Friday, September 15, 2006

Holy fuck

Today was not a good day, not by a long shot. I barely got through the day, I almost had a complete nervous breakdown or panic attack or something. Presently, I have consumed a bottle of red wine in combination with perhaps 6 or 7 Tylenol w/ codeine pills. I think I'll have some more and see what happens. Cheers.

12 Comments:

Blogger KatieG said...

i'm curious....have you ever been diagnosed?

September 16, 2006 9:44 AM  
Blogger King Hippo said...

I am on medication (anti-depressants) and see someone on a fairly regular basis. I guess neither is really helping.

As for a proper clinical diagnosis, no, I don't believe so.

September 17, 2006 9:02 PM  
Blogger KatieG said...

hmmm, they don't appear to be working very well, do they? i think the medication is sort of bullshit. i know a lot of people that have either taken it in the past, or are taking it now...but no one i know that is or has been "depressed" was ever really "fixed" or "repaired" by the medication alone. it takes more than that. but dowing bottles and bottles of wine is definitely halting any possible positive effects of the medication, so you should probably curb using one or the other, you know? ;-)

i'm playing armchair psychologist here, i realize, but you're too young to feel so shitty about life. also, i would suggest if things really get so bad, don't end your life, just go do something completely uncharacteristic and challenging and ridiculous. like joining the army or something. at least it'll be entertaining for you. and it won't kill you. and if it does, you won't care anyway, right?

hang in there...life isn't always easy, but it can be very entertaining at times.

September 17, 2006 9:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

fuck man, you're in school again - don't complain. There isn't a better place to meet women. Just sit next to one in the class and make small talk. If everything goes well ask her to coffee. A strategy I use is to ask to photocopy her notes - if you're lucky the mothering instinct will kick in and she'll take care of you. Also, try to get into any group projects that have girls. Join a club. Etc. Etc. If you think meeting women are hard to meet in school... you're going to be even more depressed once you're out.
Just don't start talking about Oscars and billboard music charts until you know the girl is down with that stuff...

-Sam

September 19, 2006 12:10 PM  
Blogger King Hippo said...

Indeed life is not easy. Mine sadly, is not very entertaining either.

Also, I know that I'm in school. But it really isn't doing me any good right now, nor can it. I can barely make it through the day, I'm often so miserable.

Whenever I see a good looking girl in one of my classes, it doesn't even make me happy anymore, indeed the opposite. I get so monumentally depressed over the fact that I just can't talk to her and even if I could, what would I say? And even if I had something to say, I just know in the bottom of my heart that she doesn't want anything to do with me whatsoever. Say what you will, but I just can't get those thoughts out of my head and it is very frustrating and painful.

September 20, 2006 10:37 PM  
Blogger KatieG said...

look, i don't have a clue what you look like, so as to whether or not a woman would be attracted to you on a purely physical level - who knows.

second, if that is seriously all you're concerned about - as to being able to go out with, hook up with, date, or whatever, with a physically attractive woman - its no wonder that you are depressed.

you can't connect with these girls because you don't know anything about them, or care anything about them other than what they look like.

as a woman, i can assure you that generally speaking MOST women care much much more about how sensitive, how interesting, how funny, how thoughtful, how sincere, and how caring a man is than what he looks like. And I say this as someone who is probably not in your range of "super-hot" women that you stare at and get depressed over, but i promise you that of all the women i have known in my life - unlike you, we care much more about internal qualities than what you present on the outside.

That's just a basic difference between men and women. but what i'm trying to say is that you should not make assumptions about women based solely on what they look like - if you relax a little, try and be pleasant and have a simple conversation, possibly about topics in your classes, or books your reading or whatever, they may just suprise you.

i'm serious. you gotta lighten up. i don't know you, any more than these few things i've read, but no one should feel so badly all the time.

September 21, 2006 4:12 PM  
Blogger King Hippo said...

If you care to know what I look like, scroll down and there are many different pictures of me to be found here.

Anyways, no I do not care only about looks. It's just so happens that the cute girls are the ones who make me all depressed and such probably because in all honesty, I'm not going to be interested in someone to whom I am not physically attracted to in some way. But is that the be all and end all? Of course not.

I'm not looking for 'super-hot', not by a long shot. But is it so wrong to want someone that I find attractive? Should I have to settle like I've done in the past? I don't know. Maybe. Maybe I have little choice there. I guess it's just that the super-hot ones remind me the most of how I can't even get someone I think is pretty.

I just want someone pretty, polite, smart, nice to talk to, with a good head on their shoulders. But I'm getting far ahead of myself here. I don't believe that anyone wants me, not even ugly, rude, stupid illiterates with with major issues.

I wish I could lighten up and I wish I didn't feel so bad all the time. But I'm having a very hard time controlling that right now. Women want guys who are better looking than I, with nicer cars, more money, better jobs and their own living quarters. Is that actually true? I don't know. But I can't get it out of my head, no matter what anyone says.

Sorry, this really should have been a post in itself.

September 22, 2006 12:31 AM  
Blogger KatieG said...

well if that's the case - and you can't open your mind and stop prejudging everyone, and assuming they won't like you, and assuming that what a woman looks like will have anything to do with how she perceives you, you will continue to be depressed.

you need to change your outlook. and no, its not easy to change how you feel, but its not going to be medication that alters how you feel. you should probably start giving people, and giving yourself a little more credit and a little more opportunity to get past the point of you just ogling these women from afar. it might start with simply having a converstion with them. look, i don't know you - but my point in all of this, is simply that you really really shouldn't make assumptions about how anyone really feels, or what they really want just by their outward appearance.

i know its hard. i know you don't just forget how you feel about things. and you don't have much control over it....but its worth trying. otherwise, you'll just sludge through life feeling as shitty as you do now. quit feeling sorry for yourself. no girl, no matter what she looks like, is going to be interested in someone like that.

September 22, 2006 7:51 AM  
Blogger Mark said...

I know I couldn't possibly come across any shallower but, if you get a chance, take an evening class.

After teaching evening classes for the last few years, it's been painfully obvious that many of the female students are there solely to find a man. Just having XY genes in an evening class is the equivalent of being British royalty in a day class.

I just came from a class where three young attractive students were practically topless and hovered around the two male students like moths to a bug zapper.

I know I should be more sensitive and considerate about their motivations but my head is spinning. I'm a couple hundred miles south and I don't know what your night scene on your campus is like but it might be a quick fix and a confidence builder.

September 25, 2006 8:53 PM  
Blogger King Hippo said...

Sadly, I do not have any evening classes this semester, though I do believe I have one in January. It's Modern British Playwrites or something of that sort. I had a couple last year and one of them had a few hotties, but I guess that's of little consolation now. Perhaps this class in the winter will be something positive. At any rate, I don't seem to get anyone hovering around me at any time. Just how it seems.

And no, I don't think you're being shallow. Any honest advice is greatly appreciated. But why is your head spinning?

September 25, 2006 10:52 PM  
Blogger Mark said...

I've never considered myself prudish but the clothes some students wear to class is a few notches sleazier than I'd ever have expected. I used to be surprised to see a student wearing "Playboy Superstar" bunny clothes. Now it's the official school uniform.

Normally I wouldn't mind but it makes it hard to concentrate on semi-colons.

September 27, 2006 6:24 PM  
Blogger King Hippo said...

I think I need to move to wherever it is you're from. Maybe there I would stand a chance.

September 27, 2006 9:47 PM  

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