Sunday, June 04, 2006

Just so f*cking frustrated

Fuck...I mean, fuck I'm just so fucking angry today. Why is my life so fucking empty? I know that things could be a whole lot worse, I have food and clothing and shelter and all that shit, yes. I have my health. But I seriously have nothing to do. I am so bored and so sick of the fact that I have no life and no one to hang out with. Why does everyone else I know seem to have plenty of friends and things to do all the time? Everyone else has a group of friends they hang out with, go out and do things with. I used to have that to an extent, but not anymore. I might go out here and there with various individuals, but that's about it. I don't know how to meet people. Anyone who says it's easy is lying. If I didn't contact people and ask them to go out (those few individuals) I wouldn't ever leave the house. No one ever thinks to give me a call or drop me a line. I think of others, but no one ever seems to think of me. I'm just getting so sick of being ignored by the world.

Understand that I'm not trying to project this anger out in the real world. This is my place to vent. Certainly no one wants to be with someone who is all angry and negative. I'm trying to be as nice and positive as I can with people. I'm a decent fellow; I try and treat people as I would like to be treated myself. I don't think that people are treating me poorly or anything like that. I just hate the fact that no one seems to think of me or wants to be around me. I guess I'm just sick of being ignored, whatever that means. I feel so invisible. I hate the fact that everyone else has friends and things to do and I'm always stuck with nothing to do and nowhere to go.

Sorry if this is rambling and incoherent, but I'm just in a pissed off mood today. I feel so lonesome and instead of making me depressed, it's making me angry. Maybe sexual frustration has something to do with it, I don't know. Maybe I need to get laid. And I really don't want to have to settle like I did before. I'm a nice person, polite, articulate and intelligent, not that bad looking. I love animals and my mother, my personal hygiene is very good, I wear nice clothing and expensive colognes and for what? I could stop showering and start wearing track pants and still get the same effect, which is to say none. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I really am completely objectionable. Maybe it's my image. Maybe I should abandon who I am and just become someone else. People don't seem to like the real me, maybe I should stop being myself and become a complete asshole. Maybe there's no point to treating people well. It doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere.

Fuck, I'm just so god damned pissed off right now. I find it next to impossible to be happy for anyone who has something to do tonight, someone to be with or somewhere to go. I just wish I had a life is all.


Blogger Squirrely said...

Okay, I might have a temporary solution to your problem. Why don't you take up a course or a class this summer? It's a great way to
A) meet new people
B) start a new hobbie
C) get your mind off how depressing you think your life is.

Take boxing or something, it would be a good stress reliever.Just a thought.

June 05, 2006 4:20 PM  
Blogger Daphne said...

The squirrel is a smart little rodent, sir Hippo.

June 05, 2006 10:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Hippo,

If it's any consolation, I remain indoors for several hours a day, followed by returning home to a busted internet and a 19-year-old girl with a shaved head. We sit on the porch and smoke cigarettes and occationally I will order pizza. This is my current situation.
However, I would agree with Squirrely. I was about to take Summer School too, that being my one resource to make new friends / friends with common interests as well. However, the school changed my grade from a fail to a 70%, so then summer school was no longer necessary.

(heart) Dosi

June 06, 2006 9:27 AM  
Blogger King Hippo said...

Some sort of a course might not be such a bad idea...though I really can't think of what sort of thing to get involved in. Any specific ideas?

June 06, 2006 9:36 PM  
Blogger Squirrely said...

Well, it could be something active like boxing or tae kwon-do, or joining a gym maybe. Or maybe you want to take up a second language like Spanish or German. Or you could take an art course, maybe painting or sketching. There are so many options. You should pull out the phone book and take a look or get a summer course book from your school.

June 07, 2006 8:39 AM  

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