My hair looked really good today and I had nowhere to go. Dammit.

Eh....I don't know. I'm a little drunk right now, though I suspect I'll be quite a bit worse in an hour. I might have a problem. But I feel like talking...and I think I'm interesting enough. So I'll give it a good shot and see what I can come up with.

I believe I've solved my employment woes...I was just looking for something higher paying and with more available hours that at the ol' cigar store, even though I pretty much run the show there. I believe I have. Though I still have a second interview tomorrow, it's really just a formality. Starting in about a week or so, I'll be working in the plumbing department at Rona. Yes, I know NOTHING about plumbing. But thanks to my natural charm and people skills, I'll be working 40 hours a week for the next four months making a very decent $14-15 an hour. Good money, good hours and yet it scares the hell out of me and I don't want to do it. Everything scares me. I think I'll be nearing the point soon where I'm afraid to leave the house.

I hit my snooze today and slept in for an hour longer than I was supposed to. I just cannot seem to wake up, ever. I'm always frigging tired and I hate it. Maybe the 40 hours a week will force me to wake up. I hope, I pray.

Took my car in today because I needed to get an 'emission test'. What horseshit. All cars pollute the environment, so what it mine does so a little more than others? I had a bad feeling about it and though it passed last year, it failed this time around. Several hundred dollars to fix it. Lovely. What a scam. I think I hate the environment even more now than I did before. Instead of throwing my cigarette pack in the trash, I threw it on the ground today, just for spite. I also noticed that the crack on my rear windshield (which hadn't moved in a year) has suddenly spread 6" in like a week. And to get that part? Four hundred dollars. This my friends, is the price of driving a European car with fucking crazy-ass parts.

The Blue Jays did win today, which is nice. Three in a row now, all against the Yankees and Red Sox. I'd love to go to a game this weekend, but have no one to go with. C'est la vie.

Since I've been off (more or less) the last couple of weeks, I've been watching a lot of old re-runs during the day while I have nothing else to do. Seinfeld, Friends, Cheers, Chico and the Man, the old Star Trek. I just check the listings and the Star Trek episode on tomorrow is 'The City on the Edge of Forever'! Yes, I guess this makes me a bit of a nerd, but everyone knows that's the best one of all-time. And no, I don't watch all those loser Star Treks (Next Generation is still okay) or other stupid sci-fi garbage. I'm not that lame. Still it is pretty cool that the best episode is the one airing on my birthday. Makes me feel special, even if it is just a random coincidence.

I have to go now. My codeine water is almost ready. I had other stuff I wanted to talk about but I forgot.

The orginal Tabasco is still the best

This was a rough weekend. I think I almost died, I'm not sure. I might also be on the verge of a complete nervous breakdown. Instead of studying for an exam like I was supposed to last night, I spent the evening recovering from my codeine water / tequila binge and then watching Spider-Man on TBS while for some reason gathering up every different bottle of hot sauce I have in the house and doing some sort of taste test. I think. At least that's what I remember. I was planning on studying more this morning but hit the snooze and slept in for an extra hour and a half. It's going to get to the point very soon where I won't be able to drag myself out of bed at all, I can feel it. A few thoughts though before I lose my mind.

1. I find this story not only very disturbing but also a sickening piece of political posturing. Christ, you're not a FUCKING MAN. Get the fuck over it. If you want to run for Prom Queen, go for it. Or Prom-Transwhatever, sure. Nothing is sacred, I swear.

2. I really am amazed he lasted this long. But I do have to pay my respects to a man who did a lot towards ridding the world of the evil that was communism. Yes Boris Yeltsin was far from perfect but he really did a lot in respects towards easing the transition towards democracy and I hope history remembers him so. Gorbachev's comments couldn't have been any less classy though, eh?

3. Gee, this is a shock that no one saw coming. Everyone and their dog knew that she wouldn't work out and yet still they give Katie Couric $15 million a year to host the CBS Evening News. The rating go up for like a week and half but now CBS is back in third place. What a surprise. Watch Brian Williams. Now watch Charles Gibson. Now flip over to Katie. She's not even close to being in league with those guys and it's costing CBS a bundle. Could've kept Bob Schieffer whose salary was a fraction a Katie's, not to mention the fact he's an real journalist, plus his ratings were higher. Whoops.

4. The Blue Jays finally won one tonight after dropping five straight. Those last five weren't pretty at all. Except for Aaron Hill and Johnny Mac (of all guys) the bats have been ice-cold and the bullpen has been looking pretty sad (last Thursday's game was just brutal). But tonight's game showed some signs of life, the Big Hurt hit a timely two-run shot, runs are being scored in the right situations and hopefully things will turn around. Troy Glaus should be back in a few days and stringing a few wins in a row together can go a long way towards boosting the team's confidence. I still think John Gibbons is more often than not FAR too eager to go to the bullpen. Sometimes it makes me nervous.

5. People are going to hate me because I pretty much agree with what Archbishop is saying, aren't they? Not to the same extreme perhaps, but the same basic sentiments. I wouldn't have used to word 'evil' for instance.

6. Very nice to hear this from Russell Simmons, someone I've always liked and respected. Unlike the partisan, self-serving and questionably sane Al Sharpton, Russell Simmons is truly one of the best spokesmen for the African-American community (in my opinion as a white dude) and just a fine American in general, someone who has always worked for civil rights causes and done so in non-partisan ways and with what seems like a genuine sense of caring and not just shameless self promotion. Good to see he doesn't like double standards either.

7. This is just bizarre. I don't even know what to say here. But I actually do think they make sort of a cute couple.



















Well that's it for now. I'm not feeling so good (mentally) so I think I'll go pop some pills and try to forget about all the stuff I have to do in the next few days. Sayonara faithful e-friends.

This is why I hate my life

So I was sitting at work all day Saturday (9:30-6), barely able to stay awake as usual. At one point I was even considering closing the shop up and lying down to take a nap. But then someone came in and the caffeine kicked in somewhat, so I decided against it. It was (finally) a lovely day outside, not like I’d have really taken advantage of it though. I really should be studying for an exam I have on Monday and though I brought my books, I barely got any reading done. I can't focus, what a shock that is. Another exam I had ample time to prepare for and yet I'll be doing all my studying Sunday night.

Saw many, MANY very attractive ladies walking by, wearing less clothing than they were a week ago. Nice to look at but what good does any of it do me? None of them come in here and even if they did, what am I supposed to do? Went outside for a cigarette. Some dude sees me and says "Hey, Mike". I don't recognize him. He comes closer and realizes he mistook me for someone else, albeit with the same name. He then offers me a hit from the joint (!!) he's smoking and I politely decline. I thought that was amusing.

So my father calls around 2:00 PM and asks me if I'm going out tonight. I tell him I'm not sure, I might be (which is a lie) and ask him what's up. He asks me if I want to go out for sushi and I tell him I'm waiting for someone to get back to me regarding something (also a lie). Love sushi, love free sushi even more. But going out to dinner with my father nullifies both of those things. So I call the three people who might potentially bail me out of this predicament. Call Marty Boy. He's busy with his lady friend, strike one. Call Beer, get the machine. Leave a message, but he's probably out and will certainly not get it in time. Strike two. Am about to call my friend Blondie when I remember she's in Montreal for the next week. Strike three. So that's it. I'm now stuck. I have no option but to spend my Saturday night with my father making awkward conversation, sitting in silence half the time no doubt and scarfing down my sushi as bloody quickly as possible just to get the living hell out of there.

I have other people in my phone directory, plenty more. But any that I feel comfortable calling? Nope, those three are it. This is what it's like being me. So to the rest of you, hope y’all enjoyed your Saturday night, had (or are having) fun and all that. Have a lovely rest of the weekend as well. As for me, as soon as I got home from my dreadfully awkward (though admittedly tasty) dinner, it's codeine water and alcohol time. I'm not going to fool myself into thinking I'm going to get any studying done. Mixed up some horrid homemade margaritas, have now switched to beer and am currently waiting for the codeine water to finish filtering. While I was at the liquor store buying beer and tequila, saw more attractive girls. Buying booze with their boyfriends. The same boyfriends they’ll be banging tonight. Me? If I’m lucky there’ll be a good porno on TMN. But I’ll likely have passed out before then. Maybe I’ll take advantage of my nice flat screen TV and watch a real movie. We’ll see. Is it any wonder I wake up every morning and wish I was dead?

Craziest Man of the Year!

Okay, so there are people who are crazier than Al Sharpton. FAR crazier. Like not even close.






















I'm sure everyone has probably heard this already, but for the one or two who haven't, this is pretty whack. I guess Kim Basinger wasn't exaggerating!

Too bad Yosemite Sam is probably a Republican

After this, the next step is undoubtedly to shore up the support of Jerry Lewis and Ronald McDonald. And perhaps Mike Tyson! While they're at it, let's dig up Anna Nicole Smith, get her on side. Oy.

Another wasted day

Yes again I swore that I would update everyone on how things were going. But then I slept in late today (again) and played some video games for a bit, then ordered some pizza. Then I watched Jeopardy! (and knew the Final Jeopardy answer when none of the contestants did, I'm so smart), then switched over to the Blue Jays game which turned out to be a great game and then I had to burn a couple of DVDs which slows my computer down a lot and then...well, you get the point. So once again, no update on my miserable life. This week is turning out to be one big bust. Or it's going really well, depending on how I look at it. I've done shit all for the last five days, it's just been me sitting around and drinking and vegetating.

So...uh...oh right. I was mindlessly rooting around Wikipedia the other day as I often tend to do when I'm bored and came upon this entry. It pretty well sums up my entire life. I think about this when I wake up in the morning, not about the state of the environment. Call me selfish, but that's just how I am.

Appropriate to this post, I'm currently drinking Japanese beer!

I know I'm supposed to write all about my thoughts on the end of school, how I'm doing, my job search and other things relevant to my life. But I'm just not feeling like it. This past weekend was a total write-off and I have a feeling this week will be as well. Sleeping like 14 hours a day and when I am up all I do is eat junk food, watch crap on TV (or baseball), drinking beer and doing useless internet surfing. If I could only get paid for this, I'd be set. But of course that isn't the case and reality is going to hit pretty damned soon...

So for now two things:

1. I may have written about this on the old blog but I know I haven't here. At any rate for those of you who I haven't told about it, visit this site right away! It's where you can find a great collection of all the Japanese commercials done by western stars in order to make a quick buck. Especially funny are the Nicholas Cage Pachinko ads. Not only are they truly bizarre, but I love the fact that it doesn't seem like he's phoning in his performance at all. Cage is totally giving 100% here, easily better than his work in crap like 8MM or Snake Eyes. Ugh.

2. This has NOT been a good day for Blue Jay fans such as myself. Yesterday Reed Johnson and B.J. Ryan go on the disabled list. Today Troy Glaus goes on as well. Reed is lost until at least July, Ryan for 4-6 weeks and Glaus for hopefully only a couple. If there's any good news in this, it's that Ryan won't need Tommy John surgery as many feared. But being without our leadoff hitter, our closer and big power bat....well, it's making me worry just a wee bit. Please come back soon guys!

Oh and it's still fucking freezing outside. I went to take Bobo for a walk earlier and the wind was so cold and fierce that it nearly blew him over. It's the middle of April and I'm hankering for a cigar here. What gives? This Partagas Series P No. 2 is looking pretty damned good, but I ain't gonna go out in no 3 degrees weather to smoke it. The old me might've but I suppose I'm not as hardcore as I once was.

Okay update tomorrow kids, I swear.

A post before bed

Two posts in one day? Lordy. I guess I'm trying to catch up and / or give you folks your money's worth. Even though I am exhausted, simply beyond weary, beyond the point where I'm actually drifting off to sleep and unable to keep my eyes open. This feels different. Though I got a fairly decent night's sleep last night, I feel (and no doubt look) like hell. Needless to say, it's been a long week. Am I glad it's over? I think I am, though I'm never really sure how I feel and I'm never sure if I'm ever actually happy no matter what the circumstances.

Ever since my awful, AWFUL date (which is really the last notable thing to have happened since my blog hiatus, so we're effectively up to date) I've found myself adrift and without purpose. I mean why do I even get up in the morning? It's just going to be another shitty day. God, the weather has been atrocious. I think it's been below seasonal every day so far this month, probably for the last three weeks in fact. It's been seriously cold. And rainy. Or even worse, snowy. Redonculous. I've never bought into the whole global warming myth and my first hand non-scientific research (i.e. stepping outside) has disproved the whole thing. If that fat, lying sack of shit Al Gore was here right now, I'd sock him in the mouth. The world is getting warmer than it was a million years ago, when the cavemen were outside with their digital thermometers keeping detailed track of the weather. What a crock of shit to sell books and movie tickets. If the message was "Yeah, maybe due to human activity it's gotten marginally warmer, but we have to remember that the earth goes through climate changes anyways and this is probably just one of them and yes it would be good to cut down a bit on emissions, but it's no real biggie" no would buy it. People love alarmist horseshit like the junk science that he's peddling. But I digress. The weather is making me sad.

So I'm tired. My sleep has been sporadic of late. School related really. But my last class was yesterday. So other than two exams later this month, I'm done. And I need to find a job. A real job this summer. For the first time in years. And it scares the living hell out of me because I have NO idea how to look for one, it's been so long. Maybe I'll apply for Don Imus' old spot.

Isn't that a crock of shit or what? Now I've never actually listened to his show (I'm not usually up that early) but why was this even an issue? In jest he referred to the Rutgers women's basketball team as "nappy-headed hoes". Um, so? Referring to one's hair as "nappy" is apparently a derogatory term used towards African-Americans. But did you know that there is a hair salon in my city called "Nappy's" which caters to a black clientele? Many black people have hair of different consistency than others, so I don't see anything wrong with a "Black" hair salon. I'm no stylist, but it's probably different to cut and style, thus the need for a place which specializes in it. Seems like it makes sense to me. But the place is called Nappy's now, isn't it? So is it racist as well? I don't know for certain, but if I were to take a guess, it's probably owned by and run by African-Americans (or Canadians in this case). So this makes it okay and not a racist word! Oh and here's another thing: IT'S A WORD USED TO DESCRIBE HAIR. Who cares? Christ. As for the second part of the remark, I'm not even going to comment on the fact if he used the word 'ho' without the nappy part preceding it, there would have been no controversy. Maybe the folks at Rutgers would have been offended, but Al Sharpton (and other liberal goons) sure wouldn't have given a damn. And above all, it was a simple little joke. Fuck. It wasn't some insane Michael Richard's style rant (which DID warrant controversy and WAS disgusting). Silly and juvenile perhaps. Racist and sexist? Give me a fucking break. Lighten up. Imus' big mistake was apologizing and saying that he had said something wrong. He didn't, but I guess it's too late now. Shame on CBS and MSNBC for bowing to the "pressure" (from who, I'm not even sure) and striking another blow against freedom of expression in the United States.

Now this post has gone on too long. I had a lot of stuff to talk about, but as usual I've digressed beyond the point of reason. I've been pretty irritable and such lately, something which I'm going to again blame on the weather. I'll return next time (hopefully tomorrow) with a true review of my week, my thoughts on the end of the school year and my utter sense of dread regarding the upcoming summer. Should be a blast!!

2007 Cy Young Winner?

Roy Halladay...FUCK YEAH! And the Raptors beat the Pistons! Take that Katie G!!! :P

(hee hee, I'm just bugging you, you're still nice)

Now for the Worst Date Ever

I hate this. I think I really have some sort of disorder or deficiency or something. I am ALWAYS freaking tired. I got plenty of sleep this weekend, lots last night and yet I'm still always out of it and wanting more sleep. Today I was watching baseball and just couldn't stay awake. Before you start, I love baseball. So that's not the cause for my weariness. I lay down to take a nap and instead of 45 minutes, two hours go by. Great. Now I won't be able to sleep tonight. Or rather I will, I'll just have to take a sleeping pill in about half an hour. Do I have chronic fatigue syndrome? Is there such a thing? I have no clue, but I think I love sleep far too much. Now that school is winding down, I think I need to rejoin the gym. Perhaps that'll help.

Nothing exciting happened this weekend. Went for sushi on Friday with my friend Blondie. That was pretty much it. I realize I have no life, yes. Nothing on Easter Sunday. My family doesn't speak so nothing doing there. Oh well, I'd rather be left alone anyways. I should have been doing some reading instead of sleeping, but other than that school is winding down, that is for sure. So there really isn't too much to speak of. Let's continue to get caught up to speed, shall we?

I left off with poor Bobo and his accident. Now I believe I mentioned something about a date. Yes...yes I did. As many of my older readers know, I do not go on many dates. This would be my first one since...hmmm, December I believe? Something like that. At any rate it was another internet person (how shocking) and though I was sort of doubting (her interest seemed to come out of the blue) I have very little to lose. Or so I figured.

So I finish work on a Friday night and drive to her apartment. I brought some wine and I'm happy to say that she looked good in person. No 'Thunder Thighs' or anything like that. We have a glass of wine each (which I brought). I tell her about poor Bobo and she sympathized. The plan was then to take the subway to the Horseshoe Tavern to meet with some friends of hers. Everything was going well, I was making jokes, we were holding hands, close physical contact and such. Not only is this a date, but it's going well! We get to the place, listen to some music, have a few drinks, chat with her friends. We're sitting close, nice and comfy like. She then says that she'd like to jet after this drink, go to a bar where her cousin works. Okay, sounds fine. So we hop in a cab and it's like something goes wrong. I have no idea what. She seems quite a bit more distant, though my memory begins to get hazy at this point. I think I really am repressing and it's not the drinks. We get to this bar where people obviously know her and she starts paying a lot less attention to me, in fact quite a bit more to some other dudes. She disappears for a little while, comes back and then again. Around last call, I ask her cousin directly "am I wasting my time" and she responds in the affirmative. I don't remember the exact words she used, but something like "she's a real flirt" or "she likes to mess around or fool around" or something. That may not have even been what she said, I was floored once again. The cousin asks if I'd like to be let out and I say 'no', I'll wait until she comes back. She does a minute later and weakly says something like "Um, I'm going to go party with so and so" and I say "Okay" and just walk out. I have a cigarette, collect my thoughts and the last I see of her is getting in a cab with some of the people from the bar.

So that was it...the worst date I've ever been on. Had it been just a lousy date from the git go, no big deal. That happens, hell it's happened to me several times. I've usually forgotten about it by the next day. But to have been played in such a manner....wow. Wowie wow. After going through what I had gone through only a couple of days earlier, let me tell you I felt like I wanted to die and take all of woman kind with me. I was hurt, saddened and truly pissed off. I remember going to work the next day and when I would see a happy couple holding hands or something of the sort, I would almost lose it, I was so pissed off. Why can't I ever have a happy relationship and why must all women treat me like total shit? And they do...oh yes, they do. By no means am I some perfect guy who is God's gift to women. Far from it. But I've always been respectful and decent to women and it's always the same horse shit. Why do I bother? I just don't know. Should I be more like Connery (see below) here? I don't think I could, it's just not me...but this just keeps pissing me off to no end. I'm always the guy left standing alone at the end of the night with a stupid look on his face while she (whoever she is) goes home to fuck some other guy. I'm never that other guy.

Anyways, sent her an angry email when I got home (at like 4:00 in the morning) expressing my joy at being treated the way I did. I actually did get a response (albeit a week later) actually apologizing for her actions, that she hasn't been herself lately, that she thought (wrongly) I wasn't 'into her' and that she thought I was hitting on one of her friends at the Horseshoe. For the record I was not and even if I was no justification for her shitty behaviour. So I guess that's that. Her apology was very weak, but sadly it's more than most give me. So I guess I'll refrain from leaving a flaming bag at her door or creating www.C--------N---sucks.com. But I still want my half bottle of wine back.

Oh AND the girl that I thought I may have had a chance with in one of my classes? I have no chance. What else it new? But it will have to wait for the next entry. I should try and get some reading done and then off to sleep (again).

God bless drunken Scotsmen

As I'm patiently waiting for my porno to download (What!? WHAT!?) I thought I'd just share two links of interest. I'll try for a real post tomorrow if I'm not too busy watching The Passion and wondering if Jesus really loves me or not.

1. Sean Connery says what all men think.



2. A leading meteorologist who's not afraid to tell the truth and stop being an alarmist just to sell movie tickets. About time.

On second thought, perhaps I'll just watch The Ten Commandments, yet again. It's far less depressing.

Slowly getting up to speed...

Yes, I know I'm supposed to be back in the game, but it's been a rough week. School has been keeping me so occupied that I've not even been able to keep up my regular routine of heavy drinking, self-loathing and codeine extraction. If A-Mac is reading this, she knows what I'm talking 'bout.

Anyways I'm done my last essay. It nearly killed me, but I'm done. Twelve pages on how Margaret Thatcher and Gorbachev were key figures in ending the Cold War. It pained me to write it, especially seeing as it was a European History course and I really couldn't factor Ronald Reagan (the greatest human being to have lived during the 20th Century) into the equation. All but the dumbest left-wing nutjobs know that he's the one most responsible for ending the Cold War, burying communism and saving the free world. Man, if he were around today...well, I'm not going to get started on it, but if you know me you can probably guess where I'd go with that train of though.

But I digress. Where were we? Ah yes, the cocaine. I still have a little left, but I sort of wish I had access to more. It probably would have made this last while a little easier (well, not on my bank account). But I'll have to make due.

Was chatting with a random internet girl a few weeks ago and she suddenly asked me if I wanted to do something Friday night. I was a bit wary and distrusting at first, but I really had no cause to doubt her. So an actual date on a Friday night and with quite a cute girl too. I'm really condensing things here because I feel the need to catch up. Plus I'm tired and have no blow. And y'all get the point. It's not important. See, later that night I had the WORST night of my life.

Around 11:00 PM on Wednesday night, things really began to unravel for me. I was in the kitchen preparing a sandwich for the next day, something I rarely do as a result of my laziness. My mother was seated at the kitchen table, reading something. That's when I heard a growl and a loud yelp from the laundry room. I knew at once that my mean dog, Suzy, had snapped at my beloved Bobo. It's happened before and she's also attacked my mother in her sleep. But despite all my warnings about not having that dog in the house, no one listened to me. I dropped what was doing and ran to the hall immediately. That's when I saw the most horrific thing I've ever seen in my life. I saw Bobo stumbling away into the laundry room, with a large trail of blood behind him and his eye on the ground. This horrible creature had gone for Bobo (he likely bumped into her without noticing her) and she quickly bit at him. I will never forget what I saw there, it's traumatized me and it will haunt me forever. My mother quickly grabbed Bobo, applying pressure to his little face as I frantically tried every veterinary number I could find, listening to recordings and trying to write things down, finally getting a hold of a 24 hour emergency clinic. Through my hysterical tears, I somehow managed to drive us there, amazed that I didn't crash. After what seemed like an eternity, we hand Bobo off to the vet and I was so frightened that I was never going to see my little baby again.

Fortunately, Bobo is okay or at least okay as he can be. There was obviously no saving his eye. If there's one thing that's sort of good about this, it's that his vision to begin with was poor at best. But I just can't and won't be able to forget what happened, how awful it was. Everytime I look at his face, I'll be reminded of it. He's still the most beautiful creature in the world though and he always will be. But out of anyone on this earth, such a terrible thing shouldn't have happened to him. He doesn't have a mean bone in his body and truly is the sweetest and gentlest thing you'll ever meet. He's recovered quite well, gotten used to getting around and such. I love him beyond words and I know that I'll have to take extra special care of him now. But Lord, I don't remember ever being upset as I was then and it still sort of upsets me.

This was three weeks ago, so we're still playing catch up. But there's not much more to go, so I'll be back before you know it kiddies. I'll talk to you soon.