Nearing the end of my rope.
Well, it happened again. I was having an okay day. We hired that cute girl who used to work at Starbucks. I start training her tomorrow. Other than that, nothing bad happened. I was feeling okay. Until....
Someone talked about sex again. I was doing fine and then....crash. Like a ton of bricks. A girl over MSN was talking about how she broke up with her long time boyfriend recently and how she was sad about it, understandably so. Then she goes into the problem she has. How she was out with some friends and some dude and after some drinking they 'sort of hooked up' and how she just wanted to experience 'some single fun'. So the same old bullsh*t starts going through my head. No one wants to 'hook up' with me. No wants to have 'single fun' with me. It's that simple. I am completely unf*ckable. Now I know I just wrote about this the other day. But it consumes me completely. Other people have sex. They have sex with their boyfriend or girlfriend or people they just met or someone. Whatever. The bottom line is, they're having sex. I am not. End of story.
Yes I want to be in a relationship. And then have that relationship end and for me to pick myself up and find someone else. And for that one to end and so on, so forth. And in between have sex with random girls I meet at bars or parties or wherever. Like normal people do. Why can't I do this? Because I have a lousy attitude, I'm always down on myself and I have no confidence. So at least I know what the problems are. But I just can't fix them. I want to and I just can't get it together. This is why people hate me. I'm a whiney, self-absorbed jerk. I hate myself. I hate everything about myself. And it just keeps getting harder every day.
Someone talked about sex again. I was doing fine and then....crash. Like a ton of bricks. A girl over MSN was talking about how she broke up with her long time boyfriend recently and how she was sad about it, understandably so. Then she goes into the problem she has. How she was out with some friends and some dude and after some drinking they 'sort of hooked up' and how she just wanted to experience 'some single fun'. So the same old bullsh*t starts going through my head. No one wants to 'hook up' with me. No wants to have 'single fun' with me. It's that simple. I am completely unf*ckable. Now I know I just wrote about this the other day. But it consumes me completely. Other people have sex. They have sex with their boyfriend or girlfriend or people they just met or someone. Whatever. The bottom line is, they're having sex. I am not. End of story.
Yes I want to be in a relationship. And then have that relationship end and for me to pick myself up and find someone else. And for that one to end and so on, so forth. And in between have sex with random girls I meet at bars or parties or wherever. Like normal people do. Why can't I do this? Because I have a lousy attitude, I'm always down on myself and I have no confidence. So at least I know what the problems are. But I just can't fix them. I want to and I just can't get it together. This is why people hate me. I'm a whiney, self-absorbed jerk. I hate myself. I hate everything about myself. And it just keeps getting harder every day.
posted by King Hippo at 11:02 PM
4 Comments:
I'm not sure what Mechtild is saying "yes" to there. My Dad used to do that all the time. "Hey Dad, do you like the blue one or the green one?" "Yes."
He thought it was funny, but really, it was just very irksome.
Anyway King Hippo, I'm sorry you're in such a drought. I don't have any sage advice for you this time. I'm just sorry you're so down.
I stumbled across your blog and I've got some advice! No girl wants a guy who's depressed. This is probably why you're not getting laid. Why don't you try not being depressed or at least pretend you're not depressed? Maybe you'll find that life is filled with some amazing things other than sex and girls. I'm not trying to upset you, I'm just trying to help you realize that this "I hate life" attitude you have is not appealing to women.
I'm posting this on your most recent comment even though it's really in response to your earlier comments about rating yourself on a scale: You are totally missing the point on the whole game. Attraction to someone is not based on one single element: looks, money, etc (unless a woman is either incredibly shallow or a golddigger, in which case, who needs her anyway). For most people, attraction to someone is built on those tiny sparks between two people that happen the more you spend time getting to know them. If that sounds incredibly stupid or cryptic, let me give you an example: I used to work with a guy who was your typical geek: tall, gangly, glasses, big nose (I personally love a distinctive nose, but you get the idea), the works. He was single and didn't have a girlfriend. He had many things going for him, though: he was highly intelligent and had a great sense of humor and was also a genuinely nice guy. At first I found him physically unattractive on the surface, just at face value. But the longer I worked around him and got to know him, the more I realized that we had a chemistry between us and he became beautiful to me. I got the most monstrous crush on him and would blush and feel myself getting hot anytime he was around, and if we ever got on the elevator together alone, you can only imagine the things that went through my mind. One of the things I thought was so sexy about him was his hands...I started fantasizing about him constantly. And before you make the assumption that I must be ugly or undesirable myself in order to have been attracted to someone such as him, let me correct you: I have been told by many people including guys that I am above-average-attractive. I'm in great shape, take good care of myself and look very young for my age. Some days I would rate myself a 9 or a 10, but some days I get down on myself about little things. Anyways, let's just say I hear from my girlfriends that their brothers, male friends and such use the word "hot" to describe me and I'll leave it there. As for what happened to my sexy nerd, it wasn't meant to be because we worked together in an office environment and it would've been really awkward had we hooked up. So it never went anywhere. But if he'd given me the chance, I would've taken it in a heartbeat. He's married now to a really cute girl and I'm happy for him. My point being that if you polled women I bet most of them would say they'd been attracted to someone who at first was physically unattractive to them in one way or another. Attraction works in a very strange way. Perhaps you should do some reading on biology? And I have to respectfully disagree with the anonymous poster who said no girl wants a guy who's depressed. There are plenty of girls who would love a guy who's depressed so they could "save" him. It happens all the time. There are all kinds of women out there who specifically search out men who are down-on-their-luck, depressed, broke, unemployed, royally screwed up, whatever - they love the idea of "projects" that they can fix up and call their own. Sad but true. Or, sad for the women, at least. Anyways, stop trying to categorize yourself in the context of what society expects of a man, and maybe what your girlfriend meant when she said "lower your standards" is to stop expecting Barbie to come knocking on your door. You need to focus on building attraction with a girl with whom you have something in common - I'm not saying date someone whom you find ugly, just open up your mind to include different types of women. Sorry this is so long, and sorry again if it doesn't make any sense.
To the first anonymous poster...thanks for your advice, but I'm sure you'd be depressed if you couldn't get laid in (x time). This is where my "I hate life" attitude comes from.
2nd anonymous poster: I can see where you're coming from, but my problem is that I just have a 'reverse Je Ne Sais Quoi" going on. I can't seem to pin it down, there is just something about me that seems to truly disgust women. I mean, for the most part they really dislike me. And also, I'm not just looking for a long-term relationship necessarily, built up over time. I'm just looking for someone who will maybe go out with me for lunch or coffee or yes, random sex (everyone else has it, so don't judge). I can't even get this.
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