Saturday, July 16, 2005

I want to be an *sshole

I don't really feel like posting, but it's been a while, so I might as well write something. I'm still pretty miserable. I still hate myself, every single fiber of my being in fact. This has to be part of my problem. I mean, I truly hate everything about myself. I hate the fact that I'm a gutless coward. I hate the way I look. I hate the fact that I'm always feeling sorry for myself. I really just hate me. The only solution that I can think of is to become someone else.

One of my biggest problems is that I 'care' too much. I fixate, I'm terrified of rejection, I spend so much time worrying about what other people think of me. I really should just become an *sshole and stop caring all together. Women like that, no matter what they say. They don't seem to want the nice, polite, sensitive guys. They like the *sshole, who just doesn't give a damn and maybe een treats them like shit from time to time. I mean nice guys do finish last, yes? So I should give it a try huh? I mean, would it work? I seem to doubt that it would for me. In order to be an *sshole, you also have to be confident about yourself. You have to know and truly believe that this girl isn't going to do any better than you anytime soon. And I know that's simply not true, not by a long shot. You can throw a stone into a crowd and hit someone who's better than me. It's a stone cold fact. I have NOTHING to offer. I can't be an *sshole, because I just can't back it up. Also, I'd feel bad, I know I would. I feel like a misogynist *sshole just writing this, which I'm not. So I guess I'm just going to stick to being a nice, polite, shy guy and see how that continues to work. I have a feeling it won't. In the end it doesn't come down to my being an *sshole or not. Despite what my attitude and outlook are, I'm the problem. They just don't like ME and it doesn't seem like they ever will.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fuck guy. I ran across your blog (the title was interesting) and all I can say is fuck. get over your fucking self for a minute, will you? If you want people to like you, you have to just get over yourself. You're probably depressing them. No wonder no chicks will sleep with you. Fucking grow some balls.

July 16, 2005 9:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And quit listening to such depressing music. It can't help.

July 16, 2005 9:28 PM  
Blogger Heavy D said...

SNAP!

July 17, 2005 2:16 PM  
Blogger King Hippo said...

Pardon me anonymous, but for the first perhaps 22 years of my life let's say, I did maintain a largely positive attitude. Yes I was shy and yes I wsa still depressed, but I largely kept it to myself. I can only handle so many years of being utterly rejected by everyone and failing at everything I attempt. Even when I wasn't so miserable, people still didn't like me. So tell me, what am I supposed to do?

July 17, 2005 3:10 PM  

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