Sunday, November 18, 2007

Drunken, drug addled thoughts and such

I did finally respond to the previous post (thanks for the input folks), so please don't ignore it as well. I just also had this other stuff on my mind, so I wanted to go ahead with it.

So I'm giving serious thought to dyeing my hair black. Various surveys and personal observation has told me that women don't seem to be so crazy about blond hair. I've always been proud of my natural blondness, but my opinion doesn't seem to count for much. I once also thought that I was decently good looking, but time and experience has proven me quite wrong. I don't know, it might look stupid. But I'm not doing so well as is, so I don't see any harm in it. Maybe it would look good, I really don't know. Anything short of extensive plastic surgery probably wouldn't help, but I'm willing to try any and all options at this point. Let me know if it would work.

I had such a nice dream the other night. As usual it's not easy to remember all the details of it and in retrospect it doesn't seem nearly as pleasant as when I was having it. All I remember is that I was installing security cameras at work first off. Then for some bizarre reason we were selling hula hoops and I was thrust into some sort of hula-hoop championship, with something or rather on the line important (in reality, I can't even make the thing go around once). I just remember lots of people rooting for me and I think I had a girl cheering me on who looked like Rachel McAdams. I did manage to get a kiss from her before my alarm woke me up. I hate being awake, I really do. There really isn't anything I enjoy about it, at least when compared to being unconscious.

Went to karaoke yesterday with a young lady that I've written about several times, the young lady that I referred to as 'girly' (creative, I know) in previous posts. There was perhaps something there (read about her here and here and here if you care) but in a very odd twist, I was never interested in that way. If you still need more info about her and you have lots of free time, search my archives from around September 2006 and onward for the next couple of months following. At any rate we're still friendly, which is nice I suppose. She does live way out on the other side of the city which stinks, but she really is a nice person and I enjoy her company in doses. Anyways, seeing as I love karaoke and everytime I drove to her place I'd see this place advertising it on Fridays, I always bugged her about it. Finally she acquiesced and we went. It was quite the dive and seemed to be frequented by rednecks. It seems as though everyone in Toronto's East End is a big country music fan. I had no clue.

At first it seems pretty empty and I even thought I had a chance a getting quite a few songs in, though I'm proven wrong as the people pour in. I guess I'll never be as lucky as with my first real karaoke experience. It was when I was working at The Beer Store and went to a place that was actually of comparable quality with a dude and a couple of girls after a shift. It was fairly empty and I must have gone up at least 6 or 7 times. The guy who was running the show told me I was the best he'd ever seen and one of the girls I went with (who was quite hot) kept practically begging me to sing. I so could have gone home with her had I wanted, but was so damned naive (and even more scared) at the time. Man, it was a blast. Sorry, I digress. Back to the other night.

So I order some food and a beer, put a song in. I encouraged her to do the same. She did some country song (big surprise) and though not bad, she's not a singer. Anyways, I followed right after with something very obscure that I stumbled upon and am shocked they had. It was a song that Bob Dylan wrote and preformed live (though never in studio) called "Tomorrow is a Long Time" that Elvis Presley somehow covered in 1966 when he was really at the nadir of his career. Though I love Elvis and am biased to all but the shittiest of his output, this is unbelievable recording and Dylan himself even called it the favorite cover of any of his songs. I will try to upload it some how tomorrow, I tried and failed tonight. Find it if you can, it's a lovely track (try the link below, it might work).

So I sing it and I think I totally nailed it. Girly (who had never really heard me sing before) said that I was amazing. I thought so as well. This is coming from someone who (as you all know) never gives himself any credit. I only got one other song in, indeed the one which I quote right underneath this blog's title. A totally different vocal from the previous song and I think I also did very well with it.

My point? I guess it's that even when I think I do something well or I'm good at something, I still don't get any love for it. I totally hate myself and think I'm a useless sack of shit, but I really think I can sing, that one time that I fucked up "Lady in Red" notwithstanding. This is possibly why I have this mentality that people hate me. Like I could write the greatest novel of all-time and no one would care. It reminds me of this time way back in high school where I was trying out for this student directed one-act play festival and out of six possible plays, I got one lousy callback, that from someone who was a friend and probably only gave me a second look out of pity. I remember being crushed because I thought I was good. Then lo-and-behold, I somehow got cast in the lead of a play that I wasn't even called back for. It seems that my drama teacher (who always liked me and believed in me) had convinced this person that I could play the part. The play went on to represent the region at the provincial level and though it didn't win there, I was singled out for an outstanding performance and awarded with a large plaque that I'm still quite proud of.

It's always been that no one ever wants to give me a chance, no one ever seems to give me the benefit of the doubt. In a world of oh so crucial first impressions, it's only the people who have had time to really see me are the ones who will believe in me. So even though I think there are things that I have to offer, something intangible makes it so that I never seem to even get through enough to get to the point where I can 'wow' people. Like back when I was in the old band, my mates knew that I was good, but no one else gave half a damn. Even though it never went anywhere, I still miss it. Perhaps other people would give those around me a chance and I could just sort of ride the wave until I was accepted.

Anyways, whatever. Football game today. Driving down to Buffalo. Go Pats! I need sleep.


Blogger cutekilla said...

Don't go black. Dyeing your hair black is trying WAY too hard... It's the kind of thing people do in high school, myself included. Plus, I don't think it would really complement your skin tone. If you want to go dark, go for a chestnut brown or something maybe even a bit lighter that will blend with your natural tones.

On the subject of karaoke, you should totally check out the private karaoke rooms in Korea town. You pay a rental fee for the room, but it's not too bad if you split it among a few people. And they do drink service right in the private room! You'd have no problem singing to your heart's content.

You know Mike, you are talented. But people don't see that in someone who is always so down on themselves. It's not that you have to be conceited about it, but people can smell a lack of confidence like so much doggy doo. I think its a pheromonal thing... Anyhow, I'll duet with you at karaoke any time.

November 20, 2007 9:34 PM  
Blogger Kid Icarus said...

Yeah, I did try the private karaoke thing many years ago. It was just with a bunch of dudes, so it was fairly lame, but I'd certainly be up to giving it another go and hopefully at a better establishment. If you know of any good ones, let me know. It's nice that you get to sing more, but on the downside don't get that nice audience feel. So it's a trade-off.

And no, I have no confidence. Not a lick. I'm sure you're probably right about it being pheromonal or whatever. If anyone has any clue as to how to get that confidence, short of copious amounts of liquor or blow, do let me in on the secret.

November 21, 2007 3:07 PM  

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