The World's Most Depressing Blog

Farewell

2009-04-22T02:07:00.003-04:00

This is my last post on The World's Most Depressing Blog. This last attempt to resurrect it was a dismal failure as is evident by the incredible lack of interest it generates. One would think that being the top google hit for 'depressing blog' would draw some traffic but it didn't. Indeed I just checked and I no longer hold that distinction, nor am I anywhere on the first few pages. I stopped looking after four. Ironically enough my most depressing post ever will end up being my penultimate one.

I'm not going to keep trying over and over again with this, it's dead. I haven't decided yet, but I'll probably keep it up for (my own) reference, though that will depend on how easy I find navigating around an archived version.

So that's all. No more posts, no more comments. If anyone wishes to say anything, go nuts. I won't respond. There's nothing left to say here anyways.

The most depressing post ever...it really is

2009-04-12T07:39:00.004-04:00

I don’t know how much longer I can go on. I’m a very sick person and I need help, but there’s none forthcoming. Not from any external source and I’m not able to help myself. I hate myself and I want to die. I am an abject failure on every imaginable level. I’m a joke and my mind doesn’t function properly anymore. Just now trying to write that last sentence, I had another one of those terrible feelings I have that I can’t put into words. I don’t know what the emotion is, I really don’t. It might be anger and frustration at a level that I can barely handle. Helplessness. I tense up and I sort of grit my teeth. I hate myself so much during these moments and I don’t know what to do. I do know that it hurts, unlike anything else. And I hate it.

I don’t know what to do at this point, I really don’t. Right now I have this awful feeling in my stomach. I’m so afraid. I feel like this more and more often. Like this and the frustration I mentioned before. And I hate it. I HATE it. Please don’t think that I like feeling this way, that I want to. I don’t, okay? I fucking HATE it. That anger is happening again. And again. I sort of grab my face as well.

The other day at work, I almost started crying. I was crying. It didn’t last long but it’s the first time that I can recall it manifesting itself at work. I hate myself is what I hate. I can’t fucking stop feeling this way, FUCK. The suggestion that I enjoy it or am comfortable with it causes even more pain. I just felt so lonely, it overcame me. Not having any friends or a girl or the possibility of either probably contributed.

I don’t have any friends, I don’t. I tell myself that all the time, I’m telling myself that right now. So I am a terrible, ungrateful person. People who say that are my friend, people who probably are my friends. Thinking the way I do is such a shitty thing to do to these people. I am a sack of shit. People who truly say they care and give every indication that they mean it, I still say that I have no friends. I can only hope and pray that they can forgive me. I’m sick. Please forgive me. But I don’t know if they will. People hate me, they fucking hate me. I ask for forgiveness and I turn right around and say that they hate me. I am a sack of shit.

According to facebook I have 232 friends at present. Facebook lies or at least that number does. I look at all of those people on my list and compare them to myself. Check out the number of photos I have. Very few compared to everyone else and many of those I do have are ones that I posted myself and tagged myself. I have no friends. Look at other people’s ‘wall’. Then look at mine. I have no friends. The event invitations are the worst part of it. I get them periodically but very rarely attend. Why? Because I’m simply included on a large list of people and aren’t actually welcome. No one wants me. I have no friends.

I did attend one today or yesterday or both I guess. I was ‘invited’ to a birthday party of a co-worker, who just happens to be one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen and someone I’ve been in love with pretty much since I began working at this job. I don’t think I was really invited or wanted. I did hear about it and was ‘invited’ before I received the facebook thing, but this was because I was intruding upon a conversation she was having with someone else at work. It was probably a “yeah, you should come” or something. I don’t remember. I was probably half asleep. No one wants me anywhere. I’m no fun at all. So I can’t blame them. But I wanted to go or at least I think I did. I don’t get out much or at all really. I really don’t. In 2009:

-Once out for a drink with a friend.
-Twice with another friend (once to a movie, then to a minor league hockey game)
-Watched the Super Bowl with Marcin.
-Saw a friend perform at a comedy club. Another facebook invite.

This was another one. I told myself that it would not go well and sure enough, it did not. Because I convinced myself that it wouldn’t? Very likely. But that’s all that I’m able to tell myself. Positive thoughts are gone and have been for a while now. I hate to belabour this but I would LOVE to change my thinking. The frustrated feeling hit again. I can’t. And because I believe that I can’t, I won’t be able to. Yes, I get it. I’m not a fucking idiot. I am sick though. Beyond help probably.

I felt so nervous going there. Driving there, making my way into the bar or whatever it is. But I did force myself to go. I couldn’t force myself to have a good time, to change the way I think. Again that awful feeling is creeping up. Actually it’s the awful feeling in the stomach. Either one is pretty common. The other one just hit. Because I want to change this. I want to change my negative thoughts, the way I feel about myself and my perception of how other people see me.

I arrived, found the table. There were a decent number of people I knew (from work) and more would arrive. So that wasn’t a problem, not knowing anyone (it’s happened before). I ordered food (I was hungry). Wait, back up. I had a gift, yes I brought one. I wanted to give one and I felt I should. But I wanted to, I really did. I got a hug and thanks. Did she and others seem happy to see me? Indifferent? Or nonplussed? I think people were reasonably happy to see me. I think. I thought that at the time and was probably right. But it was in the back of my sick mind and even though I knew it to be true, I couldn’t feel that I was wanted. So I sat. Ordered my food. Ate. Drinks didn’t help. Neither did the drugs. I did as much as I could. I sat there or hovered around with this glum look on my face. I’m sure that turns people off, that sort of behaviour. My moping doesn’t exactly attract people to be around me. Again, I’m aware of this. I am also powerless to stop this unattractive behaviour. God, how I wish I could though.

So I guess people seemed less thrilled that I was there and it was my own fault. I am sick. I’m a failure and a loser and deserve my unhappiness. My mind didn’t stop and it was horrible. The angry feeling was really coming up a lot, something that hasn’t happened in public so far as I can remember. I hated the fact that everyone else was capable of having a good time and I wasn’t. Fuck. I really do want to die, that just entered my head. Many beautiful women there, my host (I guess) not least among them. I am powerless to talk to them. They hate me. I have nothing to offer anyways. Still, in the back of my mind I see guys that appear to be less attractive than I am, not as well dressed having fun and beautiful women talking to them. Not to me. Yes, I know it’s how I present myself.

FUCK. The angry feeling really hit there. I am so lonely, my God. No woman will want someone like this. I wouldn’t if I were in their place. I want to change. I can’t though. Every time it’s the same thing though. Just like tonight. I do nothing. I do fucking nothing. I am also a coward of course. I think too much. I have all these thoughts in my head and I just think too much. Right now I’m thinking about how I would do things differently if I had another chance or for next time. But I can’t relive this. And there will be no ‘next time’. If there is, it’ll be the same story anyways. It always has been and always will be. Anytime I do make progress or someone pushes me into action, I don’t learn from it or gain confidence. I go back to the gutless piece of shit that I was and always will be.

This....well, I blew it. I don’t think I’ll even be getting a facebook invite next year. I turn people off with my behaviour and I’m so sorry for it. I apologize a lot, I know. But I do feel sorry. Sorry for ‘ruining your party’ or something like that is affording myself far too much importance but I am sorry that I certainly made it worse and not better with my presence. Even when I’m given a chance (or another chance) following some of morbid behaviour, I squander that. Why can’t I just have fun? I was actually saying this to myself on this occasion and asked it of a few people. One person in particular said that I should just go and dance, what’s the worst that can happen? I didn’t have a good answer yet still I was unable to act. I’m a coward, I really am.

I was angry, yes. But I don’t think it means there was any progress. I was still not able to try and have fun. I have to change all my thoughts for that to happen or at least shut them off. The excuse of being an introvert or not a party person or anything akin to that is a weak excuse. For 3 or 4 hours I can’t pretend? Just have FUN? Yes, I tell myself that I won’t have fun and so I don’t. I know I’m belabouring this but I can’t emphasize enough that I am aware of this issue and still am unable to do anything about it. As for the anger, it may have been the drugs. I don’t know. It’s not important.

I’m sure I didn’t leave anyone with a good impression of me and I could have, in theory. I’m intelligent, well read and can be an excellent conversationalist were I not gripped with fear. In the back of my mind I don’t think I’m that bad looking but that matters little. My lack of confidence nullifies that. Today when getting ready to run some errands earlier in the day, I obsessed for quite a long while (at least 10 minutes) over my hair and didn’t leave until it was satisfactory (I still worried about it). Mind you this was to go to the store where no one I knew would see me. This is a sickness, no doubt about it.

Of course I don’t know how I look most of the day and my opinion isn’t the one that counts. Of course projecting the right attitude can shape others’ opinions for sure. I’ve never felt attractive. I’m terrified to bring this up here but I will. Sexual frustration. There’s lots. What there isn’t is experience in those matters. Some but not lots. For someone who is almost 28 years old an embarrassingly small amount. This is a painful Catch-22. The less confidence I have, the less experience I’m likely to gain but the less experience I have the lower my confidence. If I weren’t numb now from drugs (sedatives now, as opposed to stimulants before) I’d probably feel that angry sensation.

So I blew it as I always do. This makes me feel worse of course. There really isn’t much I can do. Not like I’ll get a do-over. I fucked up this chance to have fun. A chance to perhaps make friends out of acquaintances? I never had a chance, did I? It’s a moot point. Nothing is working, nothing that will change me and help me turn all this around. Seeing a therapist is good in that I have someone to talk to every couple of weeks but it’s not a cure. Various anti-depressants haven’t seemed to have helped. I do get advice from different people, some of it very sound. I don’t take it though. I don’t act, I no longer have the strength to do so. I do want to and will state this as much as I need to. But I just can’t and I don’t know why I can’t. I need help and more importantly I want help. But where, what, who? I’m beyond help and if not it’s likely too late. This sickness isn’t going away.

Even now I’m thinking about how I blew it. These people who were perhaps slightly happy to see me won’t be happy to see me the next time (which there won’t be). They’ve seen the real me, the one who hates every fibre of his own being and won’t likely forget it. Any positives will be cast aside, if there were any to begin with. Even I think that there are. They aren’t remarkable by any stretch but they should still count for something. Mostly having to do with how I treat people. I’d rather other people got a lunch before I did. If there are 4 cookies and 5 people, I don’t mind going without. Helping someone else with someone at the expense of whatever I might need to do. Making an effort to smile at someone even if I feel like I’m about to cry inside. Little things, like acknowledging people or helping them in small ways. None of this makes me a saint nor do mean to imply that I’m a better person than anyone else. There are people who really DO spend their lives helping build churches and such. I just try to be decent and kind to everyone I meet. I don’t know if it’s because I feel an obligation or guilt or anything else. I just try to be nice and surely I don’t always succeed at that. But my effort counts for little I guess. If there is such a thing as karma, it has ignored me. My reward is sadness and awful thoughts filling my mind. Not to mention a feeling of loneliness and worthlessness that grows every day.

I’m so tired all the time as well. I used to at least enjoy sleep. I don’t sleep much anymore. It’s nearly 7:00 AM and I haven’t slept. My sad thoughts occupy the time that I used to devote to rest. I feel dreadful as a result. The drugs surely don’t help.

I look back on this experience and I’ll obsess over it. How I am a failure, a coward, a loser. I’m a miserable person to be around and to listen to. Unattractive in any sense. Not to mention rather ill and probably best suited to life in an institution. How I am a total fuck up, plain and simple. I want to change who I am and I need help doing so. But after being around me or reading this why would anyone care? I wouldn’t.

I want to escape from this. No one is free from these thoughts entirely but I just want to function at a reasonable level. To be able to go to a bar and not feel a panic. To block out all thought and dance for 30 seconds. To think that perhaps these people actually like me, enjoy my company and might want to be my friends. That an attractive woman might be interested in talking to me at the very least. To wake up and have something other than “I wish I were dead” be the first thing I think of. I just want a chance at all these things.

But it’s now 7:30 AM and I’m still typing this (or at least trying to) rather than just waking up. If not a failed person, I’m at least broken, damaged or defective. When all you ever do is fuck things up it’s hard not to think otherwise or to not think about it at all. I’m thinking that there probably won’t be any new pictures of me on facebook in the next day or two. For most people having someone ‘tag’ you in a photo will likely mean nothing but for me, it just might make me feel wanted for the half second I first look at the photo.

But I don’t feel wanted, I don’t feel as though I was a part of something. I could have been but I wasn’t. Instead I’ll continue to beat myself up over yet another incident in my life marked by inaction, cowardice and failure. I’ll worry about work on Monday and how perception of me has changed (for the worse). I’ll worry that this was my chance and I blew it. These failures stack up and when they grow as high as mine, the pain is excruciating. I think that having to live with my pathetic cowardice might be worse still. But not being able to visualize any possible success has to be the greatest pain. The knowledge that it’s quite likely that I won’t get another shot on this front is the worst feeling. I’m probably right and even if I had other options, I still know the most probable outcome. Nothing changes and my crippling loneliness remains, eating away at me, though there is very little left these days.

Searching for 'depressing blog' actually leads you here?!?!

2009-04-02T19:33:00.003-04:00

Holy fucking shit. So I check the hit counter on my blog and while it's not impressive in the least, I do discover something remarkable. Somehow I am now the number one search on Google when the keywords " depressing blog" are entered. When the hell did this happen? How did this happen? Will it be enough for me to start blogging here again? Well, it got me this far....so there might actually be a chance. Crazy.

REALLY short post

2008-10-15T23:29:00.002-04:00

Real sorry to those of you who actually still check this. I've not been well at all lately, in a number of ways. I'll still try to return to this if I can. I'd like to, I really would. Thanks so much for your patience and understanding. This is a VERY tough time for me, but I'll try my best. Thanks.

Feeling more alone than ever before

2008-10-07T03:32:00.001-04:00

Does anyone still read this? I wouldn't. It's something of a shame, too. This used to be a rather good blog with a healthy and active readership. But now the updates have dwindled to less than one a week due to the fact that its author (me) actually is too depressed to keep the thing up and in fact has great difficulty making it through the day without taking a three hour nap. Sad.

Even when under the influence of certain 'helpers' I still can't seem to bring myself to cobble together a coherent post. This one might not fall under that category, but amazingly it's the furthest I've gotten in quite a while. Even starting is becoming nearly impossible and when I do, it rarely gets finished. I'm surprised I don't have more unpublished drafts than I do. Anyways, I'm going to try and stumble my way through this and hopefully I get at least something off. Again, if anyone is still reading.

This is sort of a bummer. "High prices and declining quality"? I mean this is good news officially, what with these scumbags being caught before they reach the U.S. and Canada. But off the record? I can't afford to be paying more than I already am. Shit.

On the bright side, I love baseball. It's one of the few things that makes me happy. Even though my beloved Blue Jays have missed the playoffs again (for the 14th straight year) I'm still locked to the TV watching the division series. Both Chicago teams made the post season and both are already out, taking away any hopes of a North Side - South Side series. Still there's the potential for some great ball to be played. How about a BoSox vs. Dodgers World Series with Manny playing his former team? Yikes. And the Tampa Bay Rays? Unreal. From worst to first in the span of a year is amazing and they're still alive. I'll be sad when it's all over, seeing as it will take away one of my very few pleasures.

I'm having a hard time getting into the NFL this season for whatever reason. Usually football picks up where baseball leaves off, at least as far as I'm concerned. Hopefully it'll grab my interest before long. Even though the end of last season and the beginning of this one has left a sour taste in my mouth, I did enjoy attending a Bills game last year. It was pretty cool. I wonder if I can convince my old pal Marty Boy to take in another game this season. Otherwise I'm not sure who else I would go with. He doesn't call me all that often, but I forgive him seeing as we've been friends for so very long and I'm sure that he's a busy guy. Plus, he does at least call from time to time. He did call last week, though it was to inquire if I could help him move something. I was unavailable to do so, but gladly would have had I not been working. After all it's still nice of him to think of me.

Otherwise I pretty much have no life. Okay, so I have no life period. D Rock would call of course, but he's in Japan which sucks (though good for him, which is nice). Outside of work or running errands, I haven't been out of the house for close to a month. Went bowling with a young lady I've written about here before on several occasions (search keyword "Girly"). We went on a few dates, it didn't work out that way but we're still friends. I don't have many of those left. Can probably count them on my hands. I know that I'm not so good when it comes to calling people and asking them if they want to "hang out" or whatever. Yet I'm sure that many other people have the same problem and they aren't as utterly alone as I am.

That's really what I am. Alone. Dear God am I ever lonely. Yes I'm morbidly depressed nearly all the time and have considerable trouble even staying awake. But if someone invited me out somewhere, I'd jump at the chance and despite my actual feelings, be on my best behavior. It's a moot point though. Tomorrow I will be just as lonely as I am today and the same the day after and so on. At least I have Bobo. That's about it. Nothing else.

Anyways, I hope that if anyone is still reading this, you're better off than I. Hopefully you have friends to keep you company, maybe a bunch of them. Hopefully you don't spend every single Friday and Saturday night alone drinking yourself to sleep. You probably have a special somebody to keep you warm at night or have had at some point. I sure haven't, at least not for a very long time and not someone you have to 'settle' for. At the very least I hope you have someone to talk to. I wish I did, even once in a while. It might make me feel better. I wouldn't feel so sad, so worthless and so helpless.

It's something I'd love to get out of, don't get me wrong. But I just don't seem to have the energy to do my part in turning it around. And even if I worked at it there's no guarantee hard work and a positive attitude on my part would pay off. I've been trying the internet dating thing (which sort of worked for me a couple of years ago) with no success. No replies, no interest. No one cares about me anymore. The only person who calls me on a semi-regular basis is my "pharmacist", which is quite nice of him. He does well enough for himself and could certainly do without my business, yet is kind enough to at least give me a call every once in a while. It's not much, but it's all I ask for.

By the time anyone reads this I'll likely be unconscious

2008-09-28T01:39:00.000-04:00

I'm fairly confident that almost no one reads this anymore and that's probably my fault by and large. I rarely post and when I do, it's nowhere near as interesting as a lot of the well-written and thoughtful posts I used to compose. The fact that I actually AM far more depressed these days surely has a lot to do with that, ironically enough.

Anyways, I really feel like total shit right now. So lonely and feeling more and more like an utter failure every day. At this exact moment I am quite fucked up and wish I had someone, anyone to talk to. But I don't. Just the empty space that is this sad, sad blog. I just have this unbelievably awful feeling, one that feels as if it'll never go away. Talking to someone might be nice, might be a nice distraction. After all, I have nothing else to do right now. Even a brief conversation to prove that someone cares might just be enough so that I'm able to go to bed feeling even 1% good about myself. But it doesn't look like that's in the cards. I think I need a miracle at this point.

Beer and Bobo keeping me company at the moment

2008-09-18T22:49:00.003-04:00

Right now I am at the very utmost pit of misery and although things haven't gotten any worse (so far as I can tell) I can see the potential for that to happen because I not able to picture life getting any better. I'm not any closer to finding any sort of a 'real' job, probably because I've barely put any effort into looking. I keep meaning to do something, polish off the resume, work on cover letters, explore monster.ca and workopolis, check out a temp agency, whatever. But I've done very little in that regard. By the time I get home from my crappy job I'm so tired and miserable that I can barely move. Even when I have a day off like I did today nothing gets accomplished. I'm exhausted nearly all the time, probably at least one clue that I really, truly am depressed. And when the first thought that enters your mind when you wake up is inevitably "I wish I was dead", that can't be good.

I did make an attempt to volunteer for my party in the upcoming Federal Election. It's something I've been wanting to do the last couple of times but was too busy with school or at least that was my excuse because I was too scared or lazy to sign up. But this time I did do just that, yet no one has gotten back to me and it's been almost a week. I guess I'll try again but if I still don't get a reply, I'll really feel even more like a loser. Being rejected for volunteer work? Ouch. And it's something I think I actually want to do. I feel like a well-deserved majority mandate is within reach for Mr. Harper and the Conservative Party which is an exciting prospect for me. Maybe I'm not even good enough to be a tiny, insignificant part of it. Just to feel wanted...

Speaking of which, having no companionship (other than my dog) is really starting to get to me. I went out bowling with a friend this past Friday night. Before that my last social outing was to see a ballgame with my pal Coop. That was three weeks prior. Normal people, people who actually have friends get out more than once every three weeks or so I suspect. Christ, am I ever lonely. I'm not even going to get into female companionship because that's an even more upsetting chapter. I'm trying the lavalife thing and 'Hot or Not' which worked for me somewhat in the past. Right now I am having ZERO success. Maybe I'm subconsciously not trying, who knows? I just know I'm not getting any matches or replies or whatever. I used to. Now....well, now I have even less than I had before and that certainly wasn't much.

I'm also likely developing a substance abuse problem. Worse than before. Pretty much all my money seems to go into it, that and gasoline. If I had a social life I might be in real trouble because I don't know how I'd afford anything. Then again if my life was more pleasant I probably wouldn't have to rely upon all this shit to give me a boost. I don't know if that's necessarily true but I like to speculate. I do know that there was a time when I was happy at least some of the time and had people who would call me up to do shit. A time when I abusing my body with habits that are far too expensive. I'd drop the occasional big bucks on beer and lap-dances from time to time, but that was pretty much it. The last time I went to a strip club it left me feeling not only unfulfilled but rather empty. Having an attractive woman feign interest in me for the duration of a three minute song was no longer enough, no longer worth my twenty bucks. As time goes on I'm beginning to feel that it's the closest to being loved I'll ever get.

At least I don't smoke anymore. I'm probably the only person I know who quit smoking with absolutely no effort or conscious decision. I was a regular smoker but I can honestly say that I was never addicted. I just enjoyed it. Then it stopped bringing me pleasure, I just didn't like it any longer. So I stopped. But I guess that isn't so strange coming from me. There really isn't much that does bring me happiness or enjoyment anymore. I like to sleep. Because whenever I'm awake all I can seem to think of is just how sad I really am.

Well, fuck

2008-09-07T21:59:00.003-04:00

There goes the 2008 NFL season as far as I'm concerned. An NFL season without its brightest star just doesn't seem as if it will have the same glitter. Hopefully I'm wrong.

If not it's again just one fewer thing for me to look forward to in my miserable life. Lord knows I need all the distractions I can get. I really can't afford to spend more on drugs than I already am. Shit.

At least the baseball playoffs will be coming up soon and while it looks as though my beloved Blue Jays will (once again) be sitting this October out (despite their recent 'too little too late' hot streak) at least the evil New York Yankees will be as well. I can take some solace in that. Let's see how many of their fair weather fans jump ship. Going to see the Jays play the Yankees down at the Rogers Centre is always frustrating because of all the supposed New York fans who show up (90% poseurs no doubt) to cheer on the evil empire. With any hope a losing season or two will inspire these 'sports fans' to take off their pinstripe jerseys and place them in the back of their closet alongside all the late 1990s Chicago Bulls gear they once wore.

Uh, hello blog?

2008-09-04T23:51:00.000-04:00

It seems like half of my posts over the last few months begin with me apologizing for the fact that I've been completely neglecting to update the blog. This is only another of those. Sorry. I really want to get it together but lately things haven't been going well and I'm really not in a decent frame of mind, not by a long shot. I'm at a very difficult point in my life and I have a feeling that things aren't about to get better any time soon. Also sorry that all of my (semi) recent posts have been completely removed from the name of the blog, they've been mostly political shit etc. I'd like to get more personal but it's not that easy, at least right now. For now though, two things.

1. I've known this for a while now but after watching John McCain's speech tonight accepting his party's nomination for President it is so evident that this man must be the next President of the United States. Barack Obama is like a U.S. President in a Hollywood movie when compared to McCain. He looks nice, sounds nice, has a great image and all those things. Yet I really can't see how any intelligent person would SERIOUSLY think he should be the next leader of the free world. He seems like a decent fellow and perhaps (as Joe Lieberman pointed out) might one day be a good leader (at least if you're an ultra-liberal). But as President of the most powerful country in the world in these uncertain times? Yikes. I've never actually come out and said this before but I will now admit that I often wish that John McCain had won the nomination in 2000. He was the best man for the job eight years ago and he is still the best man for the job today. Without question.

2. I really like making lists, something which is probably evident to anyone who has reads this with any regularity. I've done many lists, of which the two most notable were my Top 100 Songs of the 1980s and my Top 100 Films of All-Time. The former I'm sure I'd make many changes to if I were to redo it. The latter was done more recently but I'm more confident in it and I couldn't see myself making any wholesale changes to anytime soon. Anyways, the one I always wanted to tackle was a list of the 100 Greatest Songs of All-Time, something which I think would be a massive undertaking on my part. I have the spare time, that's not a problem. However I just don't think I'd be able to put my mind to such a task given the fact that I may very well be on the verge of some sort of nervous breakdown. So I figured I might just cut to the chase.

Wait. Never mind. I had actually typed out what I consider to be the best song of all-time followed by two runners-up. Then I changed my mind. Maybe I will make that list after all. Hopefully it will give me something to live for. Sad as that may sound, right now I don't have much at all.

More craziness and insane rantings on my part!

2008-08-28T00:42:00.000-04:00

A few thoughts on random things that I've had on my mind lately:

1. Very sad to hear about Margaret Thatcher's declining state. It doesn't really come as that much of a surprise seeing as she's really been out of the public eye for several years now but it's still upsetting nonetheless. 'The Iron Lady' was one of the truly great leaders of the twentieth century, a key figure in bringing about the end of the Cold War and (I should hope) an inspiration for strong women everywhere. I certainly wish her well in her twilight years.

2. Wow, Pierre Trudeau's son thinks that Canada should get out of Afghanistan. What a colossal shock. Mr. Trudeau's narrow viewpoint is very conveniently forgetting our country's long history of being peace keepers (something this deployment is strictly about) and is only able to see our presence their as constituting 'aggression'. He goes on to defend the Taliban (whoops, sorry we shouldn't call them that) and their 'different values' which include the complete oppression of women and utter intolerance for other religions other than their own. Oh and there's the fact that it was his beloved Liberal Party which deployed troops there, not the current Conservative government. I swear sometimes I think that a great many people who share Mr. Trudeau's point of view almost (and I'm being a bit facetious here) like it when Canadian troops are killed overseas. Because if there were little or no fatalities, they'd have a pretty damned hard time to protest.

3. I love this. Saudi Arabia wants to ban birthday parties because they are against Muslim 'righteousness'. And Mother's Day should also be on the black list, though predictably there's no mention of a ban on Father's Day. This is the same country that forbade its women from taking place in the Olympics, seeing as it forbids women to play any sort of organized sports whatsoever. Yet there has been no talk of any sort of sanctions on the part of the IOC. South Africa under Apartheid was rightly barred for many years yet we hear nothing about any potential action against this awful country which oppresses half of its entire population. Oh wait, they have oil. Never mind.

4. Along similar lines, Malaysia can also go to hell. Even though they reversed their decision, the fact that the country wanted to stop Avril Lavigne from performing a concert there because she's "too sexy" is utter horse shit. Sorry but since when is it wrong to be "too sexy"? What, are they all closet homosexuals? Are they bitter because none of their own pop stars are as smoking hot as Avril is? Are they afraid that people might actually have a good time at the show? Fuck. I just hope she doesn't change her show one bit, the sexy bitch.

That's it for the time being. I'm trying to get back into the blog and hopefully next entry will be more true to the blog's title. I have lots of depressing stuff to talk about after all, so I guess I should give it a go. Tomorrow maybe? We'll see, I always say that and then tomorrow never comes.

I'd spit in Madonna's face if I had the chance

2008-08-25T13:38:00.000-04:00

When I read this in the paper while having my breakfast today I quite nearly threw up. The fact that I'm a little under the weather may have contributed to that, but still.

Madonna is comparing John McCain to Adolf Hitler and Robert Mugabe?!?! Are you fucking serious?! John McCain is a decorated war hero who spent five years in a Vietnamese prison camp. He is a an experienced public servant with a long record of working across party lines in order to pass legislation the he believes will benefit the American people, regardless of what the majority of his party thinks. Adolf Hitler slaughtered Six Million Jews. How is this comparable?

I'm not going to go on about this any further because it's just going to make me madder. In short, Madonna is a disgusting piece of shit and a disgrace as a human being. She also hammers home the point of those McCain "The One" ads and just how much truth there is behind them. People are really being roped in by this very charming and articulate fellow with great sound-bites, who also happens to be a first term Senator with no experience, no real policies and no real substance. And they're doing so quite blindly I may add. But I think that as the campaign goes on these things will become painfully clear and Democrats will start kicking themselves over the fact that they didn't nominate the far more experienced and capable Hillary Clinton over their new Messiah (who also happens to be the most liberal senator in the United States).

Oh and Madonna? Just go suck off Barack Obama already. It's pretty clear that's what you and all your ultra-liberal Hollywood pals would line up to do in a second. At least that's more honest, you tired old whore.

Blog is near death and perhaps so am I

2008-08-17T02:23:00.000-04:00

Y'know, I really like that new Coldplay song. I actually saw that it hit number one on the Billboard Hot 100 a few weeks back (a first for them) and gave it a listen. While I'm still not the biggest fan of Chris Martin and company, I must say that "Viva La Vida" really is a great track. It's nice to see that good singles still make it to the top of the charts in this day and age. Most of the junk that the scientists (?) at Billboard deem fit to occupy the upper reaches of the Hot 100 is shit that's usually forgotten very quickly. But on rare occasions they do get it right.

However this is a very sad day for music. You see, I just found out that over on the Billboard 200 (the album chart) the Soundtrack to the 'film' Mamma Mia! is actually the best selling album in this week. I can't even fathom this. Miley Cyrus I can handle, but this is simply too much. The fact that people ever liked ABBA is forgivable, after all there have been many strange chapters in music history. No problem. But the fact that someone thought it would be a good idea to take all these shitty songs and use them as the score for some God-forsaken musical production? Yikes. That was too much.

I remember when the musical was playing in Toronto a few years back. When I was downtown on occasion I would see tourist buses driving around and would comment on how they were probably idiot tourists coming in from Tonawanda to see Mamma Mia! Though I was being a bit facetious, I probably wasn't too far off. Only morons would go and see such garbage. And no, I don't have to see it to know it's garbage. I'm quite sure that my intuition is right.

Anyways, I don't know where I was going with all this. The fact that really good actors like Meryl Streep and Pierce Brosnan would act in something like this is also pretty disturbing. And so far as I remember the only two halfway decent ABBA songs ("Waterloo" and "Fernando") aren't even in the show. Ugh. What a mess. But so is this post. It was my attempt to get something going a couple of nights ago but I found myself really messed up midway through on a really bad trip and had to abandon ship. This is what my blog has come to. Perhaps it really is time to call it quits, especially when I'm falling apart in 'real life' as I am now.

And you thought Clinton knew how to get it on!

2008-08-10T23:14:00.000-04:00

Once again I must apologize to the three or four of you who still check this on a semi-regular basis only to find that I don't seem to ever update. I really, really haven't been feeling well for the last little while but I'm hoping to work through it. I have some time off in the coming week and hopefully I might be able to get some rest and perhaps get myself into a better mindset. We shall see.

I have a lot of things I want to write about (mainly the wedding I attended last weekend) but for now I think I'll just direct all of you good folks to this rather amusing news story, if you can even call it that. Say what you will about the man but George W. Bush is doing an awesome job as a lame-duck President. If I knew that my term was up in only a few months this is exactly the sort of shit I'd be up to. God bless him for knowing how to enjoy the ride while it lasts.

Why I hate conservatives

2008-07-29T23:48:00.000-04:00

Yes, you read that correctly. I guess I should amend that by specifying a specific type of conservative, one that you should easily be able to identify by the time you're done reading everything in italics.

So I'm attending my cousin's wedding this Saturday, the first wedding I'll be going to since I made was a hilarious mess at my pal Everett's a few years back. It's actually my cousin's son's wedding to be accurate. My cousin (on my mother's side) is only twelve years younger than my mom and his oldest is only four years younger than I am. That does depress me a little but I won't focus on that right now. Anyhow my mum thought of something last minute that we had neglected and that was to inquire in regards to the menu. Here is her email to my aunt (the grandmother of the groom):

**********************************************************************

Hi R____,

My apologies for not thinking of this sooner; any idea of the dinner menu at the wedding? Both of my kids are vegetarians (ed. my sister eats fish, I do not) and I was wondering if there'll be something suitable for them? They do eat fish. I hope you don't find this to be a rude request.

L____

**************************************************************************

Here is the actual response my mother received which she then forwarded to me and my sister.

**************************************************************************

L____,

I can’t believe they are vegetarians. My understanding is you can’t get the complete protein from being a vegetarian. I know beans provide real good protein. How did this happen? Was it Z____ (ed. my uncle on my dad's side, who is also a vegetarian)?
My dad tried being a vegetarian years ago. It doesn’t seem right, not to enjoy cabbage rolls, etc. That is a shock. I would have felt better if you told me they were teetollarers.
It’s a whole new way of “thinking”. Even Jesus ate lamb.

Anyways, good news, no sit down dinner, no speeches, you eat all night, so I’m sure they will find something to eat.

The place is pretty high class when it comes to food. They are top of the line caterers. They even own areal classy restaurant in O______ so I experienced this kind of eating all night thing.

That is different too.

See you Sat.

Love R______.

****************************************************************************

I didn't know what to think, other than the fact that this has to be among the most ignorant people in the entire world. Yes, I am referring to my own aunt. When my read the email I said to my mother "well this must mean that we're also homosexual pedophiles who love abortion and spitting on the flag, have converted to Islam and think that all Canadian troops are war criminals. The funny thing is that my sister said pretty much the exact same thing to my mother when she read the thing! Also very amusing is that my sister and I are politically very different with her being an NDP voting, PETA member, pro-gay marriage, pro-Palestine etc. whereas you all know that I'm a very strong conservative who also happens to be a vegetarian pretty much because the thought of eating charred animal flesh really doesn't appeal to him.

But I do know that I'm also not an ignorant, closed minded jackass. As you can probably tell I have very little use for Christian conservatives other than the fact that they are crucial in helping keep social conservatism alive in this country and the United States. But that's strictly off the record. We need them, after all.

Still the whole thing really did piss me off and I hope it doesn't come up on Saturday. I might not be able to bite my tongue. I remember once I was at this (not very good) Chinese restaurant where the waiter thought it was cute to poke fun of me for being a vegetarian and were it not for being with friends, I would have walked out then and there. And I think from now on when someone asks my "Oh, why are you a vegetarian" instead of going into a long answer I may just be tempted to say "None of your fucking business". Why are you a Jew? Why do you have those highlights in your hair? Why are you dressed like that? You get the point.

Come on blog, update yourself!

2008-07-25T02:16:00.003-04:00

Dear everyone,

Please forgive my lack of updates recently. The last week or so hasn't been so great for me. Either I've been busy or (more likely) just not really in a good frame of mind. But I'm still around. I'll try my best to update with a real post (this doesn't count) as soon as I can though I'm not able to give any sort of a time-frame. Yes I did think of shutting down (as I've done many times in the past) but I really hope it doesn't come to that. So please bare with me and I'll try to get things together as soon as I can. Thanks guys.

-M

He's still better than Sammy Hagar

2008-07-15T22:10:00.000-04:00

I first heard about this bizarre story perhaps a couple of weeks back but it just keeps getting weirder and weirder. I'm not sure if folks outside Ontario have even heard anything of it in fact. It's just so very strange that I'm don't even know how to talk about it, so I'll just point you to a few articles on it.

It involves a story that came out a little while back from a small town in southern Ontario. It seems that Van Halen front man David Lee Roth was pulled over for speeding but when police confronted him, his erratic driving was due to the fact that he was having a sudden allergic reaction to peanuts. But then it turned out that the man in question was NOT Diamond Dave, but instead some sort of impersonator (!!) who managed to fool everyone. Now it seems that local police are trying to find the guy who had a bunch of people (and perhaps himself) convinced that he was DLR. Just read the links. This is one of those stories that just couldn't be made up.

Also I'm sorry that I've had to turn comment moderation on for the blog. It was really just a nuisance at first but now I'm getting quite tired of this random dipshit with way too much free time who keeps making stupid comments on the blog. The fact that he takes so much time to constantly make irritating posts on the blog of someone he doesn't even know is really beyond sad.

Okay! Blue Jays! Let's...play....ball!!

2008-07-14T03:24:00.002-04:00

Often when I have nothing else to talk about but have a strange desire to post something, baseball is one thing that often comes to mind. Especially at 4:00 in the morning. So that's what I'll (briefly if possible) talk about. I haven't written anything in a few days and although I'm probably in no shape to be doing so now, I might as well give it a go. Things have not been going well lately and I fear my life may be spiraling out of control but that's no excuse to stop blogging!

So I went to the game on Thursday night, courtesy of some free tickets that were somehow mailed to my work. Being the only person who would brazenly open mail addressed to the 'company' (or whatever) I was thrilled to find a pair of tickets to two separate games as part of some sort of enticement to buy some sort of corporate season tickets (or some shit like that). Of course my boss would have zero interest in such a thing so I didn't hesitate to help myself to these freebies.

Now I was always a little doubtful in the back of my mind, thinking that they weren't real tickets, that I had missed some sort of fine print. But thankfully that wasn't the case and a friend and attended a game that otherwise would have cost $41 per person. In case anyone cares, I went with a young lady I've written about here several time (search under 'girly'). Nothing ever worked out in 'that' sense but we're still friends which is nice I suppose.

A few random thoughts on the game now.

1. The 200 level at the Rogers Centre is actually quite nice and in some respects superior to the 100 level. The seats are cushioned, there are beverage holders and the concourse is nicer. I've always preferred to sit in the 100s along the 1st base line but I might now reconsider that!

2. The cutest little kid was sitting right behind us. Her dad was taking her to her first baseball game and I think I was able to make a Blue Jay fan out of her. I was explaining various aspects of the game to her at one point and she seemed to pick it up very quickly!

3. Just a few rows over from us were some shirtless fellows with painted chests who were really into the game and cheering on the Blue Jays hard core. Then they were kicked out. Yes perhaps they were a little loud and maybe had a bit to drink, but they never used any foul language or threw anything or hurt anyone in any way. I was rather pissed off that these guys were given the boot. They were just having a good time and being good fans. But of course this being Toronto anything more than sitting in your seat and politely applauding seems to be considered unruly. Total horse shit as far as I'm concerned.

4. The Jays actually won! And they rallied in the bottom of the ninth inning to do so! Meaning it was actually a good game and a gutsy performance for a change. Still things aren't looking up. Vernon Wells is injured again and this season is looking to be yet another write-off and once again I must wait until next year. I'm sick of doing so.

That's about it. I may have had some other things to say but I'm way too messed up now.

I owe all my faithful readers so much more

2008-07-08T02:56:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I think I might be a mess. The fact that I'm usually up until 4:00 AM and don't wake up until around 2:00 in the afternoon can't be good. And then feel like shit when I wake up. I don't do this on days when I have to work in the AM though I fear it might start to happen. And when I don't work, I pretty much just sit around and do nothing. Play video games. Watch television. Randomly search the internet, spending a great deal of my time on dating websites (mainly Hot or Not and Lavalife). It's something I've gotten back into now that I have more time on my hands but it doesn't seem to be paying off at all as of yet. It provided me with my best success in the past but now nothing seems to be working. Oddly enough my Hot or Not rating is the best it's ever been and yet that isn't translating into success with the 'meet me' part of the site. Go figure.

Last Friday was really just an awful day. I didn't have to work, though I did have a doctor's appointment at 11:30. So I get up around 10:30ish, get dressed and showered, go to my appointment. Upon getting back home at around 12:30, I immediately go BACK to bed for another two hours. I then wake up and have my 'breakfast'. Sometime around 4:30-5:00 I take ANOTHER two hour nap. This really can't be healthy. I wanted to blog about it several days ago (the day of) but was unable to muster the energy to do so. Moving around, doing anything that needs to be done is becoming painfully difficult. Simple stuff like blogging, making phone calls, chores, whatever. It's not good. I'm just plain exhausted all the friggin' time.

Played softball on Saturday. It was a company tournament. I actually sort of looked forward to doing so and even thought that it might be good as sort of a social outing or whatever. I don't know if it was. Really it was just a once a year thing and it just left me feeling miserable as always. Mostly because I'm not as good as I remember. Granted I haven't played in AGES and am badly out of shape (my body still aches) but also because I always feel like I'm not wanted or appreciated or whatever. That I'm not really 'part of the team' or whatever. Most likely it's all in my head. I didn't hit as well as I know I was capable of doing but my fielding was still solid...I can still handle a sharp grounder at second base but they didn't seem to give me much of a chance to do so. Everyone is against me, I swear. Or so I think. Again, probably all in my mind.

I should probably go to bed. I feel like hell. It's close to 3:00 in the morning and there's really no good reason why I'm not in bed. The last month or so has not been good for reasons I don't feel like explaining right now. I have no direction and I am SO very lonely. Plus there are other factors that are impacting my physical and emotional well-being. But like I said, I'm not getting into it. I need sleep. So that's what I'll aim for......now.

P.S. Wasn't the Wimbledon Men's Final fucking awesome? I mean seriously. I have never seen tennis at such a level before. This was a match for the ages and though I was pulling for Federer there is no way anyone could be disappointed after witnessing an epic battle such as that which took place on Sunday. It was truly something else watching two amazing warriors go head-to-head the way they did. Not only was it great tennis it was sportsmanship at its very pinnacle. Simply magnificent.

"Happy" Canada Day

2008-07-01T20:34:00.000-04:00

I really had no plans to post anything today as pretty much nothing is going on in my life other than the fact that I'm a sad, miserable and very lonely drunk. Here's another long weekend that I'm spending alone at home. It's something I've gotten used to.

Anyways, it is Canada Day and despite the fact that I'm spending it alone like the loser I am, I was at least trying to take some pride in my country, be happy about being Canadian, all that sort of stuff. And I was, at least until I read this news story just a few moments ago and actually almost threw up. On this supposedly great day that's supposed to remind people country wide what a great land this is, it has been announced that the greatest mass-murderer in Canadian history and the most evil human being to ever call this country home will be honored with the Order of Canada. Whatever pride in my country I had evaporated in an instant and I now feel only disgust. It's just another reminder that this country has completely lost whatever sense of values and morals it once had. This is just so unthinkably deplorable that I really am at a loss for words.

Canada Day is supposed to be a day in which folks from all walks of life should come together and feel pride in this country we share but instead this is a truly dark day. If something like THIS represents what Canada is all about then I don't see how I can believe that this is a good country anymore. Happy Canada Day indeed. Below is a picture of "Doctor" Morgentaler alongside the leader of one of our major political parties. What a nice couple.

P.S. I know, this is the one issue I should have left alone. Now everyone will really hate me. But I couldn't help it, sorry. It actually did make me sick to the pit of my stomach.

Yup, I'm Prince Hamlet

2008-06-27T03:27:00.000-04:00

I don't know folks, I just ain't feelin' it and I haven't been for a while. The urge to blog that is. Certainly it goes hand in hand with other things...outside of getting up to go to work I haven't been accomplishing much lately, that's for sure. I just don't have the energy for it. After slacking off for a couple of years I actually went back to school and finished university which is something most people (including myself) didn't think I'd do. My mother believed I would, I will say that. At any rate it gave me a reprieve and now I'm done and once I get all the paperwork done, will have some sort of degree. Yes it's an undergraduate English degree, but at least it's from Canada's top university. So even though I may have gotten to it a few years behind most people I've got it or will, once I figure out all the procedural stuff.

That's actually pretty positive, once I actually figure out how to physically obtain that all-important piece of paper. But as the name of this blog would suggest there is of course a downside. My life now seems to have no purpose, at least for the present. Of course once one is finished university the next logical step should be to parlay that degree into some sort of semi-meaningful career.

That just ain't happening. I am stuck and confused and lost and frustrated and bored and directionless and depressed and altogether a mess. Granted things were often miserable at this end all through the last several years (as is evident from reading this thing) but at all times I had something that served as a distraction, that at least allowed for some sort of forced distraction that took my mind off of other things, a goal that I was working towards. I HAD to focus on it, after all it was something I was spending thousands of dollars a year on.

But now I'm done with it. I don't have that convenient escape anymore. I would wake up at a certain time at a certain day because I felt compelled to attend a class that I was spending a lot of money on. I suppose I still do that when I have to show up for my crappy, menial jobs but somehow it's just not the same. With them I'm not working towards any sort of goal, which is something I could probably use at this point. Get resume together, find decent job that justifies the time and money spent on higher education, get own place, gain independence and get life together. Get a life, period. I guess that would be it from here on in. It just seems so daunting. Dammit. If I were stronger I'd be able to cope with all this and have the ability to get it in motion. Right now though I'm scared shitless, constantly tired, unable to get moving and altogether a nervous mess. I'm stuck. Look at the subject line above and that's pretty much me. As an English major and a Shakespeare fan, I can honestly tell you that there's a reason why Hamlet is the most famous of The Bard's plays. It actually is his best work and really does deserve its reputation. Even though I can relate I say this without bias, I swear.

But I digress.

I'm miserable. As usual. And more than usual. Plus I also had a bunch of other shit that I really wanted to talk about (and probably won't get around to) but I let myself get trapped into this stream-of-consciousness thing. So this is that you get. I'll try to update sooner rather than later but I can't make any promises.

The cool nights do help me sleep lately at least

2008-06-20T00:29:00.001-04:00

It has now been a solid week since I updated this thing. Nice! Does anyone still care, does anyone still read? I'm not really sure, but I suppose the fact that even I am reading or writing on this very little (and therefore probably don't care much at present) can't bode well...yet again I'm wondering if I should shut the damned thing down or perhaps simply stop updating. Less dramatic that way, though it would take less effort. I am putting very little effort into anything these days actually....yes I've been working quite a bit, but that's pretty much the extent of it. I wake up, go to work, come home and....well, let's say nothing even remotely productive gets done.

I have made ZERO progress in regards to polishing up a resume, let alone finding some sort of meaningful employment. Something that comes close to justifying the five years and thousands of dollars I spent on this lousy degree. Speaking of which, I'm still waiting on that. I passed all my courses, have the required number of credits, met all the distribution requirements, fulfilled the qualifications of my major and two minors....I really just want that piece of paper. It's looking more and more likely that they're not just going to send it to me. I think I have to talk to someone, declare some sort of intentions, something like that. I really don't know what the process is, though I suspect it can't be THAT difficult. Yet just like everything else, it seems like too much of an effort right now. Nothing, no motivation. Stalled, stuck in neutral, some stupid automotive metaphor like that.

The Blue Jays officially such. A great month of May gave me a glimmer of hope but now I'm finally beginning to see reality. I have less desire to watch baseball now seeing as my team only seems to lose. It wasn't much but it did give me something to do from 7:07 until around 10:00 every night. I still have free tickets for a couple of upcoming games in July though. Just another excuse to drink at this point. If I can find someone to go with me that is.

That's it. I haven't anything else important to say. Not that the above really counts for much. At least it was something. A crappy post nonetheless, one that I did just for the sake of posting something. Depressed as I usually am (and was) at least I could objectively look at the old blog and say that it was interesting. Perhaps no more. Or maybe I just need more to drink is all.

Oh summer, why do you hate me so?!

2008-06-13T01:08:00.001-04:00

No real reason for a lack of updates lately, other than the fact I've been working a lot over the last little bit. Same pathetic jobs, ones which are probably beneath me and certainly not worth the five years and thousands of dollars I invested into higher education. But I've yet to even get cracking on a proper resume so I guess there's no immediate end in sight, regardless of how much I hate them. I suppose they pay the bills, which I actually do have, believe it or not. Plus were it not for them (no money = no booze) I'd probably be sober right now, which is something I don't care to even think about.

Furthermore, I don't really have anything exciting to talk about. I guess if I tried I could go through the news and comment on various issues from politics to sports to the price of gas to the useless and quirky. But it's all been done before and I'm sure you all know by now pretty much where I'd stand on any given topic. Go ahead, skim through the paper and pick one at random. Then just try to imagine what I'd have to say about it. I bet you that whatever comes to mind probably wouldn't be too far off from actuality.

Also have precious little to look forward to in the next little while. Am working quite a lot for the next week or so, more than I'd like to. Again it's nice to be earning at least some money, but it leaves me little time for to get cracking on my resume / 'real job' search (ha!) and also less time for the endless self-pity to which I'm accustomed. Okay, perhaps avoiding that last part is a good thing but I really do need to get on with things...ever been stuck in a rut? Well this may be the rut to end all ruts. Need to get out....NOW!!...........

....it didn't happen. I'm still here.

Oh, I just remembered something. Seeing that awful concert on Sunday (OneRepublic and some other bands I know even less about) also got me quite down. There were oh-so-many really hot young women at the show and I'm pretty sure that a great many of them go there with the vain thoughts of "oh, if I tart myself up all nice, I'm sure one of the guys in the band will notice me and want to sleep with me". Or something like that. I'm sure I'm not too far off. I miss that one, brief, fleeting moment that I was in a band. So long as you're on stage and playing rock music, there will be attractive women who will want to fuck you, no matter how much you suck or how ugly you are. It gave me hope and it was nice. Now I have to try to get by on whatever charm and confidence I can muster. Plus I have to make the effort to look as good as I can. That's also not easy. Every five minutes I worry about how I look and as I've said (one of my better quotes) "there is a fine line between vanity and insecurity and I'm not quite sure upon which side I fall". But if you've been paying any attention, I think you can figure it out for yourself.

Because I have nothing better to do at this moment, here's a post

2008-06-08T00:41:00.004-04:00

Seeing as I'm in no shape to compose a proper post, I'll try and piece something together, just because I feel like getting a little bit of writing done.

It was very hot today. And yesterday. And likely will be tomorrow. It's because of days like today that I consider Willis Carrier among the greatest human beings to have ever lived. Nonetheless, I will still probably sleep on the couch in the basement. I will trade coolness for total area in this case.

As usual I am, for the most part, quite miserable. I've sort of begun the online dating thing (Hot or Not and Lavalife) again in earnest and so far I'm having limited success. Things were going quite well (or so I thought) with one young lady, but it seems to have taken a turn for the worst. At first she seemed quite open to at least the possibility of a nice casual drink or something, but suddenly that doesn't seem to be the case anymore. This is after I stayed up chatting with her until the wee hours on several occasions. I don't know where I went wrong, but I'm sure I'll analyze it until it drives me insane. I may have found another definite maybe (I hope) and pray that I don't fuck this one up and at least get the chance at something, ANYTHING. I'm not asking for marriage, all I want is a shot at buying them a drink. It's not much but to me it would mean the world.

I've agreed to see a concert with a friend tomorrow, she's actually someone I wrote about here before on several occasions and am too lazy to link to. We went out a few times (I think they were dates) but nothing ever came of that, however it does look like we've become friends, which is not such a bad deal I suppose. In fact I actually think she's more into me than I am her, something I find remarkable. Anyways, we're going to see the band OneRepublic who are best known for the semi-decent song "Apologize" (featuring Timbaland). That song isn't so bad, but I've just listened to some of their other stuff and it's pretty bad. Plus it's at a venue with no seats. Who the hell thought that up? She did say she'd buy me lunch though (I payed last time) so I guess it's not a total loss.

Finally on a very random note, I really like the song "Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Daughter" by Herman's Hermits. Some people might consider it just a trite oldie, but I really think it's a quite moving little number with a really heartfelt vocal from Peter Noone. Yeah it's just a song, but somehow he really manages to put some real emotion into it, this great sense of melancholy heartbreak. And he was only 17 when he sang it! That little bitch David Archuleta couldn't even come close to this. This is real singing. If you're not familiar with it (shame on you) or haven't heard it in a while, give it a spin and listen to a fine vocalist who understands that there's more to singing than being loud and trying to stretch notes beyond the point of reason.

Now back to business

2008-06-06T01:47:00.000-04:00

Well that was quite something. As an obsessive compulsive list maker I've come up with quite a few here over the years, most of them usually having to do with music. There was the list of great Cold War songs and TV themes and Christmas songs plus the hottest women ones I did a could of time. Most were pretty much a simple top-ten with the exception of the Best Songs of the 1980s I did way back when, one which I'd probably revise quite heavily if I were to redo it. But this Top 100 Films of All-Time was pretty hardcore and I think that I'll take it easy on the list-making for now. At any rate I hope everyone enjoyed it.

Anyways things fucking suck. To get back to my miserable life, I have been completely miserable as of late. All my marks are in and as far as I can tell, I have now semi-officially graduated university. I say 'semi' because I suppose it's not official, i.e. I don't have anything in writing, a diploma or whatever. I have all the number of credits I need and am quite confident that I have all the bases covered in regards to having completed my major and two minors, plus the distribution (science and social-science) credits I need. I truly don't give a shit about going to any sort of convocation, I just want my damned diploma. I suppose I have to fill something in or make some sort of declaration or request or something but I'm not sure how it works. I should get on that. Again I just want it in writing that I finally have my lousy B.A. from the University of Toronto. Then I can make my next move, take the next step, whatever.

And what would that be?

I need a job. Great. Like a real job. One which at least somewhat justifies the five years and thousands of dollars I've spent on this. I'm certainly not expecting great things right away but at the very least I need to start turning a profit. But of course I have no idea what to do, no idea where to even start? Of course I'm sure you've all gone through this but that doesn't really help me out...I have no idea where to even start. Nice! So for now I'm just going to drink.

Yet amazingly all this isn't even what's getting me the most down. Yeah there's something else, something I haven't really focused on for quite a while but is now starting to weigh ever more heavily on my mind. What is that thing? I'm sure you could probably guess if you tried but seeing as this post is running long, I'll save it for next time.

Baseball is back! (on the blog that is)

2008-06-03T23:23:00.001-04:00

If I may actually post some good news here on my depressing blog (for a change) I have come into possession of FREE tickets to see the Blue Jays at the Rogers Centre (AKA SkyDome) on two separate occasions! They must be getting desperate because we received two sets of comps mailed to us at the old cigar store in an attempt to sell the 'company' on buying some sort of corporate entertainment package (or something) and sent along a couple of freebies as a token of goodwill (or whatever). Needless to say that's not going to happen but that doesn't concern me. What does is that since I'm the biggest baseball fan there by far (and was quick to open the mail) meaning I now have FREE tickets to see the Jays on July 10th and again on July 25th! Now the trick is finding people to go with me. Yes even with FREE stuff I have the fear of not being able to find folks to hang out with me.

Anyways this doesn't really make up for the fact that my life sucks and that I've been beyond miserable lately (for reasons I'll go into soon) but it's still a pleasant surprise.

And it actually got me to talking about baseball here after a fairly lengthy (by my standards) absence. The Jays beat up on the Yankees tonight in the Bronx and 20 - 10 May does give me just that little bit of hope...perhaps if I now shut up about baseball once again they may just keep on winning. Insignificant as I am, I wouldn't be surprised if I were some sort of curse. Then again perhaps I flatter myself too much.

As a neat little aside, it seems that Roy Halladay has a fan in George W. Bush! Say what you will about the man, but he sure does know his baseball!

The best of the best...this is it folks

2008-06-01T22:04:00.001-04:00

This is it. We've finally reached the end. These are the twenty greatest films, EVER. This has been a massive undertaking on my part and I can only hope that each of my faithful readers has thoroughly enjoyed this epic list. I first talked about doing this about a month ago but in reality it's something that's been on my mind for quite some time now. I'm amazed I actually completed it! At last I've completed the list to end all lists and can take a break from this compulsive behavior for at least a while. Hopefully this has been enjoyable and rewarding for all of you who have been keeping track. At the very least I hope that it might inspire you to check out some quality pics that you perhaps haven't seen and really should take the time to check out.

Anyways, I might take a few days off after this but rest assured I'll be back and more depressing than ever. My life really sucks right now, you have no idea. But in the mean time do enjoy the final entry of the Top 100 Films of All-Time. Thanks for reading!

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Films # 20-1

20. JFK (1991) dir. Oliver Stone- Never mind a grain, you have to take this movie with a whole block of salt. Oliver Stone’s examination of the Kennedy assassination was a cultural phenomenon and rightfully so. It’s bizarre, ponderous, intellectual, paranoid, ludicrous, logical and so many other adjectives that don’t immediately spring to mind. While spurious at best as a historical document, it is fantastic entertainment. Three hours plus of talking and it’s not boring for a second. Wow, two Kevin Costner films on the list. Crazy!

19. Blazing Saddles (1974) dir. Mel Brooks- Good comedy is very hard to achieve, especially in trying to amuse a miserable sot like me. And epic comedy? Well, that’s damned near impossible. It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World tried (but didn’t quite succeed) and The Blues Brothers also takes a decent stab at it, but as far as I’m concerned this is the only film in history that really gets the job done. It is insanely funny and could never be made today. The scene where Cleavon Little holds himself hostage? Riotous. Laugh for laugh, the funniest movie ever made.

18. Sunset Blvd. (1950) dir. Billy Wilder- Hugely entertaining, this is Hollywood about Hollywood at its perfection. Gloria Swanson is tragically riotous as the faded and deluded former starlet opposite William Holden who is equally great as the down-and-out young screenwriter. If any movie captures the horrible bitch-goddess that is Hollywood, this is it. Incredibly stylistic, this is also one of those movies that makes you wonder why they don’t shoot in black & white anymore. A revolutionary film on so many levels, it fun or relevant than it was almost sixty years ago. Just so much fun.

17. Chinatown (1974) dir. Roman Polanski- A triumphant return to the great film-noir traditions of classic Hollywood, Jack is spot on in this densely layered mystery based on the remarkable real-life development of California of the 1930s. Cerebral, downbeat and ultimately tragic, this is a true thinking man’s movie. Just brilliant movie making, even if Roman Polanski is a child molester. But I can forget that, seeing as this is a mystery that you never get tired of, even after you know all the many twists and turns.

16. The Seventh Seal (1957) dir. Ingmar Bergman- Of course you know the classic image of Max von Sydow as the knight returning from the Crusades playing chess with Death for his very life. But the actual movie? Breathtaking. Bergman’s breakthrough film has lost none of its impact after fifty years. We may never come close to answering any questions about life and death and God and man, and all that shit but this is as good as an examination as will ever exist on celluloid.

15. The Searchers (1956) dir. John Ford- Absolutely the peak of the John Wayne – John Ford collaboration, Both of these amazing talents were at the height of their powers with this often downbeat but always mesmerizing Western, gorgeously shot in Monument Valley. Wayne is remarkable as a man driven by his insane hatred of Indians and you question his motives throughout. Does he want to save his niece…or does he now want to kill her? The scene after he “finds” Lucy is riveting, as is the iconic final shot.

14. The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938) dir. Michael Curtiz & William Keighley- Forget Kevin Costner or any other feeble attempts at swashbuckling for that matter (this means you Johnny Depp). Errol Flynn is the ultimate action star, totally radiating charm in glorious Technicolor. The final sword fight with the devious Sir Guy of Gisbourne (played by Basil Rathbone) is a stunner, in fact so is the whole movie! They advertise 'adventure' in the title and this one delivers like no other!

13. North by Northwest (1959) dir. Alfred Hitchcock- The title is cribbed from Hamlet, but the film is all Hitchcock. Cary Grant is the victim of the worst mistaken identity ever and then the fun starts. A James Bond film before they even had them, it keeps you on your toes and keeps you guessing throughout. The crop duster scene is a killer (no wonder From Russia With Love ripped it off) and Grant is as smooth as silk. The Master at his best.

12. The Godfather Part II (1974) dir. Francis Ford Coppola- IMDB and the AFI get it wrong already at number one and two (respectively). How can you place The Godfather ahead of its obviously superior sequel? Of course it’s a fine film and a worthy entrant on my list, but it pales in comparison to Part II. The Juxtaposition between Michael and the young Vito, the Senate subcommittee hearings, the interweaving of the historical fall of the Batista government, Pacino’s chilling performance…it’s all here. The Godfather is a great film, but it’s all just setting us up for this amazing epic.

11. Singin' in the Rain (1952) dir. Gene Kelly & Stanley Donen- Y’know, it may surprise some people that there is MUCH more to this flick than Gene Kelly’s beloved song and dance during a downpour. It’s a brilliant parable about the transition from silents to talkies, with great musical numbers that never seem forced one bit. Every single music number works perfectly, the story is great and the performances spot on. It’s funny, sweet and altogether a total upper of a motion picture, so why not watch it on a rainy day?

10. Dr. Strangelove or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964) dir. Stanley Kubrick- Yes, the threat of nuclear war can be funny, with Peter Sellers brilliant in three roles and Sterling Hayden and George C. Scott also great in support. The whole thing is fucking insane, probably rather apropos in regards to the subject matter. The Doomsday Device, the alien hand, the sapping of "precious bodily fluids" and the hilarious final line…what is there not to love?

9. Modern Times (1936) dir. Charles Chaplin- While there are some scenes with sound, this was in essence the last real silent film. The Tramp faces a world in which he may no longer belong, but at the end of things he walks off into the future with a smile on his face and hope in his heart. As an amazing sign of how great this film is, I remember watching it a few years ago in my first year English class. It was a big class and throughout, all these kids (younger than I) were killing themselves laughing at a movie that was seventy years old. At the end everyone actually applauded, they loved it so much. If that isn’t a sign of a film’s greatness, I don’t know what is. But guess what? It's not even my favorite Chaplin film.

8. The Bicycle Thieves (1948) dir. Vittorio De Sica- De Sica is the undisputed master of Italian neo-realism and this is his pinnacle. Beautiful and touching, but ultimately depressing, this is the kind of movie that could never be made today and certainly not in Hollywood. In fact it’s totally un-Hollywood, a movie that could only be made in post World War II Europe, it’s a flawless example of hope, despair and morality. If you want life through rose coloured glasses look elsewhere, but if you want great filmmaking, look here.

7. Yellow Submarine (1968) dir. George Dunning- I love this movie and have ever since I was a kid. If you’re ever really down in the dumps (like I am frequently) just go put on Yellow Submarine and you’ll forget your troubles for at least an hour and a half. The (animated) Fab Four have to rescue the undersea paradise of Pepperland from the music hating, Blue Meanies, but that doesn’t really matter. It’s great fun and even greater music. My ultimate feel good movie.

6. Lawrence of Arabia (1962) dir. David Lean- “What is your name?” “My name is for my friends…none of my friends is a murderer…Sherif Ali, so long as the Arabs fight tribe against tribe, so long will they be a little people, a silly people…greedy, barbarous, and cruel, as you are”. That’s all’s I have to say about that. If you don’t know the scene, you don’t know nothing. In fact I feel sorry for you if you've never seen it.

5. The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948) dir. John Huston- I’ve randomly written about it here before, just to say how great it is. Bogart gives his best performance and that’s saying a lot. Tim Holt is fine as well and Walter Huston wins the all-time award for Best Supporting Actor. Everything works, from the music to director John Huston’s droll cameo to those lovably menacing banditos. The final scene is perhaps the best in movie history, where they just keep laughing and laughing at their terrible misfortune. Another movie I’ve seen at least twenty times and still it doesn’t seem enough.

4. Rashomon (1950) dir. Akira Kurosawa- Kurosawa’s masterpiece, an outstanding examination of perspective and the eternal search for truth. The camerawork is incredible, the story has been (understandably) copied a million times and Toshiro Mifune proves why he is one of the greatest actors of all. It’s under an hour and a half, so forget that it’s all in subtitles and go rent it NOW! It’ll restore your faith in mankind, I guarantee it.

3. Casablanca (1942) dir. Michael Curtiz- Well, duh. I can pretty much quote the entire movie from memory as I’m watching, waiting for all my favorite lines to come up again. The cast is perfect and so is the script, even though they apparently made it up as they went along! Pretty much every scene is iconic, but if the "La Marseilles" scene doesn’t stir you, you’re probably a Nazi. I really don't need to explain this one any further.

2. Citizen Kane (1941) dir. Orson Welles- Roger Ebert once said that it’s amazing that in a world where no one can seem to agree on any two things, most people generally agree that Citizen Kane is the best film of all-time and those who don’t can’t seem to come to any other consensus. Anyways, it’s my runner-up, but to argue against it is damned hard. Orson Welles was the greatest talent to ever come out of Hollywood and they had to ruin him, because he was so far ahead of everyone else. Yet still he endures and he would have made my favorite film of all-time if not for...

1. City Lights (1931) dir. Charles Chaplin- My all-time favorite. Every single other spot on the list was up for grabs in one-way or another. I knew that some would be top-ten etc, but this was the only one whose position was always certain, seeing as it’s my favorite movie. I’ve known that for a long time now and it’s unlikely to change anytime soon. Absolutely the sweetest and most heartfelt film ever made, perhaps this means that I really am a romantic at heart in placing it where I do. If there were ever a case for unconditional love, this is it. I’ve seen it over fifty times and every time I still lose it at the final scene, which has to be the most touching ever committed to celluloid. This is a beautiful motion picture, proof of film as art.

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So I guess that's it. I can now return to the utterly depressing saga that is my life. Hopefully this has been a nice diversion. This was fun, but for the next while do expect a return to the good old days when I hated life and wished I was dead. Stay tuned for that now!

Almost done!

2008-05-29T22:55:00.001-04:00

As just a quick little aside, I guess that if this news is true, every single person on the face of the earth was wrong about something. I'm not sure if that's ever happened before! So good for you Clay and while this is also quite disturbing, you must be congratulated for slipping one past the goalie.

Anyways, we're really getting into some serious territory now...We crossed the halfway point with the previous entry on the list and now we're really running out of films. Only forty to go, after all! I'm sure there are some that will be predictable but perhaps by now you'll all be wondering if certain flicks will make the cut at all and if there will be some really oddball surprises and perhaps now the rankings mean just that much more.

So we're almost near the finish line and here is the penultimate entry on my list of the Top 100 Films of All Time. This is getting exciting! Okay, it's exciting for me because I have no life outside of this and when this list is done I'll have pretty much nothing to focus my energy on. So allow me my fun, okay?

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Films # 40-21

40. The Battleship Potemkin (1925) dir. Sergei Eisenstein- The fact that it was officially a propaganda piece for the Soviet government cannot detract from this Eisenstein masterwork. Indeed as a propaganda film, it is brilliant in its depiction of the rebellion of the sailors against the oppressive Tsarist regime. And the visual style is undeniably brilliant, the utmost example of the Soviet Montage school of filmmaking. From the maggot- infested meat to the harrowing massacre on the Odessa Steps it is a shocking motion picture.

39. Smokey and the Bandit (1977) dir. Hal Needham- Apparently towards the end of his life, this was actually one of Alfred Hitchcock’s favorite films. Why? Because according to the Master, it was a film in which it looked like everyone was having so much fun making it, something that couldn’t be faked. A wise man, Hitch was dead on. Forget the story and just sit back and enjoy. Totally infectious, carefree and just a total blast. Pop it in on a lazy Sunday afternoon, put your brain on cruise control and enjoy simply being entertained.

38. Tokyo Story (1953) dir. Yasujiro Ozu- Moving at an often glacial pace, this is probably the last movie you want to watch if you need to get your batteries recharged. What you will get though is a moving examination of elderly parents coming from their small town home to visit their adult children in bustling Tokyo. The children however, have their own lives and seem to have little to entertain the old folks. Deeply sad and moving at the same time.

37. Die Hard (1988) dir. John McTiernan- However if you do need your batteries recharged, look no further than this. There’s a reason why pretty much every other action movie that came out afterwards was referred to as “Die Hard on a *blank*”. Bruce Willis is the coolest, most personable and easily chattiest action hero of them all. A great and more importantly human hero you can root for (his feet actually bleed when he walks on broken glass) and Alan Rickman is beyond outstanding as the Euro-trash baddy. “Now I have a machine gun...ho-ho-ho”. How can you not love it? Also a great Christmas movie, don’t forget

36. Fantasia (1940) dir. various- Easily my favorite Disney film, it’s really of course just a lot of great animation (sans dialog) set to timeless music and done some in such a seamless manner that so many of the pieces have become synonymous with the animated segments. “The Waltz of the Flowers” sequence and especially the “Night on Bald Mountain” are standouts and while you could watch them all separately, it’s even more rewarding as a whole. Not as groundbreaking, but also highly rewarding is the sequel (continuation?) Fantasia 2000.

35. Vertigo (1958) dir. Alfred Hitchcock- Incredibly intricate (as always) Hitchcock flick, dealing with the fear of heights and insatiable obsession. Jimmy Stewart is at his best as the detective who seems to find the woman he loves somehow reincarnated or so it seems. This one will keep you on your toes at all times and of course the Bernard Herrmann score is legendary.

34. The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957) dir. David Lean- An epic like only David Lean could craft ‘em. Features an awesome cast, with Alec Guinness (yup, he made movies before Star Wars remember) brilliant as the Colonel who is determined to prove his British superiority at any cost, building the best-damned bridge possible (take THAT Japan!). Of course also features one of the greatest action scenes of all, one that no computer could ever recreate adequately. Totally amazing POW pic, the likes of which will probably never be seen again.

33. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) dir. Steven Spielberg- Impossible not to love. You’ll be whistling along with the music two notes in unless there’s something way wrong with you. I saw on the big screen a few years back and it was just awesome. Maybe the best car chase in history (yes, even over Bullitt and French Connection), plus of course there’s the fact the movie is flawless from once the ball gets rolling (!!) all the way through to the oh-so-droll ending. Yeah Indy 4 totally sucked the big one, but I'm going to try to put that out of my mind and just remember how great the original is.

32. Sleuth (1972) dir. Joseph L. Mankiewicz- A supreme acting battle-royale if there ever was one. Olivier and Caine go mano-a-mano playing the ultimate game, over a woman (what else?). The twists are absolutely endless and not until the very end do you know how it’s going to turn out and who is going to win. Sophisticated and witty, with just enough menace thrown in for good measure. I haven’t seen the 2007 remake, but our good pal Beer told me it wasn’t any good. No surprise though, what's the point in even trying to remake a movie as good as this?

31. The Man Who Would Be King (1975) dir. John Huston- Rousing adventure in the grandest Hollywood tradition, Connery and Caine have never been better. They play two former British soldiers in the British Raj, who attempt to essentially plunder the kingdom of Khafiristan. Wonderfully politically incorrect, a winner all around. Caine’s speech at the end is so cool I can recite it perfectly. If you're to look at film as pure entertainment, I'm hard pressed to think of any better example than this.

30. Seven Samurai (1954) dir. Akira Kurosawa- Legendary adventure from the incomparable Akira Kurasawa, it’s no surprise that so many elements from this landmark film have been lifted by American and European filmmakers. The action scenes are breathtaking and the story utterly engrossing and universal. It runs well over three hours, is in black & white and is in a foreign language. This shouldn’t stop anyone with half a brain from enjoying this timeless classic (yes, I used the phrase ‘timeless classic’).

29. High Noon (1952) dir. Fred Zinnemann- Forget every other ‘real time’ thriller, this is the original and the only one that matters. Gary Cooper is the martial who plans to hang up his guns and badge on his wedding day, only to find that a man who has sworn revenge is due to return to town on the noon train. Of course all those he thought he could count on to help one by one abandon him. Chilling and suspenseful throughout, Tex Ritter’s unforgettable “Do Not Forsake Me, Oh My Darling” playing throughout makes for only makes it better.

28. Sullivan's Travels (1941) dir. Preston Sturges- Preston Sturges was a hugely under appreciated genius in his day and while now widely regarded in film circles, he still doesn’t get the credit he deserves. This is his best film, about a competent but bored Hollywood director who sets out to make a ‘serious’ film (entitled O Brother, Where Art Though, yes this is where the Coen’s got it from). Wanting to ‘know trouble’ as so many less fortunate do, instead he learns that maybe there is something important about comedy after all…

27. This is Spinal Tap (1984) dir. Rob Reiner- Sweet Jesus, this is a funny fucking movie. And apparently a painfully realistic one in some regards, because when it came out a lot of people took it at face value and even after it was widely known to be a joke, many actual rock stars though it hit too close to home on several occasions! There are so many jokes and they pretty much all work, that it’s nearly impossible to pick one favorite. Mine? Today I’ll go with their first drummer who died in a “bizarre gardening accident”, but tomorrow I might have a new favourite. Just hilarious, 'nuff said.

26. 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) dir. Stanley Kubrick- One of those totally arty and pretentious 'films', it’s slow moving and needlessly opaque, but its sheer beauty is hard to deny. The Strauss score fits perfectly and the shift from past (tossed bone) to future (orbiting satellite) is genius. God knows what the hell is going on half the time, but it’s totally absorbing from start to finish and the HAL 9000 is (in my opinion) the greatest screen villain of all-time.

25. Umberto D. (1952) dir. Vittorio De Sica- If this one doesn’t move you, then your heart must be made of stone. An old pensioner struggles to survive during the hard times faced in post-WW2 Italy, with his only friends being a pregnant maid in his rooming house and his very cute little dog. Made up almost exclusively of a cast who had never acted before (!!), it’s powerful and unforgettable. Truly tragic, it and its characters will stay with you for a long time.

24. Groundhog Day (1993) dir. Harold Ramis- A true modern day fairytale. That’s probably a term (or something similar) that’s thrown around a fair bit, but it actually does apply here. Bill Murray is pitch-perfect as the jerk-ass weatherman who is given the chance that we all wish we could have: keep on trying and trying until we get this crazy thing called life right. Equally funny and touching, it shows us that this hell he’s trapped in is actually a remarkable blessing, a chance to make it all right, no matter how long it takes.

23. Field of Dreams (1989) dir. Phil Alden Robinson- The best sports movie ever made. Kevin Costner is really good (before his head swelled to huge proportions) as the Iowa farmer who builds a baseball field in his corn so that Shoeless Joe Jackson can return from the dead to play baseball again. Ethereal film, that’s somehow haunting and heartwarming at the same time. The whole cast is amazing from Liotta to James Earl Jones. I can’t even count the number of scenes that give me goosebumps every time, but my fave has to be when “Moonlight” Graham crosses the gravel and leaves the field. Special props (again) to James Horner’s excellent score.

22. Amadeus (1984) dir. Milos Forman- Incredible pseudo-biopic about a man with God-like musical abilities who also happens to be petulant dolt. Tom Hulce is fine as Mozart, but F. Murray Abraham gives perhaps the greatest one-hit-wonder performance of all-time as the man driven to destroy Mozart and revenge himself against God for having used such a petty creature as his musical instrument on earth. Totally riveting and unforgettable.

21. 8 1/2 (1963) dir. Federico Fellini- Totally arty and pretentious, it also happens to be the utterly engrossing story of a brilliant director (masterfully played by Marcello Mastroianni) riddled with the ultimate case of director’s block. Interweaving the past and the present, along with reality and fantasy, this one will take at least a couple of viewings to soak it all in. There are so many great films-within-films, but this is easily one of the most brilliant, involving on so many levels, especially as one which can speak to anyone who has ever been confused as to where they’re going in life.

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Wow, we're almost done. Like I said the list is getting harder to rank as I near the top...now more than ever I'm really spending a lot of time contemplating the exact order of this thing...If this was hard to do then the final entry should be even more of a challenge. But it'll be worth it to have out of my system at last. Stay tuned!

Three years of this and I'm still alive!

2008-05-27T18:43:00.000-04:00

It's pretty hard to believe, but today is the third anniversary of The World's Most Depressing Blog.

I remember that I started this thing after the death of The Worst Blog in History founded by our good friend Natmac, who is certainly a blog pioneer and the man who started me on the righteous path. I was one of 17 or 18 contributors to that blog and when it folded, I decided to start up a blog of my own. This little thing is the result and I'm amazed that it's lasted as long as it has. At first it really was just a very depressing blog about my very depressing life, but then I branched out into the realms of popular culture, crazed right wing politics and mind-boggling randomness. Thankfully my life still sucks and I'm able to continue to update all my kind readers on the sorry state of my existence.

There really is no way I'd have the desire to continue this thing without knowing that I have at least a handful of really great folks who take time out of their day to check up on it. To all of you who continue to read, whether you're relative newcomers or have been with me since the beginning, I sincerely thank you. Yeah there have been patches where the updates have been quite sporadic and many times I've threatened to shut the thing down because I don't feel like anyone cares. But God willing, I'll try and keep the old blog going for as long as I can. There may be times when I feel like giving up and times when I feel like it's not worth it but I know in my heart of hearts that I do have some really great readers who give me the strength to keep on keeping on.

Sorry if this is maudlin or rambling or just plain poorly written. These sort of things aren't easy to write but your support is really appreciated and thanks for making depression just a little bit easier!

My most epic work ever, don't pass it by!

2008-05-26T09:38:00.003-04:00

Essentially nothing eventful happened to me over the weekend. I got to go home an hour early on Saturday on account of there being little to do at work and still get paid for it. Not bad. I also had Sunday off, though I of course didn't get paid for that. At least I got some sunning done, it was a lovely day. Also talked to hot paint department girl a little. I suppose it went marginally better, but that's not saying much. I tried so hard to be cool and be myself and all that shit, but I don't think it's working. Unrequited love is never easy. Just for once I'd love for it to go both ways...forget it, I'll shut up about it for now. Did have a rather satisfying enchilada dinner though, so the day wasn't a total loss.

On a totally unrelated note, here is part 3 of my Top 100 Films of All-Time. Perhaps no one cares (save a couple of people) and perhaps I really did put too much effort into this, but I figure since most of it is already done, I'd might as well see it through to the bitter end.

Also I fucked up the last entry, somehow skipping from # 73 to #71, as I pointed out in a previous comment. But if you missed it, I've simply amended the thing and now The Producers finds its way onto the second part of the list at # 61, instead of #60. A minor note, but please don't neglect this fine film that you might otherwise think I forgot about!

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Films #60-41

60. Unforgiven (1992) dir. Clint Eastwood- Clint's downbeat and elegiac revisionist Western proves why he is not only one of the best Hollywood actors of all-time, but also one of its great directors, a man who truly deserves his two Best Director Oscars. Violent and sad it’s one of the best ever using the old theme about a man trying to escape from his past instead to be trapped by it. The four leads are all outstanding, especially Gene Hackman as the ruthless Little Bill, determined to maintain law and order at any cost.

59. The Great Escape (1963) dir. John Sturges- If there was ever a rousing winner of a film this is it. Of course the story is the classic "escape from the Germans" bit, but one can’t imagine any escape movie being told with as much zest and character as this one. You root for the heroes at every corner and can’t help but hum along to Elmer Bernstein’s iconic score for most of its three hours. Everyone of course remembers Steve McQueen’s awesome motorcycle chase, but this one is a triumph through and through.

58. Almost Famous (2000) dir. Cameron Crowe- Transcendent movie about music when it was great, there’s likely never been as good a movie made about rock n’ roll. Cameron Crowe’s semi-autobiographical tale about his days as a very young Rolling Stone journalist is a pleasure throughout and guaranteed to put a smile on your face. The music is great, the performances are great (especially Billy Crudup) and “Tiny Dancer” sequence is an instant classic. If you love rock music, this one is a no-brainer.

57. Superman: The Movie (1978) dir. Richard Donner- Thirty years on, it’s still the benchmark by which all other superhero movies are judged. From the overblown but Brando-rific opening to his childhood in Smallville through to the great scenes with a scene-chewing Hackman’s even up to the deus ex machina ending, one thinks it should fail, but in actuality it never does hit a sour note. The sequel is almost as good and there are plenty of other great comic book adaptations but somehow none of them seem to be able to surpass this one.

56. Stagecoach (1939) dir. John Ford- The film that made John Wayne a star, as well as his first major collaboration with director John Ford, one which would prove to be among the most fruitful in movie history. The story is of course pretty straightforward with a mismatched group of folks taking the ride on the titular vehicle while avoiding those pesky Injuns. But it’s a hell of a ride with some of the best cast the Duke has ever worked with. If you're not a fan of westerns and want a nice accessible place to start, this is it.

55. Sherlock Jr. (1924) dir. Buster Keaton- Very cool film within a film. Buster Keaton plays a movie projectionist who imagines himself entering the very film he’s showing in order to solve the crime of which he’s been falsely accused. Really neat metafiction, the whole thing doesn’t waste a single minute, coming in at under 45 minutes in length! If you’re a silent film novice, try starting here. It not only breezes by, it’s also a load of fun.

54. The Wizard of Oz (1939) dir. Victor Fleming- Yes, it’s not only for gay men and young children. Judy Garland beyond charming and the opening of the door to reveal the merry old land of Oz in all its glorious Technicolor is still stunning. The dog is adorable, the villain is despicable, the songs are great and the message is timeless. Hard to think of a better film for the whole family to enjoy.

53. Grand Illusion (1937) dir. Jean Renoir- Perhaps the original POW movie, this Renoir masterpiece is really an outstanding examination of social class in a rapidly changing world and really about human relationship in general. Many touching moments, but the best is the quite matter-of-fact conversation between the aristocratic German and French soldiers, as one of them lies dying. Truly before its time, it shatters any conceptions of the romantic notion of war.

52. Kind Hearts and Coronets (1949) dir. Robert Hamer- Easily the funniest movie ever made about mass murder. Perfectly droll British comedy about a young man who stands in line to inherit a dukedom. The only problem? There are eight people in line ahead of him. The Solution? Kill them off of course! If you want dry British wit at its best here it is. Alec Guinness plays all eight victims with nary a fat-suit in sight.

51. 12 Monkeys (1995) dir. Terry Gilliam- Totally beyond trippy adaptation of the 1962 short film La Jetée (which is really worth seeing as well), Bruce Willis is actually very good and the twists and turns just keep coming at you from all over the place. Brilliantly existential and wholly confusing, there’s no way you’re going to pick up everything from just one viewing. And the final line is too perfect.

50. The Ten Commandments (1956) dir. Cecil B. DeMille- There’s a reason why ABC continues to run this fifty-year-old movie every year during Easter every single year. Yes it’s close to four hours in length and when you factor in the commercials, it’s usually around midnight and they’re only getting to the parting of the Red Sea (an effect which still inspires a sense of wonder). Despite this and the fact they ‘format it to fit your screen’ (ugh) it remains a winner year after year, thanks to the indescribable sense of wonder it continues to project and Heston’s unwavering performance which hold the whole thing together

49. Sunrise (1927) dir. F.W. Murnau- Gorgeous, stylized silent masterpiece by German Expressionist filmmaker, F.W. Murnau., it blends the best of that school with the splendor of old Hollywood. Silent and containing very few inter-titles, it’s a stunning example of the old term ‘motion picture’ (remember that?), one that allows the stunning imagery to do the only talking that’s necessary.

48. Being There (1979) dir. Hal Ashby- Peter Sellers proves once again his comic genius as the simpleton whose entire breadth of knowledge comes from watching television, yet somehow rises to the pinnacle of American society. Sellers brilliantly lets everything happen around him, only re-acting in this most subtle and mesmerizing of performances. That final shot? Well, discuss it amongst yourselves.

47. Young Frankenstein (1974) dir. Mel Brooks- Another brilliant Mel Brooks comedy, it’s a wonder this is the same guy who made Spaceballs and Men in Tights. A genius send-up of the old Universal horror flicks of the 30s and 40s, it’s probably Brooks’ most subtle film, but the laughs don’t ever stop. Gene Wilder has never been better and the blind hermit scene with Gene Hackman is probably the funniest sequence in movie history.

46. King Kong (1933) dir. Merian C. Cooper- Remade in 1976 (ugh) and in 2005 (pretty well), this is still the original special effects epic, with a fun story and set pieces that still are still instill wonder today. Light years ahead of its time, it no doubt amazed audiences in 1933 and still holds up to this day. Plus no one screams like Fay Wray did.

45. The Godfather (1972) dir. Francis Ford Coppola- Well of course. IMDB has it as their number one and AFI had it as number two in their latest list. Undeniably a classic, with unforgettable sequences at every turn and brilliant performance all around. Pretty much everything that could be said about it already has been, so there’s no use adding my two-cents. So why do I rate it so (relatively) low? Because the sequel is even better. Anyone who actually bothers to sit down and watch the two together knows that. Duh.

44. A Hard Day's Night (1964) dir. Richard Lester- Basically just a day in the life of The Beatles with the boys playing themselves and singing a whole ton of great songs. There’s no real plot to speak of, it’s just sort of the Fab Four having a crazy time in early, madcap days of Beatlemania. Some of the most inspired silliness ever captured on celluloid, it’s been called a revolutionary film and there’s a good reason for that.

43. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy (2001, 2002, 2003) dir. Peter Jackson- I know this is a bit of a cheat but they really do need to be seen and judged as a whole. Besides it’s not until you do see all three films that you really appreciate the epic scope of this wonderful adventure. From a book that was thought to be unfilmable, the guy who directed The Frighteners somehow pulled it off and how. The epic battles are a sight to behold but there are also so many great little moments dispersed throughout as well. Also do yourself a favor and watch the extended editions, they’re well worth the extra time.

42. Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982) dir. Nicholas Meyer- No, I’m dead serious. The fact that this a Star Trek movie or even science fiction doesn’t subtract from the fact that this is a superb meditation on the nature of friendship, on growing old and of course, whether or not the needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few…or the one. The epic battle between Kirk and Khan is magnificent and the James Horner score is appropriately stirring. Forget sci-fi or Star Trek or any of that nerdy shit, this is a great movie!

41. The Maltese Falcon (1941) dir. John Huston- The first of the always-brilliant collaborations between Bogart and John Huston. Bogart became an icon with his spot-on portrayal of hard-boiled private eye Sam Spade in this never dull and totally captivating mystery that keeps you guessing until the end. The cast is awesome and the dialogue razor sharp. Truly the stuff that dreams are made of.

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Okay, so it looks like we're really getting into the homestretch here....the very best movies ever made are coming up, so if you're not reading on you're doing yourself a huge disservice!

Onto part two!

2008-05-23T20:24:00.005-04:00

Without any further adieu (I hate that cliche), here is part two of my list of the Top 100 Films of All-Time. No more preamble, these posts are long enough as is.

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Films #80-61

80. Ben-Hur (1959) dir. William Wyler- Long and perhaps even bloated at times, it’s nonetheless the archetypal epic. It won 11 Academy Awards including Best Picture (natch) and of course for the great Heston, who carries the whole thing as the former nobleman condemned to a life in bondage. Of course he endures many hardships, escapes and finally defeats his former best friend in the glorious chariot race, perhaps still the best action sequence of them all. Fantastic, overwhelming filmmaking.

79. The Gold Rush (1925) dir. Charles Chaplin- Simply classic Chaplin masterpiece. Quite possibly his funniest film in terms of sheer laughs. Full of all the classic Chaplin motifs of mistaken identities and bad luck and near misses, it also features priceless bits like the little dance routing with the dinner rolls and of course the Little Tramp having to resort to eating a boiled boot. Even if you think you don’t like silent movies, if you don’t find yourself laughing silly at this one, something is wrong with you.

78. The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920) dir. Robert Wiene- Visually stunning, it’s amazing that this film is almost ninety years old! Very early example of German Expressionism (a favorite period of mine) this is the creepy tale of a mad doctor and his sleepwalking sidekick (played by ‘Major Strasser’ from Casablanca!) who are involved in a series of grisly murders. One of the first films with a frame narrative and of course there’s a trick ending! But it came before all the others, so we’ll allow it without being cynical.

77. The In-Laws (1979) dir. Arthur Hiller- Forget the unbelievably useless remake, this is one of the weirdest and funniest comedies ever made. Alan Arkin and Peter Falk are both hilarious as two odd-couple fathers whose kids are about to get married. Falk is a riot as a possibly insane CIA operative (maybe) and Arkin is perhaps even better in one of the greatest straight-man performances ever. Just watch Arkin’s face during Falk’s story about the giant tsetse flies…it’s priceless. Serpentine!!!

76. Star Wars (1977) dir. George Lucas- When I was originally making a rough list, I made a very conscious decision to not include Star Wars for the simple reason that I hate, HATE the fact that there are so many ignorant ‘movie lovers’ who believe that motion pictures started with it and seem unable to even comprehend that there may have been movies before 1977. But then it came on Spike TV a while back and even in its cropped, commercial interrupted form I still have to admit that it’s a great picture with so many great moments and fine performances all around. Just try and remember that there is SO much that comes before, okay?

75. Metropolis (1927) dir. Fritz Lang- Lang’s silent classic remains a colossus in the genre of science fiction, with its breathtaking visuals and hugely ambitious story. Exemplifying all the sci-fi should be, it’s the kind of movie that defines its genre, in that there’s no way you could transplant it as a western or whatever. The vastness and wonder of the Metropolis is light-years ahead of its time and even though I still sort of hate the corny ending, there’s no denying that this is easily one of the most important movies ever made.

74. The Passion of the Christ (2004) dir. Mel Gibson- Now here is a controversial choice. For the record I am not overtly religious, but I do believe this is one of the most visually stunning and altogether moving films ever made. I can see how this can be such a divisive picture, with some people who feel it’s anti-Semitic (which I don’t think it is) or just a glorified violent pornography (also unfounded). When I saw it in theatres the weekend it opened all I could think was “wow” and I stand by that. Love it or hate it, there is no way you can avoid having a ‘passionate’ (!!!) opinion about it one way or another.

73. Do the Right Thing (1989) dir. Spike Lee- Think Crash if it were a good movie, which is really unfair to say because it came fifteen years earlier. Unlike the latter movie (which somehow won an Oscar and will hopefully be forgotten) this is a highly intelligent and always controversial look at race relations literally boiling over on the hottest day of the year in one Brooklyn neighborhood. One that still holds relevance today and while it's not always an easy movie to watch, but that’s exactly the point. Spike Lee hasn’t really done anything too notable lately, but this one easily makes up for Girl 6 and She Hate Me.

72. Apocalypse Now (1979) dir Francis Ford Coppola- Either you love it or you hate it, I’ve found there doesn’t seem to be any middle ground. For long I never knew what camp I fell into and I’m still not sure even though I include it on this list! Sound confusing and needlessly opaque? Well, so it this movie. It’s endlessly fascinating, filled with great showy performances from Robert Duvall as the brutal Colonel Kilgore to Dennis Hopper’s trippy roll as a photographer to Brando reciting T.S. Elliot in the shadows. Martin Sheen however gives his best performance, brilliantly understated and holding this fantastic mess together somehow.

71. The Wicker Man (1973) dir. Robin Hardy- No, not the bottom-of-the-barrel remake with Nicholas Cage. A police detective travels to a remote Scottish island to investigate the purported disappearance of a young girl and finds himself involved with what appears to be a very bizarre pagan cult led by the always great Christopher Lee. Mysterious and totally creepy, this one is an absolute chiller. And even though you sort of see the trick ending coming (hint: it’s in the title), it still totally freaks you out.

70. Gone with the Wind (1939) dir. Victor Fleming- Adjusted for inflation, it’s still the highest grossing film of all-time. The most famous Civil War movie (without a single battle scene!) is admittedly a bit too nostalgic in regards to the Old South and yeah it does go on forever. But it’s also a hell of a picture with great acting, a classic love story and some amazing camera work. This here is the Golden Age of Hollywood and the granddaddy of all blockbusters.

69. Back to the Future (1985) dir. Robert Zemeckis- Oh so much fun, one of the films I felt compelled to write at length about here before. By no means is it a Citizen Kane or a Rashomon (they’re coming) but it really is perfect popcorn entertainment. Read my previous post on it for my more in depth thoughts, but what I failed to mention was that it’s also such a great snapshot of that wonderful decade that was the 1980s, even if it avoids all the drugs and other excesses (though it does have Libyans!). I never get tired of watching Crispin Glover punch out Thomas F. Wilson, it’s just one of those amazing feel-good moments that causes you to pump your fist in celebration every single time.

68. There Will Be Blood (2007) dir. Paul Thomas Anderson- A tough one to include simply because it’s so recent. I don’t know where I stand on whether or not there should be some sort of waiting period for this type of thing, like with the hall of fame or whatever. But I’m cautiously putting it on and we’ll see. Perhaps in five years I’ll feel as if I was too hasty or I’ll still feel as though it was the right call. Again I don’t know, but I’m leaning towards the latter. Daniel Day Lewis is so good it’s fucking nuts. This is just a remarkable character study about a man so driven and complex and yet single minded. The cinematography is outstanding, ditto Jonny Greenwood’s intense score. I’ve heard it referred to as the something of a Citizen Kane of the 21st Century, but this one can definitely stand on its own, thank you very much.

67. Network (1976) dir. Sidney Lumet- Peter Finch and Faye Dunaway won Oscars for this in this wicked satire of network television which is even more relevant today than it was when it came out. They must have had a crystal ball when they made this one, because it speaks so much more about today’s industry than that of the 1970s. Finch’s flashy performance is hugely entertaining, but it’s William Holden who really should have been rewarded for his brilliantly understated work as the film’s moral anchor. I for one am mad as hell and …well, you know the rest.

66. Nosferatu (1922 and 1979) dir. F.W. Murnau and Werner Herzog- Both the original and remake are so equally good, I decided to put them together. Probably the two best vampire movies (with The Horror of Dracula running a close third), try watching these two side by side. The first is an awesome example of German Expressionism, with groundbreaking camera work that’s still shocking today. The scene where Count Orlok rises out of the coffin is still pretty freaky. And the remake, while not as revolutionary, is probably an even better film. Creepy and atmospheric, it features a great performance from Klaus Kinski and neat final shot. Be sure to catch the German version though, not the English one.

65. Touch of Evil (1958) dir. Orson Welles- Film Noir was pretty much on its way out by 1958, but thankfully this Orson Welles masterpiece was better late than never. Wonderfully offbeat, it stars Charlton Heston as a Mexican (!!) police official investigating a car bombing and going toe-to-toe with Welles as the local police heavy (quite literally) who may or may not be playing by all the rules. Both stars are great and make sure you see the longer version which restores Welles’ original vision to its full grandeur.

64. Scrooge (1951) dir. Brian Desmond Hurst- Easily my favorite Christmas movie, unless one counts Die Hard (which could make for a legitimate argument). Of course the timeless Dickens story has been told a thousand times and often quite well, but never quite as well as this. Even though we all know how it’s going to unfold, it still resonates. Alastair Sim is so perfect in the title role that it’s nearly impossible to imagine anyone else as Ebenezer Scrooge, something that’s a remarkable feat given the many great actors who have tackled the role throughout the years.

63. Strangers on a Train (1951) dir. Alfred Hitchcock- Taut and suspenseful Hitchcock thriller, it’s the classic about the two men who meet by chance and one suggests they solve respective problems in their lives by exchanging murders or ‘crisscross’. Of course one of them goes through with the twisted plan, while the other wants no part of it. A great battle of wits in the best Hitchcock tradition. Also by far the most homo-erotic film Hitch ever made, it doubles as a tale of weird and twisted obsession.

62. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975) dir. Milos Forman- Truly inspired lunatic performance by Jack is reason enough to include this one. Convincing the authorities he’s insane in order to avoid prison time, he stirs the ‘crazies’ who have been beaten down by the very people who are trying to help them, especially Louise Fletcher who is equally good as the truly despicable Nurse Ratched. The scene where Jack ‘fakes’ the baseball game is beyond priceless and the whole cast of characters are guaranteed to charm. Also a great bittersweet ending.

61. The Producers (1968) dir. Mel Brooks- Mel’s first film is still as hilarious and politically incorrect as it ever was. Zero Mostel and Gene Wilder are both dead on as title characters who attempt to put on the ultimate Broadway flop and cheat their investors with hilarious consequences. Yeah some of the 60s stuff may be dated (though Dick Shawn as LSD is a RIOT), but it’s never dull and more importantly always funny. While I never saw it performed live (so perhaps I missed something) the musical version with Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick was just dreadful. Again, maybe it was good on stage, but I just can’t see how it could have possibly won all those Tonys. Stick to this one, I say.

I whistled that theme song all day for nothing

2008-05-22T23:07:00.001-04:00

So just a few quick thoughts before I continue my epic movie list (which I hope everyone is enjoying). I worked all day today at the lousy Rona Home and Garden (from 7:00 AM to 3:30 PM) and I really do need to find real work quick. I just can't do this shit anymore, it ain't for me. Perhaps some people are content with being a retail peon, but I'm just not one of them.

Plus it's officially over between me and hot paint department girl (though it was never on). I elbow my favorite co-worker (who is a wholly decent fellow around my age and the person I'm most chummy with) when I saw some woman who looked really hot from behind. Lo and behold, it was her! She was not in her work clothes, wearing very flattering jeans and her hair was dyed another colour (also very flattering). So a few minutes later a few people including myself, her and my buddy are chatting about things and of course her new hair comes up! So I use this as an in and joke to her "Yeah, I didn't recognize you at all, in fact I just said to (dude) 'check out that hot girl over there'". Nada, nothing. I thought it was sort of a cute thing to say, but I got nothing. I'm not surprised. So now that I know that she couldn't care less if I were dead or alive is to instead repulse her so much, to the point of a potential sexual harassment lawsuit. At least having her hate me is something, right? Okay perhaps not.

On a similar note, I was downtown today (indeed for the first time since school ended) while waiting for my chums to show up before we grabbed a beer and then went off to see Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I'm not sure if I'd never noticed or plain forgotten how many REALLY hot girls there are in downtown Toronto. I'm sure I have noticed but probably chosen to put it out of my mind. Anyways I was standing on the corner in Yorkville for perhaps all of ten minutes and saw like twenty REALLY attractive women walk by. I don't mean just good looking chicks, I mean REALLY hot, like wow hot. And I can pretty safely say that none of them were looking at me and none of them ever will be. Every time one walks by, I die just a little.

Finally, Indy 4 will most certainly not be a late addition to my list. I really don't even feel like reviewing it. In hind sight it's certainly not a truly awful movie, but it was pretty bad. There were some nice little moments and a few parts when I was trying really hard to enjoy it, but I just couldn't. I don't recall a single moment that I really felt any excitement though there were more than a few when I was just shaking my head. The cast tries real hard, although Cate Blanchett and her horrid wig are less than convincing. Harrison Ford and Karen Allen do have some really cute moments (I've always liked her), but the script is just an unholy mess. 19 years to write this garbage? Simply awful. Like Natmac said, 19 minutes on acid could have produced better and that's not far off the mark.

So with that I will return to work on part two of the list. Be back in a bit folks.

The list to end all lists begins here

2008-05-21T02:45:00.000-04:00

Well, I can't say just how many hours I've spent on this one but I'm sure I've devoted more time and energy to this altogether pointless list than I have to any essay I ever wrote in my university career. Granted it is mostly for my own twisted benefit (and for that of the seven or eight people who read this) I truly believe my list to be far superior to the IMDB top 250 or the AFI Top 100 or even Sight and Sound's fine but far too snobbish list. My list is an interesting mix of many different types of films ranging from silent classics to European art films to old Hollywood classics through to some newer blockbusters and pretty much everything in between. I've tried to represent all genres as well as I could, but this is all according my taste, so it's all subjective. I'm not sure if this is a list of the 'greatest' films of all-time or merely my favorite, but I'm inclined towards the latter. At any rate, should the two go hand in hand when one single person makes such a list? Makes sense to me.

At any rate, here is the first installment of My Top 100 Films of All-Time. I will unveil the entire thing over the next week or so and hope everyone enjoys. Let the debate begin!

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Films # 101-81

101. One Froggy Evening (1955) dir. Chuck Jones- Okay, so I’m cheating a little bit. Not exactly a movie, Chuck Jones’ magnum opus is the best cartoon of all-time and I thought I’d toss it in as a bonus entry. A poor schmuck discovers a magical frog that sings and dances, but only when he’s watching. If you’re feeling too lazy or impatient to sample anything else on this list, start here. In about seven minutes you’ll see why Jones is the best cartoonist ever.

100. The Bride of Frankenstein (1935) dir. James Whale- Better than the original, this is the Universal horror movies at their peak. Opening with a great scene involving Mary Shelly discussing her own story (great meta-fiction) and it takes off from there with Dr. Frankenstein creating a mate for his monster at the behest of the mad Dr. Pretorious. Great showy performances abound full of atmospheric set pieces and effects all around. If you love the old time horror movies, this one is the very best.

99. King Creole (1958) dir. Michael Curtiz- My favorite Elvis movie and as a huge fan, I felt compelled to include at least one. Great story and a great cast (including Walter Mattheu as the villain!) it’s a shame that Elvis was soon pushed into doing so many forgettable and formulaic musicals, because he really did have true, natural acting talent. Directed by Michael Curtiz (Casablanca) this one is even better than the more well-know Jailhouse Rock. Dark and perhaps even noir-ish (gasp!) it’s a must for any Elvis fan and a great film even for those who aren’t.

98. Broken Blossoms (1919) dir. D.W. Griffith- Very early silent film, in fact it’s almost ninety years old! Perhaps it is somewhat dated in style and attitude, but I still think it’s as moving as ever and thankfully avoids so many of the racist traps of the time. A Chinese immigrant falls in love with a beautiful young lady who is abused by her brutish father. A touching story about two young outcasts, this is a moving and thoughtful tragedy.

97. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969) dir. George Roy Hill- Just a really fun movie about a pair of outlaws you can’t help but cheer for, Newman and Redford have to be among the best screen pair in movie history. A blast and a half (a ‘hole in the wall’ if you will), this one is a grand old time, a great western albeit with a subtle but distinct 1960s flavour. Sadly I can’t ever watch it again because it reminds me of something that I’d rather not revisit. Too bad, I’d love to see it once more.

96. Manhattan (1979) dir. Woody Allen- While Annie Hall won all the Oscars (and is a fine film), it wasn’t on my two film shortlist of which Woody Allen film to include. This one won out over Crimes and Misdemeanors, though it was a close call. Wonderfully New York through and through, it’s a comic gem, shot in glorious black & white, accompanied by a wholly appropriate George Gershwin score. I’m totally convinced that if Annie Hall hadn’t come out only two years earlier, this one would have been a far more serious Oscar contender (and a deserving winner). Perhaps in many ways it is as if Woody just tweaked the earlier film to make it that much better, but I can’t says I mind at all.

95. Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1958) dir. Don Siegel- Despite all the remakes (of which one is semi-decent) this 1950s pod-people from outer space flick remains among the most chilling and disturbing films of all-time. Even though many associated have denied it, it’s a brilliant Cold War allegory as well. Fast paced and endlessly entertaining, it’s old school paranoia at its best. Sadly they tacked on a more optimistic, pseudo-happy ending to appease the censors, but if you’re smart, you know when the film really ends.

94. Chimes at Midnight (1965) dir. Orson Welles- Unbelievably never even released on DVD, I had to buy a third-rate VHS copy from some shifty company at quite the cost several years ago. Orson Welles, the greatest genius ever to come out of Hollywood couldn’t secure financing to make a movie if his life depended on it, had to cobble together what money he could and make brilliant films in whatever country it was cheapest to work in. Case in point this film (also titled Falstaff) which is a brilliant combination of several Shakespeare plays (though mostly both parts of Henry IV) into this remarkable study of Sir John Falstaff. The budget is next to nil (something which is painfully clear) but the vision is undeniable. Track it down if you can, it’s well worth it.

93. Ran (1985) dir. Akira Kurasawa- Kurasawa’s final masterpiece, on a very basic level it’s King Lear transposed to feudal Japan, but in reality it’s so much more. Visually stunning, it may be Shakespearean in many ways, but it’s also vintage Kurasawa. Not only is it an emotional triumph, it also contains some of the most vivid battle scenes ever filmed. Very few great directors remain great towards the end, but this one bucks the trend. It jumps out at you nonstop, in many ways even more vibrant than real life. One I’d love to see on the big screen if I ever got the chance.

92. Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975) dir. Terry Gilliam & Terry Jones- Perhaps not even their best film depending on who you as (many prefer Life of Brian), this one is beyond silly, nerdy and oftentimes downright stupid. Sometimes the jokes even do fall flat, but there are so many of them that do work, it’s probably the most you’ll ever laugh in the span of 90 minutes. There’s a plot in there somewhere, but it’s probably best to just ignore it and enjoy all the bits, whether they be great extended sequences (like the hilarious Black Knight scene) or the countless throwaway gags. If you’re in a nutty mood it’s hard to beat this one.

91. Reversal of Fortune (1990) dir. Barbet Schroeder- A great film that's dominated by perhaps an even greater performance. Jeremy Irons is at his showy best in this bio-pic as the despicable, yet innocent (so he says) Claus von Bulow, accused of inducing his wealthy wife’s irreversible coma. Glenn Close is top-billed but (literally) comatose for much of the film and Ron Silver gives a strong turn as the crusading lawyer Alan Dershowitz. Irons was a no-brainer Oscar winner in this one, droll and hilarious. He’s the perfect rotten scoundrel, someone you just LOVE to hate. Plus it also works as a fine legal film. Oh so highly recommended.

90. Triumph of the Will (1935) dir. Leni Riefenstahl- Easily the most difficult film to include on the list, no question. It’s very simply a Nazi propaganda piece, which should make most decent folks cringe and rightfully so. Hardly entertainment (unless you’re a fascist) it is however a magnificent achievement in filmmaking if looked at objectively. Brilliantly shot and one can easily see how effective a work of propaganda this was. If one were to no nothing of Hitler coming into this and the atrocities he committed, it’s not unreasonable to suggest that you would see why he was so popular. Abhorrent yes, but undeniably powerful in its own way.

89. Schindler's List (1993) dir. Steven Spielberg- Ah, I feel much better with this choice. Yes, it's one of those films some people try really hard to dislike because of its widespread acclaim. But it’s just so hard to do so no matter how hard you try. Even the most hardened person will be touched by this incredible but true story of the heretofore rotten man who discovers his own basic humanity and saves his fellow man from the most heinous of horrors. Liam Neeson never got enough credit for his very real and moving performance of a flawed yet remarkable person and Spielberg truly earned that elusive Oscar with this powerful and unforgettable work.

88. The Passion of Joan of Arc (1928) dir. Carl Theodor Dreyer- Even back then I’m sure they thought that this one was totally out there and it seems even more so now. So much of it shot in close-up, with relatively few inter-titles, this is truly a film unlike no other in which the human face tells the story. The camera is everything here, you just sort of go where it goes and the result is nothing if not hypnotic. I’ve heard it referred to as influential and a landmark and a breakthrough, along with a dozen other adjectives. But still there’s nothing else quite like it; it really does stand alone.

87. The General (1927) dir. Buster Keaton- The Great Stone Face takes on a runaway locomotive and the results are a blast, plain and simple. Of course there are many hilarious bits, but the stunt work here is what takes center stage. Remember they didn’t have computers and the like back in 1927, this was all done with a real life moving train and people could well have been killed! Somehow a flop when it first came out (I can’t see how), this is physical comedy as it’s absolute finest, of the kind we’ll never see again.

86. Total Recall (1990) dir. Paul Verhoeven- Arnie’s best movie, it’s a clever and action packed thrill-ride about a man who may or may not simply be living out a secret agent fantasy, albeit one which takes him to Mars as a potential liberator for the mutant population with the help of alien technology. Convoluted yes, but also nonstop fun, multiple viewing might not help you decipher the puzzles but it’s always a great way to kill two hours, guaranteed.

85. My Favorite Year (1982) dir. Richard Benjamin- Really entertaining film about the Golden Age of television, with Peter O’Toole giving a magnificent performance as a slightly faded (and very drunk) film star who agrees to appear on a 1950s variety show. As a thinly veiled version of Errol Flynn, O’Toole is beyond charming and the movie’s old-timey feel makes you feel all cozy inside. The fact that this great actor has never won an Oscar is truly one of the great injustices in this world.

84. Shane (1953) dir. George Stevens- Alan Ladd gives one of the most iconic western performances as the gunfighter who just wants to settle down, but of course finds himself drawn into the quarrel between the decent homesteaders and the ruthless land baron who wants to drive them out. Ladd is just great as the mysterious and conflicted soul whose past you never do fully find out about. Jack Palance is also great as the ruthless man in black who is sent to take Shane out. Grand western, too bad they don’t make movies like this anymore. Come back Shane!

83. Midnight Cowboy (1969) dir. John Schlesinger- Actually rated X when it came out (!!) it’s obviously not nearly as shocking and controversial today, though it still remains a powerful character study of two losers trying to make it in New York City and ultimately failing. Both Voight and Hoffman are superb. Really a pretty depressing film, but so well done that you’re willing to look past it. Also Harry Nilsson’s rendition of “Everybody’s Talkin’” is chilling. I’ve still not figured out if they’re supposed to be gay or not though. Anyone?

82. On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969) dir. Peter Hunt- As a fan of the James Bond films, I’d be remiss if I didn’t include a 007 flick and therefore it has to be this one. Lazenby is so often given a tough time by fans and while he certainly is no Sean Connery, he did have the good fortune to star in the best Bond film of them all. In truth he really is a lot better than his critics make him out to be and the story and action are simply top-notch. Diana Rigg is also the best Bond girl of them all and the heartbreaking ending is…er, well a heartbreaker.

81. The Rules of the Game (1939) dir. Jean Renoir- Yeah it’s because of this sort of black & white, pretentious Euro-trash ‘films’ that a lot of people look down upon on these sort of lists. The sort of film that could be seen as being elitist and totally inaccessible and of little interest to the vast majority of the film going public. And that’s probably a fair assertion. But it’s also an immensely charming, no-holds-barred farce on the French upper class, one that turns deliciously deadly in its final act. Not one I’d necessarily recommend to everyone, but if you’re something of a film snob like me, you’ll love it.

**************************************************************************

I do apologize for the length of this post (and the other four parts that are yet to come) but I tried to figure out the 'read more' thing and it was too difficult. Anyways I hope everyone (all four of your) enjoy it so far and expect the next twenty films in a day or so!

Don't hate me and my crazy politics!

2008-05-18T02:37:00.000-04:00

Ah, so it's quite early in the morning here in the EST and I'm still awake. Why? Well, it's a long story, one I'm not going to get into quite now. Perhaps next post or the one after that. Then again by then I'll surely have forgotten all about it. So never. Nevermind! And is it just me or is EST the best of all the time zones? I mean, really. The whole world pretty much revolves around it. I guess GMT also has a solid argument, but EST really has supplanted it, so much that I think that we should be the new GMT. But that would be too confusing. So nevermind. Forget what I just said. Onto other shit.

While many Democrats thought that Bush was crazy to compare any potential meeting with Iranian leaders to the appeasement of Nazi Germany under Hitler, I really don't think he was too far off the mark. There's far too much talk from the left warning against 'saber rattling' in regards to Iran, which I think is unwarranted. They are and always have been the ones doing the rattling. Naming them as part of the 'axis of evil' didn't all of a sudden swing them back into the extremist column or anything of the sort. I know that liberals hate to think in terms of absolutes like 'good and evil' but these guys...well, they're bad guys. Sixty years after the fact anyone who speaks well of Hitler is branded as a nutcase at best and rightfully so. Yet that doesn't seem to be the case with Iran and its insane president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Do we need to wait until these guys acquire The Bomb and attack Israel? Shit.

Along the same lines (you'll see) I've actually started to become more and more fond of Hilary Clinton the more I hear from her, which is a shame seeing as she's pretty much toast now. Though I still think that John McCain is far and away the best candidate to be the next President of the United States, I actually don't think Hilary would do such a bad job. She has the experience and she has the cajones. She was right on the mark when she said that if Iran were to do the unthinkable and attack Israel, the U.S. would have the potential to utterly destroy them. It wasn't a threat or a warning, it was merely giving a stern reminder and good for her. I'm actually glad in a way that she's not likely to be the Democratic nominee, because she'd be a far more formidable opponent for McCain than Barack Obama. Despite his highly impressive rhetoric, everyday it seems as though this is a guy who is more style than substance and is someone who simply doesn't have the necessary experience to be President.

I was really going to go off on the ruling the California Supreme Court made the other night, grossly overstepping their bounds with their highly irresponsible ruling. Their ignorance in comparing gay marriage to that of interracial marriage is mind-boggling. Again, I'm sure everyone knows how I feel so I'm going to bite my tongue and not elaborate upon this. Hopefully this will go before the people of the state, allowing them to decide this. And despite the fact that I don't wholly agree with Senator McCain's stance on this matter (yet I still support him, a sign that we need not agree on ever issue) it is refreshing that he's promised to appoint judges who respect the constitution if elected president.

Anyways I'll shut up about the political shit now, seeing as how it can only create more enemies for me. Life still sucks and I feel like hell (you have no clue) but on the upside I'm nearly done my list of the Top 100 Movies of All Time, so look for it soon!

I wish I was charming, even in the slightest

2008-05-13T23:27:00.000-04:00

So although I was really feeling like shit yesterday, today I attempted to feel better about myself. Slept in a little bit. Was a really nice day, quite sunny but not too hot. Lay out in the sun for a bit, worked some more on my tan. Actually got two 'smiles' from the lavalife website (which I'm now going to try again) and sent messages to both of them. Okay I've gotten more than two but I mean from even reasonably attractive women. Anyways perhaps I might actually have some luck on it, I haven't in the past. Worked today, it wasn't so bad. I read mostly.

Was going to do something with a good friend after work, but she stood me up. I hate being stood up. It's happened several times to me and it's never fun. It's something I've never done to anyone and never would, short of me being in some sort of terrible accident. I'd always at least call if something awful came up. Anyways she did just call now (two hours after the fact) but at least she was nice enough to call. Her granddad is in the hospital it seems, though nothing too serious it seems. Now I feel doubly bad because I was quite upset at being stood up, though now I feel guilty at being angry. Still a ten second call would have been nice. Does that make me selfish? It might, I don't know.

So many things I've got on my mind, but it's mostly political stuff so you've heard it all before or at least gotten the gist of it. The blog was more baseball and politics than depression for quite a while there, but I think that the pendulum is now swinging back the other way. We shall see about that, I guess it all depends upon my mood.

One final interesting thing that I did want to mention last week but forgot about. I had gone to work one night, I think it was last Monday. When I came back to my car to go home just after 9:00 PM, I noticed the item pictured below on the spoiler of my car. Someone had obviously placed it there, that's the only way it could have gotten there. But why? Was it randomly done? Did someone somehow know the car belonged to me? Perhaps it was just lying in the vicinity and someone assumed it belonged to the owner of the closest vehicle and placed it there? Anyways, I just don't know and likely never will. Still I thought it was interesting even if no one else will.

Even the ducks have each other

2008-05-12T22:30:00.000-04:00

In a sign that my level of sanity has been downgraded from "questionable" to "highly suspect", I have actually named the ducks who live in the little forest behind our house and come to our back yard for food. They are Albert and Harriet. Even though they look pretty much like any other ducks you've ever seen in your life, I'll try to snap a photo tomorrow if I think of it.

So I was walking around the mall today, just having purchased some paper towels and a copy of Playboy (seriously) when I decided to 'check out' some rather hot girl who walked by me (there are plenty of them in the mall) and I think I got 'caught' (i.e. she noticed that I was checking her out'). I definitely saw her smile, though I'm not sure if it was at me in a good way or while thinking "what a fucking goof". At first I felt sort of good about myself in thinking that she somehow reciprocated, but now the more I think about it the more likely it was that she only saw me as a pathetic and ugly creep and that she didn't smile at me or even in amusement but rather at the fact that I'm so pathetic.

You see, for this brief moment I foolishly thought I was attractive and actually felt good about myself. I have those occasionally but they never last. Even if I did somehow feel good enough about myself to go out somewhere and meet women, who would I go with? Exactly. I'm now so depressed that I can barely move, barely force my fingers to type, barely even lift the beer to my mouth. Now that is depressed.

There's a girl who works at the salon next to me...there used to be this cute receptionist I would always go and flirt with but she's no longer there. I've even mentioned her here a few times. Sort of asked her out a couple of time but was turned down cold. Anyways, this girl who happens to work there now, I clumsily flirt with when it's slow (so all of the time) and even though I've heard her mention that she has a boyfriend, I don't see the harm in it. Until now.

Today I was hanging around their little counter area and she was killing time by facebooking when I said something like "hey, how come I don't get to be on your facebook". So she adds me and it turns out we have several mutual friends. Lo and behold we went to the same high school, though she's two years younger than I. We both had no clue. So I check out her page and I recognize the dude who appears to be her boyfriend...also someone I went to high school with, who is even a younger than her (and something of a dolt if I remember correctly)!

Why does this make me depressed? It just does. I wasted high school, I wasted university I wasted everything pretty much. Or perhaps not. Perhaps I'm just at the very bottom rung of attractiveness and I never had a shot to begin with. Every time I feel in the least bit attractive, something puts me back into my place. Everyone has had more than me in pretty much any way you can think of. My confidence is zero and there's really nothing out there that could ever boost it. I Everyone else seems to find someone, even if it's for a little while, that's still better than nothing. I on the other hand am going to die alone and that can't come soon enough.

Blog...with a vengeance!

2008-05-08T20:51:00.001-04:00

So I just had my last (ever) exam yesterday and while I don't think I did that great on it, I know I didn't fail it either. My mark might not turn out to be great, but I know that I'll at least pass everything. Which means I'm done. It's over and finished with. I actually did it. I took like three years off, went back to school and completed the thing. Good for me. Now what? I'm not even sure what I have to do, procedure wise. Do I have to let them know I want to graduate? Will they automatically see that I've completed all my requirement and send me a diploma in the mail and let me know regarding commencement? Or do they just email me a certificate? If that's the case, I'd probably print it out on the lowest quality...cartridge ink is expensive y'know.

So I have this huge backlog of thoughts and instead of going into massive detail like I usually do, I'm going to attempt to get through all of them as rapid-fire as possible. Ready? Go.

I don't get the whole Miley Cyrus controversy thing. I mean, the photo isn't that offensive to begin with. In fact my big issue is that I don't even really consider her jailbait...she's just not good looking enough. I mean I could wait for Hilary Duff to turn 18...ditto Hermione from the Harry Potter movies. But Hannah Montana? Eh, she just doesn't do it for me.

Oh yeah, Clay Aiken is totally straight. No doubt about this one. I'm wholly convinced.

I was driving to work the other day, a trip that takes me something like 1.8 kilometers (or 2.88 miles). Along the way I spotted FIVE police cruisers waiting to nab people speeding. Fucking horseshit. I mean, I have lots of respect for the law and really appreciate the job these brave men and women do, but this always fucking burns me up (especially since a couple of speeding tickets almost ruined my life). They devote all these resources to nailing moms who are late picking their kids up at school or people who have had long days at work and briefly neglected to check the speedometer. Yet pretty much every night I hear punks racing down my quiet residential street going 100 and nothing is ever done about it. Take care of the real problem instead of this bullshit cash-grab.

Check out the results to IMDB's poll question for April 28, 2008. Most people answered "I am not familiar with most/any of these films"??? Holy fuck. That and the fact that The Shawshank Redemption is apparently the second best film of all-time is why my list (upcoming) is going to be much better than that on IMDB (or the AFI list for that matter).

I can't believe that the Milwaukee Brewers not only signed once effective closer Eric Gagne to a $10 Million contract, but that they continue to stick with this guy. He's a shell of his former self. As our good pal Beer once said to me, no one has gone from 'Hall of Fame' to 'Liability' to 'Grandma' in such a short span of time.

William Baldwin is the epitome of a liberal jerk. Not only is he attempting to push his politics on his brother Stephen, he actually refers to the bible as "that crap". What an asshole.

Lastly, why do I never get a text message like this? $110 for an eight ball? I mean, shit that's a good price. Granted I'd pay double that if I even had any hook ups whatsoever (which I don't), but dang. At prices like those how could one afford NOT to be doing coke? That's what I though.

I'll try and be back with more insanity tomorrow perhaps.

I really should be studying

2008-05-07T00:54:00.000-04:00

I am really the absolute furthest thing from a conspiracy theorist. While I certainly don't believe everything that I read (unlike some people I know), I know I'm a pretty smart guy, someone who really doesn't buy into things like the CIA peddling drugs or 9/11 as an inside job or stupid shit like that. People who buy into shit like that are idiots, plain and simple. But something very funny is going on right now.

I'm talking about the U.S. Democratic Primary in Indiana. Something fishy is (was, depending on when you read this) going on in Lake County in that state. For some reason the vote was VERY late in coming in there, with some very flimsy excuse that they wanted to release all the ballots at the same time as they counted the absentee ballots (which could have been counted well ahead of time). As of the time I'm writing this the results aren't final, but I think that they're trying to essentially 'find' whatever number of votes it will take to put Barack Obama ahead in the state.

Now I'm no supporter of the Democrats, so this shouldn't matter to me, but I think it stinks. This seems to me like old-time vote rigging, something that goes on in Zimbabwe, not in a country like America. Shit that used to happen back in the olden days, like in the 1960 Federal Election which Kennedy won as a result of the dead rising to vote en masse in Texas and gross irregularities in Cook County, coincidentally right next door to the current shenanigans. I do have to admit that I've always been a big fan of JFK's, he was a fine President and I much prefer him to Nixon but I'm not so naive that I won't acknowledge that his victory was questionable at best. In this case I'm a little less forgiving, seeing as I personally think that Hillary is the far superior candidate, despite the fact that Obama will be a much easier target for Republicans come November.

Anyways, just thought I'd throw it out there. The coverage has pretty much ruined my planned night of studying, so I might as well blog about it. Oh, I also think I'm turning into one of those idiot sports fans who is convinced that they somehow affect their team, despite the fact that it's impossible. Earlier today I boasted (in a reply to another post) about the Jays' winning streak and sure enough, I did jinx them. Not only did they lose, both of their shortstops had to exit the game with injuries, with Johnny Mac's looking particularly painful. Hopefully it's not as bad as it looked. Still, I'm now further convinced that I really am good for nothing and bring nothing but pain and suffering wherever I go.

Little time, even less effort on the post

2008-05-04T22:30:00.001-04:00

Sorry for the lack of updates recently, but I'm in the midst of studying for what should (hopefully) be my last two exams ever. I have one Tuesday morning and one Wednesday night, so I'll try to be back on Thursday, provided this doesn't kill me. I've actually been making a real concerted effort to study and finish things up on a semi-respectable note. Still you know things aren't going all that well when you take a break from studying to do the math on how poorly you can do on the final and still pass. According to my calculations, if I at least show up and get a borderline pass on both exams, I'll at least not fail the courses. Still, I suppose I should ensure that I manage at least that much. So back to attempted studying (nothing is being retained).

Sorry for the really shitty post, this may be one of my weakest ever. If I were judging the blog on the basis of this, I'd bail too. I'll have to do better next time.

Doc, you deserve so much better

2008-04-29T23:38:00.001-04:00

I had a whole shit load of other stuff I wanted to talk about, following my official endorsement of John McCain earlier today (see last post). But now I am far too cheesed off. I mean seriously. I keep promising that I'm going to lay off the baseball related posts, but they are really pissing me off. The Toronto FUCKING Blue Jays, that's who.

Two out, bottom of the ninth inning and they blow it. AGAIN. Roy Halladay is the last guy I'm blaming for this one. The guy just pitched his fourth complete game in a row, THREE of which were losses. Why? Because they can't put any FUCKING runs across, that's why. Just yesterday I read a really great piece about the dying art of the complete game and how Halladay is the only pitcher out there who in this day and age can be counted on to give nine solid innings every single time out. Yeah, he lost it in the ninth. He allowed ONE measly run. One which never would have plated, had Vernon Wells (a three time Gold Glover) not bobbled a Kevin Youkilis single to center field, one which (had it been fielded cleanly) would very likely have gotten the bear-like David Ortiz at the plate.

Fucking FUCK. I almost put the remote (or my fist) through the television, something I might well have done were it a cheaper set. Sure Jon Lester pitched a great game as well, I can't ignore that. If this were a more isolated incident, I'd have an easier time dealing with it. The pitching really has been doing its part. But how about putting some GOD DAMNED RUNS on the board and not grounding into double play after double play or leaving a dozen runners stranded every game? I'm at nearly at my wits end and we're still in April. Dammit.

A very important announcement from my, uh, desk

2008-04-29T17:29:00.001-04:00

This should come as absolutely no surprise to anyone and it's really more of a formality than anything else. It's also rather late in coming, chiefly because I've been busy and it's just kept slipping my mind. But today I would officially like to announce that I am officially endorsing Senator John McCain in the upcoming U.S. Federal Election.

Senator McCain is a true American hero, a man who has spent his entire adult life in service of his country. First as a highly decorated Naval officer, then as a member of the House and for the last 21 years as a U.S. Senator representing the state of Arizona. Senator McCain has long been someone unafraid to work across party lines in the best interest of the American people, often at the risk of offending members of his own party. He has however, maintained a strong conservative voting record and is someone who will defend not only the borders of his own country, but also those of every freedom loving democracy worldwide.

Even though much of this is pretty moot, seeing as maybe only a handful of people read this and most aren't even American citizens (neither am I), I feel it important to throw my humble support behind a man who is nothing short of an ideal choice at becoming the forty-fourth President of the United States.

Things I hate (pretty much everything except Bobo)

2008-04-26T23:53:00.000-04:00

I am really tired, rather depressed and just not in a good zone right now, for a number of reasons.

Firstly it was a very trying day at work today, also for a number of reasons. I hate hot paint department girl. Not because of anything she's done to me though. She's actually really sweet and friendly, has a great positive attitude, a beautiful smile and looks really great in tight jeans. She, like any other young lady who is even remotely intelligent, attractive and interesting is probably so far out of my reach, that I am probably really close to soon becoming a full blown alcoholic. I just want to die.

I also have no future. I'm pretty much done school. I have ZERO options open to me. Everyone always assumes that with my English degree I'm going to become a teacher. Of course this is what EVERYONE says to me and I (politely as I can after hearing this 142 times) tell them that it's not that simple and would involve another year of schooling. Firstly it's too late to apply, secondly I'd probably not get in anywhere (my marks aren't good enough and I lack volunteer experience) and most importantly need to start turning a profit, not hemorrhaging more money. I have no solution to the fact that I have no future and it further complicates the above problem, as women don't want dudes with shitty jobs that live with their parents. Perhaps if I were better looking or had something else going for me.

I hate the Toronto Transit Commission. After apparently reaching a new work agreement in good faith last weekend, the union's membership voted down the recommended agreement last night and went on strike last night around midnight with about an hour's notice, stranding countless Torontonians. Never mind the fact that they got a sweet deal, one which will last only three years, at which point they'll be able to hold the city hostage yet again. The fact that they couldn't have at least waited until the next day is beyond irresponsible and malicious. Why people put with these union shenanigans is beyond me. Every single one of these people should be fired and the TTC privatized, with the jobs being contracted out to avoid horse shit like this. Ordering them back to work isn't enough, even with the spineless NDP supporting the move. It's unacceptable and I hope that the people of Toronto have zero sympathy with the union goons who put their own selfishness above that of the other three million plus who live in the city.

I hate the Blue Jays. They fucking suck. Hardcore. They can't score with runners in scoring position if their lives depended on it. FUCK. This was all I had to look forward to this summer and it's already unraveling before the end of April.

Anyways, I'm still working on the movie list, though it might still be a while. I have some family stuff tomorrow, plus I need to get some studying done and the fact that I drink also slows things down quite a bit. But it's coming, eventually. Hope you're all well and enjoying yourselves, wherever you are!

If they banned alcohol, I'd hang myself

2008-04-25T00:21:00.002-04:00

Here's another fairly disjointed post, seeing as I'm (surprise surprise!) rather drunk.

First off, I didn't have any plans tonight (another shocker!) so I decided to stay in and watch some TV. I was too lazy to go through the arduous process of picking a DVD and then putting it in the machine (hard work, I know), so I just surfed around until I found something amusing on. I settled on Death Wish 3 on AMC. I didn't know that it was considered an 'American Movie Classic', but I'll give them the benefit of the doubt on this one. Anyways, it was fantastic! It's basically just 90 minutes of Charles Bronson taking the law into his own hands and blowing away all sorts of 'creeps' that the police are powerless to stop. So far as I can gather, as the series progressed it became more of him just shooting punks with less plot. How can you lose!? Sadly Bronson is no longer with us, but I'm still holding out hope for "Son of Death Wish".

Normally I'd have been watching baseball, but the Blue Jays suddenly fucking suck. Being swept by Tampa? Not cool. I actually have a friend who is in Orlando (where they played this series) and was at the game last night and she was not impressed by their lackluster performance. Scott Rolen is apparently set to rejoin (or join, whichever) the club very soon, something I pray will help. The offense has simply been a disaster, so much to the point where I might even welcome them signing (sigh) Barry Bonds.

I do think this is pretty sweet though. I really, really try my best to stay in the closet as somewhat of a nerd and am pretty good at succeeding most of the time. But as a huge Lord of the Rings fan, I think that Guillermo del Toro is a great choice to direct The Hobbit. Judging from the work he did on Hellboy and the very awesome Pan's Labyrinth, he seems perfectly suited to it.

Are we running out of food now too? Good Lord, what the hell is going? I for one think this is just so much paranoid horse-shit. Oil at $120 a barrel? It should be around $70, MAYBE $80 at the very most. This artificial high is insane, as is this supposed shortage of foodstuffs. Why is everything going so cuckoo-caca, with everyone losing their heads? We need to settle the fuck down as far as I'm concerned. The world is not ending people. I know things aren't perfect, but geez.

Israel's ambassador the United Nations has called former President Jimmy Carter a bigot. This comes as no shock to me whatsoever, even long before his pleasant little sit down with the leader of the terrorist hate group Hamas. I just loved the little book he wrote about 'Israeli Apartheid', a term that so many anti-Semites seem to throw around without actually knowing the proper definition of the term.I'm just thankful that there is one permanent UN security council member that stands up to support the only democracy in the Middle East.

I think that this is great news. Not only because all of our celebrities should be in jail, but because Wesley Snipes just seems like a real dick. Maybe if he made better movies I'd be more sympathetic.

Finally, a couple of interesting things happened to me today. I went into work (cigar store) today and as I was stumbling in before having consumed my coffee, I actually thought for a second that these two girls who walked by me said "Hell-ooo" as I was (supposedly) out of earshot and then one said something like "Oh, he works in the mall, y'know". But I must have either have been imagining it or otherwise it was not about me. Because the way it sounded, it seemed like a compliment. But I think it was in my head. I cannot accept that anyone would ever walk past me and say such a thing.

Secondly a fellow from Huntsville Alabama came into the shop today to pick up some Cuban cigars which are of course verboten in the States. I was reading the newspaper when he came in and we got talking a bit of politics regarding the endless Democratic primary and how tiresome it's becoming. Anyways, I think I'll be making a very exciting (in my mind) announcement which will shock absolutely no one in the next little while. All this and I continue with my stupid movie list. Stay tuned! Now to get back to drinking.

What do the the post labels at the bottom do?

2008-04-22T17:22:00.000-04:00

So this is perhaps the first day in recent memory that I haven't woke up feeling like absolute shit, on account of me drinking very heavily the night before (outside of when I knew that I had to wake up to go to work). I decided not to hit the sauce for whatever reason last night, not that I was feeling especially great (I wasn't). I was actually rather nervous and anxious for no particular reason and did have to pop several anti-anxiety pills. Maybe they made me drowsy, so perhaps I didn't need the booze. But I do plan on getting ripped tonight. Yes, this is the life of someone who really hates their life and has nothing else to look forward to! Awesome.

I finally watched the movie Knocked Up a couple of nights ago, after having purposely avoided it for all this time. I knew that it would only serve to depress me and I was dead on. The unbelievably smoking Katherine Heigl is in it, a great reminder that I will never even get close enough to smell a woman who looks that good. I guess it's supposed to have a nice message in a way, that even this chubby, pot-smoking, unemployed, slacker can get a hot broad, but that's not how things seem to work in real life, at least not in experience. It just further drove the point home that I am very much going to be alone for the rest of my life. It's been over a year since my last date and I have absolutely zero prospects of going on another one anytime in the next decade. Anyways, if I could look at it objectively the movie was quite good, but as for someone in my situation, it almost drove me to tears at several point and not in a good, happy way.

Looks like tonight is pretty much do-or-die for Hillary Clinton. She who was once all but anointed the 2008 Democratic nominee for President is now not only in a 'must win' situation, she's in a 'must win big' situation. Anything less than a ten point victory will seem like a huge disappointment and a loss will torpedo her for good. Again this has all been great for John McCain who has such a head start when it comes to focusing on the general election, plus the fact that the longer Obama and Clinton swipe at each other, the better McCain looks. Obama really has begun to lose a little bit of his golden boy luster, the 'bitter' thing certainly won't endear him to working class Democrats, not to mention anyone who already perceives him as an out-of-touch elitist. And if Hilary does somehow become the nominee, it will only be as a result of lotsa back room style bargaining (i.e. with Super delegates). Neither will come out totally unscathed. Longer this goes on, the more likely the odds of President McCain being sworn in come January 2009!

Finally, I thought that this rumor seemed pretty interesting. It's been floated around that Katie Couric will be done as anchor of the CBS Evening News after the inauguration in January. I've been hearing this for a while now. But Katie Couric being 'traded' (do they do that?) to CNN for Anderson Cooper? How crazy, yet sort of cool, would that be? It would probably be good for both sides, as Katie Couric needs a change of scenery and might be a good choice to groom as Larry King's (ugh) replacement. A parrot would do a better job than Larry King, but of course so would Katie. She's a fine personality, I just think she was put into a very difficult situation over at CBS and probably wasn't the best choice to revive their flagging ratings. She tries hard, but she's ill-suited to being the anchor of a major national broadcast. Anderson Cooper on the other hand? If CBS scored him as their new anchor it would be a massive coup. I think it would not only propel them to the top of the ratings, it would keep them there. Check out his now-famous post Hurricane Katrina interview with idiot Louisiana Senator Mary Landieu.

This dip shit is also up for reelection this fall and if she somehow wins, it'll be amazing. New Orleans reelected jerk-ass Ray Nagin in 2006 and if the state returns this lady (who is MUCH worse than he is) they'll have to be the dumbest constituents since...well, probably the people of Detroit (sorry Katie G).

That's all for now. I'm going to perhaps order a pizza in a little bit, watch some baseball, then some news coverage, then drink myself stupid. I'll try and continue on with my super movie list and other not so important stuff. I really should be studying, preparing a resume and looking sor work. Perhaps when I'm happier.

Enough baseball posts already!

2008-04-20T18:36:00.002-04:00

Well, it looks as if The Big Hurt may well have played his last game. I've written a few times here about how Frank Thomas was a real stand-up guy when it came to his voluntary cooperation with the Mitchell Report and Tom Verducci over at Sports Illustrated also wrote in praise of him and Ken Griffey Jr. for being two big sluggers to have emerged from the steroid era with their reputations intact. Rightfully so, because these two guys always played the game the right way, relying on their hard work and God given skill to get the job done. It's a shame that Junior had all those years where he was injured, because it might be him with the all-time record, not that cheater Barry Bonds.

But anyways, Frank Thomas was released by the Blue Jays before today's win over Detroit. He'd been benched just the other day and after that happened, this didn't come as a total shock, though I thought it would have taken a bit longer. Though he has always been a notoriously slow started, from what I've seen (and I've been watching a lot of games so far) he really hasn't had it. His .167 batting average is indicative of that. Plus although they're still on the hook for the rest of his salary this year, now they won't have to pay $10 million next year to a guy who is clearly on the downslope, not to mention can't run and can't play a position. Perhaps there's someone out there who might still want to take a chance on him, but it won't be at anywhere near that kind of dough. Frank is a great player and will rightfully wind up in Cooperstown, but this was the right move. Thanks again for the brief memories in a Jays uniform.

I went to the game on Thursday (they lost 4-1) and do hope to attend as many as I can this year. Yes I always spend too much (on the tickets, on awful food, on BEER) but it's a good time. Truth be told, I think in some ways I like watching it more on television in that I can really focus on the game itself much more effectively. I'm a baseball nerd and could watch almost endlessly. But of course there's so much to love about actually being there, even if the Jays don't draw like they used to and the cavernous Rogers Centre has to be one of the most depressing and sterile stadiums in the bigs. Also you can't really effectively heckle Rangers rookie German Duran from your couch. Shouts like "Come on Duran, don't Come Undone at the plate" or "You gotta be Hungry Like The Wolf to make it in this league". The folks around me thought it was brilliant, something which probably would have been lost on Bobo.

If I may quickly actually speak about another sport, I think it's awesome that Danica Patrick just became the first female driver to win an Indy Car race. Hopefully people will begin to realize that she's beautiful as well as talented. Even though in the past I've opposed to someone like Michelle Wie constantly playing on the men's PGA tour (when she hasn't even won a women's event), I think this is completely different. There's no reason why a lady can't be a good a driver as a dudes, unlike with sports that rely so much on physical strength (i.e. a man can drive a golf ball farther, hit a much faster serve, crush a women in a tackle etc.). Very fantastic achievement Danica, but this still doesn't mean I don't think you should stop posing in sexy magazine spreads.

That's it for now. I promise no more sports related posts for a while. I'll try to make the next one as depressing as I can and I'm also hard at work (sort of) in attempting to compile, yes....the One Hundred Greatest Films of All Time. It'll be better than that shitty AFI list, I swear.

Whatever happened to Eliot Spitzer's hooker? That was a quick 15 minutes!

2008-04-15T23:29:00.000-04:00

I really do love baseball and I truly love my Toronto Blue Jays. I've come to realize this. I think it goes Bobo, then baseball, then everything else. I've watched pretty much every game that I've been able to this season (if I'm at home), even if the game isn't close, like today's match up, where the Jays beat up on the Orioles to finish their road trip at a very good 4 and 1. They're now 8 and 6 on the season and all but one of their losses have been by a single run! Pretty impressive. Even though I was sorta pessimistic (for no particular reason) before the season started, I'm really liking what I'm seeing. From actually watching them play, this is looking like a very solid ball club. The starting pitching has been especially good and that is the most important part to winning ballgames, so far as I'm concerned. I'm going to the game on Thursday (Halladay is pitching!) and really hope to take in as many as I can this year, having only been to one last year, which is my all-time low. So if anyone wants to go, I'm up for it any time!

What else...I guess I should occasionally try to talk about things other than baseball. I know not everyone loves it as much as I do (though they should). I think it's great that Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are still slugging it out over who will be the Democratic nominee in November. While most people seem to agree that Obama will get it, the longer they go at it, the more it really helps John McCain. I do think that whoever wins on the Democratic side, McCain will win the general election, though I'm also pretty sure that the Dems will retain control of the House and the Senate.

Also now we have someone else saying that Obama is being helped by the fact he's black, this time a very notable African American, BET founder Bob Johnson. Now I'm not anywhere close to endorsing Senator Obama for President and I do think he's an elitist who is even to the left of Ted Kennedy. But I've never been sure of how much of his success is owing to the fact that he's black. Off the bat, I do think that it helps him. As Johnson said, his race does help him almost automatically start off with a huge chunk of the African American vote. But I've always been quick to give Obama credit for a lot of things. Firstly, he is a fantastic speaker, both eloquent and and engaging. He's obviously a very passionate fellow, something which I don't think you can fake. And he seems to bring together people from many different walks of life, which is great. I always couldn't stand Jesse Jackson and his so-called "Rainbow Coalition". The last time I checked, rainbows are made up of many different colours, Jesse. Barack Obama's backers actually are of many divergent backgrounds, another thing I certainly give him credit for. But would he be as popular if he were just another white guy? I'm loathe to say probably not, which is a shame because he certainly is an exciting candidate, even if I may at time question his substance and certainly don't agree with his views.

I've been wanting to attempt another 'list' post, sort of like the ones I've done in the past with TV theme songs or Cold War songs, but perhaps more like my really big Top 100 of the 80s one. A return to the Top Ten Hottest is something I've thought of, but for a while I've wanted to take on a more ambitious project, like the Top 100 Movies of All-Time or perhaps even the Top 100 Songs (or even a huge Top 500!!). Anyways, if anyone wants to see something (if you care) let me know. Seeing as I have lots of time on my hands, I think it might be a fun endeavor to take on. The only caveat is that once completed whatever list I come up with is gospel and cannot be challenged. Sorry.

Finally, this really sucks (literally). It seems there is a yet another sex tape coming out of Hollywood (pun!) and it involves the long-dead (but still super hot) Marilyn Monroe!! It seems Norma Jeane was a-head (pun!) of her time, having been filmed 'performing' years before it became trendy. But what sucks is that the guy who now owns the tape, won't release it. Bummer. As I've always said, we (the public) own celebrities, whether they are dead or alive. Without us they'd be nothing and I think it's an outrage that we're not going to get to see Marilyn sucking c*ck. If elected, I will ensure that any last vestige of privacy that the rich and famous have be eliminated once and for all. Okay, perhaps this is why I will never be elected. And possibly why I should cut back on the sauce.

Is it pronounced "Joe-bah" or "Ja-bah"?

2008-04-14T13:49:00.000-04:00

Ah, this is so much more like it. Not only do the Jays go into Texas and sweep the Rangers there for the first time in 23 years, the B.J. Ryan Express is also back on track. This erases memories of last weeks awful sweep at the hands of the A's and hopefully when Scott Rolen comes back in a couple of weeks, we can have all the pieces fall into place.

Also, I watched most of the Red Sox - Yankees game last night (along with golf, lotsa sports on yesterday) and I must say that the Yankees are really in trouble of finally missing the post-season this year at long last (thank God). Other than Chien-Ming Wang their rotation is pretty flimsy and beyond Mariano Rivera and Joba Chamberlain, their bullpen is also pretty weak. Yeah they still have a dangerous lineup, but a lot of those guys are starting to slip (i.e. Damon and Giambi especially). Hopefully the last season in the old Yankee Stadium will be a miserable one. But I always wish for that.

Finally check this video out below, if you can stand it. It's from a show called Secret Talents of the Stars that aired on CBS last week and was canceled after one episode. After watching this, you will see why. It is beyond dreadful, not even amusing on an ironic level like some of those bad American Idol auditions are (or were, before it got tired). I can't believe this actually aired in prime time...truly we have run out of idea. However the show did also have super smoking figure skater Sasha Cohen doing some contortionist stuff, which was pretty hot. If you want, find it yourself. I only post the depressing stuff here.

All this plus I have a tooth ache

2008-04-11T13:36:00.001-04:00

God, I'm depressed. The weather outside is not pleasant. Rain, close to freezing, just a huge mess. The duckies have returned to my back yard which always makes me smile, but it just isn't enough today. Such nice duckies. I'm sure they don't mind the rain, but it really is damned cold. And yes, I'm aware that we probably get a different pair of ducks every year. I still like having them.

Also the Jays were swept, at home by the Oakland A's. After looking so good against the defending World Champs, to lose three straight to a team that's clearly in a rebuilding mode? Ugh. They seem to play so well against the Red Sox and the Yankees, but just like last year it seems like there's a lack of motivation against lesser teams. And in each of the games the team blew it either in the ninth or in extras. I have very little to live for and baseball is part of that. I know it's still very early (i.e. The Orioles sure as hell aren't going to hang onto first in the A.L. East) but if the Blue Jays don't make the post season this year, I'm going to hang myself. I just don't think I can take it any longer.

This was some good news that doesn't affect me in the slightest or make any difference in the world. Great to see that Craig Ferguson bear Conan O'Brien in the ratings. His show is easily heads and tails above Conan's, so it's nice to see him doing well. I know a lot of people were scratching their heads when CBS gave the slot to Ferguson in the first place, but it turns out they were dead on. He's probably the best late night host on the air, maybe even better than Letterman and certainly better than Conan, who seems to just get less amusing as time goes by. He's seriously not funny and I'm sure NBC is probably less than thrilled that he'll be taking over the Tonight Show in a year's time.

As a big Elvis fan, I should probably be depressed over the fact that Mariah Carey has now surpassed Elvis with 18 number one single on the Billboard charts and now trails only The Beatles. But I'm actually not. Why? Because let me ask you, how many of those Mariah Carey songs could you name off the top of your head? Probably not too many. Now even if I were to give you a list of them, you think you could probably sing a bar or two of them all? I doubt it. But I'll bet you could more than likely do so with those Elvis or Beatles songs. Just a couple of years ago, Elvis: 30 #1 Hits topped the charts, with some songs on the album being close to fifty years old!! A few years before, The Beatles had an even bigger chart success with their 1 Album. Can you see Mariah selling like this years after she's gone? Don't think so.

Anyways, I don't know what else to say. I finished my last day of class ever yesterday. Have three exams, the last of which is on May 7th. I'm not in any danger of failing anything (unless I don't show up to them or something) so I'm pretty much done. Now I have no reason to get up in the mornings. I guess I have to look for work now...what in the hell am I going to do with an English degree? Dick all. For four years I managed to delay the inevitable, that I'm not going anywhere. And now my time is up. Great. Now you see why I'm so cheery.

So let it be written, so let it be done

2008-04-08T16:37:00.001-04:00

This is probably the first post I've ever done upon request (see last post) and while it's one that I was thinking of doing, it was probably destined to be a part of that long list of ideas which never became posts, me having saved the half-completed versions of them, only to eventually delete them when it was clear they were way past the point of relevancy. But our good friend Coop (formerly known as 'The Colonel') asked if I have any thoughts on the late Charlton Heston, who passed away this weekend at the age of 84.

I've written briefly about Heston here once before when I touched upon the fine 1973 film Soylent Green, albeit very briefly. But as Coop put it, Charlton Heston really was one of the last true legends of the Silver Screen and perhaps I should share some of my thoughts and recollection.

Like many people, my first memories are of inevitably watching The Ten Commandments around Easter. The film still airs every year and it really hasn't lost much in the fifty-two years since it was released. Of course many of the effects are still impressive and there's a lot to love about this epic film. But one thing that's always struck me, is that despite its epic scope and visual splendor, it is Heston's unwavering performance which carries the film. At close to four hours (!!) there are so many times that the thing could drag, but Heston's conviction in his performance never wavers. For so many people he IS Moses and I don't get why they try to remake the thing. No one else could play that role.

The awesome Ben Hur came three years later, for which he won his only Oscar, once again in a performance so great that he doesn't allow the visuals to overwhelm him at any time. The chariot race is quite possibly the greatest action sequence ever filmed and the film as a whole is a wonder. It's not surprising that it won 11 Academy Awards. Of course he followed with many similarly styled epics like El Cid and and Khartoum, proving that no one was better suited to handle the lead in 'big' movies like this.

Of course he went beyond this. In an example of his range, take a look at a film which didn't make a big splash in its day, but is now rightfully considered a masterpiece. In Orson Welles' Touch of Evil, he plays a Mexican (!!) police detective opposite Welles and he's totally convincing in what may be the best film noir ever made. He's great in more off-beat 70s fare like The Omega Man and Soylent Green, neither of which could be considered 'great' films, but perfect entertainment if you have nothing to do on a Saturday night (as is often the case with me). And his rare villainous turn in Richard Lester's The Three Musketeers and The Four Musketeers is sinister and deftly comic. The Three Musketeers is actually one of my very favorite books and if someone were to tell me that Charlton Heston was to play Cardinal Richelieu in a film adaptation, I'd have not believed it. But once again, he makes it work.

Though he slowed down in the 80s and beyond, I recall a few weeks ago on a lazy Sunday afternoon while I was channel surfing and Wayne's World 2 came on. I knew the movie well and when his brief cameo was coming up, I called my mother into the room, knowing she'd get a kick out of it. It's just such a cute scene and you can't help but end up with a big grin on your face after having watched it.

Of course he was almost as well known for his politics in later years, something as a fellow conservative I should be proud of. Truth be told however, I'm not a huge gun nut and while I do support the rights of people to bear arms from protection or sport, I'm also pretty pragmatic about it. Do we really need armor piercing assault rifles? Not really. Background checks are most certainly a good thing and I do think that many of those NRA people are pretty extreme. But I must confess I do agree with Heston's simple logic, that "any gun, in the hands of a good man, is no harm to anyone, except for bad people". As an aside to this, I won't even mention a certain filmmaker who took it upon himself to ambush an aged Heston, in a move I'm sure made even many liberals sick.

Many people also are keen to note that he became 'more conservative' over time or whatever, that he was a huge early supporter of civil rights, marching with Martin Luther King. For some reason though there seems to be a suggestion that just because he held many conservative views, it nullifies his very early supports for civil rights. Just because you hold views in favor of the Second Amendment and oppose abortion, it doesn't mean that you're some sort of bigot who opposes civil rights. Politics aren't that simple and Charlton Heston goes to prove that. As I've always said, being a conservative means that you have to follow a strict guideline and the same should apply to someone who is a liberal. Indeed only a fanatic (as Churchill said) is someone who can't to change their mind and won't change the subject. Heston was also someone who was a strong opponent of political correctness run rampant in our society, something else which endeared me to him.

Yes, he truly was one of the greats and I'm sad to see him go, though not shocked. I will share my favorite memory of Charlton Heston though. In one of my English classes a couple years back, we were watching Kenneth Branagh's version of Hamlet, featuring Heston in a cameo as the Player King. Someone commented on his performance, that he belonged to something of an older school of outdated acting or some other dig like that. They went on to suggest that "could you imagine Heston trying to play Hamlet"? I immediately felt it my need to defend his performance, for in fact he was one of the only big Hollywood stars in a cameo who didn't come across as ridiculous. Though a brief role, it was one which suited him perfectly. And as I pointed out at the time "Could you imagine Branagh or anyone else playing Moses or Judah Ben-Hur"? Not a chance. In fact there are many actors who make fine Hamlets, but how many could be Moses? Only one. Only Charlton Heston could act so convincingly opposite a bunch of guys in monkey suits, screaming "Damn you all to hell" or "Take your stinkin' paws off me" or "It's a mad house!" or (my favorite in the film) "Would an ape make a human doll that TALKS". One of a kind, truly.

And now this post which I wasn't going to even do has officially taken me an hour. But would I have actually gotten anything done? Probably not. Rest in peace Chuck, we'll miss you.

300...just like the movie!!

2008-04-05T23:51:00.000-04:00

DRUNK!!!

I am so very drunk beyond belief, in fact to the point where it's a struggle for me to type properly. If it weren't for my insistence in maintaining proper spelling and grammar, this post would be a total indecipherable mess. Even without spell-check, I'm a pretty good speller. Anyways, let's continue....wow, I'm having trouble typing....

Anyways, this is my 300th post on the old blog and I'm amazed that I made it this far!! So very many times I've wanted to quit, but there are a few really good folks who keep me going. Yes this is partially for my own therapeutic good, but at the same time I only keep on because of the small but loyal readership that I have and truly value. In the past I've named many of you good folks, so you know who you are. I do this because I honest to God appreciate your readership. To all those who read this on a regular basis, you have no idea just how much it means to me. Thank you with all my heart. Anyways, lest this all be maudlin self-indulgence, I think I should attempt to continue onto a normal post, before the booze really begins to sink in.

So as you can all probably figure out, I'm quite drunk and I just took a time out to go and grab a slice of pizza in between writing paragraphs. Something which was NOT the best of ideas, I will admit. I do love pizza though. It was totally worth it.

Fucking, fuck. I was trying to get through a whole list of shit, including Mariah Carey, more Canadian political correctness, my beloved Toronto Blue Jays, how much I love the hot paint girl at work and some other shit. But I couldn't get through it, because I'm too drunk to type. So perhaps I'll let it be until tomorrow or the next day or perhaps I'll never get to it. Even though I keep saying this, I really am very likely just going to shut this down. Readership is way off what it used to be and if it keeps falling, I don't see a point. So I might be winding down. I do have so many other things I want to get off my chest, but if no one cares, what's the point?

Anyways, to all those who have stuck around this long I really do thank you and I think I need another drink.

We need a return to the Reagan Doctrine

2008-04-02T22:57:00.000-04:00

Man, I really hope this is true. For many years now, I've really, really hated Robert Mugabe.I remember having discussions with our old pal D Rock about how rotten he is and if he and I are on the same page politically, it's usually a good sign that it's a view shared by any clear headed person on either end of the spectrum.

Sadly he sort of gets lost in the shuffle when it comes time to name world leaders (read: dictators) who would be better off with a bullet in their head. People like Kim Jong Il, Fidel Castro, Hugo Chavez and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. You know, the guys who think it's their destiny (or whatever) to rule for life, even if their country has gone down the crapper.

Robert Mugabe certainly belongs in that category. Here's a guy who has taken a country that was among the most prosperous in Africa, one that could have been a great example of a success story in Africa and turned it into an unmitigated mess. 100,000% inflation. I mean, seriously! Holy fucking shit!! Unemployment of something 80%!!! And yet he clings to power with one rigged election after another. Hopefully not this time. I'm sure that in reality he's been soundly defeated but he's surely trying to fix this one too. The good folks of Zimbabwe deserve a chance, for God's sake and a fresh start under their (hopefully) new president Morgan Tsvangirai. Sadly we can't be sure as of yet, seeing as no outside observers were allowed from any true democracies, only sham officials from bastions of freedom like Russia, China and Iran.

So I just pray that this Marxist asshole is finally done with, another 'president for life' (ugh) put out to pasture. In the good old days the United States would have gone in long ago and gotten rid of the bastard, like they did with Allende. But I guess that doesn't happen anymore. Too bad.

I know that I had some other stuff that I wanted to touch on, but I've now forgotten what that was. It was stuff of a depressing, personal nature. I haven't written much on that lately but I guess it'll have to wait. I probably should have written in down and I probably shouldn't have had those last few beers.

A really random thought on the nature of the music industry

2008-03-30T21:24:00.003-04:00

I stumbled across this the other day and it reminded me of a thought I had when I first watched the Live 8 thing a few years back. Why is Robbie Williams not a big star in North America? I mean he's huge in the U.K. and pretty much all over the rest of the world, yet he's barely even known on this side of the pond, despite numerous (failed) attempts to sell him over here. I don't get it. He's handsome as hell, radiates charm, is a fine singer and totally knows how to work a crowd. Case in point, just watch the performance of "Angels" below. It's his only semi-hit in the U.S. and in fact even Jessica Simpson's awful cover version charted higher. I really don't get it. Oh well.

No more essays ever! Seriously, EVER!!

2008-03-27T22:30:00.000-04:00

Ugh, now Scott Rolen is hurt? For up to six weeks? Plus they dump Reed Johnson in favor of Shannon Stewart in left field. I'm not liking this. Usually I approach each new season with a sense of optimism and the hope that the Blue Jays can finally make a real run at the post-season. But this year...well, I just have a bad vibe about this year. Then again I have a bad vibe about everything, so I really hope I'm wrong on this one. I hate finishing in third place every bloody year.

One sign that the world has totally gone topsy-turvy: the French leader is the one with balls. A couple of days ago French President Nicolas Sarkozy (who I've spoken in favor of before) has floated the idea of boycotting the opening of the Olympic Games in Beijing. Not the Canadians, nor the Brits, nor the Germans, Japanese, Australians or even the Americans. The FRENCH. Now I know that no one is going to boycott the entire games and while I've always thought giving Beijing the Olympics in the first places was a colossal blunder, I know that that's not realistic. But even a boycott of the opening ceremonies would send a message. I've liked this guy from the get-go and here's another reason to. He seems like a no-nonsense guy. Plus he has a really hot supermodel wife. Good for him! I'll still never forgive Nixon for recognizing the government in Beijing over Taiwan, but I guess that was like 35 years ago, so what's done is done.

It's looking fairly likely that the Toronto Transit Commission (TTC) will go on strike when their contract expires on April 1, effectively fucking over the entire city of Toronto. While I do have a car, driving around Toronto is a nightmare as is and would only be magnified tenfold if this happens. See, I do take public transit despite the fact it's unreliable, smelly, crowded and inefficient. I just think it would be great if they privatized the whole thing. Not only would it be instantly more efficient, I guarantee it would turn a profit within a year or two. Get rid of union goons, get rid of so many problems. But this will sadly never happen, especially with Toronto mayor David Miller, a union butt-boy if there ever was one. Hell, they even struck illegally a couple years back with zero notice, paralyzing the city and NOTHING came of it. Each and every person who went on strike that day should have been fired instantly. Air traffic controllers tried to pull the same shit back in the 1980s in the States and what did Reagan do? He gave them 48 hours to return to work and when they didn't, he fired them. All 11,00o of them and banned them from federal service. That is a real leader, one not afraid to break a rogue union.

As an aside, said air traffic strike came up in my American history lecture yesterday and my professor (who could barely hide his contempt for Reagan) talked about how all those people were put out of work and how organized labor was dealt such a blow in the 1980s, while neglecting to mention that their strike was against the law and against public safety. He's a good lecturer, but the liberal bent is sometimes too much for me to take. Yes this is the same fellow who is the son of 'Wayne' from Wayne and Shuster.

Finally, while I think that Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark / Iron Man is great casting and that the trailers are pretty boss, is it wrong of me to just want the entire movie to be him flying around and blowing shit up while "Iron Man" by Black Sabbath plays in the background? For two hours? I'd probably pay twelve bucks to watch that. I think I actually would.

Holy crud, two posts within a couple hours?

2008-03-21T00:48:00.005-04:00

Yeah well, it's a long weekend. I have the day off tomorrow, don't have anywhere to be (surprise), am sort of drunk (bigger surprise) and am catching up on internet reading. So a few more things.

Please, PLEASE Lord, don't let this be anything more than a minor setback. I don't want to finish in third place again this year. We need B.J. Ryan back sometime before his contract expires.

This article describes me pretty damned well. I am often embarrassed to use coupons, feel the need to buy designer label clothing, wear expensive scents, drink expensive Scotch, stay in nice hotels (back in the day), spend lots of money on strippers, pick up tabs that I can't afford and in general maintain the illusion that money is of little concern to me. Basically all because I am simply terrified to let on that I could ever be in a financial pinch. What would people think? I'd rather actually go hungry in private than appear so in public. Perhaps if I had anything else going for me I'd be able to get away with it, but....well, you know.

Finally, I'm really having trouble staying awake when it's most important. Of course it's now 1:30 in the morning and I'm wide awake. But in the middle of the day I can't bloody well stay awake, even after a decent night's sleep. For instance last night I got a solid eight hours sleep and it wasn't restless so far as I could tell. I did actually have a very odd dream but I don't care to go into it. I dreamed about someone and something I don't believe I've ever dreamt about before. It was really quite vivid and in some ways disturbing, though it didn't actually disturb my rest.

Sorry, I digress again.

Anyways, it's really bad. I'm trying to get some reading done in between classes and I can't fucking stay awake. I fall asleep while on the subway or in class or just while surfing the internet or watching TV. If I'm home when this narcolepsy hits me, I usually go to take a nap. I set my alarm to wake me after a half hour or so, but I inevitably hit the snooze and by the time I finally do wake up from it, it's spiraled completely out of control, me having been asleep for several hours. It's brutal. Why am I so fucking tired all the bloody time, even after I should be sufficiently rested?

Anyways, I'll leave you with the one funny side-effect of this. As I said, it often strikes me whilst in class and trooper that I am, I still attempt to carry on with my note taking. I showed this to my mother once and she thought it was a riot. It's probably funnier with me narrating as you read it, but my totally illegible sleep-notes are pretty funny. Enjoy kids and please excuse any potential spelling errors. I have added some commentary in blue

I sorta miss the Cold War

2008-03-20T22:15:00.001-04:00

During my recent research on the Cold War, I stumbled upon something I found to be rather remarkable. For some reason (don't ask why or how) I got to looking at a list of the biggest lakes in the world. Let me just stop here that I think it is beyond stupid that they now classify Michigan and Huron as one lake. Idiocy. Like declassifying Pluto as a planet.

But I digress.

Way down at number 15 was the Aral Sea in the former U.S.S.R. Now I seem to remember always looking at old almanacs and such when I was a kid, I always liked geography. I seemed to remember it being quite bigger than that! Well, it was. MUCH bigger. Due to colossally ill-conceived irrigation project on the part of the Soviets, the Aral Sea, which had a surface area of 68,000 Square km in 1960, now has an area of 17,000 Sq. Km!! For proof that the Soviets really and truly were incompetent, one needn't look any farther than here. Ugh.

This somehow also reminded me of Ronald Reagan's favorite Soviet joke.

Man in the Soviet Union works long and hard for many years. It's long been his dream to own a car. So eventually he saves up the money and goes down to the Lada dealership. He plunks down his pile of rubles and tells the man working there that he wants to buy a car. The dealer tells him "Okay, but you do realize there's a ten year wait, right?" The man says, "Fine, fine I just want to get my car". So he fills out all the requisite forms and paperwork and when he's finally finishes the dealer tells him to come back in exactly ten years and his car will be ready. As he's about to leave, the man asks if he should come in the morning or afternoon. Incredulous, the car dealer looks at him and says "It's ten years from now! What difference does it make?!" To which the man replies, "Well, the plumber is coming in the morning".

Hi-larious. Anyways, that's it from me for now. I have a bit of a reprieve from essay writing, though not much. I'm also thoroughly depressed (again), this time over the fact that there are just so many really good looking girls at U of T. It does me no good because none of them want me or anything to do with me. And now I'm pretty much done. And I've wasted my time there, like I wasted going to an arts high school with a girl-guy ratio of like 3-1. This is why I drink, why I am drinking right now.

Happy birthday, Bobo!!

2008-03-17T18:37:00.002-04:00

Though I'm rather pressed for time today, I have to wish Bobo a very happy 13th birthday!! Of course I've already given him many birthday kisses and given him his present, but I just wanted to make sure to note it on here. His birthday last year wasn't a very cheery one at all, seeing as he was viciously attacked just a couple of days earlier. But now it's been over a year since his accident and Bobo is doing as well as ever (minus one eye, of course). Anyways I need to get back to research, but happy birthday Bobo, love you lots and lots!!

Lots of trouble typing... the hiccuping doesn't help.

2008-03-16T03:29:00.000-04:00

The answer to the trivia question from the previous post is "One Night in Bangkok" by Murray Head, from the 1986 musical Chess, though the song was actually released before the musical opened.

Again I had a simply miserable day today (yesterday, whatever). I work one day a week at the stupid Rona and while the pay is actually decent enough, I leave there every Saturday in a thoroughly miserable state. Part of it has to do with the fact that I have nowhere to go afterwards, whereas I'm sure most of my co-workers actually have lives and such. My Saturday night involves me sitting at home, drinking myself into an absolute stupor (which I'm in now), watching COPS (!!) and eventually passing out.

It doesn't help that there are many very attractive ladies who work there as well (surprisingly enough). Hot paint girl is on the top of the list, though she's actually in another department now....indeed there are probably several who are purely better looking, I just find her so sweet and so gorgeous and I love her smile, even though she has a bit of an overbite. It's such a moot point though. I'm nothing to her and never will be....fudge.

I am so incredibly beyond lonely. And it just keeps feeling worse every day.

Also I'm giving very serious consideration to shutting this blog down, do to lack of interest and the fact that I'm not sure if I have anything worthwhile left to say. Also I'm drunk, but I already mentioned that.

$4300? A bargain if you ask me.

2008-03-14T01:27:00.002-04:00

Man, if that Governor Spitzer dude had just come out and been all like

"Yo, okay, so I likes hookers, all right? So what? Who doesn't? I'm just like, uh, stimulating the economy (and my cock!) and shit like that. Plus, have you seen that ho? She's fucking hot, dudes? Am I right or am I right? Yeah, y'all know what I'm talking about. Anyways, no further questions. Oh wait, I didn't take any. Never mind."

then I think it would have been cool. I for one would have totally understood. But now his life is ruined. Oh well.

Speaking of politics (!?) I was (as usual) digressing heavily from my assignment the other night and came across some cool sights that allow you to test where you stand on the political spectrum. I'm sure most of my regular readers can guess where I stand, but it was still fun to take some tests. Check out the World's Smallest Political Quiz, The Political Compass and The Nolan Chart. The images below show where I place on each of them respectively. I encourage you all to try them out (at least the Smallest one) and let me know where you all scored just for fun!

Finally, here's an interesting trivia question for everyone. As some of you may be aware, Broadway musicals used to be really popular not only on the Great White Way, but also on the pop charts. South Pacific was the best selling album of all-time for a while there and not only did original cast recordings used to be huge on the charts, so too did individual songs. While it's sort of hard to believe, many of the big singles back in the day were from musicals, stuff like "Hello, Dolly", "Some Enchanted Evening", etc. even after pop/rock had become big. But that hasn't been the case anymore. But what song is often considered the last big pop chart single from a Broadway musical? I read this somewhere once before and thought of it today as the song came up on my iPod whilst on the subway. Let's see if anyone can guess without google-ing it. I was a young lad when it came out, if that helps any.

Zombie Reagan in '08!

2008-03-12T00:12:00.004-04:00

I'm not dead (sadly), just been really swamped with schoolwork. Right now working on a 3500-4000 word essay that was due yesterday, I'm cautiously optimistic I can finish it tonight (this morning, whatever). Have another due next week, then two more the week following. Ugh. At least this one is the most intensive of the two, but it's still going to be a rough haul for the next fortnight or so. But soon enough I'll be done for good and can enjoy the rewards that a University education will bring me (i.e. unemployment).

Anyways, here's a rare book recommendation from me based on something I'm reading for research. I find The Reagan Diaries quite fascinating and along with all the other stuff I'm reading on him, it just makes me admire the man more and more. Here's a man who "won the Cold War without firing a shot" and quite possibly the greatest human being of the 20th Century. If they could dig him up, reanimate him and find a cure for Alzheimer's, I'd strongly argue for him running for President again. I'd move to America in a heartbeat if it meant that I could cast my vote for him. Them terrorists wouldn't fuck with Zombie Reagan, that's for damned sure. Truly the world would be a better place.

My prof's name is Michael Wayne. This is your clue.

2008-03-06T22:53:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I really start to lose faith in my country. Now I know that Canada has always been more liberal and easygoing than out neighbor to the south. In some ways I actually think it's a good thing (believe it or not). I was thinking about this the other day while watching television. The fact that we understand that graphic violence is far worse than the occasional naughty word or showing of a breast is a good thing. But a lot of the time, I think we're too damned accommodating. Case in point with the recent case in Ontario of a fellow who was issued a ticket because he was not wearing a helmet (which is the law) while riding his motorcycle. Now this guy is a devout Sikh and as such, wear a turban. This makes the helmet rather problematic. But our laws are in place for a reason, whether or not you like them or not, which admittedly I sometimes do not. But they apply to everyone, regardless of who you are. I'm a big believer that everyone is equal under the law and I hope you believe that as well. The fact remains that the law states that everyone operating a motorcycle in this province must wear a helmet for their own safety. I believe this to be a very reasonable law. While I'm sorry that this prevents people who wear turbans from also wearing helmets, to make any exceptions is, in itself, discriminatory. This is why I am extremely happy to see that not all judges in this country have lost their way, so scared to do what is right in the name of political correctness. Thank you James Blacklock.

In further defense of Canada (unusual for me), here is another sign of political correctness spiraling out of control in the United States. Give me a fucking break.

A school chum told me about this ad from China that he saw on youtube. It is quite hilarious and I wish I had seen it first before having been told about it.

Finally something very cool that I found out last night. I was sitting in my American History class and my professor was talking about the baby boom and post WW2 commercialism, stuff like the birth of television and rock and roll. He was talking about Elvis and how controversial he was. He mentioned how everyone watched Elvis when he appeared on the Ed Sullivan Show, which "aired every Sunday night at 8:00 PM on CBS". He casually mentioned that he of course remembered the time slot, as his father appeared on this show 67 times! It took me about 2 seconds to figure it out, with the same information (see post title) I have given all of you. The first person to guess right wins a lock of Bobo's hair, with a certificate of authentication signed by Bobo himself.

Allow me one political post this week. Thank you.

2008-03-05T22:24:00.003-05:00

Well, it is now official; John McCain will be the Republican candidate in November and is hopefully one step closer to becoming President of the United States. His comeback was really pretty amazing, as was the whole Republican primary season. Rudy Giuliani runs one of the worst campaigns in history, Fred Thompson takes his sweet-ass time to enter the race and then doesn't seem to care and two previously obscure former governors do rather well. But the Republicans really have picked the best candidate, the one who absolutely gives them the best chance at winning in the fall. Much of the problems many conservatives had with him seem to be evaporating and it looks like the party is doing well to unite behind Senator McCain. I never understood what their problem was anyways. Here's a guy with a solid conservative voting record, hawkish stances on foreign policy and defense, a strong pro-lifer etc. I think it always just boiled down to his (refreshing) willingness to follow his own principles, even when they didn't gel with the majority of the party (i.e. campaign finance reform, immigration) and the fact he's always been one to work with the other side to achieve results in the Senate. Sort of like the disgraceful way the Democrats treated Joe Lieberman, though certainly not as extreme in this care. What they did was nothing short of disgusting, basically running him out of the party after many years of loyal service because he didn't agree on them with one issue. You can tow the party line on every other issue, but if you don't agree with us on Iraq, you're out. How closed minded, though coming from liberals that shouldn't be a shock.

But for all the talk (mostly from the liberal media) of how 'fractured' the Republican Party is, they have their nominee. It's now looking very likely that the Democratic race is going all the way to the convention, something that is great news for Republicans. The longer their race goes on, the more time McCain has to focus on the general election. Just when it seemed as if Obama was going to pull far ahead, Clinton storms back. It looks like a clear case of buyer’s remorse, with a lot of Democrats starting to wonder if this guy really has what it takes. Surely Hilary's attack ads had some effect, but I think people are beginning to wonder if there's any real substance behind this guy. I mean he certainly is a very fine speaker and at least sounds presidential. But he very well may be another Gary Hart, someone who looks good and sounds good, promising a lot of 'change' and 'new ideas'. But I'm beginning to to suspect that "Where's the beef?" might ring true here as well. Plus the fact that he's even to the left of Ted Kennedy is somewhat disconcerting. I was remiss in mentioning a great line he had a few weeks back when he said something like "George Bush won't be running again in November" (applause and pause). "My cousin, Dick Cheney, won't be running again in November!". Very funny line. Whoever wrote that deserves a raise.

At any rate, the election should be a lot of fun, much better than any scripted television out there (which have returned, though I don't care). One thing that struck me as interesting was the fact that the turnout for Democratic Primaries has been consistently much higher across the board. But one of CNN's (very hot) political analysts, Amy Holmes, pointed out that the same thing was the case in 1988 and we didn't have no President Dukakis. So there is hope yet!

Even though I would have thought so, it doesn't look like there's a federal election likely to happen in Canada, though that certainly could change. The Conservative Budget has passed, so if the minority government is to be brought down, it will be over something else. In a way I sort of want an election, seeing as I'd really like to get more involved than in the past and of course I'd love to see Stephen Harper with an increased majority mandate. But it looks like the people of Canada are fairly content with the current state of things and don't want another election. As minority governments go, this one really has been around for quite a long time, something I attribute to the fact that the Harper government has done a very good job of working across party lines and achieving compromise. Granted, this is something which would likely disappear with a majority. It still boggles my mind that the polling usually places the two big parties pretty even or the Conservatives with a lead, but not a huge one. I really do think this country is so fucked up when it comes to voter sensibility. We have a government that's doing a very good job, has lowered taxes, kept OUR economy strong, cleaned up Ottawa and yet there's a real danger they could be turfed by a Liberal party that's led by a total dud (who doesn't speak English!) and just came off a major corruption scandal. The Conservatives could discover the cure for cancer and find a way to spin straw into gold and still people would be ambivalent towards them. Why don't people here realize that we have more than one political party? This isn't communist Russia, though if we're not careful we might just wind up to the left of them one day.

And no, I'm not even going to give any consideration to the ridiculous accusations that (then opposition leader) Harper tried to bribe independent M.P. Chuck Cadman by offering the terminally-ill man a $1,000,000 life insurance policy in exchange for his vote in helping bring down the (then) Liberal minority government. Cadman's widow has denied that Harper knew anything about it and the whole story defies any logic. Would any insurance company in the history of time grant a man dying man a $1,000,000 or even $100 life insurance policy? There's as much to this as there is the disgusting N.Y. Times McCain-Lobbyist thing. What amazes me is not that this is America's most read newspaper, but that it even calls itself a newspaper. It has almost as much credibility as the The Onion. And I thought The Toronto Star was bad.

I wonder if any of the Mormons will continue reading? Likely not.

2008-03-02T17:24:00.000-05:00

Anyways, it seems as though my brief encounter with Mormonism (probably the closest I'll ever get) is over, so we can return to business as usual. Today is another typical Sunday for me that I'm spending in solitary misery, already rather tipsy and it's not yet dark out. At least I managed to wake up before noon.

I read this story and thought it was simply hilarious. Really just read it, it speaks for itself. It needs no further commentary.

Something just recently occurred to me, one thing in my miserable life that I will not have to worry about. If I ever get married or engaged or even find myself in a long term relationship (all highly unlikely) I'm not too worried about what my significant other's mother will think of me. All older women (i.e. over 40) seem to love me, think I'm just the nicest young man, all that jazz. All my mom's friend's think I'm just swell for instance. The trouble is, their daughters do not. I don't know if it's a case of them (women my own age) not liking me simply because their mothers do, but I think it's probably deeper than that. For instance, at work yesterday I realized how all my female co-workers my own age think I'm a weirdo or a jerk or from outer-space or a loser generally treating me like shit. On the other hand I get along swimmingly with anyone a generation older (or more). This is very depressing and has been the case pretty much my entire life.

Finally, I neglected to mention (in a previous post) the true highlight of the Oscars, that being the unbelievably gorgeous Katherine Heigl. When I saw her on the red carpet, I almost died and was actually making all sorts of weird noises to myself. She is seriously, incredibly beyond stunning and seeing women like her makes me morbidly upset for obvious reasons, seeing as I will never even touch a woman 1/10th as good looking as she is. Also she's married to some dude whose level of chest hair exceeds Robin Williams levels, something which makes me even more depressed. It's really nasty. Anyways, she may just be the most beautiful woman in the world, I don't know. Seeing as I love lists, I'm tempted to make another one, not having done a "Top Ten Hottest" for over two years. But again, it might just make me more depressed. God I'm lonely.

Attn: Feminist Mormon Housewives!!

2008-02-28T22:19:00.002-05:00

I'm just really curious as to how come so many people are being directed to my blog via http://www.feministmormonhousewives.org. I noticed my hits suddenly spike big time and saw they were all coming from this website, but I've yet to figure out how or why! It's not a big deal and I'm happy to have you, but I'm very curious as to how this is happening. Other than writing about Mitt Romney a few times, I have no clue. Some please, please fill me in.

As for my regular readers, uh, please disregard.

I need something stronger than a milkshake

2008-02-28T17:18:00.000-05:00

I am feeling ambivalent today. As usual I hate my life and have nothing going for me. I did finish a mammoth 4000 word assignment that was due Tuesday, having only started it the night before. This must be a personal best, though I'm still not proud of it. As usual had I started even a few days before the essay would have been so much better I'm sure. But I can't even focus on a lousy blog entry so a 14 page paper is near impossible.

I was to get up around 8:45 today to make my morning class, yet hit my snooze alarm and after doing so twice, decided to forget about it and skip it. The fact that I had considerable trouble dragging myself out of bed three hours later to make my second class is sadder still. As it turns out though, my morning class was canceled due to my professor being ill, a fact that I didn't find out about until just now (I'm bad at checking my university email address). So I suppose it was indeed fortuitous that I'm so miserable that getting up in the morning is close to impossible, at least this one time. I don't know how I'll make it when (if?) I ever find some sort of 9-5 thing.

My DVD player / VCR combination broke the other day. We had a power failure and the surge seems to have done it in. They really don't make things like they used to. For example the microwave in my kitchen? It's nearly thirty years old and still works perfectly. Yes it's an ugly brown and yes it was probably like a thousand dollars back in those days, but still. A pretty good investment all-in-all. So I have to buy a new DVD player, an expense I wasn't planning on. Again. I suppose this could be an excuse to go Blu-Ray but I'm not sure I'll go that just yet. I'm actually looking at a DVD Recorder with a Hard Drive built in. It would be slightly cheaper than a Blu-Ray, plus like having a PVR without having to subscribe to anything. So we'll see.

The Oscars were sort of okay. I mean, just okay. Nothing really stood out for me. I'm not the biggest fan, but Jon Stewart was much improved over his last time. I actually rather liked his performance. Bringing that chick who won Best Song back on so she could speak was pretty classy too. I managed to see all the Best Pic Nominees except Atonement, though I have read the book (which is very good). I would have liked to have seen TWBB take the top prize, but No Country is a fine film and I knew it was going to win. At least Daniel Day-Lewis won, but then again he simply had to. Juno I enjoyed as well, despite all its cuteness. It's a really nice little film, has a good pro-life message and Ellen Page is pretty cute too. Michael Clayton is good, not great. I've never understood the overwhelming acclaim it received. Ah well. That the ceremony was the lowest rated ever and I'm not too surprised. Of course look at the fact that the nominated films are making less at the box office, so it should be no shock. There are of course still blockbuster films, they just don't get nominated for awards. I think it's just a case of people getting dumber. Movies are as good as ever, people would just rather go see National Treasure: Book of Secrets than There Will Be Blood. This wasn't always the case.

Did love this brief article about Hollywood being '"too liberal" (which it is). But hasn't that always been the case?

Anyways, that's it for now. I have another class to head off to and I'm gonna grab a bite to eat beforehand. Tomorrow I do not have to get up early and therefor as soon as I get home will open up a bottle of wine and proceed to get drunk. Alone. Like always. I feel as if I've earned it.

William F. Buckley, Jr. 1925-2008

2008-02-27T21:59:00.001-05:00

The founder of America's finest political magazine and one the great conservative intellectuals of our time. He will be will be sorely missed by conservatives everywhere who are forever thankful to the great contributions he made in bringing conservatism back from out of the wilderness.

I already miss that photo of Lohan at the top of my blog.

2008-02-21T19:59:00.001-05:00

Now that baseball season is right around the corner, I'm happy that I'll have something to fill the void in my empty life, left by football and the utterly crushing ending that season had. A few seasons ago had someone told me Scott Rolen was the Blue Jays' third baseman I'd have been thrilled to death, for at that time he was second perhaps only to A-Rod in the majors. I'm still cautiously optimistic though that he can rebound and come close to his past form. At the very least he's a Gold Glove caliber fielder, but I'm not sure that in itself is enough to make up for the loss of Troy Glaus. Sad to see Glaus go, he seemed like a nice fellow and a good team player. Not thrilled by his possible drug use (not proven, I know) but you can't have it all. Anyways, he's gone and instead of a guy with a bum foot we're left with one with a bum shoulder. Hopefully it works out for both guys and of course for my beloved Blue Jays. Last year was a rotten one plagued by injuries and there really can't be any way that much shit can happen again this year. B.J. Ryan should be ready to go and David Eckstein is now leading off...I'd like a solid fifth starter, but all-in-all I'm excited.

Here's also hoping Frank Thomas can continue to perform well into the twilight of his career. Yeah he can hit and that's it, but he still has the potential to do that well. Big Frank has even more of my respect, seeing as he was the only player to speak to George Mitchell and did so voluntarily. It's sad that this hasn't been reported more, seeing as it makes the Big Hurt look so much better and everyone else look all that much worse. Five years after he retires, I hope that the folks in Cooperstown take a look at this alongside his 513 (and counting) home runs. Here's someone who hit 500 and did it the right way. I know I mentioned this before in an earlier blog post but I really think it deserves repeating.

One last little thing. I'm not sure if was cruel or hilarious or perhaps somewhere in between. But I must say that this has to go down as one of the great practical jokes in baseball annals. Although Kyle Kendrick should have known better...who gets traded to Japan?!?! Make sure to also check out the video of the thing. There's a link on there somewhere.

Thank you Jesus

2008-02-19T14:40:00.003-05:00

Lindsay Lohan nude and not a minute too soon! See the whole thing over at New York Magazine (God bless 'em). Now I no longer need all those doctored photos of Lohan naked (though I'll still hang on to them for, uh, reference).

Oh and my crotch hurts from all the lap dances

2008-02-15T15:57:00.001-05:00

I'm still sort of hung over from spending Valentine's Day at the strip club last night in more ways than one. First off, I shouldn't have had that bottle of wine before I started drinking beer. Then there's the emotional drain which always seems to follow after pretty much every time I go to a strip club. It leaves me really depressed afterwards. Finally the fact that I probably spent $200 plus dollars on lap dances and beer and ATM service charges (10% of what you take out!!) really stings. I guess all the things I'm wanting to buy (new shirts, iPod Touch) are going to have to wait. Sigh. At least for that $20 per song I have the illusion that a really hot girl is in love with me. It's probably the best I can hope for.

A couple of other quick notes though. Madonna's debut as a director (!?) sucks. Does this surprise anyone? I remember seeing on facebook a while ago that someone on my friends list had joined a group called "I bet I can find 1,000,000 people who love Madonna" to which I immediately though "I'm sure you can, but good luck trying to find a heterosexual male among them!".

Lastly I sort of have to eat my words a bit here. In my last post I ragged on Steven Spielberg, as I've done in the past. Plus a while ago I expressed my lack of enthusiasm over the new Indiana Jones movie. However the trailer for it looks pretty damned cool. I may indeed be rushing out to see it after all, despite my dislike of Spielberg and my ripping of geriatric Harrison Ford. I know a minute and a half isn't much but I've been whistling the theme song all day and if you're not after checking it out something is wrong with you. And the poster is pretty cool too!

And for the record having thought about it, I do think Karen Allen is pretty.

I am a sad and lonely drunk. Tomorrow will not change that.

2008-02-13T22:12:00.001-05:00

Asshole of the Day: Steven Spielberg. It seems Spielberg (whom I've ripped on before here) has quit as an adviser to the 2008 Beijing Olympics because of China's lack of action towards the conflict (read: genocide) in the Darfur region. Seems like a noble stance, yes? Well, no. How about quitting because of HUGE number of gross human rights violations continuously perpetrated by this repressive and backwards country? Ah yes, that's right, it's not a trendy enough reason. While what's happened and continues in Darfur sickens me as well don't quit as adviser because China "should be doing more to end the continuing human suffering there." EVERY country that has the means should be doing more, you pompous prick. But communist China never should have gotten the '08 games to begin with and you never should have supported them. What's next, 2016 in Riyadh? Ugh.

Cool Person of the Day: Gwyneth Paltrow. Apparently Gwyneth and hubby Chris Martin are looking to adopt a baby. But unlike Madonna and Angelina Jolie, they're not going the route of picking some country that they (or no one else) has heard of and would like to help out a child in need from her own hometown. Like she says "No baby is more helpless than another baby" which is quite true. Angelina Jolie trotting around the world, saying she wants to adopt a child from every continent (Antarctica too?) is such self-serving bullshit. Of course adopting is a great thing to do but I've always felt that part of their rational is "hey, let's adopt a kid from some poor country, preferably one where they're not white or Christian or speak English. That'll look MUCH better than adopting some stupid local kid". Maybe I'm totally cynical but I've always totally gotten that impression. Helping out needy people is great but too often those closer to our own homes are forgotten because it doesn't look as good for P.R. or isn't as sexy or whatever.

Gross Couple of the Day: Josh Hartnett and Bruce & Demi's nasty daughter? Sadly I think it was on the old blog (which is lost to time) that I wrote about just how totally gross Bruce Willis and Demi Moore's daughter Rumer is. These are two very attractive people but their kid looks like one of those old Conan O'Brien sketches were he just blends two faces together. Anyways, it looks like Hollywood heartthrob Josh is seeing her. I know I'm not exactly Cary Grant but woof. Plus I'm not the only one who thinks so. When I did a Yahoo! search for 'Rumer Willis' the first 'also recommended' search it suggests? 'Rumer Willis ugly'. But she has rich parents so I suppose she doesn't need to worry.

I had another post (mostly political) ready to go but it'll have to wait. I was doing too many of them anyways.

I feel Numb! (too much is not enough)

2008-02-10T01:08:00.000-05:00

Here we are with some amusing and perhaps (I hope) disturbing thoughts for the weekend. I really, really want to update this more often but my present condition just doesn't seem to allow for it.

My sources tell me that Heath Ledger was not the victim of an accidental overdose as the authorities would have you believe. Instead I have reason to believe that Mary-Kate Olsen had Heath killed after it became evident that she could not posses him. There seems to be some link between the masseuse who claims to have found him and Ms. Olsen. I've yet to determine exactly what it is, but I have little doubt as to the fact that she murdered Heath Ledger on her orders.

Also just in, I am now able to confirm that Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson ended their relationship as a result of pressure placed on the Dallas QB by his Wide Receiver, Terrell Owens. You see, Owens and Romo are involved in a gay relationship and while Tony was attempting to break it off an 'go straight' as it were, T.O. was determined to keep his man at any cost. So he threatened to expose the affair. Need proof? Just change the first letter of Tony Romo's last name. SEE!

I just made the above two things up, because it seemed like fun. But my whole life is a lie, so I don't feel so bad about it.

The more I head Mike Huckabee speak in interviews and debates and speeches, the more I actually like the fellow. This still doesn't mean that I would support the fellow. While I'm proud to call myself a strong conservative, I actually have little use for the 'religious right' other than as a reliable right-wing voting block. I'm a strong believer in the separation of church and state and that religion should have nothing to do with politics, something which really puts me at odds with Gov. Huckabee. That being said, every time I listen to the guy he comes across as very sincere, genuine, civil and genuinely polite. I see everyone else sniping at everyone else and Huckabee seems to be above that. While it may be a small point, it's something I appreciate. Civility matter a lot to me.

Along (sort of) similar lines, I can't stand people who are totally partisan in the politics and completely unwilling to ever, EVER give the other side any credit. Case in point when I was talking with my friend Marty Boy who is a die-hard liberal. We're the oldest of friends despite the fact we're on complete opposite sides of the political spectrum. In itself I think that's great because despite our differences we always find common ground (i.e. football, cigars and beer) and respect each other's views. But I do think that I'm far more willing to be fair in regards to the other side. Case in point, he wasn't even able to bring himself to agree that Mitt Romney is (was?) the best looking of all the Presidential candidates. He said it was Obama. I mean Barack isn't a bad looking fellow, but COME ON. It's not even close here. Am I right or am I right?

Here's a great movie review that I stumbled upon which pretty much hits the nail right on the head. I laughed aloud when I read it.

Finally, is it wrong that I was once so hard up for drugs that I took codeine that wasn't prescribed for me? No, I'm sure lots of people have done that. But codeine that was prescribed for my DOG?! Just try to top that one on the pathetic-o-meter.

My life is wretched and I should probably go to bed. Yay!

I think I have Seasonal Affective Disorder

2008-02-08T00:26:00.000-05:00

I'm quite sorry that I haven't written anything in quite a while. A few times I've tried to but I've just been too busy or too tired or too drunk. I have several half finished posts just sort of kicking around, plus a whole bunch of other ideas in addition. School has been rough lately and it's gotten me down. I know this sounds sad, but the result of the Super Bowl really did bum me out in a pretty big way, even though as my pal Marty Boy stated it was an 'interesting confluence of events' that my two favorite teams were playing. I am sort of encouraged about the fact that John McCain is one step closer to being President of the United States, but that actually made me think of how my own country is really going down the tubes and it's very likely that Canada has been so badly corrupted by left-wing extremists that it is beyond hope. And the snow fucking sucks. Tomorrow I should go outside and take a picture of my driveway / front lawn. It's enough to make anyone who still believe in the crock that is 'global warming' at least take some pause. So...I don't know. I'm miserable. I have lots on my mind though. And I want to talk about it. But when you're as depressed as I am, it's much easier to think than do.

McCain / Lieberman in '08!

2008-01-29T20:57:00.000-05:00

While neither FOX nor CNN nor the Associated Press is willing to do so, I am now prepared to call the 2008 Florida Republican Primary and declare Sen. John McCain the winner there. As the vote totals come in his lead continues to increase over Mitt Romney and based on my research, I believe that John McCain will win the Florida primary.

Looks like Rudy Giuliani will finish a very disappointing third, his gamble of putting all of his chips in this state not having paid off. Look for him to exit the race, perhaps as early as tonight.

This now makes McCain the front-runner for the Republican nomination and it doesn't look like anyone can stop him, save perhaps the deep-pocketed Romney, but even that seems to be less and less likely with this big win swinging momentum in McCain's favor. Even I counted McCain out not too long ago, but it looks like his political resurrection is now complete. This is really nothing but good news for the Republican party and rather awful news for Democrats who would MUCH rather go up against Romney or Huckabee. But having McCain as the presumptive nominee has to have them sweating. I don't think they can beat him. While even some Republicans might not be comfortable with him, he really looks like someone who can truly work across party lines and get things done in Washington, something he's been doing his entire career.

John McCain, the 44th President of the United States. You heard it here first. I'll be back with more, perhaps later tonight. Or perhaps not.

Anyone for bowling? (see the movie and you'll get it)

2008-01-27T02:14:00.000-05:00

I just got home a short while ago and while I really want to go to bed, I did feel somewhat inclined to post something on the blog I swore that I would be updating frequently and yet rarely do. I had a particularly miserable day (or night, whatever) today and was quite prepared to write about it, but now I'm too tired, too miserable and too drunk. I really am spiraling into oblivion here, struggling to keep my head above water and all sorts of other colorful metaphors. I have something like twelve weeks left of school and then I will have finally completed my woeful undergraduate degree in English (albeit from Canada's top University). As sad as that may be (at age 26) it's probably the only thing keeping me going, seeing as I'd feel so stupid to be so close and having four years and thousands of dollars go down the drain. Otherwise I would very likely not be getting out of bed at all and they'd have to commit me, which actually seems like a very pleasant thought right about now.

Anyways, I digress. Sorry for that tangent. I'm drunk, as usual.

I'll try to write about what I was intending to write about tomorrow (later today, whatever) but I can make no guarantees. If I did, there's just a very good chance I'd let you down, something I'm actually very good at doing.

For now, all I will say is that if you are reading this, do yourself a colossal favor and go see There Will Be Blood if it's playing at a theater near you. Like tomorrow or as soon as you can. If you're planning to go see something else (like Cloverfield or Meet the Spartans or some other crap) please go see this instead. I do not currently posses the faculties to do anything resembling a complete review, but the film is simple outstanding. I was looking forward to seeing it for a while and I was not disappointed. While I greatly enjoyed No Country For Old Men and it's a fine film, 'Blood' is nothing short of a masterpiece that throws all subtlety and restraint out the window. This is a huge epic in the grandest of Hollywood tradition, something that I haven't seen in a very long time. It starts off quietly and keeps climbing until it reaches its remarkable climax. Daniel Day-Lewis is un-fucking-real and as someone who has a fairly good grasp on film history from 1896 onward, I don't think that it's too much of a stretch to say that this may be the cinema's finest of all actors at his absolute peak. See this movie NOW.

Okay, that's it. God, I wish I had some coke. Just a little would do....no, I guess a little wouldn't ever be enough, would it? No. I guess I'm off to bed then. It's the only place I'm ever happy, even though I sleep there alone every single night (Bobo notwithstanding). I really don't know how much longer I can keep on...okay, I'm finished.

Yes, I do envy the dead

2008-01-23T23:15:00.000-05:00

Pretty shocking is the death of actor Heath Ledger yesterday. Not one that you'd have seen coming and whoever had him in their death pool must have made off with a lot of points. He was only 28, an age that I'll reach in less than two years. It really fills my head with a great many thoughts and as usual none of them are positive.

Like I've already stated, Heath was only 28 and in his short life achieved more than I ever will. While I should feel bad for someone like him dying as young as he did, I really do envy him. Never mind the fact that he was an Academy Award nominated actor, about to appear in what's sure to be a smash-hit summer movie (the next Batman). Never mind that he was already a father. Or even the fact that he was surely banging hot women left and right. Michelle Williams at the very least, also Heather Graham and Naomi Watts most likely. I envy the fact that so many people were so saddened at his passing. I always wonder if anyone would care if I were to turn up dead tomorrow. It could very well happen, perhaps even in a similar fashion. I'm often careless with pills and alcohol in fact. Now I know that I wouldn't have throngs of people outside my home or people leaving flowers and such. I can certainly live with that. But I do have the suspicion that outside of family and perhaps a few other people, my funeral would be quite poorly attended. Usually when someone young passes away it's unexpected and often considered 'tragic'. Usually leads to a greater outpouring of general grief. Logic seems to dictate that the younger one is the more people attending your funeral (i.e. everyone you know is still alive etc). But I don't see that happening if I were to drop dead and that depresses me to no end. I don't see myself as having affected a lot of people' or anything like that. In fact I haven't accomplished jack shit.

No, I don't think the world would be any poorer at all for having lost me. I can't see any tributes, no matter how small they might be. Perhaps only "Here lies Kid Icarus, he never amounted to anything or really touched any lives. Good riddance". I can say with a pretty great degree of certainty that said epitaph would be pretty accurate. I could count on my hands the number of people who would miss me and though I do suppose quality counts over quantity I still have very little to boast about. It would be a very cheap funeral indeed.

Is beer my best friend? (next to Bobo)

2008-01-20T01:19:00.000-05:00

Hey folks (who still read this) don't worry. I'm still alive, just been going through a bit of a rough patch. I've still been a little sick, not to mention the fact I've been morbidly depressed and rather drunk lately. I still hate my life and wish I was dead, but the fact that I'm a little tipsy helps somewhat.

Nice to see that John McCain won in South Carolina. He would really make a great U.S. President. American politics are fun to keep track of. Otherwise there really isn't anything good on TV.

There are a couple of good football games on tomorrow though. Glad that I have nothing else to do but kick back, drink some beer and watch the games. I'm really hoping for a Patriots-Packers Super Bowl. Would be really nice to see two truly deserving teams in the big game this year, plus have sort of an old vs. new thing going with Favre and Brady. Hope I don't jinx anything.

Saw my therapist on Friday. I don't know if it helped any. He's quite an intelligent fellow and I do value his advice but there are always things I forget to tell him, stuff I mean to say but I never seem to be able to get out. Stuff I should probably write down in advance etc. I also think he's too optimistic. Things aren't getting better, nor does there seem to be any chance of it happening. However when I was talking to him a few months ago about school and told him I was taking a Canadian Fiction course he was dead on about something. He said that while there are many 'good' Canadian writers, he never thought that any could be classified as being 'great' until he read Robertson Davies. When I read Tempest-tost I was almost in agreement and having just finished Fifth Business I can now say that he was right. I also never thought there were any 'great' Canadian writers but if you read Fifth Business and disagree with me (us?) I'll have to have a few words with you. I do remember him saying at the same time that there were no 'great' Canadian wines (we're both wine drinkers) but I was able to correct him when I brought up Ice Wine to which he conceded the fact that I was right.

I am very lonely. God am I lonely. But the strange thing is that even if someone were to call me right now (okay, not at this hour) I'd likely find some excuse to not do anything. As much as I hate it and as lonely as I am, I'd likely rather stay at home and drink. How sad is that? I think I've gotten to the point where I'm not able to leave the house, unless it be for work or school. That still doesn't mean that I wouldn't appreciate a call...but I never get one, so I suppose it's quite the moot point.

Going down hill fast!

2008-01-11T22:58:00.000-05:00

If I may make a prediction, I think I'd have to say that I'm not going to make it through to the end of this year. I just don't see it happening. Pretty much every day things seem to be getting worse and I don't see that trend reversing. I mean I really am starting to seriously lose it.

It was a particularly long and grueling day yesterday. I left the house at about 9:00 AM and didn't get back until about 12 hours later. My day consisted of trying to desperately stay awake in classes in my feverish state and lots of walking around to the various parts of mammoth campus getting various things done that needed to be done. The weather had dipped back down to just above the freezing point after our lovely record highs. I wouldn't normally have minded, but my illness really didn't agree with it. When I finally returned to the (relative) comfort of my home, I decide to play some video games. It was a bad call. As I've said here before, I rather stink at them and it very often serves to really upset me. Failing countless times to pass a level on the easiest setting just seems to remind me of how I'm really not good at anything and don't have any discernable talents or skills. It brought me back to the conversation I had with my uncle on Sunday on career hunting. One piece of advice he gave me was to find things that I enjoy and look for things that are even remotely related. Theoretically it's good advice but I was crushed when I discovered there truly isn't anything I like to do. Every goddamned thing is a chore to me. The only things I seem to actually enjoy doing are watching TV and drinking. You know that even though I have a pretty good DVD collection, I seldom watch DVDs, choosing just to stick with the same crap that's on cable? The act of choosing a movie to watch is too much of an effort for me, as would be the act of have to stick to it for the next 2 hours. Sad.

So that pissed me off. Everything is doing so lately. I was never this irritable before, not in an 'angry' sense. I was depressed and miserable, yes. But now I'm losing my temper, a lot. I kicked a hole through a parcel out of anger today. I flipped out at a co-worker for something another co-worker had done. I've come thisclose to road rage three times in the past two days. But at other times it's just nerves and I'm biting my nails, even though there is nothing left to bite at all. If you saw my hands, you'd see what I mean. Or lying in bed last night I was seriously just thinking that I should give all this talk a rest, go off and hand myself and be done with it already, sooner rather than later. But then I fell asleep. At least I've been sleeping well lately, thanks to the Tylenol PM.

In all, I really do think I'm just barely hanging on and could snap at any time. I'm not even sure in what way. But nothing is helping right now, it is just getting worse and it will continue to get worse. I really think I'll be much happier when I'm dead.

I've been too political and not depressing enough lately!

2008-01-08T15:52:00.000-05:00

Sorry about the lack of updates since Friday, I haven't (once again) quickly rescinded my vow that I'd be a more regular poster. I was busy this weekend with some little back-to-school readings, plus it was Orthodox Christmas (January 6th), plus I've been rather under the weather the last couple of days. I woke up this morning and it felt like I was on fire, seriously. But now I'm hacking my guts out, which is actually probably a good thing, that all the crap is working its way out of my system. I was hacking up some phlegm today and when I spit it on the ground, it actually bounced like a ball. Disgusting, huh?

Anyways tonight is the New Hampshire Primaries, which should be rather interesting. Despite what I said in the last post, it now does look like Hilary is seriously on the ropes. I was correct in calling John Kerry the winner in 2004 prior to the first caucuses and primaries, but looks like I was more on with that more difficult pick than I am here. As for the Republican side, I have no idea. It really does look quite wide open right now, what with Huckabee winning in Iowa and Romney and McCain being the front runners tonight. But Mayor Rudy still can't be counted out. We'll see how his strategy of putting all of his eggs into the Super Tuesday basket pans out.

It's also now seriously beginning to dawn on me that when I finish up my degree in April (God willing) I have NO IDEA what I'm going to do afterwards. I actually had this discussion with my aunts and uncles over the holiday this weekend and it left me so damned depressed. Right now I'm so clueless it's not funny. Like with everything in life, the prospect of looking for work terrifies me and I'm too scared to even get started on it. Having fear completely dictate how you live your life is a dreadful thing and even more so is the knowledge that you're powerless to change that. Probably not all people are, but I''m quite certain that I am. I've finally started looking at my school's career centre, which is something I should have done a very long time ago. At any rate if this is my best plan of attack, I'm likely screwed. There's a career week or whatever they call it coming up, but I don't think it will help any. If I do manage to drag myself there, it's not like I would have the courage to talk to anyone, ask questions, stuff like that. "Networking"(whatever that is) is quite possibly one of my greatest weaknesses and that's saying something. People so often find jobs thanks to the people they know. I don't know anyone. Once again, I am so screwed and it is no wonder I wake up every single day and wish I was dead.

There. I am now thoroughly miserable. I still have yet another class today (5-7 PM) plus the long commute (1:15 approx.) home. Without my sweet, fat, little dog to come home to, I truly would have nothing to look forward to. I know everyone has days when they feel like they can't go on, but having that feeling everyday? Sheer torture.

Yet Kucinich still has me beat. His wife is HOT.

2008-01-04T22:34:00.000-05:00

A few (relatively) quick thoughts, mostly regarding last night's Iowa caucus.

1. This might completely be my imagination, but I swear that John Edwards' southern accent seems to come and go. Sometimes it's quite thick, other times it's almost non-existent. Personally I think he only puts it on to make himself seem more down-to-earth or whatever. It's not such a bad tactic, but he still needs some work with the voice coach.

2. If what I gather from watching this video is correct (and I believe it is) then if Mike Huckabee somehow becomes the Republican nominee for President, Chuck Norris is to be his running mate. Scary as this is, the video evidence does not lie.

3. Just like I said yesterday, New Hampshire could well be D-Day for either Romney or McCain, which is really sad because they're by far the two best candidates to be the next President of the United States.

4. I really hate Dennis Kucinich. What is this guy's fucking problem? He keeps running for President, wasting everyone's time and money. After dismal showings yesterday, several candidates had the decency to drop out of the race. They knew their campaigns weren't going anywhere. Yet everyone has known this about this crackpot from day-one and yet he persists. I can almost assure you that this freak will be back in 2012. You are NOT going to EVER be President. No one takes you seriously, whatever 'point' you're trying to make...well, no one cares. Get off this stupid ego-trip of yours and go home you fucking douche. Seriously, fuck off. ABC is smart enough to exclude you from their debate, yet you AGAIN waste people's time by filing a complaint against them. Get a grip on reality, jackass.

5. Totally unrelated is something very good which comes out of Facebook. In the case that I talked about yesterday, people are disregarding the 'law' and posting the identity of the people who brutally committed premeditated murder on a 14 year old girl. Finally something good is actually coming out of having every aspect of ones life available for all to see on the internet. Though Canada's criminal codes are so disgustingly lax in regards to prosecuting offenders of any kind, it seems as though it will soon be near impossible to 'protect' the identity of said violent offenders. I love how the article states that these scumbags might not have the right to a fair trial. Why? Because they're under 18 the public has no right to know who they are? Such utter horse-shit. I don't portend to be judge, jury and executioner, but if even a tad of what I've read about this case is true, it's quite open and shut. These little sacks of shit wantonly murdered this girl and deserve to fucking hang for it. I don't give a shit that they're under 18, they're trash. Once they come of age they'll magically be given a second chance and become repentant and all that? Please. This "Martha McKinnon" person (in the article) exemplifies exactly what's wrong with Canada's legal system. It's quite obvious she doesn't give a shit about justice and I just hope this starts the ball rolling against the liberal extremism which has hampered the rights of crime victims in our country for so long.

That's enough, I'm too angry to go on.

Back to (my) insanity

2008-01-03T21:40:00.000-05:00

Not that I really care much seeing as I don't ever watch the show, but something struck me while reading this little blurb on the return of Elisabeth Hasselbeck to "The View". Why do they refer to her as 'the conservative co-host'? If Whoopi Goldberg returned from maternity leave (this is theoretical only) would it describe her as 'the liberal co-host'? I somehow doubt it. The article goes out of its way to make sure that everyone knows that Elisabeth is a conservative, at least in Hollywood terms. On the left coast anyone to the right of Bill Maher is a 'conservative'.

I am a little more invested on the return of late night TV seeing as I actually do sometimes watch Letterman, Leno et al. I really have no desire to get into the politics of the thing, but hopefully they resolve this soon. Of course most people are taking the side of the striking writers, but I don't really care much about their plight. What makes me sad is that my mother, proud viewer of such quality network fare as CSI, Criminal Minds and House M.D. has been reduced to watching figure skating on Telelatino. Very depressing.

Anyways, Letterman and Craig Ferguson returned with their writers in tow and probably fared a bit better than their NBC counterparts, though Leno (of whom I'm not really a huge fan) did give it his best go with self-written material. Conan O'Brien was just dreadful though, relying on lame tours of his office, his stupid dancing and seeing how long he could spin his wedding ring (!?) on his desk. How these guys continue to beat their far stronger CBS rivals is beyond me and perhaps the advantage of having the writers will make it even clearer as to who the stronger lineup is. I really did like Jimmy Kimmel's point though about the writers continuing to picket Leno and Conan pretty much sums up why I dislike unions.

If the projections are correct (and they usually are, save Florida 2000) it looks like Mike Huckabee will win the Iowa Republican caucus. I'm truly not thrilled here, as I've said time and time again that this guy is a disaster waiting to happen. He's one of those reactionist candidates who looks good in a primary (where one has to run to the extreme of the party) who wouldn't work at all in a general election where you have to run to the center. The Democrats had such a person in Howard Dean back in '04 but they were smart enough to realize that he wasn't even remotely electable beginning with Iowa. I know that it's still early and that the front runner (Giuliani) isn't even focusing any attention there. But now it's off to New Hampshire, where it's likely to be a fight between Mitt Romney and John McCain, the two best (in my opinion) candidates the GOP has to offer. I'm just hoping that they both don't come out of there battle weary leaving mayor Rudy and Huckabee in the best positions.

Over on the other side, interesting to see a very close three-way race between Hilary, John Edwards and Barack Obama with it looking like Obama will win Iowa. I still think that Hilary will get the nod, but I'd probably not place as much money on it now as I would have before. Still never seen where her appeal lies. She has a ton of baggage, is a total carpetbagger and is possibly the biggest black hole of charisma I've ever seen. Seriously, when she speaks she makes Al Gore look like...well, Bill Clinton. Of course I don't care so much with the Democrats, only that hopefully they're the ones who nominate a poor candidate as they've been wont to do in the past (i.e. McGovern, Mondale etc.).

The anti-smoking fascist have gotten struck in France. I suppose nothing is sacred anymore. When did the world stop being fun? If we knew it would come to this, we might as well have let the Nazis stay after the war. Very sad.

Sad is that the two people who killed this poor girl cannot be identified under the Youth Criminal Justice Act and will also probably be out of prison by the time they're 30. Every time something terrible like this happens part of me hopes that there will be enough outrage to start the ball rolling towards repealing the act. But I suppose it's too much to ask in Canada where our liberal sensibilities lead us to believe that criminals have more rights than victims.

Finally, after watching the Pats go a historic 16 and 0, I was dreading that fact that the game would be beaten in the ratings here in Canada by a meaningless mid-season hockey game between the hapless Toronto Maple Leafs and some other team (who cares) that wound up to be a blowout. But thanks to this news, my faith in Canadian sports fans is at least slightly restored.

Thanks for sticking with me folks through this long post and hope you'll all stick through me into 2008. But now I'm tired and I have to take the trash out and I think I might even enjoy a cigarette while I take Bobo out.

I survived New Year's eve (i.e. wasn't alone in garage, with car running)

2008-01-03T13:30:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year to all the nice people who still read this. I was thinking of abandoning this blog (for the 481st time) but one of my resolutions will be to update it more often, so I've decided. We'll see if it takes hold. My other resolution (that I made on New Year's) was to be generally less pleasant and more of an asshole. I don't know how I came up with that one, but I think it has something to do with me being far too much of a pushover, too reticent and not assertive enough. Again, we'll see if it actually takes hold.

Went over to Beer's new place for his (apparently) annual New Year's soirée. Though he warned me beforehand that it likely wouldn't be all that 'happening', I really had no other viable options and in fact had as good a time as I could ever expect to have on New Year's (a dig against the holiday, not the party itself). It was more of a casual, low-key, 'sit down' affair, which suits me just fine. And though he warned me that there would be no single girls there (a side effect of being in a live-in relationship), his lady friend's cousins were pretty cute, I must say! The only real downside was that I didn't really drink (seeing as I had to drive) but other than that had a good time. My thanks go out to Beer once again and hopefully his promise of a standing invite will at least ensure that I don't have to spend New Year's alone in years to come.

Seeing as I haven't updated this in a week, I also have lots on my mind regarding the return of late night television, the Iowa Caucuses, the end of smoking in France and of course, football. Plus I'm trying to work on a 'Year in Review' sort of post, like I have in the past. But I'll save the former for later on today (yes, I'll go for two posts in a day) and the latter for perhaps tomorrow if I can finish it. Right now I have to pick up my dry cleaning.

Ah, how some people really hate democracy

2007-12-27T23:19:00.000-05:00

Very tragic is the assassination of former Pakistani Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto. I was very sad to hear the news, but really not so shocked. Someone so devoted to bringing peace and freedom to Pakistan, someone with legitimate influence and credibility, a someone who could have been a true force in bringing about a true democracy in the country? I knew it was too good to be true, too good to last. The extremist element in Pakistan obviously wanted nothing to do with her, knowing that she was someone who had the potential to unite the country and return true democracy and civility to the land. I just hope that her death inspires others to continue her cause and while this is certainly a huge blow, hopefully it won't be a permanent setback on the road to peace in the region. I also love how the usual gang of left-wing radicals and anti-Americans (usually the same crowd) are blaming the United States and George Bush for her death. Granted the Bush administration did facilitate her return to Pakistan and they’re probably too trusting of Musharraf (and his ability to provide security for Mrs. Bhutto), but to say that because they did so they're responsible for her death? Sickening. I shouldn't take it too seriously as these people blame George Bush for everything from their gambling problems to losing their hair, but at the same time they're doing a huge disservice to Ms. Bhutto's memory. By implying that she was in some way forced back into this situation removes her of all agency and really spits in her face. She was well aware of the risks facing her upon her return and talked about them constantly. Yet she chose to stay and fight the good fight. She knew what she was doing. But in their mad dash to blame George Bush for every bad thing that happens in the world, too many people lose sight of that fact. She died because she wanted to do what was best for her country and some seriously bad people couldn't stand for that, not because America somehow pushed her into it.

I am however glad that the NFL came to their senses regarding Saturday's potentially historic match-up between the Pats and Giants, which sees New England looking to go an incredible 16 and 0. What with the fact that game is going to be on NBC and CBS, combined with the lack of anything else on (this or any other night, thanks to the writer's strike) I wonder just how many people will tune into this game. It could very well be a LOT. Good that the league did what was right in making sure that pretty much any fan with a TV will now have access to the game. It never affected me, seeing it was to be broadcast here in Canada on TSN, but still. That it took congress to get this done is sort of amusing. I told this to my dad yesterday (yes, we do speak sometimes) and he thought that it was ridiculous that they focus on stuff like this, in light of more important events (see previous paragraph for instance). But hey, if they can at least have bi-partisan support somewhere and at least get SOMETHING done, I suppose it can't be all bad. Anyways, go Pats!

I can't stop biting my nails. I'm typing this while at work and I'm back to having nothing to do but kill time. This is really bad. My nerves are starting to act up again. I was considering going out tonight, but I'm not feeling well enough to do so. I'm also pretty tired. My inability to stay awake for more than a few hours at a stretch can't be a good thing. I'm ALWAYS tired. No matter what time I go to sleep and no matter how long I sleep for, I hit a wall at some point and just can't keep my eyes open. So I take a nap, because I can no longer stay on my feet. The nap then rages out of control (half an hour becomes two hours) and then I can't sleep at night unless I take a sleeping pill. And so on. It's brutal.

So is this. Time is passing quite slowly here. I've been here for only two and half hours, yet it seems like an eternity. It's giving me time to think, which is never, ever a good thing. Plus I'm starting to get nervous and anxious. I'd take a valium, but that would just make me drowsy. So I shall suffer for another three and a half hours (!!) until I can get out of here, go home and drink. Perhaps play some video games, which I do to kill the time, but only serves to make me miserable after a while (like everything does). Why do they make me miserable? Because I stink at them, like I seem to with everything. Not being good at anything can be very frustrating. So I drink. I really do think that besides Bobo, it's the only thing that makes me happy.

So lazy I can't even wish a Merry Christmas on time

2007-12-26T17:25:00.000-05:00

A belated Merry Christmas to all my beloved blog friends. Once again, I have no excuse for not even taking a few minutes out to wish you all the best yesterday, but owing to my mercurial nature, I wasn't in the best of moods yesterday or the day before. I was barely even able to compose my yearly Christmas email in fact, something I actually look forward to doing. Hopefully many of you reading this received it, though it just occurred to me that I forgot to send it to at least one person I just ran into at Chapters, having not seen them for many years, though she is a faithful reader. Sorry Monica, you totally slipped my mind and I feel really bad. I owe you a drink for sure now that you're back in Canada. By the way, she and her husband are an adorable couple if I may say so. You guys are going to have very attractive children.

As usual I have many bottled up thoughts that I want to write about or otherwise get off my chest. They will (as usual) have to wait, seeing as I'm currently enjoying my Christmas gift to myself, a nice bottle of Johnnie Walker Black, complete with 2 collectible scotch glasses. Yum. For now, I will leave you all with this brilliant piece, which pretty much sums up my own wishes for the holidays. Enjoy.

Mitt Romney: Superhunk

2007-12-19T14:45:00.000-05:00

I know, I know. No excuses. Though I did have one last exam (yesterday) to study for, I still had plenty of time to update this. As usual, I've just been too miserable. For now I have to shower and get ready for work, but here's a few little points of interest. I'll try to come up with a better post later tonight or perhaps tomorrow.

I'm surprised that more coverage hasn't been given to the ONE solitary player who voluntarily cooperated with George Mitchell's drug investigation. I find it pretty disgusting. While I'm sure that the overwhelming majority of players did not take performance enhancing drugs, no one would speak about it for fear of being labeled as a rat or scab or whatever you call it. It's a pretty sad mentality, one that I partly blame the Player's Association for. The union is probably more to blame than anyone else in this whole mess and by and large the reason that baseball is so fucked up. The MLBPA is infinitely more powerful than any other sport's union in the world and I've never liked the negative influence they have on the sport. Still they're not entirely to blame. These are big boys and it's unreal that none of them seem to man up if they have taken whatever substance or on the flip side offering up what they know if they haven't. Oh and that one player? Toronto Blue Jays D.H. Frank Thomas. A lot of people have said a lot of things about him over the years, but no one can ever say that he was a cheater. Here's hoping Big Frank winds up in Cooperstown like he deserves.

By no means am I advocating smoking in a car when there's a child in the vehicle. Hell, if there's anyone else in the car at the same time, I wouldn't do it unless they assured me they were fine with it. I should hope that other people would have the same decency and consideration. But when things like this start happening, we're being led down quite the slippery slope indeed. I actually don't even smoke anymore, if you discount social situations, stressful times or cigars. But I really do hate each and every anti-smoking person out there. They are fascists plain and simple and I mean that in the most serious sense.

And I just find the title of this article to be hilarious. Fidel, you've been clinging to office since 1959! I don't think another year or two will make much of a difference at this point. Your country is a fucking dump (unless you're a tourist) and most of it is thanks to you! Thankfully he looks just awful and it can't be too much longer. But perhaps he'll leave Cuba to Hugo Chavez in his will or Chavez will just try to annex it after Castro kicks it. Yes socialism is really great and works oh-so-well.

Finally, this just looks right. Granted the National Review (an excellent publication) didn't endorse him based on looks, but they could have and I'd have been convinced. I'm still not decided on who would make the best President, but Mitt might just be the man.

I suppose I'm updating this more now because I have so very little to do except drink

2007-12-13T22:59:00.000-05:00

Oh, good. New Jersey is the first state in 40 years to outlaw the death penalty. Thank God, because now they won't execute that guy who killed a seven year old girl back in 1994. Sorry but this should be heading way in the other direction. Even in liberal Canada there are rumblings of reexamining capital punishment. Lord I hope so.

This couldn't have happened to a nicer guy. So awesome to see Roger Clemens at the forefront of the Mitchell Report. Hope this wipes out his 354 career wins, just like I hope it wipes out Barry Bonds' 762 career home runs. And more than that, I hope it wipes out the ludicrous notion that people hate Barry Bonds and are out to 'get him' simply because he's black. No, the reason I hate both of these guys is because they're self-centered, egotistical douche-bags without a classy bone in their bodies. And now it's quite clear to all but the dimmest of individuals that they're both filthy cheaters and deserve to be spit on, not cheered. But don't worry, I'm sure the same idiots who continue support Michael Vick will continue to cheer on these fucks.

Finally, I knew that she would trip up sooner or later. But now we've got her! Jodie Foster was one of the biggies we've been waiting to expose and now we can move on to Anderson Cooper, Kevin Spacey, et al. We the public need to know which of our celebrities are gay and which are not. They owe it to us. Remember, we own them and every last aspect of their lives must be made known to us! They can have no secrets. Otherwise this means that we have to go back to living our own depressing lives and for some of us that's just not tolerable.

A couple of things that made me sick today, besides my non-stop drinking

2007-12-12T13:39:00.000-05:00

This is a photo of people who actually showed up to support Michael Vick yesterday at his sentencing yesterday. When I saw this, I almost threw up, no joke. These people make me just as sick as he does. If this were my hearing (or for any of Vick's non-famous buddies for that matter) the only people lurking outside would be those ready to spit on me and rightfully so. I actually did for a second think that maybe this guy was sorry, but it's obviously not the case and any halfway rational person can see that. These people are absolute filth and the fact that they think he's some sort of hero or victim or something....disgusting. They should be rounded up, shot and chopped up into dog food. I'm not joking. These people are a waste of space. Fucking sick.

Another story which made me sick was this one. It's quite close to home, in fact I know several people who attended this high school and it was right around the corner from where I went. Can't really say that it shocks me too much, though it does infuriate me. Seems that people just don't get it, that in this country you're allowed to wear whatever the hell you want and that women are not second class citizens. If you want to force your wives and daughters to do, wear, say and think what you tell them to, move to Saudi Arabia. But that isn't how things work here. Very sad. Even worse, I've been watching some news coverage of it and the liberal media is questioning whether or not we as Canadians are the ones to blame for not being accepting enough of other cultures and discriminating against women who wear hijabs! Unreal. Way to totally miss the point here. The Canadian public didn't kill this poor girl. Her insane fundamentalist father, adhering to the strict guidelines set forth by the 'Religion of Peace', did.

But seriously I don't know if this is a cultural or religious thing and I don't really care. This isn't the fucking dark ages anymore and if people don't get that, they don't belong in a progressive and tolerant society. This has nothing to do with 'culture' or 'religion' but everything to do with simple human rights. Sickening.

If I were a football team, I'd be the 2007 Dolphins

2007-12-09T22:56:00.000-05:00

Firstly, I am a colossal retard. In my previous post on the ten greatest Cold War songs, I totally and completely neglected a song which is absolutely number one, no question in my mind about it (sorry Daphne). How I somehow missed "Heroes" by David Bowie is completely beyond me. It's easily the best song ever written about the Cold War and that it didn't even make my list at all is inexcusable. But also shame on everyone else for having missed it. On another note, I was talking about my list with someone the other day and they suggested "Der Kommissar" by either Falco or ATF. As a song on it's own it would definitely make my list, except for the fact that it's about drugs and not the Cold War (read the lyrics closely). In this case though, unlike 99 Red Balloons, I actually think the English language remake is better than the original.

So I spent my day today watching football (what a shock). Glad the Pats are back to winning in their usual style. The Giants pulled out a win and will easily make the playoffs as the number 5 seed in the NFC. I'm amazed this team keeps on winning somehow, despite the fact that as time goes on it becomes more and more evident that Eli Manning totally sucks balls. This has to be the luckiest 9-4 team I've seen in ages.

I am pissed off at the fact that the poor Detroit Lions couldn't hang on to beat the Cowboys (not a favorite team of mine) but even more pissed off that at 4:00 PM the CTV affiliate that I was watching the game on switched over from this very close match-up to go to the Bills-Dolphins game which was a total route by that point! I flipped around to see if it was on any other CTV station or perhaps on a CBS one, but none were available to me. Needless to say I wasn't impressed and fully believe that if I had been able to watch the closing minutes, my viewing would have made an impact on the outcome of the game. But seriously, I wasn't thrilled. If this had happened to any hockey game (i.e. Atlanta Thrashers vs. Columbus whatever) scores of hockey mad Canadians would have been outraged. But God forbid it should happen to a real sport. I don't know where I'm going with this, I just like taking shots at hockey whenever I can, a game I enjoy less and less each passing day.

Saw a movie yesterday, in fact the first time I've been to the movies since perhaps February or March. Yes, I didn't see a single film in theaters this summer. How sad is that? At least Transformers and Live Free or Die Hard et al. are on DVD now, so I can rent them when I have some time to focus, post exams. Anyways, I'm too tired and drunk to review it, but do go see No Country For Old Men if you have a strong stomach. The film is outstanding and actually an edge-of-your-seat thriller. The cast is great, especially Javier Bardem as the psychotic Anton Chigurgh, the greatest screen villain since Hans Gruber. If this isn't Best Supporting Actor Oscar worthy performance, I don't know what is. I'm not a betting man, but I'd sure put money on it.

Okay, I'm starting to feel somewhat ill and I should probably be off to bed. Exam tomorrow and amount of studying done? Zero! Guess I'll get it done tomorrow. God I feel like hell. Just once I'd like to go to bed feeling good.

I miss the Cold War (not that I remember it)

2007-12-06T23:01:00.001-05:00

So as I was researching and attempting to complete my Cold War essay last week (the one I'm likely to fail), one of my many Wikipedia digressions led me to the entry on Popular Culture During the Cold War (or some shit like that). The page is woefully barren, sad to say and if I had the inclination I'd spruce it up some, like I could probably do with dozens of Wikipedia entries.

Anyways, it got me to thinking as to what some good Cold War songs are and without further adieu I shall present my totally subjective list of the Top Ten Cold War Songs.

10. David Hasselhoff - Looking For Freedom. The song that was played as the Berlin Wall fell and it always seems to be associated with that event. It was a big hit in Germany (for some reason) but rightfully not anywhere else, so far as I know. I'm only putting it on the list because I pretty much feel obligated to do so. I feel like I've wasted an entry.

9. The Ramones - My Brain is Hanging Upside Down (Bonzo Goes to Bitburg). The reason that "Bonzo Goes to Bitburg" is only the song's subtitle is because Johnny Ramone was actually a staunch right-wing Republican and in fact idolized Ronald Reagan. Upon his induction to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, he ended his speech by remarking "God bless President Bush and God bless America". Any wonder he's my favourite punk rocker?

8. Scorpions - Wind of Change. Yes, they may be guilty of having the most tasteless album cover of all-time, but it's hard to go wrong with this rather lovely track. And for a bunch of German metal heads, the lyrics are actually not totally mindless!

7. Jesus Jones - Right Here Right Now. A MUCH better song chronicling the end of the Cold War by these one-hit wonders with a pretty good band name. Why didn't they play this far better (and more appropriate) track when the Wall came down instead of that awful Hasselhoff thing?

6. Barry McGuire - Eve of Destruction. Another one-hit wonder. This guy hit number one with this classic protest song in 1965 and never touched the top 40 again. A great sort of mid-1960s doomsday parable, summing up all the fears at the time and shit. Bonus points for being the only song to ever work the word "coagulating' into its lyrics...and rhyming it!

5. Sting - Russians. Mr. Sumner hopes that "the Russians love their children too" but guess what? They don't. They're godless and evil. He may not subscribe to Mr. Reagan's point of view, but should still know that them commies would have sold their own kids out to the state if given half the chance.

4. The Beatles - Back in the U.S.S.R. Really only a Cold War song in the loosest sense, it's really just a pretty clever Beach Boys send up. And maybe those Ukraine girls do leave the West behind, but we'll never know, because we're not allowed in! Which leads me to...

3. Elton John - Nikita. Poor Elton falls in love with a guard on the dismal side of the Iron Curtain, but thanks to stupid politics, they can never be together. In the video it's a she, but I'm pretty sure that Nikita is a man's name in Russian (i.e. Nikita Khrushchev). This was also from that fuzzy period when Elton wasn't really flamboyant anymore, but not officially gay.

2. Neil Young - Rockin' in the Free World. Written by another of Reagan's admirers, which will probably surprise many given his intense dislike of the current Republican administration. But no, Neil was greatly distressed at the fact that so many of the kids in the East never really got the chance to experience the greatness of Rock and Roll like we did. At least that's my interpretation.

1. Nena - 99 Luftballons. Given that the song is in German, I'm not actually sure what it's about, but I've been told that it has something to do with the Cold War and the arms race, fear of mutual destruction, that sort of thing. And the song rocks. Okay, so I went and read the English lyrics. And yeah, it works pretty well and the song is great, Captain Kirk reference and all.

I had a few others shortlisted that didn't quite make the cut either because I didn't like them as much or they didn't have as much relevance to the topic. But let me know if there are any you can think of that I've forgotten, so I can put my Cold War compilation CD together ASAP and have it blasting on my car stereo!

****************************UPDATE***********************************

I am a total dumbass and my list is unbelievably faulty. Somehow I totally missed David Bowie's "Heroes" which should actually be number one. Yes, I somehow totally forgot about this awesome song that is actually probably the best Cold War song ever. I really am an idiot and have no idea how I just plain overlooked it. So move everything down a notch and forget that the awful Hasselhoff song was even mentioned.

How long will it take until I'm locked up in the nut-house? Let's start taking bets!

2007-12-04T21:56:00.000-05:00

Hey, sorry about that last depressing post. Despite the blog's name, I'm pretty sure that no one really likes the depressing posts that much. I still wish I was dead (more than ever) but I'll try to mix it up somewhat, alternate from depressing to amusing to controversial to... well in this case, insane.

I for one have no problem with FOX News refusing to air an ad featuring American traitor and Hugo Chavez butt-boy Danny Glover. I love all these assholes who think that the United States is so evil, yet Hugo Chavez and Fidel Castro are these paragons of freedom and virtue. Yes, I'm quite aware that many people really don't like George W. Bush. That's cool. As I've pointed out, he will no longer be President as of January 2009! If Mr. Chavez had his way (and thankfully he did not, at least until he scales back democracy even further in Venezuela) he would be President for life! With the right to make all the laws he wants, throw anyone and everyone in jail, totally control the media and dispose of any sort of judiciary. Awesome! Why don't people seem to get that this guy is a truly bad dude? Go and fucking live in Venezuela, in the slums of Caracas Mr. Glover and see just how much Chavez is doing for the poor that he champions so much. Take Sean Penn and Harry Belafonte with you. I'd have Danny Glover executed for treason if it were up to me, but it's not (which is probably a good thing).

The only Oscar awarded to the greatest film of all-time and to the greatest Hollywood talent of all-time is up for auction. I just hope that Stephen Spielberg doesn't buy it. He has this habit of buying old Oscars and donating them back to the Academy. That seems like a nice thing, but it's not. You see, the fascist Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences makes winners sign this waiver that doesn't allow them to sell an Oscar before offering it to the Academy first for ONE DOLLAR. What assholes. So what if someone wants to sell their award? Geez, maybe F. Murray Abraham's career has been in the toilet since 1987 and he needs some extra cash. He gave one great performance, let him sell his Oscar to the highest bidder if he wants. Maybe George C. Scott was a violent alcoholic who beat his kids and his award brings nothing but bad memories to his family and they want to sell his Oscar. Fucking let them already and make a few bucks. Why must they be such douche bags? By the way, it doesn't apply to Oscars before 1950, which is why the Citizen Kane Oscar can be sold.

And why are people still hassling this poor woman? She's one of the school teachers who was 'convicted' of having sex with a student. A student who by all that's fair and good, deserves to have his balls cut off as far as I'm concerned. Here he is, banging his seriously hot teacher and instead of thanking God every single night, he turns her in (or something like that). What a little shit. If it was me, I'd have never breathed a word and if asked about it, I'd have denied it up and down (except to my friends). She's a woman and she's HOT. Was there some sort of victim here? This episode of South Park pretty much sums up the logical argument in this and similar cases. Leave this totally hot woman alone, she did nothing wrong.

And I've been wondering something. As someone who has always had a laundry machine and drier in their house, what do people do while they do their laundry either in their building or at a laundromat etc. ? I mean, does one just sort of sit there like an idiot for 40 minutes while the thing spins? And then another 20 or so while you run the drier? How does it work? Do you just go off somewhere and come back when it's done? You think that would make the most sense, but then wouldn't your clothing be susceptible to theft? Are there locks on the machines? I mean, sitting there for like an hour while you go through the process sounds retarded to me. Who has the time or patience for that? And that's only for one load. Most people probably do like one load a week, when you account for the fact you can't mix whites, blacks, colours, delicates etc. So what the fuck? Someone please explain this to me.

That's it for now. For the record, yes I am starting to lose my mind and I do predict it's only a matter of time until I suffer some sort of breakdown. Wheeee!

Every day, in every way, it's getting worser and worser

2007-12-01T00:00:00.001-05:00

So this essay that I figured I could wrap up no problem on my last post? It almost killed me. I "finished" it just now. I thought I could get it done by sometime on Wednesday, do a decent job and only take a puny 2% penalty on it. Well, as it turns out, it wasn't quite like that. I think I'm really looking at my first every 'F' here. It's that bad. Now I'll get 6% off (I was able to submit by email and did so just before midnight) and what more, the essay was a mess. Two pages too short, way under referenced, no structure, no sense at all really. I actually might have finished the thing yesterday (and done a slightly better job) but do to my stupidity and only saving it to a floppy disk (which was somehow corrupted) I lost half the thing and had to do a lot of it over. I've handed in sub-par stuff before, but this is easily the worst I've ever done. Actually, pretty much everything I do is sub-par and half-assed, but this time I've topped pretty much all of my own incompetence. God, I feel like such a fuck up right now. I'm a smart fellow and I just can't fucking get it together. I never have been able to and probably won't. This explains why I'm still working on an undergrad at age 26. That's disgusting and there's no excuse for it. It's just one of the reasons why I truly do hate myself. God I just wish I'm able to get through this last year. Then I'll have an awesome B.A. in English. Which will get me nowhere. Also a reason why every morning I wake up and wish I was dead.

On a related note, I'm having more and more trouble getting up in the morning. On days when I don't have to be at work or class until a later time (or have nowhere to be at all) I find myself sleeping in until like 2:00 or 3:00 PM. I just can't seem to wake up or can't. Sleeping from 12, 13 hours a day isn't healthy, is it? I'm even starting to miss classes because of it, something I never allowed myself to do before. I'm just so tired and don't want to wake up.

Suppose I'll have nothing but time to do so now. I have a test on Tuesday and a couple of exams a week apart after that, but it's really just doing reading, no pressure of having to cite sources, make arguments, check word counts etc. Having just failed this thing gives me plenty of time to worry about other stuff I suppose. I guess I'll make myself available to work more, at my pathetic job which is totally below me. I could use the money. And I'll have time to spend worrying about things like the rear-defrost that needs to be repaired on my car. How much I'm loathing another incredibly awkward Christmas at my home. How to try to attempt to score blow and probably fail. More time for introspective things, like just how much I hate myself, how unbelievably lonely I am and amazingly empty my life is. And New Years....Lord, that's one I'm really dreading. This might truly be the year that I spend it alone in bed, with a bottle of wine beside me. Not that I ever have a good time on December 31 (or am even capable of having a good time in general) but I really do fear this is going to be the year where I sink to a new low.

I suspect I've already hit rock bottom and yet I'm still going lower and lower until I hit the Earth's core and burn up like a paper airplane being launched into the sun.

Sweet and sour

2007-11-27T23:08:00.000-05:00

Once again I do apologize for the complete lack of updates. I often whine and whine how no one reads this blog and yet I only post something new every five or six days, so what should I expect? Then again, I always manage to find something to complain about.

Schoolwork is once again the culprit here for the most part, seeing as we're very near to the end of the semester and I'm working on an essay at the moment and also have a test tomorrow. I could have done some of this over the weekend, but I had to help my sister move on Friday, worked and actually went out to a birthday thing on Saturday and felt really down to the point of not being able to move much on Sunday. So one essay was started and completed yesterday and I hope to finish this one by sometime tomorrow, thus making it only one day late (2% hit, not so bad).

But a couple of fun things that I came across while digressing heavily from essay writing (400 words down, about 1200 to go). One is a nice memory from my childhood (and perhaps yours) while the other is actually rather sick and disturbing, even by my standards.

On one of my random Wikipedia digressions I somehow went from the Cold War (which I'm writing about) to the culture thereof and wound up with the song "Wind of Change" by the Scorpions. So I'm reading a bit about the German hard rock veterans and stumbled across this here, easily the most seriously tasteless record cover in all of history. I've provided the link, but there's no way I'm going to post the picture here. It's just really wrong on every level and I'm really not easily offended. If you can't control your sick curiosity feel free to check it out! I guess it was supposed to be provocative and shocking, but I really can't see how anyone would think is even remotely appropriate. As a bizarre aside, I actually had an opportunity (free ticket) to see the Scorpions in concert this summer, but didn't reply to the voice message in time.

On a much more pleasant note enjoy the video below. It's been a while since I saw it and it brought a big smile to my face. I always loved Ernie and Bert's antics and this is easily one of my favorite Sesame Street moments.

Touching and sweet. Makes me almost forget all my troubles and it really makes me long for simpler times.

Even the ugliest of Tom Brady's cast-offs would suit me fine

2007-11-22T22:41:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the lack of updates in the last few days. After Sunday (football in Buffalo), I was wiped the following day, had class, then had to finish up an essay due on Wednesday and yesterday I was too out of it to write anything. I'm also busy at work (well, trying) at two other essays due next week, plus have to help my sister move tomorrow. So I'm just going to go with a very quick update here.

First off, I'm a dumbass in that I neglected to take any pictures whatsoever of my trip to Buffalo on Sunday. Not that I brought a camera, but the one on my phone is pretty decent (2.0 Megapixels) so I should have attempted at least a couple of shots. Oh well. The game was, of course, a colossal blowout. New England really is just too good and shut the very boisterous Bills fans up pretty quickly. I still enjoyed myself, even if I was a little reserved and didn't quite feel comfortable cheering for the Pats, like I normally would. Again, I wasn't sure what to expect, whether or not someone would try to kill me etc. Perhaps I'll be a little more vocal if the opportunity should arise once again. I did enjoy the experience overall. Our seats were quite good, about on the 40 yard line in the upper level, but only a few rows up. So great view of the entire field and of the big screen. Also it wasn't as cold as I thought it would be, but I'm still glad I bundled up. A few thoughts and observations though.

1. Literally the second we pull up to customs coming into New York, I get a text message. I wonder "gee, I wonder who that could be?". It was my service provider texting me with "Fido welcomes you to the U.S. etc. etc....Enjoy your stay". Freaky. Like the instant we crossed the border. How did they know?

2. Concrete roads are annoying. I thought there was something seriously wrong with my car until Marty Boy informed me it was the road. Thankfully we don't have it up here. Also, out highways and roads in general are a lot better marked and with better directions to major points of interest and such. So go Canada!

3. We had dinner at an Applebee's (which they do have in Canada, yes) before the game. We didn't go in for any of the tailgating stuff, seeing as it was our first time and thought that it might be a bit much to handle. Anyways, they had pretty much NOTHING vegetarian on the menu, so I order the fish n' chips (I do eat fish, natch). Marty Boy said to me that it looked like Kentucky Fried Fish, which was pretty accurate in that's how it tasted as well. Or how I remember KFC tasting. But at any rate, it was pretty good, I must admit! And our server was really cute and very nice. We left a generous tip.

4. I really do think that Americans are friendlier than Canadians in general. In my experience I've thought this for a long time and still stand by it. I don't know where the whole notion of Canadians being uber-friendly came from and I've never gotten it.

5. There are many attractive women who live in and around the Buffalo area and many of whom are football fans. Also, only white people appear to live in upstate New York, so far as I can tell.

6. Maybe it was just because we were at a football game, but real Budweiser tastes much better than the 'brewed in Canada, under licence' stuff we get. Despite the myths about American beer being weaker, it was actually more flavourful. Marty Boy and I both rather enjoyed it.

7. When I was in the washroom in Ralph Wilson Stadium, there was one of those basin style sinks, where it was one big sink, but with multiple faucets and spigots and such. Above the sink was a sign which read "Please do not urinate in sink". Now that I should have gotten a photo of!

Again, I hope to go back next year, try to make it at least a once a year thing. But it did once again remind me of the old nugget which goes "He's got it all, which means there's some poor sucker running around with nothing". Those two guys? Tom Brady and myself.

Drunken, drug addled thoughts and such

2007-11-18T00:37:00.000-05:00

I did finally respond to the previous post (thanks for the input folks), so please don't ignore it as well. I just also had this other stuff on my mind, so I wanted to go ahead with it.

So I'm giving serious thought to dyeing my hair black. Various surveys and personal observation has told me that women don't seem to be so crazy about blond hair. I've always been proud of my natural blondness, but my opinion doesn't seem to count for much. I once also thought that I was decently good looking, but time and experience has proven me quite wrong. I don't know, it might look stupid. But I'm not doing so well as is, so I don't see any harm in it. Maybe it would look good, I really don't know. Anything short of extensive plastic surgery probably wouldn't help, but I'm willing to try any and all options at this point. Let me know if it would work.

I had such a nice dream the other night. As usual it's not easy to remember all the details of it and in retrospect it doesn't seem nearly as pleasant as when I was having it. All I remember is that I was installing security cameras at work first off. Then for some bizarre reason we were selling hula hoops and I was thrust into some sort of hula-hoop championship, with something or rather on the line important (in reality, I can't even make the thing go around once). I just remember lots of people rooting for me and I think I had a girl cheering me on who looked like Rachel McAdams. I did manage to get a kiss from her before my alarm woke me up. I hate being awake, I really do. There really isn't anything I enjoy about it, at least when compared to being unconscious.

Went to karaoke yesterday with a young lady that I've written about several times, the young lady that I referred to as 'girly' (creative, I know) in previous posts. There was perhaps something there (read about her here and here and here if you care) but in a very odd twist, I was never interested in that way. If you still need more info about her and you have lots of free time, search my archives from around September 2006 and onward for the next couple of months following. At any rate we're still friendly, which is nice I suppose. She does live way out on the other side of the city which stinks, but she really is a nice person and I enjoy her company in doses. Anyways, seeing as I love karaoke and everytime I drove to her place I'd see this place advertising it on Fridays, I always bugged her about it. Finally she acquiesced and we went. It was quite the dive and seemed to be frequented by rednecks. It seems as though everyone in Toronto's East End is a big country music fan. I had no clue.

At first it seems pretty empty and I even thought I had a chance a getting quite a few songs in, though I'm proven wrong as the people pour in. I guess I'll never be as lucky as with my first real karaoke experience. It was when I was working at The Beer Store and went to a place that was actually of comparable quality with a dude and a couple of girls after a shift. It was fairly empty and I must have gone up at least 6 or 7 times. The guy who was running the show told me I was the best he'd ever seen and one of the girls I went with (who was quite hot) kept practically begging me to sing. I so could have gone home with her had I wanted, but was so damned naive (and even more scared) at the time. Man, it was a blast. Sorry, I digress. Back to the other night.

So I order some food and a beer, put a song in. I encouraged her to do the same. She did some country song (big surprise) and though not bad, she's not a singer. Anyways, I followed right after with something very obscure that I stumbled upon and am shocked they had. It was a song that Bob Dylan wrote and preformed live (though never in studio) called "Tomorrow is a Long Time" that Elvis Presley somehow covered in 1966 when he was really at the nadir of his career. Though I love Elvis and am biased to all but the shittiest of his output, this is unbelievable recording and Dylan himself even called it the favorite cover of any of his songs. I will try to upload it some how tomorrow, I tried and failed tonight. Find it if you can, it's a lovely track (try the link below, it might work).

http://us.share.geocities.com/msleeze/Tomorrow_is_a_long_time.mp3

So I sing it and I think I totally nailed it. Girly (who had never really heard me sing before) said that I was amazing. I thought so as well. This is coming from someone who (as you all know) never gives himself any credit. I only got one other song in, indeed the one which I quote right underneath this blog's title. A totally different vocal from the previous song and I think I also did very well with it.

My point? I guess it's that even when I think I do something well or I'm good at something, I still don't get any love for it. I totally hate myself and think I'm a useless sack of shit, but I really think I can sing, that one time that I fucked up "Lady in Red" notwithstanding. This is possibly why I have this mentality that people hate me. Like I could write the greatest novel of all-time and no one would care. It reminds me of this time way back in high school where I was trying out for this student directed one-act play festival and out of six possible plays, I got one lousy callback, that from someone who was a friend and probably only gave me a second look out of pity. I remember being crushed because I thought I was good. Then lo-and-behold, I somehow got cast in the lead of a play that I wasn't even called back for. It seems that my drama teacher (who always liked me and believed in me) had convinced this person that I could play the part. The play went on to represent the region at the provincial level and though it didn't win there, I was singled out for an outstanding performance and awarded with a large plaque that I'm still quite proud of.

It's always been that no one ever wants to give me a chance, no one ever seems to give me the benefit of the doubt. In a world of oh so crucial first impressions, it's only the people who have had time to really see me are the ones who will believe in me. So even though I think there are things that I have to offer, something intangible makes it so that I never seem to even get through enough to get to the point where I can 'wow' people. Like back when I was in the old band, my mates knew that I was good, but no one else gave half a damn. Even though it never went anywhere, I still miss it. Perhaps other people would give those around me a chance and I could just sort of ride the wave until I was accepted.

Anyways, whatever. Football game today. Driving down to Buffalo. Go Pats! I need sleep.

Another over-hyped post that amounts to very little

2007-11-15T23:07:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the massive delay in writing a post that I've sort of been hyping and will likely end up as a huge letdown. I really have been quite miserable for a lot of reasons. Various issues and other little complications just keep piling up and making it pretty hard to get through each day. Things are going very poorly, I won't lie to you. It's taking pretty much everything I have in me just to keep it together. But I digress. Onto the post.

So I decide to attend this party on Saturday night. As usual it was someone who invited me through a mass thingee of the Facebook site. As I've said many a time, it's the only way I'm ever invited to anything it seems. The sort of thing where people don't object to me being present, but at the same time wouldn't lose any sleep were I not to attend. But I go because I really have nothing better to do and I suppose it might be fun if I drink enough or something like that. So I drive downtown to this place around 9:30-10:00 ish, fork over the $20 to park downtown. Another reason why I hate Toronto. I go in and see mostly people that I've never met and the few that I do know I haven't seen in ages. Of those few, I was only remotely close to a couple of them. Get the point yet? I'm really desperate here for things to do. I really don't belong here and I'm sure there were many other people who got the courtesy facebook invite who also didn't. But they had the good sense to do something else. This is not a knock against those who were there in any sense, simply that it's just weird for me to be here, perhaps outside of a brief token appearance. But no, I stay until closing at 2:00 AM. Remember, I have no life and am clinging to whatever little I have left here.

I awkwardly try to "make the rounds" or whatever one would call it. Talk to the people I know, mostly. Listen to conversations, whatever. Order a meal. I was sitting at one end of the table next to these two rather young ladies. One of whom was a friend of the birthday girl, the other was a friend of hers and had just tagged along I suppose. I chat a little with them, whatever. Nothing exciting. I do notice that they had returned from outside at one point, so when I see them reaching for their coats again, I make the "smokey-smokey" motion so that I might perhaps join them on the balcony for a cigarette (of which I happened to bring along for just this sort of instance).

So we're talking outside, realize we don't know each other's names, introduce each other, etc. They're very good friends from what I can gather. I tell them that I know b-day girl from way back in high school. Just chit-chat. One of them notices that as I was reaching for my pack of smokes, I also had some cigars in my pocket. I tell her that I'm "in the cigar business" (a mild exaggeration). She commented on how her mother (!!) loves cigars and asked if I could get her a discount on them. I said sure. So she asks for my number, saying that I'll "call you about that sometime" or some shit like that. Later on as we're out for another smoke (these girls have had a lot to drink by this point) one of them says how "we have to go party sometime" or something to that effect. I'm a bit hazy as to all the details, but I gave my number to the other one (the one I actually liked better) and then they gave me their numbers. In my haze of alcohol, fatigue and er, something else, I'm pretty sure that they just sort of offered me their numbers, but I could be wrong. That I didn't actually ask. But I do recall them asking for my number first and me saying something like "So you're actually going to call and you're not just saying so?" and they responded in the affirmative. So I should be feeling great about all this, yes? Well, no. Do I ever feel good?

Firstly, I was certainly chemically aided. Was it not for the stuff, I'd not have been able to make it through the evening without a major panic attack. Secondly, I just never felt that either was particularly interested. I'm unable to see any attractive woman as being interested in me on anything more than a platonic level. At one point in the evening some dude came up to one of the pair and they were talking for a bit. I could tell that she found him attractive and so much as said so afterwards, while at the same time stating that she had no interest because he sounded awful (voice wise). Anyways, I just don't ever get a vibe...never. Unless I am terrible at reading women (which I likely am), I don't ever see them looking at me in 'that way' or checking me out. It's quite depressing.

So I just don't know what to do. Do I wait for one of them to call me? Or should I call? And if so, when? And which one do I call? Yeah, I "like" one of them better, but if I proceed in that way, I might just queer the whole deal (i.e. alienate the other maybe?). But they were probably just drunk and later regretted giving their numbers out to me. This is so sad that I'm even writing about it. Any other guy probably just would have rolled with it. But I truly and honestly have no idea what to do here. I seriously don't know how this shit works, I'm not joking. I just don't see any interest on their part, no potential on mine. By the end of the night, I think they were more amused by some little Asian guy with an Australian accent who was dancing up a storm near by. And me? Just standing there awkwardly shuffling my feet, a million thoughts going through my mind of what I should say next. Even writing about this, I'm in knots. This is why I'm sure I'm only two steps away from a nervous breakdown or throwing myself off a cliff.