Yes, I actually re-typed the whole thing

This is a real 911 call, courtesy of one of my favourite book series, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader. Reprinted without permission, though please do purchase one of their fine volumes, I find them supremely entertaining.

Dispatcher: 911.
Female Caller: I am trapped in my house!
Dispatcher: Trapped? Is someone holding you there?
Caller: Someone? No. But there is a frog on the front porch.
Dispatcher: A frog?
Caller: Yes, a frog.
Dispatcher: Okay, but what is preventing you from leaving the house?
Caller:I told you. There is a frog on the porch and I am afraid of frogs.
Dispatcher: And you don't have another door to the house?
Caller: No, there is only one door and I can't get out of the house with the frog sitting there.
Dispatcher: Why don't you take a broom and sweep the frog off the porch?
Caller: I can't do that. I told you, I am afraid of frogs. He might get me.
Dispatcher: Um...I'm not sure I can help you with this.

Again, this is a real thing, check out Uncle John's Unstoppable Bathroom Reader 16th Edition if you don't believe me! These books are awesome and I recommend them even if you don't read on the toilet. They're full of great little things like this and so much more. Also, I am so drunk right now. Drinking heavily is the only thing that keeps me sane.