Sweet and sour

Once again I do apologize for the complete lack of updates. I often whine and whine how no one reads this blog and yet I only post something new every five or six days, so what should I expect? Then again, I always manage to find something to complain about.

Schoolwork is once again the culprit here for the most part, seeing as we're very near to the end of the semester and I'm working on an essay at the moment and also have a test tomorrow. I could have done some of this over the weekend, but I had to help my sister move on Friday, worked and actually went out to a birthday thing on Saturday and felt really down to the point of not being able to move much on Sunday. So one essay was started and completed yesterday and I hope to finish this one by sometime tomorrow, thus making it only one day late (2% hit, not so bad).

But a couple of fun things that I came across while digressing heavily from essay writing (400 words down, about 1200 to go). One is a nice memory from my childhood (and perhaps yours) while the other is actually rather sick and disturbing, even by my standards.

On one of my random Wikipedia digressions I somehow went from the Cold War (which I'm writing about) to the culture thereof and wound up with the song "Wind of Change" by the Scorpions. So I'm reading a bit about the German hard rock veterans and stumbled across this here, easily the most seriously tasteless record cover in all of history. I've provided the link, but there's no way I'm going to post the picture here. It's just really wrong on every level and I'm really not easily offended. If you can't control your sick curiosity feel free to check it out! I guess it was supposed to be provocative and shocking, but I really can't see how anyone would think is even remotely appropriate. As a bizarre aside, I actually had an opportunity (free ticket) to see the Scorpions in concert this summer, but didn't reply to the voice message in time.

On a much more pleasant note enjoy the video below. It's been a while since I saw it and it brought a big smile to my face. I always loved Ernie and Bert's antics and this is easily one of my favorite Sesame Street moments.



Touching and sweet. Makes me almost forget all my troubles and it really makes me long for simpler times.

Even the ugliest of Tom Brady's cast-offs would suit me fine

Sorry for the lack of updates in the last few days. After Sunday (football in Buffalo), I was wiped the following day, had class, then had to finish up an essay due on Wednesday and yesterday I was too out of it to write anything. I'm also busy at work (well, trying) at two other essays due next week, plus have to help my sister move tomorrow. So I'm just going to go with a very quick update here.

First off, I'm a dumbass in that I neglected to take any pictures whatsoever of my trip to Buffalo on Sunday. Not that I brought a camera, but the one on my phone is pretty decent (2.0 Megapixels) so I should have attempted at least a couple of shots. Oh well. The game was, of course, a colossal blowout. New England really is just too good and shut the very boisterous Bills fans up pretty quickly. I still enjoyed myself, even if I was a little reserved and didn't quite feel comfortable cheering for the Pats, like I normally would. Again, I wasn't sure what to expect, whether or not someone would try to kill me etc. Perhaps I'll be a little more vocal if the opportunity should arise once again. I did enjoy the experience overall. Our seats were quite good, about on the 40 yard line in the upper level, but only a few rows up. So great view of the entire field and of the big screen. Also it wasn't as cold as I thought it would be, but I'm still glad I bundled up. A few thoughts and observations though.

1. Literally the second we pull up to customs coming into New York, I get a text message. I wonder "gee, I wonder who that could be?". It was my service provider texting me with "Fido welcomes you to the U.S. etc. etc....Enjoy your stay". Freaky. Like the instant we crossed the border. How did they know?

2. Concrete roads are annoying. I thought there was something seriously wrong with my car until Marty Boy informed me it was the road. Thankfully we don't have it up here. Also, out highways and roads in general are a lot better marked and with better directions to major points of interest and such. So go Canada!

3. We had dinner at an Applebee's (which they do have in Canada, yes) before the game. We didn't go in for any of the tailgating stuff, seeing as it was our first time and thought that it might be a bit much to handle. Anyways, they had pretty much NOTHING vegetarian on the menu, so I order the fish n' chips (I do eat fish, natch). Marty Boy said to me that it looked like Kentucky Fried Fish, which was pretty accurate in that's how it tasted as well. Or how I remember KFC tasting. But at any rate, it was pretty good, I must admit! And our server was really cute and very nice. We left a generous tip.

4. I really do think that Americans are friendlier than Canadians in general. In my experience I've thought this for a long time and still stand by it. I don't know where the whole notion of Canadians being uber-friendly came from and I've never gotten it.

5. There are many attractive women who live in and around the Buffalo area and many of whom are football fans. Also, only white people appear to live in upstate New York, so far as I can tell.

6. Maybe it was just because we were at a football game, but real Budweiser tastes much better than the 'brewed in Canada, under licence' stuff we get. Despite the myths about American beer being weaker, it was actually more flavourful. Marty Boy and I both rather enjoyed it.

7. When I was in the washroom in Ralph Wilson Stadium, there was one of those basin style sinks, where it was one big sink, but with multiple faucets and spigots and such. Above the sink was a sign which read "Please do not urinate in sink". Now that I should have gotten a photo of!

Again, I hope to go back next year, try to make it at least a once a year thing. But it did once again remind me of the old nugget which goes "He's got it all, which means there's some poor sucker running around with nothing". Those two guys? Tom Brady and myself.

Drunken, drug addled thoughts and such

I did finally respond to the previous post (thanks for the input folks), so please don't ignore it as well. I just also had this other stuff on my mind, so I wanted to go ahead with it.

So I'm giving serious thought to dyeing my hair black. Various surveys and personal observation has told me that women don't seem to be so crazy about blond hair. I've always been proud of my natural blondness, but my opinion doesn't seem to count for much. I once also thought that I was decently good looking, but time and experience has proven me quite wrong. I don't know, it might look stupid. But I'm not doing so well as is, so I don't see any harm in it. Maybe it would look good, I really don't know. Anything short of extensive plastic surgery probably wouldn't help, but I'm willing to try any and all options at this point. Let me know if it would work.

I had such a nice dream the other night. As usual it's not easy to remember all the details of it and in retrospect it doesn't seem nearly as pleasant as when I was having it. All I remember is that I was installing security cameras at work first off. Then for some bizarre reason we were selling hula hoops and I was thrust into some sort of hula-hoop championship, with something or rather on the line important (in reality, I can't even make the thing go around once). I just remember lots of people rooting for me and I think I had a girl cheering me on who looked like Rachel McAdams. I did manage to get a kiss from her before my alarm woke me up. I hate being awake, I really do. There really isn't anything I enjoy about it, at least when compared to being unconscious.

Went to karaoke yesterday with a young lady that I've written about several times, the young lady that I referred to as 'girly' (creative, I know) in previous posts. There was perhaps something there (read about her here and here and here if you care) but in a very odd twist, I was never interested in that way. If you still need more info about her and you have lots of free time, search my archives from around September 2006 and onward for the next couple of months following. At any rate we're still friendly, which is nice I suppose. She does live way out on the other side of the city which stinks, but she really is a nice person and I enjoy her company in doses. Anyways, seeing as I love karaoke and everytime I drove to her place I'd see this place advertising it on Fridays, I always bugged her about it. Finally she acquiesced and we went. It was quite the dive and seemed to be frequented by rednecks. It seems as though everyone in Toronto's East End is a big country music fan. I had no clue.

At first it seems pretty empty and I even thought I had a chance a getting quite a few songs in, though I'm proven wrong as the people pour in. I guess I'll never be as lucky as with my first real karaoke experience. It was when I was working at The Beer Store and went to a place that was actually of comparable quality with a dude and a couple of girls after a shift. It was fairly empty and I must have gone up at least 6 or 7 times. The guy who was running the show told me I was the best he'd ever seen and one of the girls I went with (who was quite hot) kept practically begging me to sing. I so could have gone home with her had I wanted, but was so damned naive (and even more scared) at the time. Man, it was a blast. Sorry, I digress. Back to the other night.

So I order some food and a beer, put a song in. I encouraged her to do the same. She did some country song (big surprise) and though not bad, she's not a singer. Anyways, I followed right after with something very obscure that I stumbled upon and am shocked they had. It was a song that Bob Dylan wrote and preformed live (though never in studio) called "Tomorrow is a Long Time" that Elvis Presley somehow covered in 1966 when he was really at the nadir of his career. Though I love Elvis and am biased to all but the shittiest of his output, this is unbelievable recording and Dylan himself even called it the favorite cover of any of his songs. I will try to upload it some how tomorrow, I tried and failed tonight. Find it if you can, it's a lovely track (try the link below, it might work).

http://us.share.geocities.com/msleeze/Tomorrow_is_a_long_time.mp3

So I sing it and I think I totally nailed it. Girly (who had never really heard me sing before) said that I was amazing. I thought so as well. This is coming from someone who (as you all know) never gives himself any credit. I only got one other song in, indeed the one which I quote right underneath this blog's title. A totally different vocal from the previous song and I think I also did very well with it.

My point? I guess it's that even when I think I do something well or I'm good at something, I still don't get any love for it. I totally hate myself and think I'm a useless sack of shit, but I really think I can sing, that one time that I fucked up "Lady in Red" notwithstanding. This is possibly why I have this mentality that people hate me. Like I could write the greatest novel of all-time and no one would care. It reminds me of this time way back in high school where I was trying out for this student directed one-act play festival and out of six possible plays, I got one lousy callback, that from someone who was a friend and probably only gave me a second look out of pity. I remember being crushed because I thought I was good. Then lo-and-behold, I somehow got cast in the lead of a play that I wasn't even called back for. It seems that my drama teacher (who always liked me and believed in me) had convinced this person that I could play the part. The play went on to represent the region at the provincial level and though it didn't win there, I was singled out for an outstanding performance and awarded with a large plaque that I'm still quite proud of.

It's always been that no one ever wants to give me a chance, no one ever seems to give me the benefit of the doubt. In a world of oh so crucial first impressions, it's only the people who have had time to really see me are the ones who will believe in me. So even though I think there are things that I have to offer, something intangible makes it so that I never seem to even get through enough to get to the point where I can 'wow' people. Like back when I was in the old band, my mates knew that I was good, but no one else gave half a damn. Even though it never went anywhere, I still miss it. Perhaps other people would give those around me a chance and I could just sort of ride the wave until I was accepted.

Anyways, whatever. Football game today. Driving down to Buffalo. Go Pats! I need sleep.

Another over-hyped post that amounts to very little

Sorry for the massive delay in writing a post that I've sort of been hyping and will likely end up as a huge letdown. I really have been quite miserable for a lot of reasons. Various issues and other little complications just keep piling up and making it pretty hard to get through each day. Things are going very poorly, I won't lie to you. It's taking pretty much everything I have in me just to keep it together. But I digress. Onto the post.

So I decide to attend this party on Saturday night. As usual it was someone who invited me through a mass thingee of the Facebook site. As I've said many a time, it's the only way I'm ever invited to anything it seems. The sort of thing where people don't object to me being present, but at the same time wouldn't lose any sleep were I not to attend. But I go because I really have nothing better to do and I suppose it might be fun if I drink enough or something like that. So I drive downtown to this place around 9:30-10:00 ish, fork over the $20 to park downtown. Another reason why I hate Toronto. I go in and see mostly people that I've never met and the few that I do know I haven't seen in ages. Of those few, I was only remotely close to a couple of them. Get the point yet? I'm really desperate here for things to do. I really don't belong here and I'm sure there were many other people who got the courtesy facebook invite who also didn't. But they had the good sense to do something else. This is not a knock against those who were there in any sense, simply that it's just weird for me to be here, perhaps outside of a brief token appearance. But no, I stay until closing at 2:00 AM. Remember, I have no life and am clinging to whatever little I have left here.

I awkwardly try to "make the rounds" or whatever one would call it. Talk to the people I know, mostly. Listen to conversations, whatever. Order a meal. I was sitting at one end of the table next to these two rather young ladies. One of whom was a friend of the birthday girl, the other was a friend of hers and had just tagged along I suppose. I chat a little with them, whatever. Nothing exciting. I do notice that they had returned from outside at one point, so when I see them reaching for their coats again, I make the "smokey-smokey" motion so that I might perhaps join them on the balcony for a cigarette (of which I happened to bring along for just this sort of instance).

So we're talking outside, realize we don't know each other's names, introduce each other, etc. They're very good friends from what I can gather. I tell them that I know b-day girl from way back in high school. Just chit-chat. One of them notices that as I was reaching for my pack of smokes, I also had some cigars in my pocket. I tell her that I'm "in the cigar business" (a mild exaggeration). She commented on how her mother (!!) loves cigars and asked if I could get her a discount on them. I said sure. So she asks for my number, saying that I'll "call you about that sometime" or some shit like that. Later on as we're out for another smoke (these girls have had a lot to drink by this point) one of them says how "we have to go party sometime" or something to that effect. I'm a bit hazy as to all the details, but I gave my number to the other one (the one I actually liked better) and then they gave me their numbers. In my haze of alcohol, fatigue and er, something else, I'm pretty sure that they just sort of offered me their numbers, but I could be wrong. That I didn't actually ask. But I do recall them asking for my number first and me saying something like "So you're actually going to call and you're not just saying so?" and they responded in the affirmative. So I should be feeling great about all this, yes? Well, no. Do I ever feel good?

Firstly, I was certainly chemically aided. Was it not for the stuff, I'd not have been able to make it through the evening without a major panic attack. Secondly, I just never felt that either was particularly interested. I'm unable to see any attractive woman as being interested in me on anything more than a platonic level. At one point in the evening some dude came up to one of the pair and they were talking for a bit. I could tell that she found him attractive and so much as said so afterwards, while at the same time stating that she had no interest because he sounded awful (voice wise). Anyways, I just don't ever get a vibe...never. Unless I am terrible at reading women (which I likely am), I don't ever see them looking at me in 'that way' or checking me out. It's quite depressing.

So I just don't know what to do. Do I wait for one of them to call me? Or should I call? And if so, when? And which one do I call? Yeah, I "like" one of them better, but if I proceed in that way, I might just queer the whole deal (i.e. alienate the other maybe?). But they were probably just drunk and later regretted giving their numbers out to me. This is so sad that I'm even writing about it. Any other guy probably just would have rolled with it. But I truly and honestly have no idea what to do here. I seriously don't know how this shit works, I'm not joking. I just don't see any interest on their part, no potential on mine. By the end of the night, I think they were more amused by some little Asian guy with an Australian accent who was dancing up a storm near by. And me? Just standing there awkwardly shuffling my feet, a million thoughts going through my mind of what I should say next. Even writing about this, I'm in knots. This is why I'm sure I'm only two steps away from a nervous breakdown or throwing myself off a cliff.

My mind is such a mess and I wish I could just turn it off

So I've been feeling pretty up and down over the last few days, really strangely in fact. Again, I really do want to write about this past Saturday, seeing as it was pretty interesting and eventful. I also think I need some advice and guidance. In fact, I know I do and I have no idea where to turn. I really would prefer to talk to someone about various shit, but this might have to do, that is if I ever get around to writing about it. Tomorrow between classes I'll see if I can finally focus enough to get it done. Saturday night I felt good, then sort of okay on Sunday and on the verge of killing myself yesterday. Today I'm at least sort of neutral. Still do need some help. Okay, lots of help. But I fear it's now too late once again and I'm not going to get into everything tonight. Damn, tomorrow for sure. I hate not being able to even focus on a bloody simple blog post.

Have pretty much settled the football thing this Sunday and it's a go. I'm quite excited. Both me and Marty Boy have never been to a game, so this should be quite the adventure. So at least I have that to look forward to. Not looking forward to freezing my balls off in Buffalo so much, but for football I think it'll be worth it.

Tomorrow folks, for sure. I really do have stuff that I need to get off my chest, stuff I need to talk about, stuff I need advice on. I'd like to think that it's fairly important stuff, at least as far as my sad little life goes. So here's hoping I can count on you all to help me out and count on myself to even talk about it in the first place! Lord I'm so lazy. Why is it such a chore to talk about stuff that happened to you and ask people's opinions on it? Because there's something wrong with me is the best answer that I can come up with.

Sleep is for the weak or some shit like that

Fuck, no one seems to read this blog anymore. And if they do, no one cares to say anything! I really don't give myself any credit at all, but I know I'm a good writer at least. So why are you all deserting me? Is anyone still there? Anyone care? I know that I do this more for my own benefit and sanity, but if no one is reading....

So it's 4:17 in the morning and I'm still up. Why? Perhaps I'll tell you all tomorrow. It's been a long day and I think I'll save that one. But a few things that have been on my mind.

I know this happened a while ago, but I'm so sad over the Martina Hingis thing. I've always liked her. She's always been outspoken, fun to watch and had a great comeback. Plus she's pretty cute. When she used to play doubles matches with Anna Kournikova and if they won, they'd kiss...well, that was pretty hot. But to deny using coke (and I don't know how one can test positive for it by mistake) and then just quit the game without much of a fight is pretty fishy. Too bad about that. Though I can't blame her, the white stuff is pretty damned tempting.

Worked at the Rona today. I hate it. Though the pay is pretty decent and the time passes quickly, it depresses me. It's all the hot girls who work at the front end. There's quite a few of them. Having to see them all day and knowing that I'll never have a chance with them or anyone like them makes me really miserable.

Along similar lines, although this story is cute and should amuse me, it doesn't. It makes me sad. Because nothing like this will ever happen to me. But if you like this sort of thing, watch the accompanying video for the full effect. Makes me sick though.

Good for King Juan Carlos. Someone should have told Hugo Chavez to shut the hell up ages ago. Now if only someone could shut him up permanently, I'd be really thrilled.

I also found this story pretty amusing, in a sad sort of way. Commies just don't seem to give up, do they? There's this one building on the U of T campus where the Communist Party of Canada (or something like that) is always setting up shop, handing out flyers and the such. It's just so sad. The Cold War is very much over. You lost. Now let go already. Hugo Chavez take note.

So that's about it for now I think. I know there was some other little thing I wanted to mention, but I'm sure that at this late hour you'll all excuse me. Oh, I did manage to talk Marty Boy into going to see the Bills-Patriots game a week from today (or tomorrow, whatever). That wasn't it, but I really am glad that I'll (hopefully) be seeing that game. Never been to a game and this seems like an awesome way to start. Still have to talk about my night tonight (or last night, whatever) which was pretty eventful. If anyone is still reading this, do remind me, okay?

P.S. I remembered what that other thing was. It was nothing. So forget it.

Sexy video, crappy song

Hey, I thought they were all washed up as well. But then I saw their new video...Holy freaking hell, I almost totally ruined my pants. I mean, I remember them being hot and all back in the day, but geez....



Well, okay Sporty Spice is ugh (she was never hot to begin with) and Scary is looking a little old, but I forgive her after all that jerk Eddie Murphy put her through. But the other three...yikes. The song is pretty lame though.

And it now appears as if I won't be going to see the Bills host the Patriots on November 18th. The game is now an 8:15 PM start (thanks to flex-scheduling) which is fine by me, but Marty Boy doesn't seem crazy about it and inquired whether there were any other intriguing Bills games remaining this year. I don't care about the other games, I just want to see the best player of his day in person and very possibly attend that leads up to what might be an undefeated season. Dammit. Even if I offer to drive, I don't see myself convincing him to go now. I really do want to go see that game...this is why I hate having no friends. Fuck.

Hey, two posts today. How about that?

Yikes, quite the game. Though Brady and the Patriots wound up on top, they really had to dig deep at the end there to pull it out. Peyton was okay, but it was really Joseph Addai and the Indianapolis defense that kept them in it (and on top) for so long. Tom really wasn't really at his best through the first three quarters, what with throwing as many INTs in the game as he has thus far all season. And 146 penalty yards? Totally unacceptable, even if a couple of them probably should have been non-calls.

Still it was a hell of a game and they stepped up when they needed to. It should serve as a wake up call to the Pats that while they may be the creme de la creme, they're not wholly invincible. They have a bye week coming up and then it's off to Buffalo....where they take on the surprisingly streaking Bills. If everything goes to plan, I'll be in attendance to watch it go down! Football is great, ain't it?

The one day a week I don't miss baseball so much...today especially

Had some other stuff that I was wanting to post, but right now I'm just getting ready for the big game. Who'd have ever thought we'd have the Super Bowl in November? Okay maybe that's a stretch, but it's not much of one. I'm watching the Bills/Bengals game and already I've seen two countdown clocks to New England vs. Indy! Is anyone actually going to be watching any of the other four o'clock games? Even the guys involved with them are probably wishing they could skip it and see The Pats and The Colts. Let's just hope that it lives up to its billing. I do have this sneaky suspicion that it won't though...I could be very wrong, but I see the potential for yet another romp. A certain team looks just so unbeatable right now, I don't even see them winning by less than 20 points a game. But we'll see. A few hours from now I could well be eating my words.

Anyways let's all sit back for this clash of the titans (no, not Tennessee). This game is totally hype y'all! The two greatest players of their generation...this is what football is all about!