Sunday, July 23, 2006

I need a beer...and pills. Fuck all this.

Not a good weekend. I really don't want to write anything, I don't want to do anything at all. This won't be up to my usual standard, for that I apologize. All I want to do is sleep, something I've been doing a lot of lately. Beats being awake, that's for sure.

On Friday I went to a going away get-together for my co-worker Ursula. She landed a good job out west and left yesterday. It's a great opportunity for her. Made me think though. If I were going away, what kind of going away party would I have? Not much of one, that's for sure. She had a pretty decent turnout, a total of about 15 people I think. Not too shabby. How many would turn out for me? Probably none, seeing as I wouldn't have anyone to invite in the first place. How sad it would be. I'd have maybe a few people to even invite and how many of those would show? 2 or 3? What a joke. See the last post...a free ticket to a concert and the only response is a joke response from someone who's in Japan. I do know D Rock would go if he were here, but it hurts that I can't find a single person who would want to go with me. That shows you just how popular I am. If I left tomorrow, I'd be gone and how many people would miss me? Not too many. I could wake up dead and would I be mourned? Not likely.

I'm just pissed off lately. Really angry. Why do I bother? I mean, I'm always nice to people or at least I try to be. Sure, everyone can be an asshole at times, myself included. But I really try...When I buy a coffee, I always say please and thank you, give a warm smile to the person behind the counter and for what, where does it get me? Why do I hold the door open for people, why do I say excuse me when I pass in front of someone? It's gotten me nowhere. I know that kindness should be its own reward, but to be as miserable and friendless as I am, it hurts.

Fuck it. Fuck treating people well. No point in being nice to people, where has it gotten me? Nowhere. I see and hear from women all the time who are or have been with guys who treat them like shit, cheat on them, take advantage of them, display incredible jealousy and all sorts of bad things. And yet these guys seem to do pretty well with chicks. Why aren't I one of them? That should be my approach. Why bother being respectful and stuff. Fuck it. Treat them like shit, that's what seems to work. Man, if I ever do manage to get a girl, why don't I treat her like garbage, use her for sex and then let her know that? That's what other guys do and it works for them.

No friends sucks. All I have to do is sit around and drink. It's what I did last night, it's what I'll do today. That and sleep. Maybe I have some pills left, that'll enhance the experience. Plus I'll be able to sleep better. If I'm left alone with my own thoughts too long while sober, I don't feel starts to hurt too much. Fuck.


Post a Comment

<< Home

eXTReMe Tracker