Another long, overdue and boring update
Yes, yes. Updates on how my life is going are on seemingly a weekly basis now. Pretty sad when it comes down to it. It's a laziness thing really, pure and simple. Just like how it is with everything else in my life. Or the lack of concentration. Something like that.
So when we left off last, I was on my way out the door for some...well, you know. Arrived on Friday night and got home Saturday morning, so we must chalk that up as a success. Am I crazy about her? Hell no. She seems nice and all, but I'm definitely not looking for anything special here. I'll just continue to ride it until she asks where things are going and such and I have to be honest (well, as honest as I can be without being hurtful). But it is nice to have something casual for a change.
Spent the next five days attempting to work on a major research essay, which went poorly at best. Overall, school has been okay this year, but this was just a huge mess. Tons of books scattered about all on Manchester in the Industrial Age (ugh) and very little got done. Finally managed to finish the essay a day late (-2%), having left it a page and half short of where it should have been. By the end of it, I was a serious mess. When I can't focus, I get really down on myself, all sorts of thoughts on how I'm stupid and worthless start creeping in. Again, haven't had that this year (thankfully) until now. It just gets so unbelievably frustrating and at times I wanted to go hang myself in the garage, I felt so stupid. I know my mark won't be very good, but it's done. So I guess that counts for something.
Wednesday was an interesting day. The day the big essay was supposed to be due. I was really feeling off, I hadn't gone to a single class all week in fact thanks to the essay. Though I didn't have class, I ventured downtown anyways, as I had two (!!) social functions to attend to. That's the first time I've had that happen in a long while. First off was sushi with Girly. Hadn't seen her in close to two weeks prior to this, so it was nice. Still have NO idea where we stand, but everything seemed to go fine. Is this drifting into 'friend' territory? It's not easy to say for sure, but it might be. I guess that's not so bad, but it would leave me a tad disappointed. Right now, I'm not having the most optimism as far as anything happening, but you never know. I will stay on top of it.
Second was a birthday get-together for a friend...well, sort of a friend. More like an acquaintance. She's actually the ex of a very good friend, though I only met her after they split up, odd as that may be. But she's a great girl, really nice and one of the most decent people I've ever met. I actually wrote at length about her birthday thing last year, agonizing over whether or not to go. This year, I have at least a tad more confidence, so I fortunately had no such debate. It was a nice time at a little pub in Toronto, very low key. I convinced my pal 'Beer' to tag along, so at least I'd have some company if things didn't go well. I guess I was sort of half hoping to perhaps talk to some of her friends, as I remember she had some very attractive ones. Indeed, her best friend is incredibly foxy and unattached. Did I make any sort of impression? No. Instead I became rather depressed, as I often do in these situations. I don't know what it is, hot girls so often make me miserable. I guess it's because I just know that I have no chance with them. After this, I just couldn't shake the thoughts that people hate me, all that awful stuff just started coming in. It doesn't happen as often as it used to, but when it does, I can't shake it and it's the worst feeling. I just think that the only reason people talk to me or hang out with me or are ever nice to me is out of pity. I had to take my anti-anxiety medication or I would have probably flipped out. Thankfully I felt a little better the next day, though not by much.
Friday I was supposed to go to this dinner thing for my friend / ex-coworker who was coming in from Alberta. Her grandfather hadn't been doing too well, so she was mostly coming in to see him, though as well to see her friends again. Very sadly though, he passed away on Monday, before she made it, which is really sad. Dinner was of course cancelled, so I spent my night drunk on the couch. She did have an impromptu thingee on Saturday, just to say 'hi' to all her pals. She seemed to be okay, thankfully and it was really nice to see her, seeing as I don't know when I will again. I still feel so sad that she didn't get a chance to see him though before he passed. Poor dear.
That's it, don't know where things stand right now. Class tomorrow and a new week...hopefully I'll be able to get back on track. One essay that is due in a week, though this one shouldn't be as bad. Then a few exams and finally a nice little break. I truly need and deserve it.
So when we left off last, I was on my way out the door for some...well, you know. Arrived on Friday night and got home Saturday morning, so we must chalk that up as a success. Am I crazy about her? Hell no. She seems nice and all, but I'm definitely not looking for anything special here. I'll just continue to ride it until she asks where things are going and such and I have to be honest (well, as honest as I can be without being hurtful). But it is nice to have something casual for a change.
Spent the next five days attempting to work on a major research essay, which went poorly at best. Overall, school has been okay this year, but this was just a huge mess. Tons of books scattered about all on Manchester in the Industrial Age (ugh) and very little got done. Finally managed to finish the essay a day late (-2%), having left it a page and half short of where it should have been. By the end of it, I was a serious mess. When I can't focus, I get really down on myself, all sorts of thoughts on how I'm stupid and worthless start creeping in. Again, haven't had that this year (thankfully) until now. It just gets so unbelievably frustrating and at times I wanted to go hang myself in the garage, I felt so stupid. I know my mark won't be very good, but it's done. So I guess that counts for something.
Wednesday was an interesting day. The day the big essay was supposed to be due. I was really feeling off, I hadn't gone to a single class all week in fact thanks to the essay. Though I didn't have class, I ventured downtown anyways, as I had two (!!) social functions to attend to. That's the first time I've had that happen in a long while. First off was sushi with Girly. Hadn't seen her in close to two weeks prior to this, so it was nice. Still have NO idea where we stand, but everything seemed to go fine. Is this drifting into 'friend' territory? It's not easy to say for sure, but it might be. I guess that's not so bad, but it would leave me a tad disappointed. Right now, I'm not having the most optimism as far as anything happening, but you never know. I will stay on top of it.
Second was a birthday get-together for a friend...well, sort of a friend. More like an acquaintance. She's actually the ex of a very good friend, though I only met her after they split up, odd as that may be. But she's a great girl, really nice and one of the most decent people I've ever met. I actually wrote at length about her birthday thing last year, agonizing over whether or not to go. This year, I have at least a tad more confidence, so I fortunately had no such debate. It was a nice time at a little pub in Toronto, very low key. I convinced my pal 'Beer' to tag along, so at least I'd have some company if things didn't go well. I guess I was sort of half hoping to perhaps talk to some of her friends, as I remember she had some very attractive ones. Indeed, her best friend is incredibly foxy and unattached. Did I make any sort of impression? No. Instead I became rather depressed, as I often do in these situations. I don't know what it is, hot girls so often make me miserable. I guess it's because I just know that I have no chance with them. After this, I just couldn't shake the thoughts that people hate me, all that awful stuff just started coming in. It doesn't happen as often as it used to, but when it does, I can't shake it and it's the worst feeling. I just think that the only reason people talk to me or hang out with me or are ever nice to me is out of pity. I had to take my anti-anxiety medication or I would have probably flipped out. Thankfully I felt a little better the next day, though not by much.
Friday I was supposed to go to this dinner thing for my friend / ex-coworker who was coming in from Alberta. Her grandfather hadn't been doing too well, so she was mostly coming in to see him, though as well to see her friends again. Very sadly though, he passed away on Monday, before she made it, which is really sad. Dinner was of course cancelled, so I spent my night drunk on the couch. She did have an impromptu thingee on Saturday, just to say 'hi' to all her pals. She seemed to be okay, thankfully and it was really nice to see her, seeing as I don't know when I will again. I still feel so sad that she didn't get a chance to see him though before he passed. Poor dear.
That's it, don't know where things stand right now. Class tomorrow and a new week...hopefully I'll be able to get back on track. One essay that is due in a week, though this one shouldn't be as bad. Then a few exams and finally a nice little break. I truly need and deserve it.
posted by King Hippo at 12:48 AM
2 Comments:
Bros before Hoes every time. That is the CARDINAL rule. You're a dick for hanging with your bud's ex.
-Sam
No no, I have no ulterior motives in hanging out with her (well, besides her hot friend). I just think she's a nice person and she made a point of inviting me to this thing.
Is that still not cool? I wasn't aware it was outside the realm of being acceptable...I mean, of course I would take his friendship and company over hers. But I wasn't aware that just being friendly (and nothing more) was uncool.
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