Friday, June 27, 2008

Yup, I'm Prince Hamlet

I don't know folks, I just ain't feelin' it and I haven't been for a while. The urge to blog that is. Certainly it goes hand in hand with other things...outside of getting up to go to work I haven't been accomplishing much lately, that's for sure. I just don't have the energy for it. After slacking off for a couple of years I actually went back to school and finished university which is something most people (including myself) didn't think I'd do. My mother believed I would, I will say that. At any rate it gave me a reprieve and now I'm done and once I get all the paperwork done, will have some sort of degree. Yes it's an undergraduate English degree, but at least it's from Canada's top university. So even though I may have gotten to it a few years behind most people I've got it or will, once I figure out all the procedural stuff.

That's actually pretty positive, once I actually figure out how to physically obtain that all-important piece of paper. But as the name of this blog would suggest there is of course a downside. My life now seems to have no purpose, at least for the present. Of course once one is finished university the next logical step should be to parlay that degree into some sort of semi-meaningful career.

That just ain't happening. I am stuck and confused and lost and frustrated and bored and directionless and depressed and altogether a mess. Granted things were often miserable at this end all through the last several years (as is evident from reading this thing) but at all times I had something that served as a distraction, that at least allowed for some sort of forced distraction that took my mind off of other things, a goal that I was working towards. I HAD to focus on it, after all it was something I was spending thousands of dollars a year on.

But now I'm done with it. I don't have that convenient escape anymore. I would wake up at a certain time at a certain day because I felt compelled to attend a class that I was spending a lot of money on. I suppose I still do that when I have to show up for my crappy, menial jobs but somehow it's just not the same. With them I'm not working towards any sort of goal, which is something I could probably use at this point. Get resume together, find decent job that justifies the time and money spent on higher education, get own place, gain independence and get life together. Get a life, period. I guess that would be it from here on in. It just seems so daunting. Dammit. If I were stronger I'd be able to cope with all this and have the ability to get it in motion. Right now though I'm scared shitless, constantly tired, unable to get moving and altogether a nervous mess. I'm stuck. Look at the subject line above and that's pretty much me. As an English major and a Shakespeare fan, I can honestly tell you that there's a reason why Hamlet is the most famous of The Bard's plays. It actually is his best work and really does deserve its reputation. Even though I can relate I say this without bias, I swear.

But I digress.

I'm miserable. As usual. And more than usual. Plus I also had a bunch of other shit that I really wanted to talk about (and probably won't get around to) but I let myself get trapped into this stream-of-consciousness thing. So this is that you get. I'll try to update sooner rather than later but I can't make any promises.


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