Ugh, I hate my stupid conscience or whatever it is
Okay, now I feel bad and feel the need to explain myself. If you want to know why, please read the last post and the last two comments on it. It seems that I said something like "I'm sticking around long enough for the sex and then getting the hell out as soon as is acceptable" (okay, my exact words) in response to the possibility that girly might, might be a nutbar. I don't know this yet and I'm really only dealing in speculation here. But I really, honestly do feel bad that Katie was offended by this. I don't like to upset people or make them lose respect for me or anything of that nature.
Now I did attempt to explain myself with the last comment, but I just want to ask people if what I've said is really so bad? Okay, I know that it doesn't exactly make me Mother Teresa here. But does it really make me such a bad guy? I just want sex is all. What's wrong with that? I mean, if I'm wrong and it turns out that she doesn't have any major issues, then all is well. But if that isn't the case, why can't I at least get a little fun out of this? Seriously, a guy like me really doesn't get many opportunities, so I really should be thankful for each and everyone and take what I can get. At this point in my life, I really don't need to be dealing with someone else's problems, just like Sam said.
Now I did attempt to explain myself with the last comment, but I just want to ask people if what I've said is really so bad? Okay, I know that it doesn't exactly make me Mother Teresa here. But does it really make me such a bad guy? I just want sex is all. What's wrong with that? I mean, if I'm wrong and it turns out that she doesn't have any major issues, then all is well. But if that isn't the case, why can't I at least get a little fun out of this? Seriously, a guy like me really doesn't get many opportunities, so I really should be thankful for each and everyone and take what I can get. At this point in my life, I really don't need to be dealing with someone else's problems, just like Sam said.
I really don't like people thinking ill of me, I really don't. This is why I felt so strongly that I had to explain all this in a post unto itself. People who know me will tell you that I'm someone who's always thinking I'm doing everything wrong, that I'm a jerk, shit like that. But I really don't think so here. But I just don't know. If I am, please let me know. I already feel a little bad about it. Should I feel bad? I'm really not such a jerk, am I? I ask too many questions, I know.
posted by King Hippo at 10:52 PM
27 Comments:
i'm not offended, i just thought more highly of you. you wonder why you have issues with women wanting to date you - and perhaps this might just be a reason why. no, you don't have to deal with someone else's problems...if this girl isn't working out, or you think something's not right....rather than take advantage of her simply to fulfill your own sexual desires, maybe you should just get out of the situation. but i really don't see how you can equate knowingly taking advantage of someone with respecting women.
i'm sure you're a nice guy, i'm sure you don't intend to hurt anyone, but you should start seeing these women as something other than objects, and maybe consider something other than just getting in their pants.
and no, there's nothing wrong with wanting a casual relationship that's just about sex - people have those all the time - but maybe you should find someone who's interested in that and that alone rather than a girl you allege you like, yet want nothing more than to take advantage of. there are a lot of people trolling around the internet that can probably meet your needs.
Sorry, I must disagree. I don't think that this has anything to do with women not wanting to date me. I do respect women, but like I said, I'm not exactly a guy with a lot of options open to him. Maybe my morals used to be a little tighter, but as the years have gone by and nothing ever seems to work out for me, perhaps I need to be a little more unscrupulous.
If I could have things my way, I'd have committed relationships, see people, have casual relationships as well. All the things that encompass the dating sphere. But I'm 25 years old and have barely explored any of the various things I'd like to. So like I said, I'm having to take what I can get at this point.
Of course I would never intend to hurt anyone, but I've got needs and wants. I mean if I could find someone who was interested in just a casual sort of thing, I'd go for that, just like if I could find someone interested in a 'relationship' I'd go for that as well. But I've never seemed to have such luxuries, so again, I will take what I can get.
Please try to understand where I'm coming from. When you've been as lonely as I've been for so long, perhaps you start to get a bit desperate. If I had any reason to believe that I had any chance at finding something within any reasonable amount of time, I wouldn't do what I'm doing. It could be a long time before I have the chance at anything casual OR serious, so I'd better take advantage of what I have now, whatever that may be.
well good luck with that then...but you're knowingly trying to take advantage of a girl that you have acknowledge may have some issues. i think that's pretty selfish, and pretty disgusting. lots of people are lonely, but that doesn't mean you go around using other people and tossing them aside...
you'll do what you want to do...but you're not going to feel any better after the fact. and if you do, feel free to tell me i'm wrong.
Ok, most of the time I read this and think you seem like a pretty nice guy who has just had some shitty luck (and quite obviously has some serious substance addictions).
After the last post and this one, I just think you're an ass. Katie is right. There is absolutely no excuse for taking advantage of a woman. None. If you need to get laid - and that's fine, we all do from time to time - you should at least be respectful of the other party.
Ass.
If you really can't see how flawed your logic is, well, you don't deserve to get any. You deserve a royal dry spell. Or an STD.
I still don't see exactly how I'm taking advantage of her...well, okay I guess I do. But why would this be so awful? Would I be hurting her in any sense? If she turns out to be a nut, I'd leave anyways, why not at least get a little something out of it?
Yes, perhaps that is a bit selfish of me, but I've lived my whole life only considering other people's feelings and once in while, I think I'm allowed to be a bit selfish. I think all people are at some point or another. We all do selfish things at some point and if you can tell me that you've never done something to make yourself feel better perhaps at the expense of someone else, you're a far better person than 99% of the population.
And I'm sorry that you think I'm an ass, Adrien. But I'm really not, please believe me. I'm desperate perhaps, selfish in this case, yes. My intention here is not to find some girl, screw her and leave her. I'm in a situation where I can perhaps get some (for a huge change) and the last thing I want to do is hurt this person and will try my very damndest not to. But desperate people do desperate things sometimes and sometimes they act in selfish manners. For that I apologize, but please don't think I'm an asshole.
OK Fuck,
It boils down to this. If you are a girl, there is no way you want to read about another poor, suffering, possibly unstable girl getting taken advantage of by a guy (cuz as you girls will all claim, men suck, they only think with their dicks, etc).
I feel like I know Hippo fairly well, as he is a real-life friend and sings in our band and all that shit, and hes not a dirt bag, he's not an ass, he doesn't deserve an STD or anything. If the man wants to get laid, fuck it, let him have his cake and eat it too. Why do you girls always have to associate sex with kindness, caring, long term relationships? What's wrong with him trying to take care of his needs and wants? I'll tell you whats wrong, hes a guy.
If you ever read about a chick doing that, you would be like, you go girl, but the only reason you don't read about chicks doing that shit is that they don't. Have either of you just gone out, looking to get fucked, and then out? Cause if you have, then you are both in the same boat. However, judging by your comments, you don't do that... you want someone to love you and hold you and tell you everything will be all right, and you know what, a bunch of guys will probably do all that shit, just as long as they get something out of it in the end.
I am sorry if this comes across as uneducated and insensitive, but these comments are coming from a person who has had one serious relationship that started in highschool and lasted for 3.5 years, and is well on his way in another. I love the serious relationships, they are great, but there is also nothing wrong with getting your rocks off either.
Fuck it, I'm out.
(heart) Dosi
It shows my level of concentration that I didn't even notice the comment the first time around.
For just sex, hanging around closing time would be a better choice.
An attorney I used to work with once had a catch phrase, "All morality aside..." to bring up the more pragmatic aspects of a shady deal.
As a guy who was ten times the loser you'll ever be, I understand exactly how you feel. I've been there. I've felt the same way.
But VERY, VERY SERIOUSLY don't have sex with anyone you think is crazy under any type of false or misleading context.
In the long run it would be cheaper to fly first-class to Nevada and pay for the most expensive hooker you can find than bring hurt, vengeful craziness into your life.
I'm not discarding the moral argument but you need to consider what could go hideously wrong here.
Hey Dosi - I'm not a chick. I hate having a name that has a female equivelent (for the record, the female version is Adrienne).
I'm just a guy who wouldn't knowlingly take advantage of a woman just to make my dick happy, with no regard for her feelings.
Ok Adrien,
You may be more of a man than me. But I think you are failing to understand Hippo here, and that is that he is NOT trying to take advantage of her. He is saying, I will put in the time, but he doesn't want to deal with crazy, and I don't blame him, but at the same time, you gotta get yours from time to time.
Now I know I probably came across as brutal (and sorry for mistaking you for a female) but its the truth. Put in under these pretences, she probably wants to go all the way with Hippo, how is that taking advantage of her? Perhaps, if the reason she wanted to make sweet love was ONLY because of HIGHLY RELATED TO the fact that she is unstable, that might be considered taking advantage of someone. But he is respecting her feelings, just not her emotional problems. That I can attest too, many times, emotional problems are more than any man ever can deal with, unless you are emo too, and then you can all be emo together.
(heart) Dosi
Dear Lord, I haven't ignited a firestorm like this since those political blogs posts I made a while back (the one regarding wearing poppies was the worst).
Anyways, I'd like to thank Dosi for his support...I needed someone to watch my back, I was getting crucified out here. What he said in his second comment I agree with (no shit). I really don't see myself as taking advantage of her and I wouldn't do so.
And Mark, thanks for your concern on that front, but I don't see her as potentially being THAT type of crazy. Just a little messed up, POSSIBLY, what with the incident a few weeks back. She has issues perhaps, but nothing that I worry might lead to her using an ice pick on me. And remember, I could be way off. She might be just fine and all of this was for naught.
I really should have watched what I said. I was just talking to my boy D-Rock (who sadly doesn't post here anymore for various reasons of his own)and he pointed out that people are too used to reading this and seeing me as just some "meek, cute guy with bad luck" or whatever. By saying something honest, albeit insensitive and crude,I get trashed. "It doesn't make me a bad person, just horny". Amen D-Rock, Amen.
you don't get trashed - you just cause people reevaluate what they think of you.
as i said, its not about having casual sex, lots of people do that...men and women...ther'es nothing wrong with it so long as both parties are into it....
but when you are knowingly using this girl who you allege to be "a nutjob" simply to fulfill your own sexual needs, not knowing or understanding what she may need/want/expect from you....its just mean. and completely disrespectful of how it might affect her.
so the fact you're going out, hanging out, acting like your'e really into her, but in fact just want to fuck her - its rather pathetic. but if that's all you're after, good luck with it...
i've said all i have to say on the topic. and my opinion hasn't changed from what i originally said.
I DO like this girl and I like hanging out with her. I'm not acting like I'm into her just so I can fuck her. Please note that what I originally said to set off this whole deabte (or attack)was that
"I want to spend time with her for now, but if she has any major malfunctions, I'm sticking around long enough for the sex and then getting the hell out as soon as is acceptable"
So I really don't think it's completely fair to say that I'm
"hanging out, acting like you're really into her, but in fact just want to fuck her"
If that were the truth, perhaps it would be pathetic. But it's not the case, infact it makes me sound worse than I am. Yes, maybe IF (I have to keep stressing that) she is a "nutjob", my expectations about the relationship will change.
Would I force her to have sex with me if she didn't want to? Would I do it if I thought she was doing it AS A DIRECT RESULT of her supposed mental state? Would I try to hurt her in any way and dump her the next day in some tactless manner?
If she does have issues that I believe I'm not equiped to deal with, I would end it anyways. I've made that clear and I would do so with the same amount of care that I would in this case. The only difference is that I'd try and get some fun out of it and in fact, hope that she would as well (if I'm not too rusty).
I have a feeling this is all over nothing and that there's no problem, at least nothing serious, with her. God, if there was, who's to say I'd have even done what I said? I said what I thought, I honestly spoke my mind and followed that thought to its logical conclussion (at least I think so).
I know I'm not a bad person and I know that I'm not an asshole and I will say for sure that I've treated (and will continue to treat) women with the utmost respect, probably moreso than the majority of guys out there. I don't like people thinking ill of me, but if they do, there's only so much I can do to persuade them otherwise. I know that I am and always have tried to be a decent fellow. So think of me what you will, continue to read if you wish, whatever. I hope I don't offend anyone too badly and I hope I don't make anyone think I'm a bad person. But if it happens, I guess I'll just have to learn to live with that.
Obviously, something like this has happened to KatieG in the past.
There, I said it. We've all been thinking it, and I said it. What?!?
I'm drunk!
(heart) Dosi
thankfully, no. i'm simply compassionate and respectful enough of other people to see when someone is trying take advantage of someone. and when it came from Michael, it actually shocked me. and i feel mostly bad that i misunderstood him.
Wow, thanks for letting me laugh my ass off at work this morning. You guys are all taking this wayyyyyyy too seriously.
'Girlie' is an adult and can make her own decisions. Katieg and the weasel are treating this girl like she is shitbox crazy and any sex with her without marriage would amount to rape. That is retarded.
King Hippo is obviously fucked up in some ways, just as she is - Sorry KH, but it is true, you've said it yourself. It isn't fair to blame him for taking advantage of a 'crazy' girl unless you know her and she is certifiable...
Until she says otherwise it is perfectly acceptable (both morally and sexually) to have sex with her and not feel guilty about it. She is a grown woman (she better be...) and can decide if she wants to have sex or not and what else she expects from the relationship.
As long as you don't lie to her (i.e. telling her you love her, want to be exclusive with her, etc), then pursuing her just for sex is fine. BUT, if she asks tell her the truth (something along the lines of her physical apperance and intelligence 'you're so sexy I can't stop thinking about you', 'I never thought someone so hot could also be so witty/smart/etc.', 'I want to fuck you'... something that lets her know you're down for the dirty deed, but not that interested in a serious relationship).
On to the more interesting topic - The girl in your class. She is definately interested. Take her to coffee and ask her as many questions as possible. Get her talking and be the best listener you can. Try to keep the conversation away from yourself unless she asks you direct questions (2 reasons for this: 1. The longer you stay mysterious the more interested she'll become; 2. When you talk about yourself you may end up talking too much and revealing things you didn't want her to know right off the bat). Keep it light and informal. DON'T ask her for her number or if she wants to go out again (again 2 reasons: 1. You don't want to put any pressure on her; 2. You know you're going to see her again soon in class so there is no risk of losing touch). What your goal should be is to transition from 1 coffee to a regular coffee thing after class to meeting outside of the university to taking it up a notch (BAM!).
Don't listen to the haters. The only reason you're getting this reply is that you were honest about wanting to have sex with someone. If you censor yourself a little better everyone will still see you as the adorable little puppy who just wants to fuck.
-Sam
sorry - I meant batshit crazy, not shitbox crazy.
Sam
I think 17 comments on one post has to be a record for sure. This is the 18th and hopefully, the last. I am curious though as to what Katie means when she said that she "feels mostly bad that she misunderstood me". I just hope that we're cool and that she doesn't hate me too much.
And yes, I sure have problems as well and am just as fucked up as she is. Once again, I am not using whatever "craziness" she may have to my advantage, playing upon that to get into bed with her. I'm in no way looking to exploit that, in fact I would see it as more of a roadblock than anything in regards to potential sex. Her being crazy is why I would get the hell out of Dodge, not the reason I would get in. I think that's a big distinction.
And yes Sam, I do think that the girl in my class is a more interesting topic anyways, though no one else seems to agree. I'll touch on that in my next post, since I must be off for now.
And one final thing. I asked my therapist about all this stuff and he pretty much validated most of what I've been saying. Bottom line was that perhaps I am "using" her, but people "use" other people all the time and that the word has such a negative connotation, when indeed it really shouldn't, at least not to the extent that most people seem to give it. I'd explain this further, but I have to go shower and head to work.
No, it's Adrienne.
what i meant was that i thought more highly of you...as someone in tune with their own emotional state and the struggles you have, it seems odd to me that you would be so out of tune with how your actions would affect a troubled girl. that was my only point.
Whooo,
This post has exploded in a bloodbath, and I love it. The Colonel speaks wise words, and as a lifelong friend of his, I can pretty much guarantee that he knows what is going on.
Furthermore, the only "misjudging" of King Hippo that you have done Katie, is your current misjudging. He is obviously in tune with his emotions, and furthermore, he is in no way a dick, ass or any of the derrogatory names that people use to describe men in general. I am 100% in support of him taking down "girlie" in the most gracious of ways. Also, correct me if I am wrong, but I thought that sex was a natural mood lifter. Perhaps Mike having sex with her may help ease her troubles, at least she would feel attractive and pretty, and maybe pop an orgasm or two.
I fail to see any downsides at all.
(heart) Dosi
P.S.
The only way Hippo would screw her up would be the good ol' "fuck n chuck" and no where do I see him making mention of that.
(heart) Dosi
This is the best post of all-time, hands down. Sadly though, it will probably never be topped.
Also, I am a Golden God. There, I said it. I think I'm just going to take my current frame of mind and run with it. I'm now brimming with confidence. There is no stopping me. Before long I'll be having more sex than Jesus.
Been away for a little bit but two things jump out:
Colonel is dead wrong that the only reason a guy would be against using a woman for sex is to get sex himself. Who the hell is going to get sex from writing comments here? Is Miss November going to see what Adrien wrote, feel a great rapport, and fly off to boink him? And I'm married. I forget what sex is.
My second point is never underestimate the danger of this situation. Google for guys who had their penis super-glued to their leg (or worse). None of them thought their partners were capable of it before it happened.
Hell, two more things: Hippo, are you sure this girl isn't just using you for sex? Talk about irony!
Second, congrats on comment #26.
You're stupid.
I'm really not sure who's stupid here or even what everyone thinks or what they mean. I think it's time to move on to another wonderful post. Bless you all for caring so much.
Well, I might as well make it an even 30.
Ok, just in case Miss November is reading, I'm sorry - I'm married, and my wife is wonderful.
However, it sounds like the Colonel could use some attention - call him.
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