Saturday, March 11, 2006

Blog's still alive and so am I

My internet was down for the last few days, so I haven't been able to post. Sorry to anyone who still reads this.

Anyways, I'm seriously burnt out here. I haven't slept in a week, thank you schoolwork. Two of my three essays went fairly well, but the third almost killed me, no joke. I was just so depressed while writing it, I was wishing I was dead. I don't understand a damned thing in that course and my essay is a rambling, incoherent mess, at best. Man, I'm really scared and stressing that I'm going to fail that class. Otherwise, school is okay. At least it's been a distraction for the last little while, taken my mind off the misery that is my life. Oddly, in my sleep-deprived delirium, I found myself to be surprisingly lucid and chatty before class the other day, talking to all sorts of strange people I'd never spoke to before. A strange wave of confidence overtook my whilst in that state, I suppose. Sadly, it didn't last, as I became morbidly depressed upon handing what is sure to be a failure of an essay. The only plus is that Cute Red Head gave me a 'there, there' hug to make me feel better. Sadly, the most I'll ever get from her.....sigh.

Might be getting a car soon, if all works out. Been seriously looking into getting something, my mum has a few leads and hopefully at least one of them will pan out, not to mention I'll have to get in touch with her insurance company to see if I'm insurable. Hopefully it will work out. I need some sort of vehicle. I know it will be a shitbox, but it's better than nothing. And at least it'll be my shitbox.

Still, not like I have anywhere remotely exciting to go. Same old complaints, yeah I know. But it's true. No one ever calls, no one ever wants to hang out. The few people I do know are always too busy, have other plans or just don't feel like it for whatever reason. Story of my life. Maybe things will pick up. I hope. They just have to. The complete and utter collapse of my social life happened either around the time I lost the ability to drive the old car or the time that D-Roc went to Japan. Man, I hope it's the former, at least that way there's hope in the near future.

I bite my nails way too much. I mean, I REALLY bite them down, even when there is absolutely nothing left to bite. I wish I could figure out a way to stop. Anyone have any ideas? Maybe I need to smoke more. Pack a day, anyone?

Had an odd flashback today, while on the bus home from school on Thursday. The song "Gloria" by Laura Branigan came on my iPod and it totally took me back to this night. I think I may have been in love with that girl, I don't know. One of those brief encounters, where someone makes a huge impression on you, though you only see them once in your entire lifetime. It reminded me of the scene in City Slickers where Curly (Jack Palance) is talking about the one time in his life that he was in love, when he saw a young lady for a fleeting moment and yet she was the love of his life. Sorry, I'm not able to remember the scene exactly, but still it popped into my head. Still, it's amazing that someone you randomly meet in a bar, sing karaoke with, talk to and will never see again can make you feel so attractive, so wanted, so talented and all that. Now I'm rambling. Sorry, I'll stop.

That's it for now. I've had a rough week and I think I might polish off a nice bottle of wine tonight, so that's it from me. A good night to all that still read this and still care.


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