Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Fuck, I need sleep and I need to make it through this week alive

There's been a lot of anger on this blog lately, though to be fair it's mostly at the hands of one person and amazingly, that person isn't me! Our good pal Dosi has been freaking out left, right and center, offending everyone with his crazed ramblings. Hopefully everyone who has read in the past is still reading and no one has been driven away.

At any rate, we were talking and I've encouraged him to start up his own blog, so that he may vent his insane frustrations in his own forum, though for now I'm more than happy to be the one to facilitate these crazed outbursts; it makes for fun reading. It also seems that the root of his anger stems from the fact that he's "on tilt" most of the time, whatever that means. Seems no future, no woman, no job, no life has got him down or so he says (sorry btw if I'm not at liberty to share all this). All that stuff really reminds me of me, though I do have a job, albeit one which crushes whatever spirit I have left everytime I set foot inside there. He replied that at least it means that I have money to do stuff with, which really got me to thinking about how little I actually have to do.

Now I've been sick for the last week, something which has probably been exasperated by the fact that I've barely been sleeping and have had a colossal amount of school work. I have a midterm on Thursday and a take home exam due that same day, but I know that in my present state I won't be able to accomplish much, so today I've just been trying to recover some. And stewing. Never a good thing.

For some reason a thought popped into my head regarding a comment Sam made on one of the previous posts, regarding me attending this birthday dealy for a friend's ex. Apparently it wasn't cool for me to be doing so and while I can see how that may be the case, I got to thinking something. How many people ever invite me anywhere? This girl, whom I don't even know that well was very kind to make sure to invite me to her birthday thing (two years in a row) and make me feel wanted there. That's really more than I can say for most people. I have so many people that I think are "friends" who never invite me to shit. Not to a birthday gathering, not to a random night out, nothing. Prior to this, I really can't remember the last time someone invited me somewhere. It really makes me angry. She has the decency to invite me somewhere, why not attend?

I got to thinking of this one occasion a couple of years ago that I'll never, ever forget. It was a couple of days before Christmas, 2004. A friend of mine at the time was in town for a few days before catching a flight and spending the holidays out of town. So many people are invited to some sort of get together dealy before he leaves. I don't know if it was specific to him or whatever, but that's beside the point. The meeting point for this thing is downtown Toronto and of the people in our area, there were seven including myself. Now I was the only one with a car that day and while no one asked me to, I offered my services as driver. Things would be a lot easier if someone drove, we could stay out later, people could get home easier etc. So I pack seven people into the Honda Civic I was driving at the time, head downtown (or at least to the subway) in rather snowy conditions. It's not a big car, so we actually had to do two in the trunk! Everyone has a fun time, drinks lots except for me, I'm driving. But whatever, I still had fun. I drive everyone home at three in the morning to various parts of the suburbs, no complaints. A few of those same guys had driven me places at various times, for sure.

Now skip forward a few days, to Christmas day in fact. My buddy who was supposed to take the flight actually missed it (he slept in). So I'm doing my usual Christmas thing with the family (dinner at a family friend's) when I get a call from my old pal D Rock. He says something to the effect of "Hey, what time is the movie again, I couldn't reach ______?" Naturally, I have no idea what the hell he's talking about. To make a long story short, it seems that the same people I drove home had made plans to see The Life Aquatic and conveniently neglected to invite me. Now I don't know who actually planned this, but what I do know is that no one thought to invite their old pal Kid Icarus, the guy who drove them all home two nights before. Now I'm not some bloody saint for doing so, I was happy to do it. But that none of them thought of me or perhaps worse still, did and decided not to bother giving me a call...it hurt. A lot. And it's stayed with me to this day. Now I know that D Rock isn't to blame, he probably just got a call from someone and only assumed that I was invited. But I'll bet you that each of the other six people who were in that car went to see that movie that day and I was conspicuously not included.

It's shit like this that really sums up my life. Dosi may complain that his weekends are shite, doing the same thing over and over again, but at least he has something to do. After I'm done all my shit tomorrow, do you know how I'll be spending my weekend? I'll be at home, alone, drinking myself stupid until I finally drag myself into bed. Somehow I'll bet Dosi's weekend and everyone elses will be just a touch better than mine. They'd all be like that, if it weren't for someone like this young lady occasionally showing me some kindness in making me feel wanted.


Anonymous Anonymous said...


Feel free to talk about my life all you want man, I got no secrets. In terms of repetitive behaviour, it is purely based on the fact that I have no money, and whenever I get money, it is foolishly wasted on trivial purchases (beer, cigs, weed).

Also, its the shitty time of year when the snowboarding hills aren't opened and my favourite local haunts (anything patio based) suck, and furthermore, my ex-woman works at my local bar, so I can't go there anymore either.

(heart) Dosi

December 06, 2006 2:46 PM  
Blogger Kid Icarus said...

Your life is still ten or twelve times better than mine. At least you have places to go, people to go with, ex-women to trouble you. I wish I had any of those things.

December 06, 2006 8:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When you're dealing with the ex of a friend you've got to draw the line somewhere. For you it appears that everything is fine until something physical happens between the two of you. I draw the line at even hanging out with them. We're both agreeing that there are certain things you shouldn't do with the ex of a buddy, we just disagree on what exactly those things are.

It can all be resolved by simply asking your buddy if he thinks it is ok for you to spend time with her. Chances are that if you're good friends (if you aren't who gives a fuck what they think), he'll be fine with everything (depending, of course, on the circumstances of the breakup and how long ago it was).

Just ask Dosi if he wants you to start hanging out at the bar that his ex works at just so you can spend some time with her. Chances are, the answer will be no.

Also, how can you say someone's life is 10-12 times better than yours when you've been getting fairly consistent sex?

Sam (the ethical whore)

December 07, 2006 1:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Actually, I should make a quick point here, or two of em, so that I can address what Sam has said.

If Mike wanted to go to the local bar to hang out with my ex-gf, I would not care at all. He actually was dating my ex-gf for a little bit, or something like that.

Furthermore, another one of my friends is dating an ex-gf of mine too. I guess it just boils down to the circumstances surrounding the dissolution of the relationship. Since mine ended terribly, I had no no problem with anyone seeing her, because it got her away from me. That's a shitty way to think about it, but trust me, the alternative was far, far, worse.

(heart) Dosi

December 07, 2006 2:15 PM  
Blogger Kid Icarus said...

If I may attempt to address all questions and concerns, I shall.

Firstly, my friend (who is a very good friend) is quite aware that I do speak to this girl, albeit only from time to time and see her maybe once or twice a year. I'm pretty sure he doesn't think it to be a big deal at all. He reads this anyways, so if he cares to chime in, he's free to do so.

In fact, another one of our very good mutual friends went out with another ex of his after the fact, so he's had much worse to be sure. But again, if he ever said it was a problem, I'd certainly not talk to her, but I'm quite sure it doesn't bother him.

Next, I'm not having nearly as much sex as you think. It was all of twice in the last couple of weeks after a VERY long layoff. Also this girl is nothing to write home about, she has weird teeth, could probably stand to lose a few pounds, has little to no personality, has nothing to talk about and isn't even very good at...stuff. I'm currently blocking her on my MSN and need to figure out someway to break things off (even though I'm not even seeing her!).

Lastly, I was not actually "dating" Dosi's ex at any point, we simply 'hung out' a few times (pretty much nothing happened), then she proceeded to totally and utterly reject me and break my heart into about a million pieces, something I don't think I've ever quite recovered from. Seems I'm not good enough for her, though if what I've heard is true, there are many, MANY others who are. But not me. Thank you for bringing up perhaps the single most painful memory of my recent life.

And as for the present, now that I'm done most of my essay / exam stuff and have a wee bit of downtime, I will spend my weekend working at my immensely depressing, underpaying and lonely job, doing some light studying and getting painfully drunk off my ass at home, my fat dog as my only companion. Trust me, you have it better than this.

December 07, 2006 6:54 PM  

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