Friday, January 12, 2007

I believe I only post when drunk now

How sad, isn't it? I mean, I have a lot of stuff that I want to talk about, I really do. But when I'm sober, that usually means I'm at school or at work (not as often these days, thank God) or out or playing the new Zelda (kicks ass!) or something other than blogging. But today is sort of a rest day (after all my classes) so why not wind down, hammer back a few and post a lengthy blog entry? YEAH!

Where to FUCKING begin? Yes, I curse a lot when I've had a few drinks. Forgive me. Since my last post, I did have a lull of action for a couple of days. D Rock went back to Japan (sad), the Pats won (happy), the Giants lost (sad, though they deserved to) and had Ukrainian Christmas dinner with the family (mixed emotions). Sadly, my aunt's hot sister (age 47) didn't attend the latter. C'est la vie. That was the weekend, let's move on to my week.

Monday meant back to school. I know have 11 credits out of the 20 necessary to graduate, meaning I'm now more than half-way done. A nice feeling. Yes, I did pass that awful astronomy course, albeit barely, with a 52%!!! Whatever, I passed. I don't care. Otherwise, my marks seems to be okay, all at least in the 70 plus range. Can't complain about that. In fact, everything seems fairly decent at the moment and yet I'm still not feeling so great. Where does it come from? Ah yes, women. Like a drug that I'm addicted to, yet am unable to get a supply of, despite my best efforts. Sounds like my ongoing struggle to score Oxycontin and always failing miserably.

We'll start at school. Film class is a bust, there are no lookers there save one and my attempts have failed. We move on. In my new history class this semester I've already made a friend sort of. Wow! I sat next to her, chatted and she asked me if I was on the facebook website. I am and she ever added me. Nice! Of course, it's through there that I discover this cute girl has a dude. But still, she seems nice and at least it's a friend in class. English class number one is next. There was a lady I was talking about a while ago. Things ain't going anywhere. I try asking her if she wants to grab lunch (I said I was in the mood to hit up this great burrito place). But she ALWAYS has plans with this friend of hers, it never fucking fails. I think they have a regular lunch date that day. If she was mildly interested she would break it, but it just doesn't seem so. As for my other English class, there is this cute British exchange student I've been trying to be friendly with for a while. She actually asks me for notes and such, which I guess can't be all bad. I brought up the burrito thing with her and got somewhat of a more receptive response, so maybe, just maybe I can work something there. But I really don't know.

Now, there is one other class, another new, half-semester class I just started. It's a contemporary drama class and a big part of it is signing up for one of the plays, either as a director, dramturge, designer or actor and performing a scene. The interesting thing, is that one of the plays on the syllabus (Glengarry Glen Ross) I actually had a dream about only a few night prior. Freaky. Yet I saw the role of 'Stanley' in A Streetcar Named Desire was still open, so I grabbed that, despite my dream and the fact I really like the Mamet play. The next class, I see this girl is in my class and guess what? She's signed up as the director for Glengarry Glen Ross. FUCK. Why, WHY didn't I take that, just like my dream said, just like I wanted to, just like my instincts told me to. Am I like George Costanza, where every instinct I have is wrong and should do the opposite every time? Maybe I should just snap, like dude in Office Space and not give a good goddamn anymore. Shoot, I know I over analyze things, but fuck. I hate my life sometimes.

Lastly, went out with Girly on Tuesday night. She's been having a few issues lately, so I haven't seen her in quite a while. I like her, I think I really do. Or at least I should. I mean, she's a pretty girl, sweet, fairly intelligent, fun-loving. All together nice person. And she seems to be totally into me. She called me somewhat out of the blue (well, we had been MSNing for a while before). Made plans, went to some asinine place called 'Dave and Busters' at her behest. All the good physical contact was there, she kept complimenting me, nothing but good signs. If I were to just all out go for it, I could have her. And yet, something is holding me back. Something I think she actually suspects, something she pretty much called me on. She said something to the effect of "You don't really want me, you don't say I'm sexy and hot, like I do with you". Stuff like that. There have been a few girls that I haven't really been into and yet done 'things' with and none of them have ever questioned or called me on the fact that I really wasn't into them. In fact, out of all those, Girly is easily the best. I like her, I really do. But still...there is something there. I still sneak a peak at other girls while I'm with her. I'm still not 100% into her. What is it? Is it a problem with me? I just don't know and it really bugs me. I hate this. I hate that the one time that I was 100% into someone and not looking at anyone else...well, you all know what happened. And what's still happening.

Fuck. This post is all over the map and I apologize. It's a disorganized mess and I really do need to work on these things better. This blog and you, my faithful readers, deserve better.


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