Saturday, January 28, 2006

Seriously Lonely

At this point, I can't even remember the last Friday or Saturday night I went out. It has been a LONG time. Easily a month. Haven't been to a bar or to a movie in ages. No one to go with. And I think going by myself would just make me more miserable.

I asked the really hot girl who works at the massage store just down from me, what she was up to tonight. She said nothing, not until her boyfriend got off work at around midnight. I asked her is she wanted to grab a drink or something to eat before then. Just all friendly like. Obviously I know she has a dude and she knows that I know this. We work right next to each other and get off at the same time, so it's just something for her to do until her guy gets off work. Besides, she is WAY the hell out of my league. She's a starting second baseman in the bigs and I'm warming the bench down at AA ball, with no chance of ever being called up. She said 'no'. She thought about it (or seemed to) for a few seconds and then decided that she promised her family that she'd be home for dinner tonight, but for sure some other time. Yeah, we'll see. I don't even have designs on this one, I know that she's far too good for me. It'd just be nice to go out somewhere for a change and maybe at least be seen with a hot girl. Instead, it'll be ordering in pizza to go with a six pack (or more). This is why I was so shocked when cute red head actually agreed to have coffee with me; my batting average is seriously low.

It would be nice if for once someone asked me if I wanted to do something. Maybe even a cute girl. But that never happens to me. SO many times I can remember cute girls asking about friends or co-workers, if they were single etc. But it never happens the other way around. To my knowledge, no one has ever said to a friend of mine "Hey, I think your friend King Hippo is cute". If it has, it's never reached my ears (in which case, thanks a lot supposed friend). Though I suspect that it's a case of the former. I just don't seem to attract any interest. Man, I wish I were cute.


Blogger Del Fuego said...

I think you may be casting such a wide net that you'll never catch anything. You need to exploit some personality quirks and realize and accept that it's going to be detrimental to some relationships to benefit others.

For instance, I'm very annoying and weird. I sing at inappropriate times, am very foul mouthed and sarcastic and engage in generally unpredictable behaviour. But not all the time, as that would be predictable. I have no doubt that many people can't stand me. I must be offensive on numerous levels to a good number of people who just wish I'd shut up. Please, please shut up they probably think. Or just tone it down. I'm very oppressive.

And that's good. It weeds out people. If someone is cool with all that, then they in turn are cool. If I annoy you, then clearly we shouldn't hang out and it's good to establish that as soon as possible. I recommend the singing thing, it's a crowd pleaser if you happen to know a diverse amount of music and can whip off some really obscure ones from time to time. You're bound to hit one someone really loves and you have an instant conversation starter.

If that's not your style, an eclectic wardrobe is also good for offending some while interesting others. My hawaiian shirt/bowling shirt/dress shirt/fur-laden party shirts clearly make me look obnoxious to many yet fabulous to some. When people ask where you bought your clothes, you've made an impression. Good, bad, who cares?

I find a slightly less than typical hobby is also good to hook interest once it's been peaked in other ways. Like writing. I do that. I haven't worked out a method to properly describe my writing ina n intertesting way yet, on account of I hate when people ask what I write, but having a stable of short stories that are funny and somewhat unwholesome is also a crowd pleaser. Alternates are paiting, making movies, playing some sort of brass instrument or photography. Something arty, anyway. Everyone loves creativity. Doesn't matter if you do any of that right now, you could start.

I can't guarantee that'll work for picking up women, cuz I've never actually tried any of that with the goal of picking someone up, it's more of just how I am, but people seem to enjoy my company. Some people do, anyway. Enough that I get loaded and pass out on their bathroom floors from time to time.

January 30, 2006 9:06 AM  
Blogger King Hippo said...

Del Fuego, your sage advice is always readily appreciated.

By 'casting a wide net', I guess you mean I'm trying too hard to please everyone in some way, yes? I don't exactly follow, but if that's what you mean, I guess I can see it.

I, much like yourself, have been described as both 'annoying' and 'weird'. I'm sure I've said plenty of annoying things that have offended a lot of people. I too, often wear loud shirts and probably many of the other things you do (save the fur). The singing thing is also right up my alley. I'm certainly prone to burst out into song when I've had a few and even when I haven't. I love singing and I like to think I'm pretty good at it.

The trouble is, I've gotten lots of flack for all these things. People seem to take extreme offense to a lot of the things I've said in the past, political or otherwise. I've toned myself down a lot in that regard, to the point of basically keeping my mouth shut mostly. A close friend has often criticized my choice of dress, saying I look ridiculous. Ditto my sometimes unruly hair style. As per the singing, if I'm to believe what I've been told, I may have lost a formerly good friend because I sang too loudly after one drunken escapade.

The point I'm trying to get to, is that I like my crazy hair, my wild shirts, the random singing and all my other habits. At least, I used to. These things are all part of who I am and yet none of them have worked to my advantage. Therefor, I'm a lot more reticent than I used to be.

I'm glad that people seem to enjoy your company, but that doesn't seem to be the case with me, sadly. At this point I'm not really looking so much for someone to 'pick up' as I am for someone to hang out with. You know, friends. I've tried being myself, I've tried being someone else. Neither seems to really be working, so I don't know what to do next.

January 31, 2006 6:44 PM  

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