Saturday, December 30, 2006

My blog sucks

I never update it anymore, seeing as I supposes I just don't care anymore or haven't the energy or something like that. I think I really may be losing interest and that this blog is on its last legs. I've said that before, I know and we're still here. But at the present, I'm really not feeling this anymore. It really is too much of an effort.

Hate Christmas. Don't want to though. I really do pray for the time when I can enjoy it once again, but it just doesn't seem like that time is going to be anytime soon. The one positive is that my bestest buddy D Rock is home from Japan for a couple weeks, so that does compensate for the fact that Christmas is always a mess at my household. My sister, my mother and I (plus the dogs) exchange gifts while my dad sits in another room watching television. Love it, what a great time. Sis and I finally go give him his gifts. He doesn't even make the effort to get us anything. Great guy. Mom makes a nice little brunch. I called my dad three times to come eat and didn't get a response. Lovely. Normally we go to a friend of the family's on the 25th, but she was out of the country this year. So we were left with this mess. If you think your Christmas sucks, please come and spend it at my house. I dare you.

Wednesday night was the long awaited Tweed Blazer: One Night Only (again) concert, of which I was a part. Drove down to Hamilton, with Bertmos and D Rock (Beer came later, there was a mix up regarding the whole thing). Quite an impressive capacity crowd, standing room only. Many of them were there to support the opening act, some dude Warren. But I suspect that Tweed Blazer had just as big a following. Their set went pretty well, I think, lots of fun. I thought I did well with my guest vocals on "Patience" and "Lady in Red", but upon watching the video footage, I've decided never to sing again. Man, I was off-key, it was terrible. Even my OWN MOTHER agreed it wasn't very good. Maybe it was the lack of rehearsal on my part, maybe it was a bad song choice or the fact I couldn't really hear myself sing. Or perhaps, just perhaps, I fucking suck. I'm never watching the tape ever again, it was painful. So bad that I think I'm putting an end to whatever small singing career I had.

Still, it was a good experience overall, the show was fun, even if the after party was a massive bust. I tried flirting with some pretty good-looking girl in a green shirt at the show, though I got nowhere. We had breakfast at Denny's at like 4:00 AM, which was also pretty nice. Have I left anything out? Oh wait, I have. Yes, she was there.

I knew she would be, of course. We've exchanged emails every now and then (with an incident or two in between), but I haven't actually seen her in almost two years. I did include her on my Christmas mailing list this year, seeing as we're at least on friendly terms and she kindly replied. So I didn't think it would be such a big deal to see her after all this time. I mean it would be nothing, a friendly hello, nothing more. Would have no effect on me. I guess I should have known better.

First off, she looked GREAT, though I always thought she did. I guess I might have been a little happier (in a schadenfreude sense) if she got fat or something, but that's not the case. She was very sweet, basically apologizing for various things she's done, saying that she didn't mean to be hurtful. Seemed genuinely happy to see me. Asked me if I was seeing anyone (which I thought to be something of an odd question to ask). We chatted amiably for a little bit during the intermission and after the show. And then *poof*, she was gone, driven home by the dude she's 'sort of' seeing (according to her).

So is that it, is that my coda? "No hard feelings, have a good life", that sort of thing? Or in a couple of days do I drop her an email, saying it was nice to see you again, did you want to hang out sometime? I know what pretty much everyone is going to say. That I should let it go, that no good can come from it. She'll probably say 'no', if even respond at all, if my past experience with her (and other women) tells me anything. I should let go, but I can't. Makes me seem pretty sad, doesn't it? All I have is this pleasant memory to hold onto and some sick, faint hope. But all that is better than nothing, which is what I fear I'd be left with otherwise. Lordy, I wish I hadn't seen her again.

Sunday, December 24, 2006

The one happy post per year

This is a short one, I just want to wish everyone who reads a very Merry Christmas and all the best this holiday season, for you and your family. Hope everyone has a great day tomorrow and has a great holiday in general.

From Bobo and myself, lots of love, thanks for reading and all the best.


Friday, December 22, 2006

One of the few thing I like about Christmas

My posts have been fairly rare lately and when I have posted, it's usually been about something fairly vapid or at any rate, something not really pertaining to my depressing life. What with this being a rather busy time, what with essays and exams, I haven't been up to much actually and I guess this is reflected in the blogging. I'm sure there are a few things I'd like to get off my chest, but I've been too preoccupied to even thing in depth about them. This post will again be something fairly light, as I had an exam the other day, little sleep and a full day today, plus an appointment, Christmas shopping and work tomorrow.

Now I'm really not big on Christmas, much of it had to do with my very shitty family situation at the time, but I'm not going to get into that. One of the few things I do like about this time of year, is many of the Christmas songs. In fact, I've made a 2 CD compilation called "Super Christmas" of what I feel are the 50 (!!) best Christmas tracks of all time. If anyone wants a copy, please let me know and I'll be happy to rip you one (for archival purposes, of course). Of those 50, I've come up with what I feel are the ten best and will present them to you in order here. I'll be happy to hear any other suggestions (likely I have them on my list of 50) and at any rate, I'll be back before Christmas to wish you all a good one at any rate.

10. Chris Rea- Driving Home For Christmas. A really nice and somewhat obscure song by English singer-songwriter Rea, just a very simple and beautiful Christmas story, with a great shimmering piano part.

9. Luciano Pavarotti- O Holy Night. An old standard of course, but it's still a beauty and done to perfection by one of the great vocalists of all-time.

8. Simon & Garfunkel- Seven O'Clock News / Silent Night- Another beautiful classic song, done by a great vocal group, but with a very moving and really jarring modern twist. The juxtaposition between the serene vocals and the stark reality of the modern world is really something else.

7. Bruce Springsteen & the E-Street Band- Santa Claus is Coming to Town- Man, when I saw him live (floor seats!) a few years ago, it was in December and during the encore, people were throwing Santa hats up on stage and he did this as his last song...damn, best show I've ever seen. The Boss is awesome.

6. Elvis Presley- Here Comes Santa Claus- Elvis had more more well known holiday hits, but I really love his gentle and laid back version of this song. Bouncy and pretty and while it seems a little trite at first, it's actually pretty poignant.

5. Johnny Mathis- I'll Be Home For Christmas- Great World War II era song, it's been done by a hundred million different artists, but for my money, no one nails it quite like Johnny Mathis does.

4. Nat King Cole- The Christmas Song- Man, what a voice. I don't know why people even bother remaking this song, no one is even going to come CLOSE to this perfect version that still has the power to make folks misty eyed during the holiday season.

3. David Bowie and Bing Crosby- Little Drummer Boy / Peace on Earth- Watch the video and while it may be totally surreal, I think that it's a truly beautiful song, one of my very favourite duets and great hopeful song.

2. Judy Garland- Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas- Stick to the original from the movie Meet Me in St. Louis and with the unaltered melancholy lyrics. She had such a great voice and this song breaks your heart and yet offers hope at the same time.

1. Greg Lake- I Believe In Father Christmas- Misused in various commercials, I still don't know what to make of this song, whether I take a from it a sense of optimism or not. It probably makes me think more than any other Christmas song I know and has one of the great lines of all-time, "The Christmas we get we deserve". The one thing I do know, is that despite all my grumblings and unhappiness this time of year, I do believe in Father Christmas and pray that one year he'll be good to me.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

It's about fucking time, Time.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Someone I actually hate more than Chavez

Just imagine Adolf Hitler with 'The Bomb' and six million Jews concentrated in a rather small area less than a couple hundred miles away. Scary. That's pretty much what you have with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Of course he and his government is only pursuing nuclear technology for "peaceful" purposes, in order to produce energy. If you can look me in the face and tell me that you actually believe this, you might just be the dumbest sack of shit I've ever encountered (and likely an anti-Semite). I find it simply unreal that all the members of the Non-Aligned Movement support "Iran's nuclear program for civilian purposes". Wow.

Now you have him repeating statements he made not too long ago at some charming little Holocaust Denial convention. Either no one seems to really take this guy seriously or no one seems to care. Either way, it's a pretty sad state of affairs. The Israelis launched a very daring attack when Saddam was close to building nukes in the early 80s and I hope something similar happens again. I just don't see any way to negotiate with a lunatic like this. The French and the Russians keep helping these rogue states out when it comes to nuclear proliferation and then block attempts at UN sanction. God, I hate the useless UN. Thank God there are some countries willing to stand up with the free and sovereign nation of Israel and all the good people there. You know who they are.

These Islamofascists are far worse than the Nazis ever were, as far as I'm concerned and won't be happy with even an Israel the size of a postage stamp. Again it just burns me how people don't seem to give a damn.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Yes, I actually re-typed the whole thing

This is a real 911 call, courtesy of one of my favourite book series, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader. Reprinted without permission, though please do purchase one of their fine volumes, I find them supremely entertaining.

Dispatcher: 911.
Female Caller: I am trapped in my house!
Dispatcher: Trapped? Is someone holding you there?
Caller: Someone? No. But there is a frog on the front porch.
Dispatcher: A frog?
Caller: Yes, a frog.
Dispatcher: Okay, but what is preventing you from leaving the house?
Caller:I told you. There is a frog on the porch and I am afraid of frogs.
Dispatcher: And you don't have another door to the house?
Caller: No, there is only one door and I can't get out of the house with the frog sitting there.
Dispatcher: Why don't you take a broom and sweep the frog off the porch?
Caller: I can't do that. I told you, I am afraid of frogs. He might get me.
Dispatcher: Um...I'm not sure I can help you with this.

Again, this is a real thing, check out Uncle John's Unstoppable Bathroom Reader 16th Edition if you don't believe me! These books are awesome and I recommend them even if you don't read on the toilet. They're full of great little things like this and so much more. Also, I am so drunk right now. Drinking heavily is the only thing that keeps me sane.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Fuck, I need sleep and I need to make it through this week alive

There's been a lot of anger on this blog lately, though to be fair it's mostly at the hands of one person and amazingly, that person isn't me! Our good pal Dosi has been freaking out left, right and center, offending everyone with his crazed ramblings. Hopefully everyone who has read in the past is still reading and no one has been driven away.

At any rate, we were talking and I've encouraged him to start up his own blog, so that he may vent his insane frustrations in his own forum, though for now I'm more than happy to be the one to facilitate these crazed outbursts; it makes for fun reading. It also seems that the root of his anger stems from the fact that he's "on tilt" most of the time, whatever that means. Seems no future, no woman, no job, no life has got him down or so he says (sorry btw if I'm not at liberty to share all this). All that stuff really reminds me of me, though I do have a job, albeit one which crushes whatever spirit I have left everytime I set foot inside there. He replied that at least it means that I have money to do stuff with, which really got me to thinking about how little I actually have to do.

Now I've been sick for the last week, something which has probably been exasperated by the fact that I've barely been sleeping and have had a colossal amount of school work. I have a midterm on Thursday and a take home exam due that same day, but I know that in my present state I won't be able to accomplish much, so today I've just been trying to recover some. And stewing. Never a good thing.

For some reason a thought popped into my head regarding a comment Sam made on one of the previous posts, regarding me attending this birthday dealy for a friend's ex. Apparently it wasn't cool for me to be doing so and while I can see how that may be the case, I got to thinking something. How many people ever invite me anywhere? This girl, whom I don't even know that well was very kind to make sure to invite me to her birthday thing (two years in a row) and make me feel wanted there. That's really more than I can say for most people. I have so many people that I think are "friends" who never invite me to shit. Not to a birthday gathering, not to a random night out, nothing. Prior to this, I really can't remember the last time someone invited me somewhere. It really makes me angry. She has the decency to invite me somewhere, why not attend?

I got to thinking of this one occasion a couple of years ago that I'll never, ever forget. It was a couple of days before Christmas, 2004. A friend of mine at the time was in town for a few days before catching a flight and spending the holidays out of town. So many people are invited to some sort of get together dealy before he leaves. I don't know if it was specific to him or whatever, but that's beside the point. The meeting point for this thing is downtown Toronto and of the people in our area, there were seven including myself. Now I was the only one with a car that day and while no one asked me to, I offered my services as driver. Things would be a lot easier if someone drove, we could stay out later, people could get home easier etc. So I pack seven people into the Honda Civic I was driving at the time, head downtown (or at least to the subway) in rather snowy conditions. It's not a big car, so we actually had to do two in the trunk! Everyone has a fun time, drinks lots except for me, I'm driving. But whatever, I still had fun. I drive everyone home at three in the morning to various parts of the suburbs, no complaints. A few of those same guys had driven me places at various times, for sure.

Now skip forward a few days, to Christmas day in fact. My buddy who was supposed to take the flight actually missed it (he slept in). So I'm doing my usual Christmas thing with the family (dinner at a family friend's) when I get a call from my old pal D Rock. He says something to the effect of "Hey, what time is the movie again, I couldn't reach ______?" Naturally, I have no idea what the hell he's talking about. To make a long story short, it seems that the same people I drove home had made plans to see The Life Aquatic and conveniently neglected to invite me. Now I don't know who actually planned this, but what I do know is that no one thought to invite their old pal Kid Icarus, the guy who drove them all home two nights before. Now I'm not some bloody saint for doing so, I was happy to do it. But that none of them thought of me or perhaps worse still, did and decided not to bother giving me a hurt. A lot. And it's stayed with me to this day. Now I know that D Rock isn't to blame, he probably just got a call from someone and only assumed that I was invited. But I'll bet you that each of the other six people who were in that car went to see that movie that day and I was conspicuously not included.

It's shit like this that really sums up my life. Dosi may complain that his weekends are shite, doing the same thing over and over again, but at least he has something to do. After I'm done all my shit tomorrow, do you know how I'll be spending my weekend? I'll be at home, alone, drinking myself stupid until I finally drag myself into bed. Somehow I'll bet Dosi's weekend and everyone elses will be just a touch better than mine. They'd all be like that, if it weren't for someone like this young lady occasionally showing me some kindness in making me feel wanted.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Thoughts that occupy my mind on the morning commute

I'm rather sick and rather busy with essay writing, but I thought I'd at least share some random thoughts that I jotted down whilst riding the subway yesterday morning. Hopefully this won't be too long, but knowing me, it will be.

1. Reading the newspaper, I'm really loving Canada's Liberal Leadership Convention. Conservative turncoat and opportunist supreme, Belinda Stronach is now a brunette! She looked much better as a blonde (see below). Questionably sane failed Democratic Presidential candidate Howard Dean is speaking! A sure sign that this is the party to back. Above all, I love the fact that the two frontrunners in this race are altogether useless.

Michael Ignatieff, technocrat supreme, is a guy who hasn't lived in Canada for 30 years, decides to parachute into a riding to run for office, is opposed by that riding's Liberal party chair and is the perfect example of someone who can have all the degrees in the world from all the fanciest schools and is still a complete dumbass. Yes, I guess some say the same about George W. Bush, but at least he never made the pretense of being some great intellectual. Then there's Bob Rae, a man who stumbled his way into being elected Premier of Ontario and quickly proceeded to flush the economic fortunes of this province down the toilet. Enjoying single digit support throughout most of his term, he was voted out in a landslide after one term. Oh and this was all as a member of the NDP, Canada's charming little socialist party. But he's now a Liberal, just in time to run for their leadership. Speaking of opportunism...

Anyways, the other two top tier candidates are relatively unknown compared to these two, but I suspect the party would be a hell of a lot better off with them at the helm. Hopefully that won't happen, as I'd relish going up against either of the two losers I just mentioned. I still can't believe that this party continues to enjoy the level of support it does in this country. I blame the fact the Canadian electorate is just so complacent, uninformed and lethargic that they shrug their collective shoulders and say "Eh, might as well vote Liberal again, I guess" instead of actually paying the slightest bit of attention to what's going on.

2. Was thinking about something my mom told me the other day. She had a friend who was living in New York City and found a man's wallet. She returned it, to a well-dressed middle-eastern looking man. He said to her "I'm not going to give you a cash reward, but I will tell you something that might save your life. Don't drink any Pepsi-Co. products in 2007". Now if he was a white fellow or black or Hispanic or Asian or whatever, one would automatically dismiss him as some sort of wacko. But since he was Arabic, most people would be at least a little freaked out. I hate to say it, but it is true. I'm sure most people don't want to feel a bit uncomfortable, but I guess it's hard to help it still. I sort of do, I'll admit it. People hear two guys speaking in an Arabic sounding language to each other and for a second they get worried that they're plotting to blow up a building or something. That makes me a little sad, but I'm not sure for whom.

3. I really don't like Burkas or similar all-covering clothing for women. I'm not going to go over my reasons, because they're the same ones you've read and heard countless times I'm sure. There is NO need for them in any progressive, forward thinking society in which women are treated as equals, not subservients or even objects. Again, you've heard the arguments before, please don't make me write an essay on this.

4. I hate people who put their bags on the seat next to them, in an attempt to avoid having to sit next to someone else. Or taking the outside seat in a row of two, in order to "block" the inside seat. Leave your bags on the floor or on your lap and sit on the inside. Lots of people ride the subway and sometimes you have to sit next to someone. Get over it.

5. I like people who bring doggies and babies on the subway. Just because doggies and babies are cute and they make me smile on my commute. That's all.

6. I would totally dig being with an older* woman, like 30 or 40. I saw this one woman who was probably mid 30s, very good looking. She was in good shape, but had a few wrinkles and a little bit of baggage under the eyes. That doesn't bother me, in fact I think it adds a certain amount of character. In a way, it's this strange turn on. Plus I've always gotten along better with older people, which probably explains why I have no friends. Where to meet these older women and how to convince them to go out with a 25 year old who lives with parents and still goes to school is the big question though.
*Please note that by "older" woman, I do not mean to suggest that I consider 30 or 40 to be "old" or even "older" in a general sense and I never even meant to imply such. I use the term as relative to my own age, that being 25. Just because someone is older than I am, it does not mean that they are "old" or otherwise enfeebled, decrepit, over-the-hill or that their life is over. One is only as old as they feel, so therefor I probably died six years ago.

7. Eva Green (above) is so hot. She may be the hottest woman ever. Finally saw Casino Royale on Tuesday and wow. She's unreal, one of those women who are so hot and way out of my league and thus, totally make me depressed. I guess I'll go rent The Dreamers, in which she is apparently all sorts of naked for pretty much the whole movie. Otherwise, the movie was VERY good, I'd say one of the best Bond movies ever and easily the best since For Your Eyes Only. Craig is very good and I'm glad that I was wrong about him, as were many people. I wish I didn't know the basic gist of the ending from reading the novel, but other than that I had little to complain about. Yeah, it was a bit longish and the ending was better in the book, but overall it was a great movie and well updated from a book published fifty years ago. Oh and I went to see it with that girl that I've "visited" a couple of times with. I'm sick of her already, truth be told. Really don't want to see her again, she lives way too far and just isn't worth it. Is it bad form if I just ignore her and never speak to her again? Yeah, I'm not Bond. I guess I have to be nice as I can about it. Dammit.
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