Monday, October 09, 2006

I don't think I was built to go on roller coasters

Sorry about the lack of a post this weekend, been rather sick (and still am). I wanted to do an update on Saturday night, plus various other things (mostly baseball related). I'll start with the latter, I suppose.

Even though I only was able to catch the last couple of innings of Game 4 between The Tigers and Yankees (other than a quick update here and there), I was sure loving it. God, I love watching the Yankees (and Alex Rodriguez, above) lose. I truly hate them so much. Indeed, the funny thing is that I hate them now more than I did before, despite the fact they're out. The team has made the playoffs for what, the last ten years straight? Something like that. And yet, it's still not good enough. Let's fire Joe Torre, let's tear the team apart, let's take a good look at the state of the organization etc etc. Boo hoo hoo, what a fucking sob story. Because they haven't won the World Series since (gasp!) 2000, heads must roll. Seriously, fuck off. My beloved Blue Jays haven't been to the post-season since they won the Series in '93. Some teams have it even worse than that. Live with it. $200 million payroll isn't enough? Let's make it $300 million! Christ, you don't win every God-damned year. Live with it. If you did, what would be the point of having 29 other teams, many of which are lucky to even be in the thick of things come August or September. This is exactly why I hate, HATE the Yankees and their fucking fans. I would love to see baseball operate with some sort of soft salary cap and then see the outrage of the fans in New York (and the posers in other places). They'd have to call in the fucking marines, I'll bet. I could really go on and on and on, but I'm ill and I've already got myself worked up too much. So I'll end it there. So good luck trading A-Fraud, good luck under Lou Pinella (or whoever they're going to bring in) and God forbid you go one more year without a World Series.

Just got back from seeing The Departed with 'Beer' and 'Chachi' (who may or may not be brothers, I'm not sure). The film was a bit of a mess, what with half the dialogue consisting of cell phone conversations, a somewhat convoluted plot and a few unintentionally silly moments, but the actors all make it worth while, even Leo (and Marky Mark!). I really do think Scorsese's best days are behind him, but with a cast like this a monkey could probably direct a pretty good picture.

Finally, Saturday night was the excursion to Wonderland for 'Fear Fest'. If anyone is thinking of attending, don't waste your time and money. I should hope the fact this thing is called 'Fear Fest' would have tipped you off, but just in case it didn't...well, you know. Again, I only went because girly wanted me to. So how was it, other than the lame haunted amusement part aspect (with one attraction called "Cornstalkers", no joke!!) you ask? Well in case I didn't mention it (and I'm pretty sure I did) it wasn't justthe two of us. No, also along for the ride(s) were three other friends of hers, all dudes. Now I know this isn't 1940's, women have male friends and vice versa. But right off the bat, a lady who only has dude friends...well, I don't know what to think of that. But I can get past that, I think. My problem is that this really didn't forward things, it sure wasn't a date unlike the last time. I don't know what to make of the evening. I'm supposed to see her again tomorrow to 'hang out' (provided I feel better), so hopefully I'll be able to make light of things by then.

What did trouble me about the whole thing is that I really felt inferior the whole night compared to these other guys. Why you ask? They all make more money than I do, no question. The dude who drove also has a Volvo, but his is new and mine is from the Cold War era. Another of the guys is a mechanic and from what I could infer, does quite well for himself (owns a van and a motorcycle). Anyone who thinks shit like this isn't an issue is seriously deluding themselves. On Sunday the fellow with the Volvo took her to Marineland and today Motorcycle dude is taking her to the hockey game. What are the natures of these relationships? I really can't say for certain. I do know that motorbike guy is OLD (at least 40) and new Volvo guy I strongly suspect to be gay. The other dude is fat, but I'm not including him in the equation for the time being. The point of all this is that I really, suddenly feel like such a loser. How long before she meets someone who isn't 40 or fat or gay and a nice car and money? Not long I'm sure. I can't compete with that. So I move on, right? To whom? Some girl who doesn't care about the nice car and money? She's not out there, at least not for a guy like me. At least that's what I'm thinking. I truly think that. I hate that I'm such a cynic, but it's hard not to be when you're ugly, poor, live at home and all the rest. The fact that I also almost threw up after some of the rides also couldn't have scored me points. I don't know...I just seems that everytime I'm feeling even slightly good about myself, something comes along and ruins it.

Great, I am not thoroughly depressed. Wow. Yup, I wish I was dead. I truly have nothing going for me, at least compared to other guys. And even if I did, say stuff like being funny and interesting and sweet, shit like that, who the hell is going to ever notice when you're ugly and drive a shitty car? Has this one? Perhaps. But it won't be long before a funny, interesting and sweet guy comes along with the nice car and handsome face. Won't be long at all. Fuck, I wish I was dead. These thoughts won't leave my head. This pain isn't ever going to end.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

1. I too hate the Yanks, but it is a good hate - one that engages me and allows me to enjor watching them play. They're such a force that it is fun to watch them lose... Thank God for the Yankees and the Red Sox (who I hate just as much) - without that passion for hating them I might not watch baseball anymore at all...

2. First guy is over 40, second is gay and third is fat? Why are you being so critical of these guys? Instead of focusing on what they've got that you don't, focus on what you have to offer this girl. She obviously sees something in you that she likes... so don't get your panties in a twist over the other guys. Instead of viewing it as a competition, see it for what it is - the chance to get to know this girl and the chance to have a good time with someone. Ignore what is beyond your control, take the energy you're spending on those other guys and spend it on her instead. There are no winners and losers, just people who fit and people who don't.

3. It sounds to me that she is inviting you into her world, not comparing all the guys in her life. Would she have invited you at all if she didn't like you? No. Hold on to that and you'll be fine.


October 10, 2006 11:59 AM  
Blogger Mark said...

Christ, you're killing me. I'm about forty, fat, and in the words of Troy McClure, "God, I wish I were gay." And my old car is full of stickers, crayons, crumbs, and the smell of old diapers.

If she was there on a pseudo-date with you, stand tall. Compared to me, you're the Fonz.

On a lighter note, managing the Yankees must be even easier than directing the Departed's cast. Other than dealing with the giant egos, you've got talent to burn.

October 10, 2006 12:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

All right, you all listen to me.

First, the Yankees are the best damn Dynasty in baseball. 27 World Series. Countless Division Titles. An unlimited string of playoff appearances. While I do enjoy the BlueJays, the Yankees will always be my time. No I am not a poseur, they have been my favourite team since before I knew what baseball was.

Second, the girl bringing Hippo on a date with a bunch of her friends shows two things, both of which I take as positive. First, despite the "money factor", you are probably better looking, definitely younger, and undoubtedly have way more to offer than a bunch of homegrown losers. The second thing is shows is a level of comfort. If she can have you around her "friends", then you guys have a chance to be together. However, a 40 year old, a gay guy and tubby really don't qualify as friends. I would wonder there.

Please excuse my wicked tongue. I hate seeing my team lose worse than anything. And to the fucking Detroit Tigers, what a mess. I'm on tilt.

(he / art) Dosi

October 11, 2006 9:18 PM  

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