Sunday, October 28, 2007

Why must Giuliani be so hard to spell?

Uh okay, Happy Hallowe'en and all that I suppose. I actually really do hate Hallowe'een, like I do pretty much every other holiday. Strangely enough my favorite one is probably Thanksgiving, even though I'm a vegetarian. It's probably because I can't find anything too objectionable about it, though I would much prefer the American four day version at the end of November as opposed to our crappy Canadian one. But that's neither here nor there. Hallowe'en I do dislike. I'm not a kid anymore, so that angle is obviously lost. I don't have kids myself (and probably never will) so it can't work on that level either. Finally I've never been invited to any sort of Hallowe'en party in my entire life, so all the clever costume ideas I always have are for naught. Then again I'm not ever invited anywhere. No one ever invites me to birthday parties or housewarming parties or anything for that matter. The only time that it will happen is if someone clicks on all their friends on facebook and I get an invite through there. But as for someone actually calling me or non-mass emailing? Forget it. It doesn't ever happen. And I had such a great idea this year too.

A note to Christian Evangelicals in the states: Are you insane? Yeah, let's consider voting for a third party if it comes down to Rudy vs Hilary in 2008. That'll really insure a Republican victory. Do you actually want Hilary in the White House (again)? Christ, I'm not super-crazy about Giuliani either, but I'm not a fucking nut either. If he's the candidate who can beat Hilary, so be it.

Am sort of upset that baseball is over. Once again the World Series paled in comparison to the rest of the playoffs. Though at least a few of the games were close. Anyways, it was more or less a bust. Guess it's for the best. It was too much of a distraction and it was affecting my school-work. I suppose now I'll have to find some other excuse. Like this. Still, I don't know if baseball even makes me happy anymore. It used to but now I'm not so sure. Like booze...I drink myself stupid still, but it doesn't seem to drown my miseries like it once did. Perhaps I need harder stuff. Or maybe it's just wearing me down...I do feel like hell, what with the drinking and the drugs and the poor diet and lack of exercise and constant worrying and irregular sleep patterns. Maybe I'll go take a multi-vitamin. Perhaps that'll make it all better.

Sleep used to make me pretty happy. It's about the only time when I was feeling good. Bobo keeping my feet warm and usually having pleasant dreams. But I actually had a rather terrifying one a few days back that I remember waking up panicking. Yes, I suppose you could call it a nightmare. I don't remember what it was and that's probably for the best. Though I suppose I am a little curious. But anyways I can't even count on my sleep time to bring me happiness. So what else is there?

This movie trailer looks pretty cool. I really do think Will Smith is one of the best actors working in Hollywood right now and this has the potential to be pretty good. Though I haven't seen a movie in the theaters in AGES (at least six months) so I don't suppose I'll see this either. It's that whole not having anyone to go with thing. And I'm not going by myself. I tried that once, it wasn't fun. But we'll see. At any rate the last Will Smith movie I saw in theaters actually brings back rather painful memories. But they are, after all, the only memories I seem to have these days.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Artificial happiness is better than none at all. Right?

So sometimes when I'm immensely depressed in the late hours I like to jot my depressing thoughts down on a piece of paper in my barely legible hand. Things that are often too much even for "The Most Depressing Blog in the World" in fact. I usually just file them away somewhere and forget about them. They're often rambling and incoherent anyways, so it's no big loss. But just for fun I thought I'd publish the one that I wrote this past Sunday (or early Monday morning if you will). Here it is.

I really truly do wish I could be happy and have some semblance of a normal life and an even remotely happy existence. But depression really is a lousy thing and it makes it so hard to make it through the day. It's just such a damned struggle. I understand that it's not easy for a lot of us, but when you're sad and tired and unable to shake the feeling that everyone hates you, things aren't easy. Waking up to the thought of just how worthless and stupid and ugly you are isn't fun. And believe me, it's not easy to shake it.

For instance, today was a fairly decent day, at least by my standards. I probably would have slept in until 3:00 PM had not my old pal Marty Boy given me a ring to remind me that he and I and our other old friend Mario were gonna hit the local pub to have a few drinks and watch some football. So I climb my ass out of bed and head over there. Love it when your breakfast consists of Jalapeno Poppers and a pint of Boddingtons. Have a good time in general. Can't really go wrong with football and beer. Get home and do a few things around the house, try to get a bit of reading done. I don't quite finish what I wanted to, but it's not such a big deal. I did get all of my assignments done this week that needed to be done and there's no major pressure, at least for a little while. So all in all, my stress level is manageable.

I did have a bit of a headache, so I took a nap which suddenly spiraled out of control. Otherwise would have gone down to my other good pal Beer's new place to watch game 7 of the ALCS. Though my own inability to get up ruined that, I still had the option. So I really should be feeling loved and popular and all that jazz.

Yet I will wake up the same way tomorrow as I always do. I'll feel like shit and wish I was dead. 26 years old and still in my last year of university. Everyone else my age has graduated long ago. Still living at home and in no position to change that. My future? What future. What to do with a lousy English degree? Still lonely and desperate and single. Haven't been on so much as a date since March and there are NO prospects on the horizon. Not like it matters. I haven't had any sort of relationship lasting more than three months, if you can even call them 'relationships'. Though I'm unclear of the definition, I don't even think I've ever even had a 'girlfriend'. At any rate I'm so badly inexperienced and out of the game that it scarcely matters.

.....And I am now officially out of blow again. Yes I know, I shouldn't do the stuff. But it does make me feel good, if only for a little while. Granted it's artificial, but it's still better than nothing. And I do need something, at least once in a while. Don't worry folks, I haven't got anymore of the stuff and I'm not likely to score more anytime soon. Like the last time it was just one of those fluke things. But it served its purpose. Over the last few days I actually felt good about myself as I lay there trying to fall asleep. And though I felt like shit the next morning, that's really nothing new.

Anyways my immediate future doesn't look too bright. My access to coke is probably cut off (again) which is probably a good thing. It's really far too expensive. Not to mention all the physical side-effects and such. No plans for the weekend and I don't exactly foresee anyone giving me a shout or anything. If I were doing anything, I'd probably already know about it. Just me, Bobo, baseball and beer. No yayo sadly, which means I'll have to count on those other things to carry me through. I do hope that it's a good series and not just more blowouts like last night. For the last few years the actual World Series itself has been a total bust, not able to live up to the previous rounds. We'll see, tonight’s game is so far looking like a good contest. Anyways, it's on now so I'd better get back to watching. One of these days I'm going to need a better reason than baseball to get out of bed in the morning.


So Jacoby Ellsbury stole second base in the bottom of the 4th inning. So what? I'll tell you what. This means that every single person in the United States gets a free taco on October 30th. A FREE TACO. While this amazing promotion on behalf of the good people at Taco Bell is great news for everyone south of the 49th Parallel, once again us poor jerks up here in Canada are shit out of luck. I have to pay 50% more for my CDs despite the dollar's parity, I can't watch free streamed TV episodes on the big networks' websites and now this. I fucking hate Canada. Forget Iran, invade us and bring us free tacos. I wouldn't put up a fight.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Sports or schoolwork....what do you think?

Tom Brady...what the hell else is there to say about this guy? Is it any wonder I hate (and love) him. Oh the jealousy...Though I am excited that I've finally managed to convince my pal Marty Boy to go see a game in Buffalo this year. Incredibly I've never been to an NFL game in my life, despite being a huge football fan. We're gonna make the trek down on November 18th when the Bills play the Great Brady and the New England Patriots. It will be nice to see the greatest player of his generation play in person.

And baseball sure is awesome. What a game and what a series between Boston and Cleveland. Though I suppose Pedroia's two run shot in the 7th makes it a moot point, I can't believe the Indians' third base coach didn't send Lofton there in the top half of the inning...what the hell was he thinking? Ah well. Not really cheering for either team in particular, just loving some great ball.

That's it for now. Tomorrow I go back to my crappy life and remembering all my troubles. Also, I should be reading right now. Oh well.

But wait, now the Indians are threatening in the 8th! I do so fear that the actual World Series won't be able to live up to this.

Damn you channel 35 and your soft-core porno!

A few things while I'm still awake and semi-coherent at this late (early?) hour.

Firstly just a follow-up to my comment on the last post, if our Swedish friend has any insight into it, I'd be curious to hear it.

Next up, I do love baseball so much. Saturday night is "Hockey Night in Canada". Do I give a shit? No. Hockey sucks balls. I just don't get it, I really don't. I know that it's out national sport (along with lacrosse) and though I think Canada is a great place to live (most of the time) I just don't get this blind allegiance to the game of hockey. Wish I could explain it, but I don't care to. there's a real sport. The ALCS has been a blast so far and I can't wait until game seven tomorrow, though I have this nasty feeling that the actual World Series won't live up to it. My only caveat is that the games bloody last forever. Why are play-0ff games so much longer than the regular season? Oh well.

Also when I stay up late (which I've been doing too frequently lately) there's never anything good on TV and I'm actually too lazy to throw a DVD in the machine. So I watch those stupid phone sex infomercials (or whatever) on Telelatino while listening to my iPod. I do the strangest things when I can't sleep. Those phone sex girls sure are hot. I actually watch it enough that I recognize them and have favorites. Again, very sad I know.

For some reason I remember this one experience I had many years ago. I was perhaps 16 or 17. My first job was at lousy McDonald's (I know, I know) and one time after work this one girl I worked with (her name was Dianne) was getting off at the same time. We were talking towards the end of our shift and I remember her saying something about how she didn't have anything to do that night. She actually asked me if I wanted to go see a movie and I said 'no' for whatever dumb-ass reason. She said something like "oh come on, let's go do something!" and yet I still came up with some excuse to say that I couldn't. And she was HOT. I was too bloody scared to do it for whatever reason. Maybe this was my chance, this could have been a turning point and I blew it because I'm a chicken-shit. I don't know where I'm going with this but I think the moral is that if I had even the slightest amount of balls I wouldn't be so bad off. But I don't.

Finally I was working at Rona a while back and something interesting happened. I was randomly putting some stuff away when some German sounding fellow came up to me and asked me where the water filtration systems were. I directed him to the next aisle over and told him whatever little I knew about them. He thanked me and as I was about to leave, he said "Hey, was that you singing when I was in the aisle over from you"? I feigned ignorance and said "Oh perhaps, I tend to do it absentmindedly sometimes. What song was it"? He replied "Ventura Highway" and I said that yeah, I suppose it was me. He then said that I had a "damned good voice". That made me feel sorta good. Again I don't know where this is leading. But to hear someone objectively say something nice about you is nice. I still think I fucked up "Lady in Red" that one time, though I never did hear my rendition of "Drive" (which I'd have loved to) so perhaps I'm not so bad after all. Ah but who am I kidding, I'll never be a rock star like I want.

Okay, I'm done. This post is what happens when you drink and are on drugs.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

I should probably try to forget that Expos game actually...

Some thoughts as I have three hours to kill in between classes and have amazingly finished each of the three assignments / essays I had due this week!

Lord Al Gore is such a fat fraud. I'm just glad that I'm not the only one who thinks so. I really am confident that more and more people will begin to see this junk science for what it is and not go ape-shit that the world is totally fucked unless we all buy hybrid cars, recycle bodily waste, tend to organic gardens and most importantly vote Democrat (or other left leaning parties). For the record I use a blue box, avoid driving if public transit is feasible, don't let the water run, use those weird spirally light bulbs and use plain old common sense. But at the same time I'm not a psycho. As you can see I have nothing against being environmentally minded (provided you're not just a politically motivated, opportunist and alarmist) but what does it have to do with peace?

This is sort of a cool story and these are the kind of people you really root for and hope that they can turn things around for the better.

Unless it's the Yankees I don't really cheer against any baseball teams normally. I mean, I will take the occasional side in the playoffs, but seeing as my beloved Blue Jays are out of it (again) I usually just look forward to some good baseball. But after reading this story about the lousy D-Back fans, I'm glad they were swept by the Rockies. And this is a team I cheered for hard in 2001. But the people don't seem to even care enough during playoff time to fill the stadium? They don't deserve a team, let alone a winning one. Sort of like when I was at the last Expos game and they didn't even come close to filling up the Big-O. I was sad to see them move (and rather emotional) but if the people in Montreal didn't even care enough to fill the stadium that one time to see the team off, it's not hard to reason that they don't deserve a team at all.

So does this mean that Lindsay Lohan has now fallen into my price range? If only I had a regular beat on the white stuff, she'd be all mine! Okay no she wouldn't, but it's still nice to dream.

And good for this fellow, once again someone standing up against intolerance. South Park portrays Jesus as hosting a stupid local talk show and while I'm sure there are plenty of Christians who think it's blasphemous, I don't think that Trey Parker and Matt Stone really need to fear for their lives over it. If you read the article the same fellow portrayed Jesus as a pedophile in a cartoon! Yeah I think that's a bit much (and far worse than being drawn as a dog) but I'm not ready to go butcher the guy. And I'm pretty sure no one else was. I'm pretty sure that it was barely even news. I really don''t think I need to go on any further about how I stand on the subject.

That's it for now. Perhaps I'll hit up the liquor store. That might be fun!

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Yes, I still spell it "Hallowe'en"

Ugh, forgive the lack of any recent updates (again). As usual I haven't really been up to anything, I'm just lazy or apathetic. Not sure which. School hasn't been taking that much of a toll, at least so far. I do have three essays due next week (one in-class) but they're fairly lightweight. Two of them I can probably knock off in the span of a day. I have the day off tomorrow in fact and could probably finish them in the span of the day. But I likely won't. As usual I will leave them all until the last minute, adding more stress than is needed and further shortening my lifespan.

I am still remarkably bored and sad and lonely. No change. I actually have gone out on consecutive weekends though, for the first time since...well, since I can recall. Two weeks ago went out just for drinks and dinner with my friend Blondie who just got back from having worked in Quebec for several months. Nothing uber-exciting there. Last Friday actually went to the same moronic Canada's Wonderland Hallowe'en thing that I went to last year. Same girl too. We actually have been talking here and there, never really lost touch. I don't think there's anything there (plus she has a boyfriend) and I'm not going to lose much sleep over it. I was never really that into her. The ones I like never, ever like me anyways. Anyhow, it was pretty much the same as last year, albeit with nicer weather, shorter lines (go figure) and it was just the two of us. None of her other jackass friends. Still, it was what it was. I may see her here and there and do whatever. That's pretty much that. Oh and I still have little tolerance for rides.

I don't expect it to be three weeks in a row however. I really should get on these minor essays and besides, I think I'd rather stay at home and get wasted anyways. Sad.

Can't say I'm all that heartbroken about the results of yesterday's provincial election here in Ontario. Though I'm a die-hard right-winger, I had serious doubt over whether or not to vote for John Tory and the Progressive Conservatives. That he is definitely a Red Tory is one thing, certainly not a deal breaker. But this election really did come down to one issue, that being his proposal to fund all faith based schools. Up against a dud of an incumbent and one who had broken several promises at that, this should have been a cakewalk. But then he comes up with this brilliant idea. I'm still not sure how it ever made it out of being something floated in the air and into being an actual campaign promise. As soon as I heard it, I was so vociferously opposed that I really had no desire to vote for this jackass. I really am amazed that he thought anyone would think this a popular idea. Tory is such a stupid fuck for bringing it up in the first place that he really did deserve to lose. Yeah it was "only a small part" of his platform, but that's like saying "well, I'm going to legalize the drunk driving but I also have a lot of other stuff as well". And then he tried to back off on it, which didn't really work either. As soon as he made the drunken promise (it had to have been) he was doomed and I knew it. I would think that everyone did. Except whatever dumb fucks are running the Ontario P.C. Party. Tory didn't even win in his own riding...he needs to get out and get out now. Here's hoping this will mean a return to the party's roots and away from this "middle of the road" conservatism.

On the flip-side, I am glad (and not at all surprised) that the referendum to institute MMP was soundly defeated. While many of its proponents will point to the fact that no one really knew what the hell it was all about (which is probably true) I also suspect that once people found out more about it, the less they liked the idea. I have no desire to live in a province where minority governments are the norm, with all sorts of messy coalitions, elections two years and ludicrous fringe parties like the Green Party having representation in the legislature. Plus it wouldn't be beneficial to the Conservatives, let's be frank.

That's all I have. I think I'm going to go check out my lavalife profile, see if any of the girls have actually gotten back to me. Yes, I'm back with the internet dating. I hate it, but it was the only thing that even remotely worked for me. When you're as lonely and desperate as I am, you'll do pretty much anything. Craigslist hookers are of course the next step.

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Don't blame the bugs. Blame the baseball gods.

Okay, so this here is pretty much why I hate stinking Yankee fans. They are all such a bunch of fair-weather douche bags, it's not even funny. I'm just glad that The Tribe is up 2-0 and will (hopefully) sock it to that fat has-been Clemens tomorrow.

I still think LeBron is great, don't get me wrong. He's a great player and a fine young man. But you grew up near Cleveland. You pretty much work there. You are a representative of the city. And while they've struggled for a little while, the Indians were a solid team from 1995 to 2001, around the time young Mr. James was growing up. So it's not like they've always sucked. So for God's sake, why are you cheering for the Yankees? Just like the article says, the same reason all these fucknuts loved the Jordan era Chicago Bulls and then promptly donated all the merchandise they owned to Goodwill once the team began to suck.

I'd have been happier had they not made the playoffs at all, but having them lose in the first round will be the next best thing I suppose. Here's to making the AL East the only really boring division in baseball.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Uh, just some stupid thoughts while I'm way behing on my reading

Please don't neglect my last couple of posts, faithful readers. Any help with the music thing is still very much appreciated. But I had a few things that were on my mind.

After reading this, I'm almost, maybe willing to forgive Michael Vick. In a few years. Perhaps. He still does deserve jail time, for sure. But I do hope that at least he's trying to somehow mend his ways. Though I do have little use for those PETA nuts. And this is coming from someone who has been a vegetarian for the last ten years.

I'm sorry but "their first cigarette brought them a feeling of relaxation"? Are you insane? This pretty much sums up just how much I hate anti-smoking people. And this is coming from someone who pretty much just quit smoking. And not because of any conscious effort whatsoever. I just didn't really enjoy anymore. Yes I still enjoy my cigars and perhaps I'll take up smoking again someday. Or maybe not. But I don't know of anyone who didn't hack their lungs out after having their first cigarette. Give me a break. This South Park episode sums up my feelings on the matter so perfectly.

Good for Beyonce. I'm glad that she didn't cover up like Gwen Stefani did or not play certain songs like the Stones did when they played China. Beyonce is a very talented and beautiful young lady who happens to have a certain costume when she performs on stage. Why should she have to change it? Sorry, but it ain't indecent and even if it were, that's called freedom of expression without hurting anyone. Until this backwards country gets with it, they don't deserve to be graced with her presence.

I know this has been said before, but wow Greg Oden is old. And the guy is only 19!! When he's 40, he'll look like he's been dead for five years.

Finally, this really pisses me off. As I'm sure all of you know, the Canadian Dollar is now pretty much at par with the U.S. Dollar. Which means that $1 CDN is equal to $1 USD. So how come Bruce Springsteen's new CD that I want to buy is $14.96 on and $9.97 over at That's 50% more! Simply unreal. Trust me it's not just this item. I suppose I should just make a shopping list of a bunch of things that I want at the same time and even with the shipping, I'll save a bunch. I hate Canada. Sometimes.

Best essay assignment ever

Okay, I need some help. I have an assignment which is driving me nuts. Not because it seems like it will be overtly long (1000 words!) or trying. Here it is:

Choose a song from the 1960s which has not been covered in class. Study the song itself, and read all you can about it and its contexts. Decide which critical approach(es) to the song would be most useful for you, and write a short essay on it.

The essay should be 800-1,000 words long. It should be presented as a formal, double-spaced typescript. Although the emphasis should be on your own discussion of the song, you may draw on secondary sources.

Sounds like a piece of cake, right? Well it should be and it seems like one of those assignments in which I'll put far more effort than is necessary. But here's my dilemma: What song should I do? I've been going nuts in regards to pouring over my music collection and picking something. It's just so difficult to pick one song! Someone please help. Please! For an idea of what king of stuff I like, click on my profile. But pretty much anything from the era, so long as it's not too jazzy or avant-garde. So please help!!
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