totally took me back to this night. I think I may have been in love with that girl, I don't know. One of those brief encounters, where someone makes a huge impression on you, though you only see them once in your entire lifetime. It reminded me of the scene in City Slickers where Curly (Jack Palance) is talking about the one time in his life that he was in love, when he saw a young lady for a fleeting moment and yet she was the love of his life. Sorry, I'm not able to remember the scene exactly, but still it popped into my head. Still, it's amazing that someone you randomly meet in a bar, sing karaoke with, talk to and will never see again can make you feel so attractive, so wanted, so talented and all that. Now I'm rambling. Sorry, I'll stop.

That's it for now. I've had a rough week and I think I might polish off a nice bottle of wine tonight, so that's it from me. A good night to all that still read this and still care.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

I hope I live this long...wait, no I don' I?

While attempting to do research for one of my essays, I stumbled across this article. Man, Wikipedia is a great resource, but half the time I'm just reading about totally unrelated, time wasting things. It does more harm than good sometimes. I guess it's too good for its Well, back to essay writing. Sigh.

175 years old! Wow.

Friday, March 03, 2006

I think I'm okay....I don't know.

Haven't mixed pills and alcohol in the last little while, so I guess that's a plus. I've been far too busy with damned school. Finished one essay, so that's a plus. Only one day late, which is pretty good as well. It was the longest, at 2500 words. Have two more due on Monday. One is on Hamlet, so I'm not worried there. The other, however is in the class that I've paid no attention in and am in danger of failing because I have no idea what the hell anything is about. Dang. If I managed to finish and do a reasonable job on it by Monday, that should really take a huge weight off.

Still been very miserable lately. A few nights ago, as is often the case, it took me about four hours to fall asleep. It's probably because I can't stop thinking about various thing, I just can't seem to clear my mind. Surprise, surprise none of the things I think about are very positive. It all just makes me rather depressed, to a rather large degree. I feel okay right now, but man, when I couldn't get to sleep that night I was not in a good frame of mind.

In response to the comments on the last post, D Rock is probably right, I do need a friend. I mean, I try and hang out with various people, I really do. But I can't remember the last time someone called me out of the blue and asked to hang out. On the rare occasions I do go out, it's me asking individuals if they want to do something, with a pretty high rejection rate. It has to go both ways. I just want to feel wanted, like someone really wants to hang out with me and goes out of their way to do so. By that, all I mean is picking up a phone and giving me a shout. D Rock would always do so, he's a great friend. Getting him to go out and do something wasn't like pulling teeth. Marty Boy does call once in a while to his credit, but as D Rock pointed out, he is somewhat boring. All we seem to do is go to the same bar and have a few drinks and that's it. I realize that I'm the one in the position of needing friends and though it's hard for me, I am making as best an effort as I can. But if there's no interest, no initiative from other parties, how am I to feel, what am I to think? And I don't want pity....I'm afraid that the only reason anyone is going to want to hang out with me if they know I have no friends is out of pity. I don't need that, it'll just make me feel worse.

Last night, I actually went out for drinks and a bite with a new co-worker. She's cute, but has a boyfriend. I asked her if she wanted to do something, I don't know if she ever would have asked me. And would she have agreed to do something had she been single? I really don't know, only the girls who have boyfriends seem to be nice to me. Had a good conversation we did, I probably blabbed on about my life far too much, as I'm wont to do. Still, it was alright. The problem is, everytime I go out it's with an attached female and it's always with one person. I need a group of friends. How does one accomplish that? Plus, I'd really be happy to make more guy friends. It'd be nice, but how does a guy 'pick up' another guy without it being gay? I have no clue.

Anyways I think I probably had more that I wanted to say, but my head is really starting to hurt, plus I should go take a shower. Have to go to work, then it's essay time all weekend. At least this weekend I have an excuse for not having a life!
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